


for love or money

by KiKi37



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Slow Burn, happy ending guaranteed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 91,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27370210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiKi37/pseuds/KiKi37
Summary: The loss of a scholarship has left Rey Niima in a financial bind, with only a few months until graduation.  Her friend Rose might know of something that could help.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 239
Kudos: 277





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I'm not a big fan of spoilers, so if you need a lot of tags and content warnings, this may not be a good read for you. There will be mature themes and mature-grade smuttiness. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and may the force be with you, always!

* * *

Rey pulled the letter from her pack and looked at the information again. She was in the right place but the door was closed. She was still a few minutes early, so rather than knock, she sat on an overstuffed couch near one of the other offices, just to catch her breath for a few moments.

“Rey!”

She looked up to see Rose Tico emerging from one of the offices. “Rose! What are you doing here?”

“That’s what I should ask you!” She pointed to the room she had just come out of. “I’m TA this semester, to Professor Holdo.”

Rey waved her paper. “I have a meeting, something about one of my scholarships.”

“I was going to go to lunch, do you want to go with me?”

“I don’t know how long I’ll be, but if you don’t mind waiting a few minutes?”

“Sure! I’ll just wait here.”

Just then, the office door opened, where Rey had been summoned. “Professor Solo?”

“Miss Niima. Please come in.”

Rey stood and crossed the hall, then ducked into the small office. “You’ve moved your office?”

“They’re doing some remodeling this year, so myself and some of the other professors in the History department are temporarily displaced. Please, have a seat.”

Rey took the small chair, setting her pack at her feet, and Professor Solo moved into his rolling desk chair. He took up a stack of papers and straightened them, then adjusted the parallel placement of a perfectly sharpened pencil.

“Weren’t you in one of my classes?”

“Yes sir, it’s been two or three years ago now, as part of my gen eds.”

“You’re an engineering major?”

“Yes sir.”

“Mmm. You’re undoubtedly wondering why I’ve asked you to come here.”

Rey smoothed the crumpled paper against the edge of his desk and ran her fingers along the letterhead. _Organa Family Trust_. “Is there some problem with my scholarship?”

“It’s not a problem, per se. But a possible oversight that I wanted to discuss with you. Am I correct in understanding that you will be graduating soon?”

“Yes, in the spring, I just have two more semesters.”

“You may be aware that the benefactor of your scholarship, Leia Organa, passed away earlier this year?”

“Yes sir, I had met with her several times regarding my education, and I was saddened to hear of her passing.”

“I have recently been made the executor of the Organa Family Trust, and there have been some changes to the scholarship programs.”

“Oh. I met with someone, a Professor Ackbar, at the time of her death; and he assured me that there would be no disruption of support.”

“Professor Ackbar was acting as interim administrator; but now all the paperwork has gone through the system, he is no longer involved.”

“I see.”

“I took the liberty of looking through your records, Miss Niima, and I must admit I was quite surprised by how many different scholarships you are receiving.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that, sir…”

“In addition to the _Organa_ scholarship, I see you are also the recipient of three other grants and scholarships, specifically meant to benefit students of… disadvantaged backgrounds.”

Rey stiffened. “Yes sir.”

“Has there been some error? Are you benefitting from some clerical mistake that should have been rectified?”

“No, sir, I assure you, the financial aid was awarded to me through merit. All the paperwork should be in order with the Dean’s office.”

“It seems highly irregular to me.”

“It does? Why?”

“Indeed. You are a very… attractive young woman.”

Rey’s eyebrows knit together. “I don’t understand. Are you implying that I somehow cheated, or falsified my financial aid paperwork?” She squared her shoulders. “And what does my appearance have to do with anything?”

“In light of the other financial assistance you are receiving, and due to the recent changes the Organa Family Trust has experienced, I regret to inform you that your scholarship has been revoked. We trust that it won’t create a hardship for you.”

“A hardship?” Rey stared at him, uncomprehending. “You. You’re implying. You’re saying that I somehow used my looks to get scholarships. Or that I don’t deserve my place in the engineering program.”

He stood. “I believe our meeting is complete, Miss Niima. I will have our lawyers draw up a financial statement for your records, showing the change in the scholarship agreement.”

“The mechanical engineering program here at Chandrila University is very competitive, Professor Solo, and I _earned_ my spot. I have worked very hard, and I will be graduating top of my class. That you would insinuate otherwise is highly offensive.” Rey shoved the letter in her pack and stood, spinning toward the door.

“If you wish the decision to be reconsidered, you can submit a letter to the board.”

“I wouldn’t take that money now, under any circumstance, Professor Solo.” She raised her nose at him and sniffed. “I was led to believe that the Organa scholarship was specifically set aside for women like me, women Leia Organa wanted to see succeed in STEM fields. I can’t help but think that she would be disappointed to see the mismanagement of her legacy.”

She threw the door open and stomped out.

Rose started at the thunderous look on her face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Rey stormed down the hall, the shorter woman trailing behind.

Once they had rounded the corner out of sight, Ben Solo wandered out of his office, into the hall. The opposite door opened and a distracted Amilyn Holdo stepped out of her office, turning to lock the door. “Oh, hello Ben.”

“Amilyn.”

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been better.” He indicated the hall where the two younger women had just disappeared. “I’m finding administration of mom’s legacy to be more challenging than I expected.”

Amilyn smirked, not unkindly. “I imagine.”

“I’m afraid I might have just made a grave misstep.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Do you know the student that was just here? Rey Niima?”

“I’ve seen her around a bit. She’s friends with my TA, Rose. Smart girl. Why?”

“I just discontinued her Organa scholarship.”

Amilyn’s mouth formed a little ‘o’. “You did? Why?”

“In researching all the scholarship recipients, her records showed potential fraud. Do you know anything about her background?”

“Fraud? What do you suspect?”

“She is receiving four different scholarships.”

“Many students from underprivileged or impoverished backgrounds receive financial assistance from multiple sources. You know that.”

“Yes, but there are so few women in the engineering department, isn’t that unusual?”

“Benjamin Solo, did you just make the leap I think you did? I hope you didn’t just intimate that a woman from a poor background isn’t capable of succeeding in engineering. Because if you did, and if you said anything of the kind _to her_ , you may have a real problem on your hands if she decides to file a complaint with the university.”

“Kriff.”

“Kriff indeed.”

* * *

Rey plowed into her pizza with gusto. “That karking druk!”

“What happened, Rey?”

“He revoked my _Organa_ scholarship! He _actually_ implied that I had falsified my records, to qualify!” She chewed angrily. “ _And_ , he basically said that I had slept my way into the engineering program!” She slammed her palm down on the table.

“Professor Solo?!”

“Yeah! I couldn’t believe it, either. Leia Organa died earlier this year, and now apparently he’s the executor of the scholarship trust, or something.”

“Why would Professor Solo be involved with the Organa scholarship?”

“I don’t know!” Rey pressed a wadded-up napkin up to her eyes. “But I’ve just got two more semesters, and I was counting on that money! I took such a heavy course load because I didn’t think I had to work! That sculag!”

“Can you file a complaint? Could you ask for a review? Surely there’s a disbursement committee or something?”

“He said I could file a letter with a board, or something.” She heaved a sigh. “I don’t want the damn money now.”

“I’m sorry, Rey, that really sucks.”

“I guess I’m going to have to get a job now. I don’t really have time for it.”

“Hey, I bet Professor Holdo would let you participate in the program she’s running.”

“What is it?”

“Oh, you’re gonna love it!”

* * *

Ben used the mouse to point. “See? It says here she was abandoned as a child and grew up in foster care. A ward of the state, with no living relatives.”

“And because of this, you revoked her scholarship?!”

“It must be fake.”

“That’s a pretty big assumption. And with no proof, you could even find yourself with a lawsuit on your hands. What did you say to her?”

“I asked her if there was a clerical error, that had led to her receiving four scholarships meant for the destitute.”

“You didn’t. Ben. These financial aid programs exist because there are people that need them.” She studied his face carefully. “There’s more. What else did you do?”

“I might have said something about her being too pretty for engineering?”

“Benjamin. No. You didn’t.” She smacked him upside the head. “I told your mother I’d look out for you, but I didn’t know you were going to be doing stupid things like this.”

“Frizz.” He slammed his forehead down on the desk, again and again.

* * *

“Have you ever heard of hug therapy?”

“What?”

“Professor Holdo has an ongoing program, documenting the benefits of touch therapy. Her implementation methods are quite innovative. Usually she just invites the psychology and social work majors to participate as facilitators, but maybe we could get her to make an exception in this case. Let’s go talk to her.”

“Wait. Facilitator?”

“It’s all anonymous. And the pay is really good. You can schedule around your class load.”

* * *

“You’re going to have to revoke the revoking. And beg forgiveness.” She widened her eyes at him. “Major mea culpa.”

“I don’t think she’ll take the money now.” Ben wiped his hand down his face. 

“Then you’d better hope she’s not the vengeful type.” Amilyn’s phone buzzed, and she plucked it up to look at it. “I just got a text from Rose. You may yet be able to salvage the situation. In a round-about kind of way.”

“Tell me.”

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

“We had the theater department help us build these modular risers.” Professor Holdo pressed on a large, padded bench, sort of like a couch but with no back or arm rests. “Each one has several components that can be removed or adjusted, based on your needs for the session.” 

Rey picked up one of the large pillows and noted that it had a rough section that would cling to the larger cushion base.

“The touch recipient will fill out a request form each time, that you will receive in advance, and it will be your responsibility to set up the configuration however you think is most conducive to fulfilling their requests.

“Each touch recipient has been vetted, and if there are ever any requests that make you feel uncomfortable, there will always be a supervisor on hand to answer questions or assist. 

“There are several therapists in the area who send us referrals, and we’ve been working closely with them for several years. Many of the touch recipients are abuse victims. Occasionally you’ll have a younger person, 12- or 13-years-old, but most who come in are early 20’s. Not all are referrals. Some are just college students who want some human contact. It is quite therapeutic.”

Holdo indicated a small panel of buttons, set into the edge of the small couch. “This button activates the two sections, to bring them together, and you’ll hear a bell sound. This one is an emergency activator; if you need to terminate the session, it will separate the sections and return each back to its vestibule. There is a cancel button on the other platform as well. This green light indicates the session is running, yellow indicates two minutes remain, flashing red indicates separation will commence in thirty seconds, and the light turns red when the risers are in motion. The blue light indicates the recipient is in place and ready to begin. Let’s stand here by the wall, and I’ll demonstrate for you.”

Rose and Rey stood against the wall, and Holdo pressed a small button on a remote. The couch section she had been demonstrating, and another from the opposite vestibule, moved toward each other on two mechanized tracks, until they came to rest adjacent to each other, forming, basically, a low bed. Holdo walked slowly around the setup.

“You’ll always be situated on this side, with the control panel. Inside this console,” she pressed a little latch and a lid popped open, “there will always be tissues and two water bottles. You can use them at need. The experience can be quite cathartic. Do you have any questions?”

“Are the sessions always an hour?”

“Usually. Sometimes with a child or for someone’s first session, we’ll start with 30 minutes and work up to 45 minutes, then an hour. If they’re working with a therapist, we use their requests and recommendations to design the sessions and tailor them to the individual.”

“You said that usually this room would be completely dark?”

“Yes, that’s right. We do that to preserve anonymity, and we also find that it enhances the experience. If you want, we could do a short session right now. Since you two young ladies are friends, would you be comfortable participating together? Rose has worked as a facilitator many times, so she can show you how all the controls work. You could do a quick run through with the lights on, and then a shortened session in the dark.”

Rey looked at Rose and nodded.

“Fine.” Holdo pressed the button again, and the benches returned to their starting positions, then she made to leave. “I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be in my office when you’re done here.”

Rose grinned at Rey. “I like to set up the couches in kind of a nest. My recipients are usually female, and often request snuggling. Males often like to spoon.” She grabbed some of the pillows set off to the side and stuck them to the base. Then she walked over to the other side, drew the curtain aside, and arranged the pillows to her liking. “As part of their training, they’ll be told their hands and feet should be up on the bench, not hanging over the side. Hop up on this one, and I’ll get on the other one.”

Rey climbed up onto the little couch and crossed her legs. Rose walked to the other unit and called, “I’m going to activate the sequence.” 

There was a ringing noise, and the two couches moved slowly along the tracks, into place next to each other.

“Hi!” Rose waved at Rey. With the pillows in place, there wasn’t much room for two people on the platforms, and their knees touched. Rose reached out and took Rey’s hand. “Once the platforms stop moving, it’s up to you to reach out and motion to the recipient, and help them move into position. They shouldn’t talk and neither should you.”

“Have there ever been any accidents? Or have you ever had anyone talk to you?”

“No accidents, otherwise the program would be canceled. Sometimes the younger kids forget they’re not supposed to talk. But with the adults, no, I’ve never had anyone speak.”

“Have you ever had anyone do anything… weird?”

“No, I haven’t, but there is always a supervisor on hand and if anything strange happens, you can push the cancelation button, and you’ll separate immediately. If for whatever reason you can’t push the button, you can call out. Just like Professor Holdo said, everyone has been vetted. The program is completely safe. 

“Stay right there. I’ll separate the benches, turn out the lights, and activate the sequence again so you can get a feel for what it’s like. Once you return to the starting position, just push the ‘ready’ indicator, and that will turn on the blue light here on my panel. Okay?”

Rey grinned and nodded.

About twenty minutes later, their trial run complete, Rey hopped down from her bench, now back in its starting position, and walked around to the other side to meet up with Rose. “The recipients aren’t allowed to come to this side. There are people to direct them, so you’ll never see them. Just always stay in this hall and it won’t be a problem. Let’s go finish up with Holdo.”

Rose knocked on the small office door and turned to Rey. “I’ve got a class. Catch up with you later?”

“Sure! Thanks, Rose!”

“Come in!”

Rey waved goodbye to Rose and stepped into the tiny room. 

“Well, what did you think?”

“It’s very interesting. It doesn’t really seem like work, but I do find myself in need of a job, so if you have room for me on the schedule…”

“Yes! Just last week we had two of our regular facilitators leave the program; scheduling conflicts.” Holdo opened a large drawer in the filing cabinet behind her and pulled out several forms. “I’ll just need you to fill these out.” She placed them in a clipboard and pushed the papers across the desk to Rey.

“We’ve recently had a sizeable financial donation made to the program. Rose mentioned to me that you had lately lost one of your scholarships?”

“Yes. That’s correct.” Rey tried not to scowl, but may not have been completely successful.

“I ventured to research the amount, and because of this grant we have received, we will be able to help you by completely replacing the scholarship you lost.”

Rey stared at Professor Holdo in shock. “Really? I don’t… I mean, I don’t know what to say…”

“Don’t say anything, dear, I’m sure you’ll be a great asset to our program, and if we can help you complete your education, it will be a win all around. Fill out those forms and when you’re finished we can talk about your availability and see what can be arranged as far as scheduling.”

* * *

Professor Holdo had scheduled Rey to facilitate with a recipient who had come in many times before. She scanned her request form and firmly pressed the pillows into the bench base, set the paper on the floor near her shoes, then turned out the lights. The girl knew it was Rey’s first time facilitating, so Rey knew she didn’t need to be nervous, but still she felt the butterflies in her stomach. 

How do you rub someone’s back for an hour?

Rey folded her legs and took several deep breaths. This really was going to be the easiest job she had ever had. Why sweat it? All she had to do was provide a simple service. She could do this.

After several minutes passed, the blue light illuminated, and Rey pushed the start button. The bell sounded and the platform jerked into motion. 

The darkness was slightly disorienting at first, but with the meager light from the control panel, Rey could at least see the outline of the girl’s form on the other platform, as it slid up next to her. When the benches came to rest, Rey reached out her hand and grasped the hand extended toward her, as she had been instructed to do. 

The girl swung around so her back was to Rey, and that was it. Rey placed her hands on her shoulders and started rubbing gently.

The hour passed more quickly than she would have ever imagined, and in the dark her motions became an almost trance-like kind of meditation. 

The green light turned yellow, then flashed red, and Rey gave a little squeeze to the girl’s shoulders. In turn, the girl lifted one hand and pressed her fingers to Rey’s. Rey scooted back and the platforms separated and slowly rolled back to their isolation compartments. A dim light came on and Rey retrieved her shoes and stepped out into the hall, where Holdo was waiting for her. 

“Well?”

“It was… relaxing… cathartic, like you said. I feel…” she shrugged her shoulders analytically, “very calm and rested.”

Holdo smiled. “I firmly believe that our facilitators receive just as much benefit from the sessions as the recipients. I take it you’d like to continue, then?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Excellent. Let’s step into the office and get you on the regular schedule.”

* * *

“Your first recipient gave you some great feedback.” Holdo handed Rey the form to look over. “She said you had a gentle touch and a very natural, friendly way about you. She told me she wanted to request you in the future, is that okay with you?”

“Oh. I didn’t know people could request us, I thought it was anonymous.”

“It is, but if they like you they can request a repeat and it’s handled through scheduling.”

“Okay, I wouldn’t mind meeting with the same person more than once.”

“Great. We have someone coming in today, it’s his first time, so we’re going to do a half-hour session. Do you want to take it? He’s requested hand holding.”

Rey looked over his request form.

“Okay.”

She nodded to Holdo and went into the compartment to check the set up of the platforms. She placed the pillows so they would be in the middle of the benches, for them to rest their arms on. A quick check of the clock and she knew she only had a few minutes, so she kicked off her shoes, flicked off the lights, and hopped up onto the bench to wait. The blue light came on, so she pressed the ‘start’ button, the bell rang out, and the session started. 

She could just see the bare outline of the top of his head and one shoulder. He was very big. The platforms moved into position and clicked into place, and she reached her hands over the pillows in the center, to meet his. She moved his arms to rest on the pillows and took one of his hands in both of hers, and began caressing. His hands were very large, and warm. 

After about three minutes, Rey noticed that her recipient’s breathing had sped up, and the hand she was holding began to tremble. She stilled her movements and sandwiched his hand between her two. After another minute, he seemed to calm, and she resumed her motion.

Just like the last time, Rey wondered how she was supposed to _just_ hold hands with someone for half an hour. But as before, it became a meditation as she focused her attention on the hands she couldn’t see. Each finger, the muscles and tendons, the bumps and hollows. In her mind’s eye she envisioned what these hands looked like, and she amused herself wondering if she would be able to recognize them visually. She thought she could.

When she estimated half of the time had passed, she moved to the other hand and repeated the whole process.

Sooner than she would have thought possible, the light turned yellow. Then, as the red flashing started, she flattened her hands against his, and his thumbs pressed gently around her fingers in silent thanks and farewell.

As the benches moved back to their starting position, Rey mused that it was one of the nicest conversations she had ever had.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This premise is ridiculous. We're all on the same page, right? Okay.  
> Also, scholarships would never be handled that way.  
> Alright, back to this absurd fantasy.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Rey hesitated for a moment just inside the entry way, surveying the situation. It looked like things were getting rowdy, not well-run and organized like last year.

She had been surprised earlier that morning when she had received an e-mail from the Organa Foundation, reminding her that she had volunteered to help with this year’s charity fundraiser. She had helped last year as well, and had completely forgotten she had signed up. 

It was the “Stories and Ice Cream” event, in conjunction with the university, but it did not appear to be going well. Volunteers were attempting to maintain the attention of what looked like a hundred toddlers and preschool-age children, with classic books like _The Hungry Caterpillar_ and _Green Eggs and Ham_ , and they were scattered in small groups on the steps of the spacious sunken common area.

But the children appeared to be fired up by the lack of ice cream that they had been promised. Several volunteers buzzed anxiously around the soft serve machine that had been rented for the affair.

Rey wasn’t sure why she had come at all, surely the e-mail had been in error; since she was no longer a recipient of the Organa Scholarship. And, among the tense group trying to resolve the issue with the ice cream machine, she could see a dark head of hair looming taller than the others. Professor Solo.

She sighed. From the comments she could hear, combined with the thumping noise the machine was making, she was pretty sure she knew what the problem was. She had spent plenty of time fixing the temperamental ice cream machine at her first job. 

She moved closer to the group.

“Rey!” A girl Rey had met at several other Organa events called out to her, then approached with a slight limp.

“Hi Kaydel. Having trouble?”

“Yeah, the ice cream machine isn’t working, and the repair guy won’t be here for another 45 minutes, they’re estimating.” Together they looked out over the groups of kids, some of whom were definitely starting to get noisy and restless. They were going to have a mutiny on their hands soon if they didn’t produce the promised ice cream. “Most of the kids have already been here for half an hour, and I’m afraid things are about to get ugly.”

“Miss Niima?”

Rey grimaced, “yes, sir,” and looked up to see she had drawn the attention of a very stressed Professor Solo.

“What are you doing here?”

“I volunteered to help with the event. You know. Before.”

“Ah.”

“It looks like you’re having some difficulty, can I take a look?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Oh? Sure.” And he stepped away from the machine.

Rey crouched down and popped open the front panel, then peered inside. Just as she suspected, there was a small hose that had separated slightly from its fitting. She reached in and pressed the two pieces together, then tightened the connector. 

The machine started making a quiet chugging noise, and a red light illuminated. 

Rey closed the panel and stood, turning and looking for Professor Solo. 

“Well?”

“The air pump hose had come loose. I think it’s working now; you’ll know in about 10 minutes if this green light comes on.” She tapped a button on the front of the machine. “Then you should be able to start serving.”

“Oh. Thank you.” He huffed and pushed his fingers into his hair. “I wouldn’t have expected you to be here.”

“Mmm. I figured the reminder e-mail I received was a mistake. But I did volunteer to help, so…”

He looked out over the chaos and huffed again, shaking his head. “This kind of thing just isn’t my forte.”

“Maybe you should make an announcement? Just let them know the ice cream should be ready soon?”

He looked down at her. “Yes. Good idea,” then, cuffing up the sleeves of his light blue button down, he stepped away to address the crowd. He really was quite handsome. Not that Rey would have noticed his dimples and broad shoulders when she had been in his class before.

“Good thing you came by.” Kaydel sidled up to her.

Rey snickered. “The soft serve machine at McDaniel’s was extremely finicky.”

“Oh, you worked there?”

“Yeah. When I was 16.”

“At least someone knew what to do,” Kaydel laughed and bumped Rey with her elbow, then reached down and arranged the little paper bowls and plastic spoons on the table. 

Professor Solo’s announcement seemed to have calmed the crowd, and each of the seated volunteers had started reading another book with their group. 

Rey looked over to the ice cream machine just as the little light turned green, indicating the product was sufficiently chilled. She grabbed one of the little paper bowls and stepped up to the machine, pushing the lever to test the consistency. It looked right to her.

Kaydel came up beside her, “I could fill them, do you mind helping take them around? I twisted my ankle this morning at lacrosse.”

Rey could take four bowls at a time, so along with several other volunteers, they slowly served all the children. As she walked back and forth, she passed Professor Solo, who was also serving, but could deliver six bowls at a time, in his large hands. Each time she walked by, he murmured a comment to her.

“Thank you for your help, Miss Niima.”

She picked up four more bowls. “Um. My pleasure?” Even though she had lost her scholarship, the Organa Foundation _had_ helped support her education for more than three years.

She stepped down the large carpeted steps, sweeping by him again and he grumbled, “my mother undoubtedly would have managed this event much better than I have.”

“Your mother?”

And he brushed by her yet again as she picked up more ice cream. “Leia Organa-Solo.”

Wait. What?! Rey delivered cups to another group, barely paying attention to her actions. Leia Organa was Professor Solo’s mother? Well, that at least explained why he had been made the administrator of the Organa Scholarship. 

“I take it you weren’t aware.”

She circled around to grab four more cups.

“No, I didn’t know.” After delivering the frozen treats, “I am sorry for your loss.”

This comment startled him, for some reason. “Thank you, Miss Niima.”

The next time he passed by her, he queried, “would you have a moment to talk, before you leave?”

After she took around four more cups, she checked her watch, then paused in passing, “no, actually, I have a class, I have to go now.”

“Oh. Well. Thank you again, Miss Niima.”

Unsure what to say, she nodded, and after a quick goodbye to Kaydel, was on her way.

* * *

“Thanks for coming in Rey! Rose reminded us that you hadn’t received a complete training.” Poe stood from the small desk to shake Rey’s hand.

“Oh? I’ve already done several sessions. I hope I haven’t messed up.”

“Nah, we’ve only gotten positive feedback from your recipients. And when they ask for a repeat, you can’t get higher praise than that.”

“Well, I was a little nervous after last time. Did you hear about it?”

“I read the reports, yes. That girl has a very complicated history of abuse and neglect. You handled everything right. She requested to have you as her facilitator next time she comes in.” Poe stepped around the desk and led Rey out into the hallway. “She is one of the youngest recipients we’ve accepted into the program and needs a lot of TLC.”

“When she started crying during the session, I just wasn’t sure what to do.”

“You followed your natural instincts. No worries at all. I just wanted to go over some silent signaling protocols with you, in case you ever need them. All the recipients have received this training as well.” Poe indicated an infographic poster. “It’s quite simple, really. If you want to ask the recipient if they want to terminate the session, you tap on their arm or hand three times. One tap in return indicates ‘no,’ they do not want to terminate, while two taps indicate ‘yes,’ they want to conclude. And never hesitate to use the cancelation button if needed. Myself or one of the other supervisors will always be here to assist if you have to terminate.”

Rey nodded. “I almost terminated, but she calmed down after just a couple minutes.”

“Yes, it’s always a judgement call. Do you want to practice the tapping system a couple times with me?”

“Okay. I’ll admit I’ve found it a bit awkward, not being able to talk.”

“Yes, it can take a bit of getting used to. But Professor Holdo and the therapists she’s worked with to develop the program are operating on the theory that taking part in the sessions without speech and in the dark, can mimic the comfort of the womb.”

After practicing the tapping system three times, Poe showed Rey another poster. “Sometimes on the request form, you might see numbers. Over the years, we’ve standardized the various forms that the recipients can request, to help minimize confusion.” The poster showed several familiar cuddling positions.

“If they mark the number with a letter ‘a’ you’ll know they want you to be in the ‘giver’ position. If they mark the number with a letter ‘b’ that means they want to be the giver.”

Rey was taken aback. “Oh. I didn’t realize. Have I made any errors so far?”

“No. None of your recipients so far have used the numbering system. But Rose reminded me we hadn’t explained it to you. So if you ever see a number on your request form, you’ll know what it means.”

“Do recipients often request to be in the ‘giver’ position? I didn’t realize that was an option.”

“I would say about 30% do. It can be very healing for someone who has been hurt, to be in a position to give comfort to someone else. A lot of the men who participate in the program eventually switch over and prefer the embracing positioning.”

“I’ve worried at times that I won’t be able to communicate to the recipient where they should sit, or how I envision using the cushion setup I create.”

“Don’t worry too much about it. Moving into position is part of the session. You don’t have to feel rushed. The nonverbal communication and trust building is all part of the experience.”

“Alright. Thanks for the explanations.”

“Your recipient should be here in about ten minutes. He’s a repeat, and forwarded his request form in advance.” Poe handed her a printout. “You’ll be in Room C today.”

Rey looked over the form. It was the 34-year-old male she had facilitated previously. “I’ve never had anyone request arm rubbing before.”

“It’s always been popular.” He winked at her and stepped back into the little office doorway. “I’ll let you go get set up.”

Rey hurried to the isolation compartments to arrange her cushions.

* * *

As the two platforms clicked into place, Rey reached across the cushion she had placed in the middle, in the same set up she had used last time when she had held his hands. Hopefully it would be simple and clear to him what she intended.

She sat cross-legged and reached out for his hands, drawing his arms to rest on the large pillow. She brushed her hands up his forearms, just up past his elbows and pushed gently on the sleeves of his shirt, which he had already folded up and out of the way.

As she had considered how to handle the request for arm rubbing, she recalled a friend of hers back in grade school. Occasionally they had had a reward day, and had been allowed to watch a movie. Jess had liked to have her arms tickled, and the two had taken turns massaging and scratching each other’s forearms. She thought she would start with a similar technique today, and see if she could divine his reaction.

She grasped his forearms and rubbed her palms down to his wrists, then drew her fingers along the inside of his hands, and stroked out along his big fingers. His fingers twitched and she grinned to herself. This was going to be interesting.

All the little methods she had used with her friend came back to her in a rush. She started by using her short fingernails, drawing them up the inside of his forearm, toward the bend of his elbow. After several cycles up and down with very light pressure, he drew in a long hissing breath between his teeth, then brought one hand across and pressed it against her hand, which rested on his arm. She took this to mean that he would prefer additional pressure.

With this in mind, she continued massaging, stroking and scratching, remembering all the little procedures she had used with her friend. She even spelled out several words, just like she had done all those years ago; assorted words from an upcoming exam, as well as the name of her 4th year crush. But whether or not he picked up on this, she had no way of knowing.

Rey was always surprised at just how quickly these sessions passed. Soon, the yellow light illuminated and she was grasping his hands in farewell, and he gently squeezed her fingers in return. The benches moved apart, and Rey mused, not for the first time, on the pleasure and refreshment of a simple touch.

* * *

Rey raised her hand to knock, but paused; she could hear Professor Holdo talking on the phone.

“No, no. Other faculty have come in at times. There’s no conflict…”

“Just shoot me a text each time, we’ll make sure the proper arrangements are made…”

“Absolutely. That’s a benefit we extend to every recipient, complete anonymity…”

“Alright kiddo. Take care.”

Rey heard the ‘beep’ of the call ending, and knocked softly, pushing gently against the door to open it wider. “Professor? Did you still want to meet tonight?”

“Rey! Thanks for coming by! Come in, sit. I just wanted to finalize all the paperwork for our contract.”

Rey sat, and set her pack at her feet. “Thank you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you allowing me to participate in the program.”

“I’m glad it’s worked out so well. We’ve had such positive feedback from all of your recipients so far. I was especially pleased with how you handled what I heard was a bit of a difficult situation.”

Rey and Holdo chatted for several minutes about the program, and her experience so far.

“I’ve been surprised, really, by how much I’ve enjoyed the sessions. I didn’t expect to get so much out of it.”

“Yes, we usually hear a similar response from our facilitators.” Professor Holdo placed the form Rey had filled out into a folder with her name written on the edge. “I’ll make sure this is filed and we’ll ensure that all the financial arrangements are made.”

Rey collected all her things and stood. “Thanks again, I really appreciate all your help. When I lost my other scholarship…” She pursed her lips. “Well, anyway… I wasn’t sure how I was going to make ends meet. So I really appreciate the opportunity.”

“Happy to help, Rey.” Professor Holdo stepped around her desk and placed her hand gently on Rey’s shoulder, shepherding her toward the door. “My door is always open, stop by any time.” She smiled affectionately. “And not just for anything regarding the program. Text, call, come by. I’m here.”

“Thank you, Professor, that means a lot to me.”

Holdo squeezed her shoulder, and closed the door after bidding her good night.

Rey was smiling broadly, as she stepped into the hall. 

At that same moment, across the way, Professor Solo pulled the door shut on his dark office and turned toward her. Recognition dawned on his face, and the corner of the large stack of documents he was carrying caught on the doorjamb, and papers went flying. 

“Kark it!”

Rey scurried to help gather up the forms, bringing a handful to him as he muttered and grumbled to himself.

“Thank you, Miss Niima.”

She stepped back and away from him. “Mmm. Good night, Professor.”

“Excuse me please, I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a moment?” He fumbled with the messy stack of papers.

“Okay.” Hesitantly, she paused and turned toward him again.

“I am afraid I made an error, in terminating your Organa scholarship, and I wanted to apologize.”

Her eyes widened. “Okay…”

“Since I was made the executor… I’ve struggled to…” he shuffled the large stack into one arm and ran his fingers through his hair. “No. I’m sure you don’t care about any of that.” He looked down at her, as if she was a puzzle he couldn’t solve.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, sir.”

“Soon after my mother died… it came to light that there was… someone… who had perpetrated a fraud on the Organa Trust. A student.”

“Oh.”

“And I’m afraid I was a bit… overzealous, in my desire to make sure it didn’t happen again.” He bit the corner of his lip nervously. “I know it doesn’t do you any good now, but I wanted to let you know that I made a mistake, and I sincerely apologize.”

“Oh.” She shuffled her feet uncomfortably. “Well. Thank you, I guess. For telling me.” She looked toward Professor Holdo’s office door, “I’ve been able to make… other arrangements. That will allow me to stay afloat, you know, financially, until graduation.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He motioned between them. “I hope there aren’t any hard feelings, or lingering issues…”

She hitched her pack more firmly up onto her shoulder. “Ah. I see. Don’t worry, I won’t make trouble.”

Professor Solo started back, as if she had slapped him. “My apology was genuine, Miss Niima, I assure you.”

“Of course, sir.” Her eyebrows crinkled together. “Good night.”

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Rey woke before dawn and checked her phone. 3:14 am. She groaned. The last week or so, she hadn’t been sleeping well. 

She knew from experience that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, no matter how long she stayed in bed, so she flipped on her lamp and decided to get up and go for a run. 

Quietly so as not to wake her roommates, she got up and dressed. She did some warm up stretches while she drank a glass of water and threw her hair into a ponytail. 

It was still dark out, but she had an established route around campus, and the lamp post lights should be on until sunrise. She threw her phone in her pocket, popped in her earbuds, and stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of her apartment. 

She jogged around the quad, over toward the mathematics building. 

She didn’t really like living on campus, but everything was so convenient, she had procrastinated looking for a new place. Her roommates this year were seniors too, and seldom home. 

As Rey circled around the fine arts building, she realized she had been hearing another runner following her for a few minutes. It must be another insomniac. She deviated from her usual course and took a sharp turn toward the library where the lighting was better. The sound of footfalls continued to trail her course. She pulled out her earbuds and chanced a quick peek behind her while picking up the pace.

It was a man, very large, all in black from head to toe. 

Rey persevered. Surely it was only a coincidence. Other people ran the grounds, and Chandrila University had a reputation for being one of the safest campuses in the country. She took another sharp turn toward the agriculture building, which would bring her back to her apartment more quickly than her usual route. The footsteps pursued her still.

As she continued along, she glanced over to see an underpass that led to a parking area. The light on this end was burned out or broken, providing a dark alcove where she could hide while the other runner passed by. She ducked in and pushed herself into the dark corner, making herself as small as she could and trying to quiet her breathing. She listened for the other runner; he had continued to follow her. Kriff! 

She shook out her hands nervously and reminded herself of the self-defense moves she had learned at an after-school program, many years ago.

His steps came closer still. Kriff! She could hear his labored breathing. What should she do? Surely he wouldn’t come down into the tunnel? Had he seen her? Damn it, she wasn’t sure what to do. There was no reason to think someone would have been following her, but her course had been so winding and roundabout, she had to believe he was trailing her. 

He wouldn’t come into the underpass. Surely not. It would be too great of a coincidence. And if he did, he would probably just continue down the passageway without even seeing her.

Suddenly, there he was, blocking her exit, looming before her, huffing and huge. 

Without any further thought beyond self-preservation, Rey grabbed great handfuls of the front opening of his hoodie and, using his momentum against him, yanked him forward, dropping downward to her hip, with her whole bodyweight. 

Just as she got a good grip and pulled with a loud grunt, she got a closeup look at her stalker’s shocked face. Kriff!

His huge body toppled forward and he landed heavily on his hands and right knee with a howl. 

Rey rolled away from his tumbling form and would have sprang to her feet and sprinted away as she had been taught. Instead…

“Kriff! Oh crinking hell! Professor Solo?!” She wiped sweat from her eyes and forehead, and approached him tentatively. “Kriff!”

With a deep huff and a groan, he rolled over onto his back. “Rey?!”

“Oh, kriff! Kriff! I’m so sorry! You scared me, I thought you were following me! Kriff!” She braced her feet wide, her hands resting on her thighs, panting. “No! No!”

He chuffed what could almost have been a laugh, and pushed his hair back out of his face; his knees bent, his feet planted on the ground. “You gonna help me up, or what?” He leaned up onto his left elbow and extended his right hand toward her.

Rey grasped his hand firmly and helped pull him to his feet. “I’m so sorry! Kriff! Are you hurt?”

Professor Solo gingerly bent his right knee, putting weight on it as a test. “I think I’m okay.” He looked down at her, the corner of his mouth curling up slightly. “That was a pretty good move. Well done.” He tugged down at the front of his jacket.

“I am so sorry, sir!” She took a couple steps back away from him. “I don’t know what to…”

“I think you can call me ‘Ben’ at this point.”

She brought her hand up to her face, “what?”

“I mean, once you lay someone out flat, don’t you think first names are appropriate?”

“Um. I mean.” She shook her head and looked up at his eyes in the light of dawn. They had deep green rings around the outer edges. “I don’t know. Professor.”

“It’s Ben. You’ll get it eventually.” He smiled and extended his hand.

Rey looked down for a moment, unsure what to… finally she shook his hand and looked back up to see him grinning. “I’m Rey.”

“Yes, I know.”

His hand was warm, and very large.

“I really am so sorry.”

His grin deepened and she looked back down at their clasped hands. He released her suddenly, as if he had forgotten. A small shift of his hip drew her attention to the front of his black sweatpants, the soft fabric doing nothing to conceal the fact that he was sporting a sizeable erection. 

She turned away quickly, clearing her throat. “Well. I guess I’d better. Go home.” She started walking briskly back the way she had come, toward her apartment. He sprang after her.

“May I walk with you? You probably shouldn’t run alone.”

“Chandrila U has an excellent safety rating, Professor.”

“Ben.”

“Right. Ben.”

“Nevertheless.”

“I don’t have anyone… none of my friends run.” She shrugged.

“I have often wished for a running partner.”

Rey stopped and turned toward him abruptly, making a special effort to only look at his face. “What?”

“We could run. Together.” He raised his eyebrow, “I know for certain you could protect me from any potential attackers.”

Rey snorted. “Right.” She shoved her hands into her front pocket, turning away from him and walking again toward her building. “Would that be… appropriate?” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

“You’re not in the history department. Or in any of my classes.” She could see him bite his lower lip. “No pressure, of course.”

“I’ll. I don’t know… I’ll think about it.” She stopped in front of a brick building and motioned upwards. “This is me.” She clicked her tongue. “I really am sorry. About… you know.”

“And I’m sorry for scaring you.” He looked up to the windows, then back down at her. “Let me know. If you want to run. Together.”

“Okay. Sure.”

He pointed back at himself with both thumbs. “Ben.”

“Right.”

With a smirk, he turned and jogged away, and she watched him go with some astonishment, and mumbling to herself. “Kriff.”

* * *

“I’m not sure I understand what this means.” Rey held the form out to Poe.

“Ah, your 34-year-old male again.” He looked over the paper carefully, then motioned her over to one of the posters. “It looks like he’s requesting a number three, with him in the recumbent position.”

Rey studied the poster carefully. “Am I supposed to rest my head on his shoulder?”

“Yes. A lot of men request this one.” He winked. “The classic _Supine Snog_.”

Rey snickered. “What do I do with my hands?”

“Haven’t you ever snuggled before? Like with a boyfriend?”

Rey looked over at him, startled. “But this isn’t supposed to be, you know… sexual. Or romantic.”

Poe raised his hands defensively. “Right! You’re right! Of course not. It’s just, other facilitators have usually been familiar with this positioning.”

Rey continued to study the poster, and double checked the request form. “Okay, I guess I get it. Will it be hard to stay in this position for a whole hour? His arm won’t fall asleep?”

“Nah, no worries. Do your set up so the lights are still easily visible to you. And just rest your head on his shoulder, not his arm. It’s very comfortable.”

“Huh. Okay, thanks. I guess I’ll go set up.”

“Right. Room B today.”

“Thanks Poe.”

* * *

Rey hadn’t been sure about the positioning of the cushions, but as the platforms bumped into place, it appeared simpler was better. She had put the large wedge on the recipient’s side, so he would see it before the lights went off. 

Now, she could barely see the edge of his shoulder and heard him grunt softly as he moved from his seated position to lying down with his whole upper torso against the wedge, kind of like an elevated hospital cot; only hopefully more comfortable.

Well. He knew what to do. Good. 

She hesitated a moment. She really never had snuggled with a boyfriend. Or anyone, really. 

She was glad she couldn’t see his face. Or, she was glad he couldn’t see her face, because she felt ridiculous.

She crawled over to his side, and he extended his hand, which she grasped uncertainly. He gave her hand a little tug, and she moved closer. He extended his left arm, and she lay down next to him, pressing her shoulder into his lat muscle and very cautiously resting her head between his deltoid and the top of his pectoral. Somehow all the color-coded photos of muscles that she had studied for her _Anatomy and Physiology 101_ class were helpfully popping to the forefront of her mind.

He brought his left hand up to rest on her shoulder and upper back. Okay, fine. But now she wasn’t sure what to do with her other hand. She hovered over him for a moment, then with his right hand he took her hand and pressed it into his chest.

She froze for a few moments, taking a head-to-toe inventory, to make sure she wasn’t touching him in any inappropriate ways. Her right arm was folded and wedged between them, her left was on his chest. Her legs were butted up against his but she didn’t detect anything improper. She exhaled slowly, and gradually relaxed her neck.

Despite Poe’s reassurances, she still worried her head was too heavy and would cut off circulation to his arm.

And now that she was in position, she didn’t know what to do. Hmm.

He hadn’t indicated on his form that he wanted any kind of movement. 

She thought, with some trepidation, that she might even fall asleep, just lying still for an hour. He was so warm; and especially since she had been up since three. No. To fall asleep she’d have to be pretty relaxed, and right now… no. Probably not a worry.

She moved her hand out from under his and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. Here she could feel his pulse, strong and steady, and somehow very comforting to her. He seemed calm. She must be doing it right.

He took a deep breath, which she could hear as well as feel against her cheek. His hand moved carefully against her shoulder, pressing gently, then he started methodically rubbing her back, circling out from her shoulder blade to all the area he could reach.

She tensed at this initially. _She_ was supposed to be the facilitator, and _he_ was supposed to be the recipient. But as he started his second slow round, she began to relax. Falling asleep was a real possibility, if he kept this up; she really should stop him. But it was so… nice. So very nice.

She closed her eyes. Surely it would be alright to just… be. For a few moments. 

She concentrated on the pulse she could feel in his wrist. 

He smelled of… spices. And citrus. It reminded her of… something. Something pleasant, that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She inhaled deeply and realized she was crying; or maybe not crying, but her eyes were watering. A tear ran over the bridge of her nose and across her other eyelid, then dripped off her temple and onto his chest.

Kriff! She sat up abruptly and felt for the little console, popping it open to take out two tissues. She carefully wiped her eyes and nose and set the used tissue on her side of the platform so she could throw it away later. The other, she kept in her left hand and wondered, what now?

His hand was at her elbow, squeezing gently. She took a shuddering breath and nudged back into his side, placing her left hand on his chest and lying back down, settling her cheek against the cold and damp spot on his shoulder, as his hand came to rest again on her back.

After a few moments of stillness, he continued his circular pattern of touches on her back.

Rey focused on her breathing, trying to keep it even and smooth, occasionally dabbing at her eyes which, she was embarrassed he would be able to feel, were still watering.

Breathe in, breathe out. Calm down, Niima.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Oh, gods, her heart was pounding! Kriff, kriff!

With each shuddering breath, his arms tightened around her, no longer stroking, just holding her to him firmly. 

Suddenly she realized she was quaking, her tissue lost, and instead she had a handful of his shirt clenched tightly, wadded between her fingers. 

A strange, soft wailing sound… there weren’t supposed to be sounds… what was that? 

Her recipient turned on his side toward her, pressing her head firmly into his chest, then wrapping his arms around her tightly, rubbing her hip and arm. He tucked her stockinged feet between his, softly ‘shhh-ing’ at her ear.

The wailing gradually quieted. Oh. It had been coming from her.

And her trembling steadily eased. 

But still he held her in his strong arms, occasionally brushing his hand along her cheek and temple, pushing her hair back and running his hand down her arm.

She relaxed her grip on his shirt and felt completely drained, utterly exhausted.

The yellow light came on.

Keeping his arms around her, he knelt up at her side, assisting her to sit. Still he rubbed her back and brushed her hair behind her shoulders.

When the light started flashing, he backed away to his side of the platform, with her hand grasped in his. With a final squeeze, the light turned red and the benches eased apart; his arm stretching across the gap for a moment, then releasing her into the dark.

* * *

“Frizz, Rey, are you alright?”

“What?” Rey wandered into the little office to fill out her post-session paperwork. She wobbled slightly and gripped the door frame. 

Poe came around, to grasp her shoulders and direct her to the chair. “You look like something happened. Did the session go okay?”

She pressed her palm into her forehead, breathing shallowly.

The intra-office intercom beeped, and Poe lifted the receiver.

“Yes?...”

“Yes, she just came in…”

“What did he say?...”

“Yes… yes… okay. Yes, that is what I would guess as well…”

“Tell him we’ll look after her…”

“Thanks Mitaka.”

Poe set the receiver in its cradle and opened a little mini fridge, pulling out a small water bottle. “Here, drink this.” He cracked open the lid and pushed it toward her, across the desk. “Have you eaten recently?”

Rey took a sip of the water and looked at the pouch of seeds and dark chocolate chunks he was offering.

“Here, come sit over here.” He motioned she should move onto a plump little couch. She sank down into it, leaning her head against the backrest. He perched next to her. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I… I don’t know. Everything was fine, but then I was crying. My eyes were watering.” She cleared her throat. “I sat up for a minute to collect myself, but then when I lay back down, I don’t know.” She took several stuttering breaths.

“It’s okay, everything’s alright.”

“There was a smell… the way he smelled reminded me of something. I don’t know what. And then my heart started pounding and I… I don’t know, I was shaking. I think I was making noises.” She stood up, agitated, but Poe grabbed her softly by the arm. 

“It’s alright. Just sit down.” When she settled again into the couch, he opened the little pouch of seeds and handed them to her. “Here, eat these. It sounds like you had a panic attack. Have you ever had one before?”

Rey looked at him, dazed. “No. I don’t think so.”

“You just rest here, as long as you need. Rest. In a little bit, either Mitaka or I will see you home, okay?”

Rey threw her arm over her face. “Oh, kriff! He must think I’m a lunatic!”

Poe rested his hand on her knee. “Your recipient? He was worried about you, but he guessed you were having an anxiety attack. He said as much to Mitaka.”

Tears coursed down her cheeks. “I wasn’t supposed to be… out of control!” Her face scrunched up in distress, while she tried to calm her breathing.

Poe took her hand, “Rey, don’t you worry. It happens. You aren’t the first facilitator to have a strong emotional reaction to the sessions. Believe me, I’ve seen it affect others as well.” He squeezed her hand. “Now, you drink your water, have a snack. I’ll help you fill out your paperwork, then I’ll call Holdo and give her a briefing.”

“Will I be dismissed from the program?”

“No, no, certainly not. Don’t fret. Everything will be fine.”

* * *

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

Rey wiped a drip of milk off her chin and crunched a mouthful of sugarcoated puffs and squeaky marshmallows, as her roommates trooped into the kitchen. “Good morning!”

“Hi Rey!”

“Mornin’.”

Jannah and Zorii’s schedules were even crazier than Rey’s, and that did sometimes make for conflicts when it came to laundry, but other than that, Rey was content and often had the apartment to herself.

Zorii filled her tall travel mug with caf, “should I start another pot?”

“I’m grabbing breakfast with Beau, none for me,” Jannah distractedly replied, as she packed her lunch in a cooler.

“I’m good,” Rey responded around another bite of cereal.

All three of their phones ‘pinged’ at the same moment, with an incoming message.

“I _do not_ have time for this!” Zorii groused. “You girls have pepper spray?” she shook the tiny canister on her key chain, listening for liquid inside.

“Dad gave me a taser last Winterfest, but I never took it out of the package,” Jannah considered.

“You’d better dig it out. See you girls later.”

“Bye Zorii.”

“See ya.”

Jannah threw a little pouch of crisps and a cup of yogurt into her cooler and secured the lid. “Did you get everything worked out with your financial aid?”

“Yeah, I ended up getting a job with the psychology department.”

Jannah grinned, “I’m glad, hon! Have a great day!”

“See ya Jannah.”

* * *

“I don’t know. I was very relaxed, which is kind of surprising, I mean.” Rey pressed her fingers to her lips, thinking. “With a stranger. And I had never snuggled with anyone that way. I think it was a smell. His smell. It reminded me of something, triggered something. I just remember trying to think what it was reminding me of. And then I was shaking and my heart was pounding, for a second I thought I was having a heart attack.”

“It’s actually a very common reaction, we’ve seen it many times, in recipients and facilitators.” Professor Holdo studied her carefully. “Anxiety attacks are more common, but what you experienced seems to be a panic attack. That can be quite frightening, especially if you’ve never had one before.”

Rey blew out a breath. “I think the thing that bothers me most now is just, I’m so embarrassed. To have another session with that particular recipient.”

Holdo nodded. “You have had a request, the 12-year-old girl, you remember her?”

“Yes.”

“We could schedule her for tomorrow, if you think you’d be up to it.”

“Yes, I think so.”

“But, regarding the 34-year-old male…”

“Yeah, with him I just don’t know. Where he saw… or anyway felt, my reaction and how I freaked out. I don’t know.” Rey looked up at Holdo’s office ceiling, blinking.

“I told you he contacted me directly, to make sure you were okay. He expressed that he is interested in continuing with the program.” Holdo leaned her elbows against her desk. “I can’t give you details. All of our recipients are promised absolute anonymity, but I can tell you that he has a history of childhood trauma, and from the feedback we’ve received from him, I do believe he is benefitting from the program.”

“Oh.”

“Listen Rey. Let me put you on the schedule for tomorrow, with the 12-year-old. You think about it some more. If you decide that you need your schedule adjusted, we can talk about it. And if you decide that you don’t want to facilitate with the 34-year-old male, we can assign him to someone else. He likes you and has requested repeat sessions with you, but we could switch him over to Rose.”

Rey considered this and realized she didn’t like the idea. “Can I think about it a little longer?”

“Of course. Just send me a text, or pop by the program office when you come in tomorrow. I’ll be there for part of the day. Is there anything else?”

Rey squirmed in her chair. “Well, there is something unrelated I wanted to ask you about.” She rubbed her forehead. “Are there any rules about students and faculty, uh… fraternizing?”

Holdo grinned and leaned back in her chair. “It does partly depend what you mean by ‘fraternizing.’ Platonic relationships are looked upon differently than, say, a romantic or sexual relationship.”

“This would be platonic.”

“Is this someone in the engineering department? Because that makes a difference, too. If it’s someone in a position of authority over you, even platonic relationships should be undertaken very cautiously.”

“No, no, he’s not… no. He’s a professor in another department.”

Professor Holdo smiled. “Then there should be no problem, either way. Just use your best judgement, as always.”

“Of course. Is there a faculty directory somewhere? I’m not sure how to go about finding his contact information.”

“Who is it? I can see if I have him in my contacts.”

“Oh. It’s.” Rey pulled out her phone and hesitated. “It’s Professor Solo.”

Professor Holdo’s eyes widened, and motioning to her doorway, “really?” She smirked slightly. “Platonic, you say?”

“Yes. I… I… bumped into him the other day, while I was running, and he suggested we run together. And now with that alert this morning, from University security…”

“Ah, yes. A very good idea.” She rummaged in her purse for her phone. “I was friends with his mother, for many years. I’ll forward his number to you.”

“Oh, really? Thank you.” Her phone pinged with the incoming message. She tucked the device back into her pack and stood. “I really appreciate… everything.”

“No problem, Rey. Let’s talk tomorrow and you can decide what you’d like to do. I think everything will be just fine.”

* * *

* * *

Rey read over the form, then squeezed her eyes shut and took several deep breaths.

“Hi Rey, is there a problem with the request form?” Poe came into the office and sat down at the desk. 

“No. I.” She looked at him pleadingly. “He’s asking for the exact same thing as last time, and you know that I freaked out.” She plumped down in the chair.

“Professor Holdo should be coming in soon,” he looked at his watch, “you’ve still got plenty of time to… oh, here she is. I’ll just give you some privacy for a minute and you can talk to her.”

Poe waved Holdo in to the small office as he stepped out, murmuring something to her in passing, and shutting the door behind himself.

“Rey! Is there a problem?”

Rey handed the form to Holdo, “he’s asking for the exact same scenario as last time! I don’t know why he would do that!” As Holdo sat down behind the desk, Rey stood up and paced back and forth in the tiny space. “Is he trying to induce another panic attack?! Maybe he thought it was funny!”

“Rey, sit down. I’m not sure what his thought process is. Maybe he wants to help show you that it won’t be so stressful the second time.” She watched as Rey perched on the edge of the chair. “Or maybe he just really likes snuggling.” She grinned.

Rey shook her head, then dropped her face into her hands and blew out a heavy breath. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Your session yesterday went well, didn’t it? I read over the feedback form and she was very pleased, as she always has been with you.”

Rey bit her lip. “That’s completely different. She’s a child, I’m an adult. She wasn’t waiting for me to have some kind of an emotional breakdown during the session.”

“I think he wants to help you, Rey. If you’ll let him. Something inside you triggered that panic attack. If you can face your fears head-on, I feel certain that it will get better. This is a safe place to explore your feelings.”

“No. I don’t think I can.” She rubbed her eyes. 

“Rey…”

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I can’t do it.” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, snatched up her backpack and ran from the room.

* * *

Rey popped one earbud in and tucked the other under the strap of her sports bra, then adjusted her tee and jacket. Her music volume was lower than usual, and she listened carefully for approaching steps. 

She did a few butt kickers and lunges, to get the blood flowing and her muscles warmed up, and hopped nimbly up and down the steps of the entryway of her apartment building. 

She heard him before she saw him, dressed all in black as he was, in the dim pre-dawn light.

“Hello,” she grinned.

“Good morning. You ready?”

“Yup. Do you have a route you like to follow?”

He nodded, “it’s about five miles.” He checked his watch, “I thought we could time ourselves to get a feel for our pace?” He started jogging toward the business library.

“Okay.”

“You set the pace.”

She balked, “oh!”

He threw his hands up, “only because your legs are shorter!”

“Fine!” and she bounded ahead, laughing.

* * *

“Wait! Wait!” he dived head first onto the dry grass of the quad, rolling to his back and grabbing his side.

“Get up! You’re going to lock up!”

Rey circled back and extended her hand to help him up. “You wanna be the pacesetter for a while?”

He huffed and dragged himself up, wiping his face with his sleeve, “please.”

They walked briskly for several minutes while Ben caught his breath. “I didn’t realize my running partner was a track star.”

“I lettered, in high school.”

“Figures.” He snorted. “What were your events?”

“Javelin. 800 meter. Steeplechase.” She hopped over a small shrub. “Hurdles. You?”

He laughed, “I was _not_ athletic in high school. I did play in the marching band, however.”

“How marvelous! What instrument did you play?”

“Trumpet.”

“Makes sense.”

“What? Why?”

She glanced over at him, embarrassed. “Never mind.”

He chuffed, “no, not ‘never mind’! You have to tell me, now!”

“It’s only. Your lips.”

His eyebrows knit together. “My lips?”

“They’re very.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “Full. Forget I said anything.”

“I’m not sure whether or not I should be offended.”

Her cheeks heated and she stared ahead, “no offense was intended.”

They arrived back at the front steps of her apartment. Ben looked at his watch. “Forty-five minutes. You were an excellent choice for a pacesetter, as I’ve improved my time by 8 minutes today.”

Rey grinned and stepped closer to him, placing her hand tentatively on his arm, bending her opposite leg and pulling on her foot to increase the stretch. After he followed her lead, she switched sides.

She grasped his hands and led him through several partner stretches. That complete, she bent her right elbow and pointed it at him. “Elbow bump.” He humored her, then, “fist bump. Double high five.” She twined her fingers with his and swung their hands around and down, then pulled free and stepped back.

He shook his head, good-naturedly perplexed.

“That was our lucky, championship-winning, post-meet routine.”

Ben shoved his hands into his front pocket. “Are you up for it again? Same time Friday?”

“Sounds great!”

He nodded and started backing up, “bye, Rey.”

“Bye. Ben.”

He grinned and loped away.

* * *

“What do I do with this?!”

“What’s up, Rey?” Hearing her tirade, Poe slipped in to the little office from the hall, and sat down at the desk. 

She spun the form around and slid it over to him. “This is just weird.”

“Hair brushing is extremely relaxing.”

“But he’s not requesting _I_ brush _his_ hair!”

Poe opened the large desk drawer and pulled out two new, detangling-style brushes. “He has circled ‘finger combing’ as well, so it looks like he’s requesting, basically, to play with your hair for an hour.”

“But isn’t that _weird_?!”

“It’s a very primal, nurturing activity. Don’t knock it until you try it.” He winked. “What the recipient usually does is, and you’re technically the recipient because you will be receiving the action; you can choose between these two brushes. They are the only styles I have, so hopefully one of them will work for you.” He motioned toward her hair, “then if you have any elastics or pins in your hair, remove them, and brush through thoroughly so there aren’t any tangles. That’s it. You’ll want him sitting behind you, and then you let him do whatever he wants.”

Rey eyed him skeptically.

“On the other side, he’ll receive the guidance to be extremely gentle.”

“You act like this is totally normal, Poe, but have you ever done this?”

“Yup. I’ve been both a facilitator and a recipient for hair brushing, a few times.” His eyes twinkled. “But Rey, you’ve got to admit that what we’re doing here in the program isn’t really ‘normal’. It’s therapeutic, and therapy isn’t normal.”

Rey picked up one of the brushes. “I’ll grant you that.” She huffed. “Could Rose take it? Didn’t she facilitate last time he was here?”

“He elected not to participate in the session. When you weren’t available.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Fine. I’ll go set up.”

“Room A.”

* * *

On his side, she pressed a large, round, firm cushion into the upholstery, mumbling, “sit on your tuffet, Miss Muffet.” That was the whole set up. She turned out the lights, moved to her platform, and brushed her hair while she waited.

When the light turned blue, she started the sequence.

She could see his outline, coming closer and closer; and she got more and more nervous. Yeah, this was ‘34-year-old male,’ the only person in the world that had been up close and personal witness to her nervous breakdown. Deep breaths, Niima.

The benches clicked into place. He was already sitting on the tuffet. She could barely see the outline of his knee, so she rested her hand, palm up, right on his kneecap. 

He gently took her hand and directed her to sit in front of him, between his knees. She sat cross-legged, leaned her lower back against the short cushion, and folded her hands in her lap. Then she tapped his inner knee with the brush, which he took.

But instead of brushing, he set the brush down and placed his hands gently on her shoulders, squeezing softly. She reached up and placed her right hand over his left, just for a moment.

He moved his hands down her arms, squeezing at intervals, then back up to her shoulders. Then he swept her hair back behind her neck and shoulders, retrieved the brush, and very gently started brushing. He began at the mid-back-length ends and gradually worked his way up, like a professional.

Once he had made it all the way up to her hairline, he set the brush aside again and used his fingers to separate her hair into sections. Then he started doing something that involved further separation and gentle tugging. 

After a few confused minutes, she realized he was plaiting. And he wasn’t undoing the sections. When he finished with one portion, the ends would be incorporated into the next division, all the way around. When he reached the final bit, he tucked the end up inside the arrangement.

This was all achieved so gently, so delicately, so tenderly even, that Rey was surprised to find her eyes were watering again. But this time she didn’t feel troubled or distraught.

She felt…

She didn’t know, really. 

She sniffed quietly and brushed the wetness from her cheeks, then dried her fingers on her jeans.

As usual, she had completely lost track of time and had no idea how much remained. 

He pressed his hands to her shoulders again, then brought his arms around her, resting on her collarbones and crossing in front. She could feel his soft breathing near her left ear, and reached her hand up to clasp his arm. Her other arm rested along his leg, her hand capping his knee.

She closed her eyes, and another tear rolled down her cheek.

Whatever this feeling was, she liked it. Even though she didn’t have an adequate vocabulary with which to designate it.

No matter. As the light started to flash and he squeezed one last time, then released her, she knew; even though it was nameless, her heart would always remember how it had felt.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

Rey stood in front of the mirror, staring.

Rose came into the small ladies room, did a double-take, and stood next to Rey. “That is amazing! Where did you learn to do that?”

“I didn’t.”

“Wait. Didn’t you just finish a session?”

“Yup.” She popped the final ‘p.’

“Who did your hair, Rey? Was it your 19-year-old? Or wait, the 12-year-old?”

Rey turned to Rose. “No. It was the 34-year-old.”

Rose grabbed Rey’s arm and spun her around so she could study the back. “No way! He did this _in the dark_?!”

“Yeah.”

“When I had someone brush my hair, I looked like a lizard afterwards. And I had to go to class like that!”

Rey turned toward the mirror again and raised her hands up to the complicated coiffure. “Is it messy in the back? I can’t see it.”

Rose hunted through her purse for a moment, and drew out a compact. “Here, turn around, can you see…?”

Rey turned and looked in the little mirror. “Well. That’s really something.” She handed the mirror back to Rose and pursed her lips. “Do you have any pins? I think it would stay if I could put a few pins in at the bottom.”

Rose dug again in her purse and found 4 bobby pins, then put them in where she thought they would be most helpful. Then she spritzed it all with a little hairspray.

“Thanks Rose.” Rey raised her hands and gingerly pressed at the ‘do one more time.

“That’s really gorgeous.”

Rey laughed. “I know! I feel like I’m finally going to prom!”

Rose freshened her lipstick and washed her hands, and they walked out into the hallway. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Do you have plans for Harvest Festival? Paige and I are going to drive home for the long weekend. You’d be welcome to come with us, and stay with our family.”

“Oh. I don’t know. One of my roommates… um… Jannah, invited me, but I hadn’t decided what I was going to do yet.”

“Okay, well the offer is there, just let me know. You definitely don’t want to be on campus over any holiday. It’s a ghost town, as I found out my freshman year when Paige’s transmission went out and we were stuck here!”

Rey laughed, but she already knew, firsthand. She had spent most holidays alone, in whatever apartment she had been living in at the time. And Rose was right, campus was completely deserted over any holiday. All the shops and libraries were closed, as well as the cafeteria, because all the people who worked there spent holidays with family.

Rey had occasionally had an offer like Rose’s, but she usually just found it easier to stay holed up with a few sonicwave meals and some favorite books. In Rey’s experience, the old adage was true: _mynock and visitors stink after three days_. 

In this scenario, she was the mynock. Or something. Anyway, ‘alone’ didn’t necessarily mean ‘lonely.’

And… even if it did, ‘alone’ was simpler.

“Okay, thanks Rose. I’ll let you know.”

* * *

As she scurried along the sidewalk, she looked up to see Professor Solo at the other side of the quad, striding vigorously toward her. He had such a resolute look on his face, Rey drew up and slowed her steps. 

He was wearing umber slacks and a loose, white button down, casually unfastened at the throat; and a charcoal, heavy-wale corduroy blazer. The autumn breeze lifted his long, wavy hair slightly. 

She wondered if he would notice her, or if it would be better not to draw his attention; his air was absolutely steadfast, almost furious. He was quite intimidating.

When he did finally recognize her, the transformation of his expression was both quick and startling. Like black storm clouds parting for golden sunbeams.

“Rey!” He paused at the center of the quad as she drew near.

“Hello… Ben.”

He smiled, then his gaze went to her hairstyle. “That’s different.”

She raised her hand to her hair, self-consciously. “Yeah, it’s… yeah.’

He pressed at her elbow to turn her gently so he could look at the back. “Mmm…”

Suddenly she could feel him patting at one of the braids, and she ducked away, “hey!” She swung around to face him. “Don’t touch it! A… a… friend did it for me.” She looked away, blushing.

The corner of his mouth quirked slightly. “It’s nice.”

“Thank you.”

“Are we still on for tomorrow?”

“Yes, I’m planning on it.”

He grinned and extended his hand, palm up. “Great.”

She slipped her fingers into his hold, and he clasped them warmly.

He nodded and continued on his way. As Rey pressed on to her apartment, she found her thoughts occupied with coincidental matters of dimples and scruffy jawlines.

* * *

When Rey got to her apartment door, she was surprised to find it unlocked. As she dropped her pack on the counter, she called out, “Zorii? Jannah?” She turned the corner toward the hall, “oh hi, Beaumont!”

“Hello, Rey.”

Jannah was right behind him, tucking her blouse into the front of her jeans.

“Hi Rey!”

“I hope my laundry isn’t in your way, I was just going to throw it into the dryer.”

“No worries. We were just here for,” she paused as Beaumont turned toward her slightly, grasped her hand and drew it up to his lips “a late lunch.”

Rey grinned. 

Beaumont wandered over to the door, “we’d better get going, we’ll be late.”

“Alright love.” She turned back to Rey, “hey we were wondering. Beau and I are going to his brother’s place for Harvest Festival weekend. Would you like to come with us? His little nephews are just adorable, and they have plenty of room.”

“Um. Thanks Jannah. Rose offered me a ride with her and Paige, so I don’t know.”

“Alright, let me know hon.” Jannah took Beaumont’s outstretched hand and waved goodbye with a giggle, as he dragged her out the door.

* * *

“Hey.”

Ben adjusted his beanie “hey. Would you mind if we took a different route today? Off-campus?”

“Okay.”

“One of my colleagues was telling me about a trail. I think it will be about 6 miles. If we’re a little later getting back, will that be a problem?”

“No, my first class isn’t until 9. I was going to spend a little time studying for an exam, but I should still have time, don’t you think?” she grinned.

“I’m not _that_ slow!” Ben jogged in the direction of the underpass where she had… encountered him the other day. They emerged from the tunnel into the parking lot, and Ben threw his arm in front of her as a car sped by. “Moof milker!” he muttered, then looked down at her to make sure she was alright.

Across the lot, there was a small marker at a trailhead, leading down into a wash. “I think the trail goes down to the bottoms, then back up to the other side, is that okay?” He pointed down and to the other side of a large, wooded ravine.

“It looks like an excellent place to dispose of a body.”

He snorted, but then looked over at her wide-eyed, “we don’t have to go here. We can stay on campus. Enric… Professor Pryde was describing the view from the other side,” he indicated a large cliff opposite them, “and based on our pace the other day, I thought we’d get there at about sunrise.”

“I was teasing.” Rey smiled up at him. “Lead the way.”

The path was a little rough, but not too steep, with multiple switchbacks down into the bottoms. The riverbed was dry and full of smooth rocks. 

Ben looked back to her, then took her hand when they reached the dry bank. Together they hopped across on several larger stones, and rejoined the path on the other side, gradually climbing up toward the cliff they had seen from the parking lot. 

The leaves had just changed color, after a hard freeze a few nights ago. Every shade of red, orange and yellow passed by in a blur.

Their pace slowed a bit as they climbed, and the path was a bit rockier here, with some patches of shale. By the time they burst out onto the highland, they were both huffing and puffing. 

Ben walked briskly around the clearing, blowing. 

After a few circuits of the space, Rey wiped her face and moved closer to the edge of the ravine. Ben handed her a water bottle. “Oh! Thank you!”

She drank deeply, looking out over the landscape. This would be a beautiful spot any time of the year, but was especially lovely with the fall foliage. 

Just then the sun came up over the eastern ridges; golden beams streaking through the pink and purple sky. 

Rey gawped at it all, completely overcome. 

After a long while, she remembered herself and wiped tear tracks from her cheeks, and sniffed. “Gorgeous.” She looked over at Ben, who was looking at her. 

“Mmm hmm.” He approached her, reaching for her empty bottle, which he stuffed into a small pack, that she hadn’t even noticed he was carrying. He looked at his watch. “Ready to head back?”

She bit her lip, “sure.”

He set a slower pace than before, as they had both cooled down watching the sunrise. But this allowed him to throw a few comments over his shoulder. “I was speaking with Amilyn the other day.”

“Oh?”

“She mentioned she had given you my contact information. And that you were asking about the University’s policy of student-faculty relationships.”

“Um. Yes. I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t any… conflict. With us running together.”

“Mmm hmm.”

He took her hand to cross over the dry river bed, and didn’t let go until several minutes later, when the steep trail narrowed, making it difficult to walk side-by-side. He directed her into the lead.

He cleared his throat from behind her, “she said you assured her that our relationship would be platonic.”

Rey was very glad he couldn’t see her shocked expression. “Yes, I did say that.”

He didn’t say anything else for some minutes, and as they continued up the switchbacks, Rey was simply horrified, and kept her face averted at each turn.

When they reached the parking lot, Rey couldn’t stand the silence any longer, and rounded on him, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to embarrass you! When I said that to Professor Holdo, she didn’t even know who I was talking about! I was asking her about the University’s rules, and she wanted to make sure that I differentiated between platonic and romantic relationships, with someone who was in a position of authority over me; you know, in the engineering department!”

She took several deep breaths, while looking up at him, trying to divine his mood, without success. “I hope she wasn’t teasing you, or… I don’t know! She said she had been friends with your mother, so I’m sorry if anything I said gave the impression of anything… inappropriate!” She huffed, wiping her forehead with her sleeve.

He chuckled, “I’m afraid I haven’t made myself clear, Rey. I’m not upset. There was no problem. I…” He walked over to a low stone wall and sat.

She followed after him reluctantly, unwilling to look him in the eye, kicking at the curb to avoid his regard.

“I’ve karked this up badly. From the beginning.”

She finally looked at him now, completely baffled. “I… what?”

He pulled his beanie off and ran his fingers through his hair, then twisted the little cap in his hands. “When Amilyn mentioned the word ‘platonic,’ I wasn’t embarrassed, or upset. I was disappointed.”

“Um. What?”

Ben brought his hand over his mouth, covering the entire lower half of his face. His hands were enormous. “I told you that the reason I… stupidly, mistakenly, revoked your Organa scholarship was because we had recently had someone defraud the foundation.”

She nodded

“That was all true.” He wiped the side of his nose with his knuckle. “But, to be honest, part of the reason I found your case to be suspect… and I’m not proud of this, so take it with a grain of salt… is that you’re so… beautiful.”

Rey blinked. “I’m really not following you.”

“I’ve been teaching here at Chandrila U for almost 8 years, and there just aren’t that many female engineering majors, let alone any as lovely as…” he waved toward her, “…you.”

“If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, it’s kind of horrible.”

“I know! I’m ashamed to admit it!” He stood and paced back and forth for a moment. “But I was _trying_ to make it clear that…” he sat again and looked up at her soulfully, “‘platonic’ isn’t what I’m interested in. With you.”

She stared at him, uncomprehending, for a few moments.

He continued, “and I know that my stupidity may preclude… anything. Everything.” He shoved his beanie down over his ears. “And if I’ve made things uncomfortable now, and you don’t even want to run together… well. Tell me.”

“This is definitely one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’m going to need some time to… dismantle… everything.”

“Understood.”

“I’ll get back to you.” She took two backwards steps. “It’s not a ‘no.’”

He simply nodded and peered up at her with dark eyes as she nodded in return, and strode into the underpass.

* * *

Rose studied her, fascinated. “Really? He said that?!”

“Yeah. I really don’t know what to do with it.”

“Oh, I know _exactly_ what I’d do with it!”

Rey snorted. _“Rosie, I swear!”_

They laughed together for several minutes, eliciting dirty looks from the occupants of nearby tables.

Rey wiped her eyes. “It’s just so awkward! I mean… obviously I find him attractive.”

“Obviously.”

“Stop!” Rey giggled. “Anyway, it’s awkward! Not only because he’s the person who revoked a major portion of my financial aid, on unfounded and sexist grounds… well, now I think about it clearly, that’s it. That’s the reason, in a neka-nut shell.” She took a big bite of her banja cake and chewed, thinking. “Do I just let all of that go?”

“Hmm.” Rose took her last bite of java cake and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Well. He explained it to you, twice. So it seems like he wants to wipe the slate clean; or at least be honest. And he apologized. Right?”

Rey nodded thoughtfully.

“It would be different if you were suffering, you know, financially, because of what happened.”

“Right. And in some ways, I could even argue that my situation is better _now_. Thanks to you, Rosie.” She reached across and took her friend’s hand. “Not just the money, but participating in the program. It’s been… very…”

Rose squeezed her hand. “I know. I have felt the same way.”

Rey blew out a long breath. “So, what do I tell him?”

“I don’t know. But second chances are a good thing. Aren’t they?”

“Yes. Yes they are.”

* * *

Rey studied the form carefully. “I guess it’s cheaper than going for a massage. But you get what you pay for.”

Poe smirked. “34-year-old male again? Oh, hey I forgot last time, we’ve got these little doohickeys…” he reached into the deep desk drawer and pulled out a curved, star-shaped, clear acrylic… thingy. Each point of the star was a bulbous protrusion. “You don’t have to use it,” he cupped the device in his palm, “but some people really like them.”

“Okay. Thanks, I’ll go get set up.”

“Room C.”

Last time Rey had done a back rub, she had set the cushions around the edge of the platforms, like a nest, because that’s what Rose said she did. This recipient didn’t seem the ‘nest’ type. She left his platform empty and set the large round cushion loose on her side. She could offer it to him, to lean on, if it seemed like it would be comfortable.

Rey considered the acrylic massager. Maybe she could try that out today. 

Shoes off, lights out, blue light. Sequence starts, platforms bump into place.

Her recipient was sitting facing her, cross-legged, so she reached for his hand and tugged gently, to indicate he should swing around, which he did.

She wasn’t really sure how to start, so she pressed on his shoulders and rubbed up and down his arms a couple times, then started a fairly generic backrub. 

Feeling uninspired after several minutes, she picked up the massager, ran her fingers softly down his arm to grasp his hand, and drew it up to let him feel the little contraption. He took it for a moment, then set it up on his shoulder for her to take. Then she started pressing it into his back in a circular motion, starting at his shoulders and working her way down very slowly.

This seemed to be going well, when she reached one particular spot and he flinched away. She would try to avoid that particular – oops! He was ticklish!

As she continued on, she discovered three spots, on each side, that provoked him to squirm away with a hissing sound. And she really tried not to laugh, but to her shame, a few little huffs and snorts might have been loud enough for him to hear.

She tried to avoid the spots, she really did, but – with a soft yelp, he jerked away sideways, turning and grasping her wrist, then yanking the massager from her hand.

With a soft chuff, he turned his back to her again, and she just used her fingers as she had done originally.

She wondered if – yep! He was definitely ticklish! And she couldn’t help herself from giggling breathily at his response.

With a low growl, he swiveled around in a flash and threw his arms around her. She squeaked as he pulled her across his lap, into his chest, with her arms folded between them.

She giggled and squirmed for just a moment, then stilled as he settled her more comfortably against himself, her head resting against his shoulder; then he started to rock her ever so gently. 

Well, this certainly wasn’t on the request form.

After a few moments, he stopped his motion and felt for her wrist. Hesitantly, he tapped three times against the back of her hand. Oh. No, it was fine. She tapped once in response. 

He squeezed her hand, then wrapped his arm around her again, occasionally bringing his fingers up to brush her hair away from her face or neck.

And Rey could have been mistaken, it _was_ completely dark after all. But that could have been lips, pressing gently against her brow. 

* * *

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: there was some kind of glitch in posting the last chapter, and the hit count was much lower than usual. 
> 
> Just be sure to read chapter 6, if you missed it. 
> 
> *blows kisses*

* * *

“Hi.”

“Hi.” There weren’t many other students or faculty out at this early hour, but a few pedestrians gave them a wide berth. Rey stuffed her hands into her jacket pocket and kicked at the dead grass. “Before we start, we should talk.”

“Okay.”

She chanced a glance up at him. He looked… hopeful. “If I’m going to be completely honest, I have to tell you I’m still kind of torqued off about the scholarship thing.”

“Totally justified.”

“And that you would actually admit to me that one of the reasons you revoked my scholarship was because you think I’m pretty is… problematic.” She paced away from him, and back. “Attractive people can be intelligent.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” Ben looked down at his toes. “I’m ashamed for even having had the thought. But it seemed important to be completely frank and straightforward.”

“I do appreciate that.” She studied him as his expressions shifted from chastened to optimistic to restrained. The tips of his ears were quite pink, where they poked through his hair. She smoothed a few stray hairs away from her face, into her ponytail. “And it was flattering, I guess. In an offensive way.”

He hung his head and huffed.

“I feel inclined to move past this, because if I evaluate the situation objectively, my circumstances have actually improved.”

He looked up intently. “They have?”

“Yes. Professor Holdo has allowed me work with the psychology department in a touch therapy program she runs. Do you know about it?”

“Yes. She… yes. She’s hounded me to participate, for years.”

“Well. She arranged to replace the financial aid I lost… you know. But beyond that, the program has been very helpful for me. Personally.”

“It has?”

“It has. I… yes. Anyway…” she cleared her throat, “I can move beyond all of that, I think.”

“Alright.”

“But, as far as,” she motioned between them, “you and I. I… you…” she blew out a deep breath, “I’m horrible at this.”

“I’ve made things awkward.”

She pointed at him, archly, “yes! You have!” She paced back and forth for a moment. “I find you… attractive. You’re… handsome. I’ve always thought so, even back when I was in your class three years ago.”

He had the good grace not to gloat over this revelation, and waited for what she would say next.

“But… I’m not good at relationships. Non-platonic relationships.” She bit her lip. “Friendship, I can handle.”

“And are you interested in being friends? With me?”

Rey bit the inside of her cheek, considering. “It depends.”

“On…”

“On a mutual understanding of what our friendship would look like.”

He pulled the zipper of his jacket up and down several times. “And what exactly would it look like?”

“Friends can run together. And friends can eat meals together. Hang out. Talk. Hug.” 

He hummed in agreement. “Do friends hold hands?”

“They can. If the occasion warrants it.”

“Hmm. What about kissing?”

She grinned. “On the cheek? On the forehead? Sure.”

His glance darted down to her lips. “But not on the mouth.”

“No. Mouth kissing would definitely be classified into the realm of romantic relationships.” She thought for a moment. “Within those parameters then, are you interested in a friendship with me?”

“It depends.”

She snorted. “On…?”

“Is it going to make things uncomfortable for you, if you know from the get-go that I would prefer our relationship encompass more than friendship? If and when you have the same preference?”

Rey picked at the fraying cuff of her jacket. “But you don’t know that. You don’t know me that well. Maybe I’m not nice. You might change your mind.”

Ben pursed his lips. “Well. That’s what friendship is for, right? To determine compatibility and create a foundation.”

“A foundation?”

“Right. Either for a deeper friendship. Or. Something more.”

“Mmm. And in our case.” She studied his expression, “what would be the catalyst for our friendship transforming into ‘something more’?”

“Any change in our relationship status would have to be initiated by you. With the understanding that I am amenable to such a change, at any time.

“You say that now, but…”

Ben reached out and hooked his finger into the pocket of her jacket and pulled, drawing her nearer. “If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.” His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. “In the meantime… is mouth kissing definitely off the table?”

“Benjamin!” Rey started walking briskly toward the mathematics building. Ben bounded to catch up with her. “It is ‘Benjamin,’ isn’t it?”

“Yes. And what about you? Is ‘Rey’ short for anything? Reyana? Reyven?”

She stopped abruptly and faced him. “It’s just ‘Rey.’” She grit her teeth. “That’s all that was written on the note that was pinned to my shirt. When I was abandoned at the age of five.” She observed his reaction closely. “Friends can talk about that kind of thing, right?”

He replied steadily, “of course. Friends like us.”

She nodded, stepping out again and watching him askance. “Friends like us.” 

* * *

Rey grasped Ben’s sleeve as she momentarily lost her balance while stretching. “I think that was about four-and-a-half miles.”

Ben checked his watch. “Our pace was a little slower today. But it felt good to me. Were you holding back on my account?”

“Maybe just a tad.”

“Mmm. You have no qualms about bruising my ego, I see.”

She raised her eyebrows, “your ego is fragile indeed, if it is bruised merely by being bested by a girl. But perhaps your humility in admitting the fact balances it out. A little.”

“Perhaps.” He clasped her hands and bent for a shoulder stretch. “Do you have plans for Harvest Festival? I’ve got an invitation for dinner with friends, Thursday afternoon, and I’d love to have you accompany me.”

“Oh, I… I’m going out of town with Rose.”

“Okay. If your plans change…”

She interrupted, “hey, do you hear that…? Shhh, just for a second…” she straightened up and placed her fist on his chest, straining to listen. “It’s coming from over here…” and she started jogging, to peer around the corner into the alleyway between her apartment building and the adjacent dormitory. 

A couple was engaged in a noisy altercation, at the far side of the buildings, and the man was getting belligerent. 

Rey murmured to herself, “is that…?” 

The man grabbed the woman firmly by the arm and shook savagely; then swung her around as she cried out; his profile coming clear, as well as the woman’s… 

“That’s Rose!” She hopped sideways toward the pair, glancing back at Ben and huffing, “how high would you estimate that fence is…?”

“Maybe five feet, why…? Wait! Rey!” 

She took off at a sprint, shouting, **_“Hux! You back off right now!”_** She charged the chain link fence at full throttle, and vaulted herself over the top, landing deftly and continuing her ferocious dash.

Hux released Rose’s arm and took several clumsy steps backward; his eyes wide, his hands thrown up defensively.

Rey skidded to a halt, placing herself just in front of an extremely rattled Rose, and reaching back to grasp her hand.

Rey looked past Hux, to see that he had drawn a small crowd with his brutish behavior; several of whom were taking video, while a couple others appeared to be dialing campus security and reporting the incident. Farther away, she could see the neon yellow of three security employees’ shirts, moving toward them at top speed.

Ben was only a moment behind, and installed himself between the women and Hux, arms extended to communicate the need for calm on all sides.

Hux cast about, and seeing he was hedged in, determined it would be prudent to make a dash for his freedom. Alas, he was just a moment too late, as Ben had anticipated his hasty withdrawal and seized upon a generous handful of Hux’s collar.

Ben growled, “oh no, I think you’ll wait right here.”

Later, statements recorded, video footage forwarded, Hux removed, and one concerned security employee escorting Rose to her next class; Rey turned to Ben with a deep breath and raised eyebrows.

He wrapped her in his arms and pressed his lips to her temple. “Damn, that was sexy! Feel free to leap over fences any time!”

She giggled with relief and pressed her hand to his chest, looking up at him. “I was so glad you were there! Rose has had a protection order against him for months, but obviously…” She snorted. “Creep.”

Ben walked her around to her building’s entrance, his arm slung around her shoulders. “When are you leaving?”

“Hmm?”

“I assume Rose’s plans won’t change, for Harvest Festival, despite today’s events?”

“Oh! Oh, no… I think we’re leaving tomorrow afternoon, but I’m not sure.”

“Would you like to meet in the morning then, to run? Would you have time?”

“Oh, yes. I think so; 5 am?”

Sure. I’d prefer to meet here, do you mind? Stay inside the building until I get here.”

“Ben. Hux is a threat to Rose, not me.”

“Still. Would you do it? Just to set my mind at ease?”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” He embraced her firmly, “see you tomorrow.”

* * *

Rey finished filling out her exit form, set it by the computer, and stood, stretching her back. The session had been a little difficult, due to the set up she created. Oh, well, she knew better for next time. Hopefully it hadn’t affected her recipient adversely. It was the 12-year-old today, and she had seemed calmer than usual, so Rey deemed that a win.

Rose popped in just then to leave her form as well. “Rose!” Rey gave her a bear hug. “How is everything?” They walked out to the hallway.

Rose shook her head. “That bastard! He’s been making my life hell for two years!”

“What can I do?”

Rose huffed. “Nothing. I’ve already got the order against him, and as of yesterday the university has one against him as well. If he comes on campus he can be arrested.” She rolled her eyes. “So that’s good. I’m so glad we’re leaving for the weekend; a change of scenery and all.” She looked up at Rey, “did you decide what you’re doing?”

“Yeah. I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to hang with Jannah and Beaumont. I hope that’s okay.”

“No problem.” She hugged Rey again. “Thanks for your help… wait!” She grasped Rey by the shoulders and shook her, “that was Professor Solo with you yesterday! Girl!”

Rey clamped her lips tightly. “Yes. We had just finished our run when we saw you.”

“Girl, I’m proud of you!” Rose hitched her purse more securely on her shoulder and turned away coyly. “I… met someone yesterday.”

“What?!”

“That cute security guard! Finn is his name.”

“Do tell…!”

“He offered to walk me to my next class, and then he gave me his number and said I should call him directly any time if I felt unsafe. Or just wanted to talk. ‘Or whatever.’” Rose grinned. “Those were his exact words.”

“That’s fabulous! I’m so glad! Your own personal body guard, how convenient!”

“Stop!” Rose shoved Rey’s shoulder. “Have a great weekend, sweetie.”

“You too!”

* * *

Rey slammed the refrigerator closed. She needed to go grocery shopping, but it would have to wait until Friday. It would be less likely she would run into anyone she knew; everyone would be gone by then. She’d have to make do in the meantime.

Both Zorii and Jannah had already left; and Rey was sweat pants- and sweat shirt-enabled, breast band-free, and sooo ready to relax.

She ransacked the freezer, finding half a quart of ice cream, only slightly ice-crystalized. She snagged a fluffy blanket and installed herself on the couch, where she intended to stay for the next four days, as much as was humanly possible.

She clicked on the telly; she could start by catching up on her favorite holonet series.

Leaning back and snuggling into her blanket, she dug in to the ice cream with enthusiasm.

She dwelt momentarily on her duplicity with Rose and Jannah, and felt a twang of remorse. She felt guilty for her deception, but not the result. She had the apartment, the whole campus basically, to herself for the long weekend. No responsibilities, no people to awkwardly interact with, no schoolwork… well, she really should spend some time studying for her _Systems and Controls_ exam… and… there was that paper due in her _Advanced Combustion_ course.

She shoved a large bite into her mouth. She could think about school on Saturday. Sunday.

She’d take a couple days to just… chill. Maybe soak in a bubble bath later. Give herself a manicure and pluck her eyebrows.

Her thoughts drifted to her run that morning with Ben. He’d asked her again about joining him for dinner with friends, but she had assured him she would be out of town with Rose.

She _could_ … text him tomorrow morning and say her plans with Rose had fallen through, and did his offer still stand…

She scraped the bottom of the carton for the last bite. Ugh. She set the empty container on the coffee table and lay back as the sugar hit her bloodstream.

She couldn’t think about anything else today.

* * *

Emerging from a haze of self-loathing and processed food, Rey dragged herself from bed on Friday morning and showered, determined to walk to the market. And not just the corner bodega; the _real_ grocery store.

She threw her hair up in a messy bun, and pulled on a pair of yoga pants with a heavy sweatshirt. She emptied her backpack and threw her keys and wallet into the front pocket. It looked chilly out, but she’d warm up as she walked; and at least it wasn’t raining. Or snowing. 

Pausing outside the convenience store, she considered. No, she would press on to the grocers, and buy fruits and vegetables, like an adult.

Pushing her cart up and down the aisles, she checked off the items on her list. She was slightly limited by what she could carry, but after all these years of living on her own with no vehicle, she had learned how to manage.

She tossed several frozen meals into her cart and turned to…

“Rey?”

She looked up. “Ben.”

“You are the last person I would have expected to see. Here. Today.”

“Yeah. I, um…”

“You have the appearance and bearing of someone who has been holed up for days, like a hermit, eating ice cream and binge-watching _the office_.”

Rey opened her mouth, incensed, a snappy retort at the tip of her tongue; but when she looked into his eyes, crinkled at the corners, she knew her jig was up. She groaned. “ _Duck Dynasty_. And _Doomsday Preppers_.” She reached her hand up to her messy hair. “That obvious, huh?”

He chuckled. “Yeah.” He, of course, looked dashing as always, even in his casual navy chinos, white Henley and red plaid flannel, with the sleeves cuffed to his forearms. 

She pushed uncomfortably at the mess on her head, while peeking out from under her lashes at his thick wavy locks. “Mmm.” Affecting offense, she lifted her chin and continued down the aisle, looking for the next item on her list.

He followed, coming up beside her and leaning in to speak closer to her ear, “yesterday would have been much more enjoyable if you had been with me.”

“Oh?” She tossed another item into her cart.

“I spent the afternoon with friends, and they’re great, but… a single person among marrieds. Ugh.”

She glanced over at him and raised her eyebrows. “Mmm. I know what you mean.”

“They did send me home with lots of leftovers.”

She shrugged, “hmm…”

“Too much for me to eat. By myself.”

“Oh. That’s too bad. Sometimes, when I have extra food, I portion it out and put it in these little plastic containers, and then I freeze it. You know. For later.”

“Do you, now?”

“Yes. I do.” She searched out her favorite granola bars and threw them into her cart.

“Have you ever…? Offered to share? With a friend?”

“I might have done that. Once or twice.”

He grinned, “because that is what I was thinking of doing. In this instance.”

“Yes, that is a nice option. If your friend is deserving.”

“Oh, I think she is. In fact, I think she really needs the invitation.”

Rey stopped her browsing and threw her hip out, observing him. “Oh really?”

“Yes. Because I know for a fact that she, this friend of mine, usually eats a lot of junk food. No nutritional value.”

“Does she?”

“Yes.” His eyes darted around her cart, “frosted flakes _and_ lucky charms. Sugary granola bars. Biscuits. Sonicwave meals. _Boxed_ macaroni and cheese!”

“Shocking.” She continued on her way, nonplussed.

When he hedged her in with his cart, she took a look into his basket; it was full of just the kinds of pretentious, pricey foods she would have guessed he would eat, if she had given it any thought in advance. Several kinds of leafy greens she had never tried, or indeed, never even seen before. Mushrooms. Squash and three different kinds of root vegetables. Several white paper packages that Rey knew contained raw meat or fish; or sliced items from the deli, either meats or cheeses of some kind, and which Rey would have no idea how to order, even if she could afford them. She knew it involved talking to the person behind the counter, but, beyond that… whatever.

Peeking out from underneath a bunch of dark purple-veined greens, she could see a box of condoms. Magnums.

She looked away quickly. “Excuse me, sir. Please let me pass.”

He grinned at her again, but moved his basket to the side. “So what do you think? If I was to invite this friend of mine, for dinner, do you think she would respond favorably to such an idea?”

“She might. If you ask very nicely.”

“I can do that.”

She smirked, “can you?”

“Rey?”

“Yes, Ben?”

“I was wondering, would you join me for dinner this evening? Seven o’clock? At my place?”

“Thank you, Ben, yes. I would like that.”

He hummed, satisfied.

Ben walked with her as she finished her shopping, keenly observing all her choices. He followed to the checkout and watched her carefully pack all the non-smashable items into her backpack, after they were scanned by the checker. There were four bags of crushable items, which she set back in the cart alongside her pack, while she paid.

Realization dawned on him, “Rey, did you walk here?”

“Yeah. I don’t have a car, so…”

“Can I give you a ride home? Please?”

She huffed and zipped her wallet back into her pack. “Okay. Thank you.”

* * *

“I can really get them!”

“I know.” Ben shouldered her pack and grabbed her four bags, “would you close the trunk?” and made for the underpass.

“At least let me take these two…” she reached for the bags nearest her, which he relinquished. 

They walked quickly to her apartment building, and he followed her in, then up to her door. 

He turned at her gesture, and she dug in the backpack pocket for her keys.

She let them in and quickly unloaded everything and put it all in its place in the kitchen.

“You have roommates?”

“Yes. Zorii and Jannah.”

“But they’re gone for the holiday?”

“Yes.”

He backed into the hall and glanced into the front room. 

Rey was grateful she had cleaned up the ice cream cartons and washed all the dirty dishes, earlier.

“This seems nice.”

“Yeah. It’s fine. I have my own room, and my roommates are great. They’re not home much. It’s alright, for now.”

“And after graduation?”

She shrugged. “Get a job, get an apartment. You know, standard.”

He nodded. “And. Will you stay here in Hanna City?”

“It all depends on the job offers.”

“Of course. 

“Do you... want a drink? Or a sugary granola bar?” His dimples were really quite pleasant.

“No, I’d better get my groceries home.” He reached for the door knob. “But I’ll pick you up? Tonight, a little before seven?”

“Yes. Okay.”

He let go of the handle and retraced his steps to her. She peered up at him, confused. 

His mouth curled up on one side, as he threw his arm around her shoulder and brought her in for a quick hug. “Okay. See you tonight.”

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Rey had no idea what to wear. 

Normally, she would text a snapshot of a few choices to Rose, and get her input. But obviously she couldn’t do that tonight, as Rose was under the impression that Rey was spending the weekend with Jannah.

It wasn’t _a date_ , per se, but her ratty sweatshirt and yoga pants were definitely not a good look, even just for a get together with a friend. 

Her hair had been a disaster, motivating her to take a quick shower so she could start fresh and apply the blow dryer and curling tongs. Then she put on a little lip gloss and mascara. 

Finally, she decided on khaki cargo pants and a long-sleeved, cream surplice blouse. The flat-soled chocolate suede slip-on ankle boots that she had found at goodwill. Almost every piece of clothing she owned had come from goodwill, which meant the fashionability was always suspect. 

She hadn’t ever really had a firm grasp on fashion. Hopefully this was ‘casual yet classy,’ or something. She hoped he wouldn’t dress up from what he had been wearing earlier.

By the time her phone buzzed with his text, letting her know he was at her apartment door, she had almost convinced herself it didn’t matter, she didn’t care; if he liked her it wasn’t going to be for her stylish panache.

She threw on her jacket, grabbed her sling bag and locked the door, then waited impatiently for the elevator. It’s no big deal, Niima, just two friends getting together for leftovers.

She finally pushed open the exterior glass door, “hi!”

“Hello Rey. You look lovely.”

“Thank you. So do you.” She met his eyes and smiled, shaking her head. It was true, he did. But she was so relieved he was still wearing the same clothes as earlier, she wasn’t really thinking about her choice of phrase.

As they walked toward the underpass, he reached over casually and laced his fingers with hers.

He held the door of his car for her, and closed it firmly once she tucked her legs in.

Pulling out of the parking lot, he glanced at her, “I didn’t think to ask, do you have any food allergies? Or are you vegan? Vegetarian?”

“No. But maybe I should have mentioned, I don’t drink. Alcohol.”

He looked over at her for a moment, as if expecting her to say something more, but the silence stretched out for a few minutes. 

“My third foster mother was a drunk. And I promised myself I'd never resemble her in any way.”

He had no response to that, beyond a tightening of his grip on the steering wheel.

Just a moment later he turned down a quiet-looking street, with a few kids kicking a ball around in the last light of dusk, in a neighborhood park. He pulled into the driveway of a little red brick house with a large dormer, above a porch that ran along the entire front of the home.

Rey opened her door before he could walk around to her side. He reached out his hand to her, and she took it. “This is quite striking.”

“Thank you.”

He led her to the front steps. They were solid stone slabs leading to a dark hardwood stoop, the porch being enclosed by a half wall made of more of the red brick, topped with smaller stone slabs.

He unlocked the door, heavy wood with a cut-glass pane, and held it for her. “Would you like a quick tour?”

She smiled, “sure!”

Inside, the floors were a lighter hardwood with taupe- and ecru-toned rugs scattered about. The walls were stucco, in a soft beige, with white baseboards and heavy millwork around the windows and doors. The furniture that wasn’t dark wood was fawn, or dove, or white; including the couch, which was covered in a heavy cream denim.

She looked around the front room, and he offered to take her jacket, which he hung on a coat tree by the door. She followed after him, hanging her purse on the same peg.

“I don’t know architecture. But this seems… not modern.”

“You’re right. The main structure is about 90 years old, and the interior was extensively renovated right before I bought it, four years ago.” He took her hand, “may I show you…?”

The ceilings were vaulted, and she looked up to the cut glass window in the dormer, high above the entryway and front room. She imagined it would be stunning in the afternoon, with the light pouring through and casting rainbows on the walls and floor. He paused to allow her to look her fill. “Apparently they removed the attic in favor of the high ceilings.”

He led her down a short hall, and turned on the light in a small bedroom on the right, with a large desk and computer set up. “Guestroom. And I’m able to work from home, if needed.” The bedspread was a winsome bird’s egg blue, and looked like velvet, cut in intricate leaf patterns, with a heavy fringe dusting the floor all the way around. 

Rey couldn’t help herself from stepping closer to brush her hand along the blanket. “This is gorgeous! I love it but…”

His mouth quirked up on one side. “But…?”

“It doesn’t seem…”

“Hmm…?”

“Did you pick this out? This bedspread?”

He chuckled. “No. My mother helped me with the decorating.”

Rey followed him as he continued down the hall. 

He motioned to the left, “bathroom.” Then he switched on the light just inside the last door on the right and stepped aside to allow her to enter if she wished. “Master bedroom.”

She peered inside. The walls here were a shade or two darker than the rest of the house. To the left were closet doors and another door that must lead to the master bath. The bed was enormous, with a velvet coverlet very similar in style to the one in the guest room, but in a deep walnut.

She ducked out, avoiding his gaze, “it’s nice,” and continued down the hall. She could feel his light touch on the small of her back as she stepped into the kitchen and a small dining area, all with white cabinets and light wood countertops, with table and chairs to match. French doors and large windows enclosed the table on two sides, the wide-slat blinds drawn closed.

The table was set with a white linen tablecloth and blue porcelain dishes, just a bit lighter than the guestroom blanket.

Ben stepped to the refrigerator and started removing containers, and setting them on the counter. 

Rey pulled a small stool out from under the counter and sat, to watch and wait until her assistance was required. “Your home is beautiful.” She leaned her chin on her hand and watched him as he pulled out various pots and pans and started reheating their dinner. 

“Thank you. It’s been a good investment for me.”

“I guess now I know you don’t have any children, too much white…” she covered her mouth, horrified she had spoken aloud. “Oh! I’m sorry! That was terribly inappropriate!”

Ben snickered, “it’s alright,” and glanced over at her from his place at the stove. “No children. Never married.”

“Oh. Me neither.” She watched him for several minutes, fascinated by the ease with which he navigated the kitchen. “It smells delicious.”

“Auntie Maz is a fabulous cook.” He stirred something orange, chunky thick and creamy-looking. “And Chewie roasted the bird.” He pulled the oven door open to peer inside.

_“Chewie?”_

He leaned against the counter, smirking. “Uncle Chewbacca. They aren’t my blood relatives; they were close friends of my father’s. And mom’s, too. They live here in Hanna City.” He wiped his hands on a towel and set it on the counter. “My father died. Three years ago, in an accident.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

He nodded and turned back to his pots, lifting a lid here, stirring there. Then he reached into a cabinet and pulled out two tall, etched-glass tumblers, swapping them for a pair of wine glasses that had been set out on the counter. “Would you mind filling these with ice water? From the fridge door?”

Rey fiddled with the controls, filling the glasses and setting them on the table. She took a moment to examine the plates; they were glazed ceramic with a delicate, raised pattern all around the rim, of swooping birds with long curling tail feathers. “These dishes are quite charming.”

“They were my mother’s. She loved blue.” He smiled thoughtfully. “I just use them for special occasions; I have a simpler set for every day.”

“Is it?”

“Hmm?”

“A special occasion?”

His lips quirked. “You’re here with me. So yes.”

“Mmm.”

* * *

“What is this? It’s so good!” Rey took another bite of the roasted bird.

Ben laughed, but when she didn’t join in, he looked over at her, surprised. “You don’t know?”

“Should I?”

He cleared his throat, “it’s traditional Harvest Festival fare. All of these dishes are.”

Rey pointed to one of the foods on her plate, “well, these are mashed potatoes, with gravy. This is corn, of course.” She touched the little plate near her water glass, “rolls with butter, obviously. These others…?”

“Are you serious?”

She focused her attention on her plate and took another bite.

“Okay. Um. Well, this is roast porg, the traditional Harvest Festival main dish. They can be cooked in the oven, or it’s become popular to deep fry them, but Chewie actually roasted this on a spit, over a fire, outdoors.” He waited for her to look up, and when she did, he smiled at her tentatively.

“It’s a very particular kind of person who even owns a spit.”

He let out a small relieved breath, “yes, that’s true.” He pointed with his knife, “this is stuffing.”

“I’ve seen packages of it at the store and never understood the name.”

“Well, as you can see, it’s made from sautéed vegetables, onions and celery, with dry bread and spices. Traditionally you would stuff it inside the bird carcass while you cook it, and the bread would absorb the juices from the bird. So that’s why it’s called stuffing.”

She scrunched up her nose. “That’s kind of gross.” She took a large bite and then, speaking around it, “but also delicious.”

He snickered, “if it doesn’t get hot enough it can cause food poisoning, so now a lot of people cook it separately; Maz did.” He poked at the creamy orange dish, “these are sweet potatoes. The marshmallows were originally just on top, but obviously got stirred in when I reheated them.”

She took another bite, “they are really good, but isn’t that a strange combination?”

He laughed, “it is,” then shrugged, “my mother used to make them, so I never questioned it.” He paused. “I actually made these, using her recipe.”

“You did?!” Rey took another mouthful, closing her eyes to fully appreciate the flavor. “I don’t have anything to compare to, but I think they’re excellent.”

“Thank you.” He smiled pensively and looked down at his plate. “It was strange. Not having her there to prepare them. But Maz insisted; when I offered to bring something to share, you know.” He glanced up at her briefly. “It was… difficult. Sad. Bittersweet. But also freeing, in a way. And nostalgic to have something she would have made. With friends who understood.” When he looked up again, his eyes shone.

“Ben…” she reached over and took his hand. They remained still for a few moments. 

“Lemon juice.” He released her hand and took up his fork.

“Um. Pardon…?”

“That’s the secret ingredient.”

She snorted, “oh!” They ate for several minutes in companionable silence, Rey trying her best to chew quietly and use good manners. If she didn’t succeed, Ben didn’t comment. The majority of her effort went into eating slowly. She always found it difficult to slow down, especially when the food was good. 

“Do you cook?”

“No! You’ve seen the kinds of foods I normally eat.” She took her last bite of potatoes. “Food and I have a… complicated history.” She peeked up at him, then back down. “I don’t know how to cook. No one ever taught me.”

“You need a teacher.”

“Mmm…” She smiled. “If only I knew someone who could help me with that.”

“If only.” He gestured toward her spotless plates. “Do you want more…?”

“No, thank you, everything was delicious!” She helped him clear the table, her mind wandering back to his ‘you need a teacher’ comment. She was probably blushing, but her thoughts naturally flowed to a bit of ‘Professor Kink’ erotica she had read, at Rose’s urging, several months before. _You need a teacher._ She chuffed to herself quietly. Indeed.

She perched again on the stool, watching him stack up the dishes, and suddenly thinking about the condoms she had seen in his shopping cart. All at once, she realized she might have completely misconstrued his intentions. He hadn’t been that specific about what he meant by ‘something more,’ the other day, when they’d been discussing the possible development of their relationship. Maybe he just liked to play and wasn’t talking about anything exclusive. Before she could talk herself out of it…

“Do you date?”

As he checked the seal on a couple of storage containers, he replied distractedly, “hmm…?”

She bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked.

Finally, all the leftovers stowed again in the fridge, he approached her, “what did you say?”

“I was wondering. If you date. If you’re dating other people. Well, not ‘other people,’ because _we’re_ not dating, I mean… frizz!”

He chuckled softly, “no, Rey. I haven’t been on a date in a very long time.” 

She pressed her lips together tightly, and he turned back to the fridge, rearranging items and searching for something.

Rey considered; surely he wasn’t expecting sex with her… tonight, or… right away? No, he had said any change to their relationship would be on her initiative. 

Thinking back to their encounter at the store: he hadn’t been secretive about his purchase, neither had he drawn attention to the prophylactics. In all fairness, he hadn’t been expecting to see her, so. Nothing wrong with thinking ahead. Being prepared. Condoms had a shelf life of a couple years, didn’t they?

And there was something appealing about a man who took responsibility in that arena, rather than expecting her to… like most of the dweezers she’d… anyway.

Ben set a pie down on the counter in front of her, and turned back to the refrigerator, “hopefully you saved room for dessert?”

“Always!”

He froze, then turned to her, “I forgot to start a pot of caf.”

“I can’t drink caffeine this late in the day.”

“Ah. Would you like some cracknut milk?”

“No, thank you.” She retrieved their glasses from the table, refilled them, and set them on the counter within their reach.

He pulled out another pie and a small bowl that was proven to contain whipped cream.

“I have pumpkin, or chocolate cream.”

“Could I have some of both?”

He grinned, “of course!” He searched out two forks and two small plates, cut a generous slice of each pie, and plated them together for her. On the other plate he set a smallish slice of pumpkin pie. “Do you want cream?”

She stared at him drily, while making a ‘gimme’ motion with both hands.

He spooned a heaping dollop onto each of her slices, even though the chocolate pie already had cream on it. He dropped a largish portion onto his own slice, then tapped the excess back into the bowl and handed her the spoon.

Rey licked the spoon and nodded approvingly, “I see you understand the basic principles of proper pie to whipped cream ratios.” She took a large bite of the chocolate pie and closed her eyes, humming in rapture. “Oh. My. Stars.”

Ben observed her avidly, his own dessert forgotten for a moment.

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her, “oh. I’m sorry. I get pretty excited about desserts. All food, really.”

“Don’t hold back on my account.” His eyes twinkled as he took a small, mannerly bite of his pie.

* * *

They washed the dishes together; Ben washing, Rey rinsing and drying, wearing Ben’s gigantic rubber gloves, cuffed against drips. 

“Where does Rose think you are?”

“Mmm. I’m with Jannah and her boyfriend Beaumont, at his brother’s house.”

“And Jannah thinks you’re with Rose?”

“Yes.”

“Should I be offended that you lied to me, too?”

She carefully set the pot back in the dish drainer and slowly turned to watch his jaw clench.

“Dealing with people is… stressful. I’m used to being alone.” She took up her towel again, and the pot, and resumed drying. “Holidays are… difficult. A dinner, or even one night is one thing; a whole weekend, spent with other people’s relatives is… something else entirely. It wasn’t my intent to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Ben washed the last pot and dunked it into her rinse water, then drained his side of the sink, and started putting all the dry dishes away.

She continued, “interactions with someone new often end with me having to explain my fraught past. I’d really prefer not to talk about most of it, because people treat me differently when they know.”

“But how can you have any real, deep relationships, if you don't allow people to know you?”

“The truth is, people aren’t actually interested in knowing all that. I’m just too much for most people. Everyone so far.” 

“I can identify with being ‘too much’.”

She dried the last pot and Ben put it away in the cupboard. “You had access to my scholarship files, so you already know the bare bones of it.” She pulled out the plug from her side of the sink, removed the gloves and set them in the drainer, and turned to lean against the counter. “Usually, when people know even as much as you do, they’re done.”

“Okay. We’re going to move beyond it, then. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Ready to just jump right to the end?”

He huffed. “Let’s go sit in the front room. When you’re done, I’ll reciprocate.”

He took her hand, pulled her reluctantly down the hall, and settled in the middle of the couch, facing toward her, his arm extended along the back of the sofa, giving her limited choices as to where to sit. She sat with her back against the arm rest, turned toward him, their knees touching.

Rey squirmed, avoiding looking at him. She looked around at the dark fireplace and mantel with the television above. A large fern in one corner. A small bookshelf below a side table, that looked to be full of antique or vintage books, bound in leather and embossed in gold.

Finally, she looked back to him, his gaze intent. She took a deep breath. 

“I excelled in high school sports. Track, volleyball, lacrosse, soccer, softball. Anything that was available to me, I did my damnedest to make the team, and then not only to be proficient, but unrivalled. I could have had a full-ride sports scholarship, but I had no interest in playing collegiate sports.”

“Why not?”

She tipped her head, considering what to say next. “I grew up in foster care. Five different homes. By the time I got to the fifth one, I had learned I would be emancipated from the state when I turned 18. All I had to do was make it through high school, and I’d be free.”

She pressed her lips together firmly, her chin wobbling. “That last one was the worst. And the others were bad enough, believe me.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway… practices were after school. And sometimes before school, too. Night and weekend games and meets. Which meant I didn’t have to be at home.”

Rey sniffed, and cautiously peeked up to gauge Ben’s reaction. Several emotions flickered over his face, most unidentifiable to her. But anger, she recognized. 

He met her gaze and they just looked at each other for what felt like a long time, though it was probably less than a minute.

This was where people usually waffled and hedged, and brought the interaction to a quick end, because they didn’t know what to say. This would be the beginning of the end, as always. 

Finally, he spoke. “There isn’t anything I can say or do that will change the past. I can only seek to understand.” He brought his hand down into the crook of her elbow, and pulled gently, and insistently, until she scooted closer to lean against his side, and he put his arm around her shoulders. “Thank you for telling me.”

Rey closed her eyes and just absorbed the moment; took several deep breaths.

After a while, she remembered that he had promised to share something with her as well. She sat back, looking up at him. “Your turn.”

He groaned, bringing his arm from around her and into his lap, and taking one of her hands in his. “Okay.” He closed his eyes, thinking. When he opened them again, he studied her for a moment, then turned away, blowing out a heavy breath. “I was a… difficult adolescent. Uncontrolled rage, angry outbursts; there were several violent incidents with my peers at school when I felt I had been provoked. I was expelled from two different schools.”

He glanced at her quickly, then continued, “My parents were at their wit’s end. Desperate. I’d been in therapy for years with no improvement, because, I didn’t want to change. They didn’t know what to do, and they both had careers to tend to.

“By the time I was 13, I was much taller than my mother. We got into an argument and I… scared her, shouted her into a corner. When my father found out later, he went ballistic.

“They felt they had exhausted all their options with me. Except one. My Uncle; my mother’s twin, was… is… headmaster at a boy’s boarding school. Very militaristic in its methods.” He looked down at her, raising his eyebrows. “Long story short, they sent me away.”

“Frak, Ben! That’s terrible!”

He hung his head, rubbing his forehead. “I know. I know my behavior was inexcusable.” 

“I don’t mean _you!_ For them to… just… _give up_ on you like that!”

His head snapped up and he searched her eyes for long moments. Finally he murmured, “thank you, Rey.”

She jabbed her fingers against his chest for emphasis, “it wasn’t right!”

At which he smiled broadly and leaned back into the couch, pulling on her arm and drawing her against him, his arms around her shoulders.

After some minutes, he checked his watch. “Do you want to run? In the morning?”

“Okay.”

“Then I’d better get you home.”

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

Rey switched back and forth between knee-ups and butt kickers, circling around and around her apartment’s entry hall, watching for Ben to make his appearance outside. They had decided on a later start time, 8 o’clock, as neither of them had anywhere to be.

“Hey!”

“Good morning!”

They jogged through the underpass and across the parking lot, down into the wash via the trail that they had run the other day. Once they reached the bottoms, they took a fork that led along the riverbed, then joined a different path, a gentle climb up the opposite side.

After almost an hour they reached a small pond surrounded by reeds and lothtails, their brown velvet seed heads blown fluffy white. Ben offered her a water bottle, and they walked around the perimeter and climbed up on a large boulder, to look down at the pond.

It was almost perfectly round, and the water looked crystal clear; she could see the rocky bottom in many places. 

“Enric said he brings his kids here to fish. They stock it several times during the summer and early fall.”

“‘Stock it?’”

“Oh. That means the Fish and Game department brings a tank of fish and dumps it in. So you’re pretty well guaranteed to catch a fish. It’s fun for kids.”

She grabbed his hand for stability as she jumped down off the rock, and they continued walking around.

He queried, “have you ever gone fishing?”

“Nooo…” 

“Is it something you’d be interested in doing?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to kill a fish.”

“You can catch and release… you free the fish back into the water.”

“Well then, maybe.”

He nodded as they hopped over the small trickling stream that emptied into the fishpond.

Rey held her hand to her forehead, against the morning sun slanting across the water. “This is such a beautiful spot. I’ve lived here for four years and I didn’t know it was here.”

“There are lots of sites like this around the city, the Recreation Division creates and maintains them.” They completed their loop around the little cistern. “Do you want to stay a while, or head back?”

“We’d better head back.” She groaned. “I’ve got to get some studying in today.”

Ben took her empty water bottle and secured his pack, “lead on.”

By the time they made it back to the parking lot, it was almost 11. Rey walked with Ben to his car. 

He threw his pack into the back seat and turned to face her, leaning against the car. “What would you say to lunch?”

She smirked, “I always say ‘yes’ to lunch.”

“I still have a few leftovers. How about you help me finish them off? Then, I’ve got essays to grade. We could work together.”

Rey couldn’t see a downside to this proposal. “I’ll need to change.”

“I can wait here.”

“Don’t be silly. Come up. I’ll be a few minutes.”

* * *

Rey had no idea what to wear. Again. As usual.

Ben was installed on her couch, armed with the remote, while she had taken a quick shower, then darted across the hall, from the bathroom to her room, wrapped in a towel. She tucked the towel around her wet hair as she dressed, eventually deciding to err on the side of comfort, and choosing baggy jeans and a dark green, long sleeve thermal tee.

She pushed her feet into her boots and made her way back to the bathroom, dragging a brush through her damp hair. Hanging her towel on the rack, she applied just a little make up, then spritzed a bit of spray gel into her hair and finger-teased and scrunched, finally satisfied that her natural wave would have to do for a casual afternoon studying with a friend.

She grabbed her jacket and backpack, and presented herself, “okay! I’m ready.”

Ben clicked off the tv and looked over, then hopped up, grinning, “perfect!”

* * *

Together they had polished off the last of the Harvest Festival leftovers. 

While it warmed on the stove, Ben had made a salad using the purple-veined greens she had seen in his cart; Revwien lettuce, he had informed her. He crumbled some blue jerba cheese on top, and cracked open a gapanga fruit, inverting the pithy husk to release the golden, jewel-like seeds. As she observed with rapt attention, he offered her a handful of the seeds to try. They burst in her mouth, sweet and tart, with a tiny, gritty pip inside each one, that squeaked when she chewed them. He sprinkled a generous portion into the salad. Then he made some dressing, _without a recipe_ she noted, using a dark vinegar, zaffa oil and a variety of spices and coarse salt.

Rey had claimed her spot at the counter, “who taught you to cook?”

Ben twisted the lid onto the dressing shaker and looked up. “My parents. When I was young, I would help make dinner.” He set the container aside. “And you’d be surprised what you can learn from the holonet.”

“Oh, that’s true! A few weeks ago our washing machine broke, and I found a holochannel with do-it-yourself content. Turned out all it needed was a replacement motor coupler!”

His lips quirked, “oh, is that all?”

“Well. One of the splines was stripped. But it was a fairly simple thing to change that out, while I had the drive shaft exposed.”

He nodded knowingly, “obviously.”

* * *

Rey stood from the table to stretch her back. “Is it okay if I use the bathroom?”

Ben didn’t even look up from his stack of papers, red pen in hand. “Of course.” He waved toward the hall. “It’s the door on the right.”

She grabbed her purse and limped stiffly for a few steps until she started to loosen up. It had been a longer run that morning than she was used to. And then they had been sitting at the table for a couple hours now, Rey studying and Ben grading assignments.

The bathroom was similar in style to the rest of the house, with white porcelain fixtures, a dark wood vanity and a blue glass mosaic countertop and backsplash. The clawfoot tub looked vintage, with copper pipes and a suspended shower curtain rod, the white curtain pushed to one side.

She washed her hands, the water splashing into the raised basin from a faucet styled to look like a whimsical water dragon. After refreshing her lip gloss, she wandered out to the front room, reluctant to return immediately to her studies. 

She crouched down to read the titles of the books on the little shelf she had noticed the night before. From the look of some of them, she wondered if they were first editions. They definitely looked antique. She straightened. On top of the narrow table, there was a small framed photo; a young boy, with bright eyes and enormous ears. Grinning at the camera, utterly exuberant. Behind him, a tall, rugged-looking man, holding the hand of and smirking at a much shorter, fine-featured woman with dark hair, twisted up into complicated knots and plaits, who stared back at him, exasperated. 

Above the side table, there was a large stretched linen canvas, painted in soft browns and cloudy blues, depicting a mountainside and straggly trees, a great horned malo stag leaping away. In one corner of the canvas, there was a series of symbols brushed expertly in dark brown ink. It could have been Manganian. Or possibly D’vouran. She didn’t know languages.

Suddenly, the room brightened. The autumn clouds must have parted, sending a brilliant ray through the cut glass in the dormer above, and casting rainbows on the white couch and across the walls and polished floor. 

Rey put out her arms to catch a handful.

“Everything alright?”

“Oh!” She spun around to see Ben standing in the hall, observing her. She grinned. “Just fishing for rainbows.”

“How’s your studying coming along?”

“I think I’m ready for my _Systems and Controls_ exam on Monday. I still need to work on my _Advanced Combustion_ paper. You?”

“I still have one more batch of essays I need to get graded today. Do you want to continue, or are you ready for a break?”

She groaned, “don’t give me an out! I really should keep working!” She turned toward the couch, “but can I come in here? It’s so beautiful!”

He smiled affectionately, “absolutely.”

* * *

Rey had kicked off her boots to tuck her feet underneath herself, sitting sideways on the couch.

She looked up from her work periodically to watch the light prisms shimmer and dance around the room as the sun moved across the sky. Now in the late afternoon, the light burst through the window in the front door as well, and she covertly studied the face of her academic companion, who was deep in thought, eyebrows furrowed together as he made it through the last few from his pile of essays.

The little rainbows mingled iridescent in his long wavy hair, and streaked across his cheek and jaw, and his three-day stubble. 

He turned and caught her staring, one particularly long band of color resting now on the tip of his nose.

Her face slowly split into an amused grin, “you could never argue with someone in this room.”

“Mmm…?”

“Impossible to fight while covered in rainbows.”

He nodded solemnly, the colors flitting over his lips. It wasn’t lost on Rey and the movement of her eyes wasn’t lost on Ben.

“What about while eating pie?”

Rey’s eyes darted back up to his and she considered, “I’m not sure. You got any? We could experiment.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled, “I just might.”

* * *

The last of the pie devoured, her books and papers stowed in her pack, Rey found herself ensconced again on the couch, secretly wondering to herself why she ever allowed a man to be in control of the remote.

Ben snapped rapidly through his subscription options, which were much more numerous than the basic service she and her roommates received. 

“What was that show you mentioned? Something about ‘prepping’?”

She clapped excitedly, “oh, oh! _Doomsday Preppers_!” He handed her the remote and she navigated to it quickly. “This episode is the best!” She pressed ‘play’ and gave him the clicker, drawing her legs up and scooching closer to him so she could appreciate his reactions.

His expression became more confused as the minutes ticked by, slightly appalled as the story developed, until Rey couldn’t contain herself any longer and started snorting and hooting. She reached across him to retrieve the remote, pushing the ‘pause’ button and mocking the narrator in a low, ominous voice, “Jerry designed his bio fortress specifically to keep pathogens out.” 

Ben studied her, holding back from reacting, struggling to understand the show’s appeal.

She let the show play for a few more seconds, then paused again, throwing the remote down on the couch and raising her arms, clenching her fists dramatically, “he’s also worried about… **peeee-ple**. GAAAHHH!!” and she toppled over onto him, laughing and grasping his shoulder and forearm, in hysterics.

Ben finally cracked, his laughter spurred by her reaction more than the show’s content, but as the episode played out he threw his arm around her waist as the two of them cackled together, ridiculing and mimicking the overdramatic lines.

When the episode concluded, Rey wiped her eyes as Ben looked down at her fondly, chuckling along with her. “These people are crazier than I am! And that’s really saying something!”

He rumbled, pleasantly tickled by her carefree mirth. He reached over to brush a wisp of hair from her cheek, at which she took a shuddering breath and quieted considerably, turning to examine his face, his eyes, his lips. 

She pushed away from him to retrieve the remote from where it had landed with her last toss, offering it to him, “what do you like to watch?”

He considered a moment, then started clicking.

“The _History Channel_? Seriously? That’s kind of predictable.”

Ben snickered, “how about _Marked_?”

“What’s that about?”

“Tattoos”

“They made a whole series about tattoos?”

“Hmm.” He continued scrolling.

“Wait. Do _you_ have tattoos?”

His gaze darted to hers then back to the screen, but he made no reply.

Rey turned back to the telly. “Hmm.” Suddenly one promo photo caught her eye, “oh! _Swamp People_! Beaumont was watching this!”

He paused for a moment, reading the description.

“It wasn’t that good.”

He chuffed and finally settled on _Chasing Mummies_ , and pressed ‘play.’

After watching for a few minutes, Rey complained, “this guy is horrible!” but snuggled comfortably into Ben’s side, his arm around her shoulders.

“He is. But… I don’t know.”

She pressed her hand into his chest, peering up at him, trying to divine his thoughts.

“When I was a kid, I wanted to be an archaeologist. A treasure hunter.” His lips curled up wryly at one side. 

“Mmm.” Rey settled against him again, trying to objectively consider the show in this new light, and melting into Ben’s gentle kneading of her neck and shoulder.

* * *

_Rey peered over the side of the wooden cradle, a low hum sounding from somewhere nearby. The rocking motion lulled her, back and forth, back and forth, while she strained to see anything beyond her immediate location. If she could just extend a little farther… she went up on her tiptoes and leaned out over the edge, overbalancing the trundle and toppling headfirst into a fluffy tranquility; floating, peaceful and placid, until…_

Oof! She juddered suddenly awake, finding herself splayed out ungracefully across Ben’s chest, her legs squashed between him and the back of the couch. She raised her head minutely, blinking up to see… he appeared to be asleep too. She relaxed slightly, then froze again as she realized her hand was resting over his belt buckle, her thumb slipping just inside the placket of his shirt, between buttons.

Crinking hell! She curled her fingers and bent her arm, bringing her hand to his rib cage instead.

Her movements disrupting his sleep, he inhaled deeply; the arm that was wedged behind her flexed, the motion calling her attention to the fact that his hand was resting on her backside.

Her eyes flew wide and she raised her head and torso up, as much as was possible, pushing against him. “Ben!”

He jolted, his hand moving from her bum to her shoulder as he sputtered, “Rey! You fell asleep!” He sat up and swung his legs around, grasping her firmly and assisting her to sit as well.

“Yeah. So did you.” She tittered uncomfortably, glancing over at him.

He chuckled sheepishly, running his fingers back into his hair. “I hope I wasn’t snoring.”

She brushed at the front of his shirt, “I don’t think I drooled, so…”

They laughed, stealing glances at each other. Ben put his arm around her, “it was a good nap.”

“Mmm…”

He drew her in for a quick embrace, his face pressing in by her ear, his nose tickling the underside of her earlobe for just a second.

She had the momentary inclination to tip her head back and give him easier access. But she set her hand gently against his knee, just as she felt him press a soft kiss to her jaw, then draw back.

Rey tried to still her breathing, to act normal, as she flashed him a quick smile, his eyes meeting hers hungrily as if he had been craving the eye contact. “I’d better get home.” She leaned away and reached for her boots, scooting closer to the edge of the sofa to push her feet in.

He nodded and went to seek out his shoes, his jacket; turning on lights as he went, though it wasn’t that late. The sunsets were getting earlier, but they still had an hour or so of daylight.

They were both quiet on the ride home, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable, or strained. 

Rey had been friends with men… guys… before. But this felt different somehow. She wondered if their relationship, their friendship, was unequal? Was there a power imbalance? She probably wasn’t in an objective position to judge fairly. She needed to talk to Rose.

He looked over at her and smiled contentedly; offered her his hand for a moment while he drove.

She probably shouldn’t be snuggling with him on the couch, letting him kiss her, even in a purely friendly way, if she was determined not to take their relationship to a physical level. She would have to be more careful, because the attraction was definitely there. For her anyway.

She had promised herself… how many times had she promised herself?!... not to make the same mistakes over and over again. Not this time. 

He pulled his hand away to adjust the heater.

It wouldn’t matter anyway. Given enough time, he would realize that she was broken, that he doesn’t really want her in his life. Just like everyone else has done. Why create entanglements that would only cause her pain? 

He pulled into the parking lot and stopped in the spot nearest the underpass.

“Thank you, Ben. It was a good day.”

“Do you have any plans for your last day of break?”

She scrunched up her nose, sticking the tip of her tongue out at the side of her mouth. “My paper’s not quite done. And there’s always studying to do. I’ve got a chapter I still need to read for _Instrumentation Design_.”

“Would you be interested in coming over for macaroni and cheese?”

She pursed her lips and eyed him askance. “I got the distinct impression that you harbor a deep hostility, for macaroni and cheese.”

“What I had in mind is _homemade_ mac and cheese. That’s not even in the same universe as the boxed stuff.”

Her face lit up, “ooh! You're going to make that?”

“Oh, _I_ won’t be making it.” He grinned. “ _You_ will.”

“I will.”

“You will. With guidance, from an advisor, a guru, a teacher, if you will.”

She hooted, _“Ben Solo, Macaroni and Cheese Guru!”_

“Exactly. 11 o’clock?”

Rey snorted, shaking her head, “okay.” She grasped her door handle and saw him reach toward the ignition. “Oh, you don’t have to walk me.”

He hesitated. “Will you text me? When you get in?”

“Ben! It’s daylight! My building is maybe two hundred steps away!”

“Please.”

She rolled her eyes. “Alright. Goodnight, Benjamin. Thank you!”

“Goodnight, Rey. See you tomorrow.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I've updated the chapter count, but that number will most likely change.
> 
> Originally this story was going to be a simple little bit of fluff, 8 chapters max, but I keep getting more ideas.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and commented! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, apologies to anyone who likes the shows referenced in this chapter. I don't really watch TV. (Too busy reading Reylo fics, obviously.)


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

* * *

Rey’s phone buzzed not two minutes later.

“Hi Rose!”

“Hey sweetie. What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you could come over tonight? After you get settled back home?” Rey stopped rummaging through her closet.

“Sure. Is something wrong?”

“No, but I need an objective point of view.” Rey could hear voices in the background, Rose’s sister Paige and her parents; she recognized a few words in Haysian.

Rose giggled, “ooh, this wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain tall, dark and handsome professor, would it?”

“Mmm. I need help!”

“What time were you thinking?”

“7?”

“Sounds great! We’re about to get going.”

“Okay. Um… Rosie?”

“Yeah?”

“I also needed to tell you…” Rey paused for a few moments.

“Now you’re making me nervous. Something really is wrong!”

“No… it’s just that…” She took a deep breath. “I wanted to tell you that I didn’t go with Jannah this weekend. I… fibbed. I stayed home by myself over the long weekend.” Rey huffed. “I shouldn’t have lied about it, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh, sweetie, I knew that already.”

“You did?!”

“You’re a terrible liar. I know all your tells.”

“Oh.” Rey chuffed. “You’re not mad?”

“I know you’d rather be alone sometimes. But you can just tell me. Okay?”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too. See you tonight.”

“Drive safe.”

* * *

Ben pulled a few ingredients out of the fridge and set them on the counter along with a large array of pans, spoons, measuring implements and other ingredients that were already laid out. “I didn’t even ask if you wanted to run today.”

Rey waved her hand dismissively, “it’s okay, I was ready for a break. But…” she hesitated just inside the kitchen entryway, “what is all this? This looks like you’re set up to record a cooking holo.”

Ben planted his hands on the counter and regarded her. “Don’t be intimidated.” He grinned. “I just got everything out so it would be within easy reach. Come in.” He smirked. “I won’t bite.”

She looked up from her nervous perusal of the daunting kitchen equipment display. “No?”

“Not today. I promise.”

“Mmm. That’s only slightly reassuring.” She took a couple steps toward him. 

Ben waggled his eyebrows. “No matter what you’re cooking, the first step is always the same. Come wash your hands. Then you get to cut up this onion.”

Rey rolled up her sleeves, inhaled deeply and took the plunge.

* * *

Two hours later, Ben’s kitchen was absolute chaos. But Rey pulled a respectable-looking casserole of macaroni and cheese from the oven. Only slightly over-crisped at the corners. She set it on the large cork trivet on the table, and looked up at Ben, grinning.

He was right behind her, bowls and utensils in hand. “Will you grab two cups?” He pointed to the cupboard, then went to the fridge to pull out a glass carafe of blumfruit juice. 

They sat, Ben poured them each a cup, and he handed her the large serving spoon. “Will you do the honors?”

Rey served out two generous portions, then hesitated. Ben lifted his fork and took a bite. He didn’t wince or recoil, so she took this as a good sign, and braved a taste.

“This is really good!”

“It is!”

“ _I_ made this!”

“Yes, you did!”

She excitedly wolfed down several bites, relishing the rich flavor and texture. “You’re right, this is _way_ better than the boxed stuff!”

He snickered.

“I may still eat the boxed stuff. Sometimes. Just so you know.”

He looked at her askance. “Your call.”

She beamed at him and eagerly served herself a second heaping spoonful. This recipe was so delicious! 

But simple, really. 

She had struggled a little with the onion. 

And the sauce had been tricky, not to burn the butter or let it lump when she added the moof milk. 

She glanced over at the disaster that was Ben’s kitchen, the sink overflowing with dirty dishes.

Should it have been so difficult? 

For a grown woman?

Instead of digging in, she set her fork down. 

Paused and sat back, gritting her teeth.

“Rey?”

She took in his concerned face, then calmly stood from the table. “Will you please excuse me for a moment?” It was all she could do not to run from the kitchen, as she made her escape to the bathroom. 

She shut the door quietly and leaned up against it, looking at herself in the mirror, her expression crumpling as she broke down, sobbing. 

What idiot couldn’t make macaroni and cheese? 

After several minutes of silent weeping, she pulled herself together, taking deep gulps of air and patting her eyes with cold water.

She couldn’t go out there; her face was red and splotchy. She blew her nose quietly.

She startled at a soft tapping on the door.

“Rey?”

She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Ben.”

“Are you alright? Are you sick?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“What’s wrong? Will you come out?”

She set her hand on the doorknob. Looked at herself again in the mirror. She looked ridiculous.

“Rey? Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

She couldn’t stay in there forever. Though that was a more appealing option than facing him with puffy eyes. She opened the door, meeting his anxious regard as he took a step back to give her space. She shook her head minutely, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything. But, will you tell me what’s wrong?”

Her eyes darted away and she pressed her hand over her mouth, gasping. 

“Rey! Please…”

She wailed, “what kind of dummy doesn’t know how to make macaroni and cheese?! What twenty-five-year-old doesn’t know how to cut up a _karking onion?!_ ” Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she wiped at them angrily, her lips quivering as she turned away and tried to hide her face from him. 

“Rey…” he stepped closer, reaching toward her.

She raised her palm to stop him.

“Rey… you don’t know what you haven’t been taught. There’s no shame in that.”

She dropped her hand but still wouldn’t look at him. She dragged in a trembling breath.

Ben took another step nearer. “There are lots of things I don’t know how to do.”

“Mmm.”

He brushed her hair behind her shoulder. “For one, I have no idea how to replace a motor coupling… thingy. Or switch out a striped splunker.”

Rey snorted. “A stripped spline?”

“Exactly.” He wrapped his fingers softly around her upper arm and exerted just the smallest amount of pressure, drawing her toward him.

After a moment’s hesitation, she yielded; tucking her face into his chest and curling her arms between them timidly as he pulled her close and embraced her firmly, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, his fingers splayed across her back. She drew a quivering breath, closing her eyes and feeling one last tear overflow, roll down her cheek, and soak into Ben’s shirt.

Many minutes later, she drew back and looked up. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re allowed to have feelings.”

“No. I mean about your kitchen. I really must be going now…”

“Oh, no you don’t!”

She laughed, only a little shakily, “okay, then I’m sorry about your shirt.” She brushed against his chest and the wet spot there.

“You can make it up to me by scrubbing a few pots.”

* * *

“Macaroni and cheese was the first dish I learned how to make. My father’s recipe. He told me a man should be able to cook a few things.” He chuffed, putting away a pot. “I noticed he had ample opportunity to cook for himself, when he and my mother were quarrelling.”

“Did they fight a lot?”

“Plenty.”

Rey dried the last measuring cup and leaned against the counter. “It’s hard to imagine her… she was always so… gracious and… serious, when I would meet with her.”

“My father had a particular way of pushing her buttons.” He smiled, contemplatively. 

“What was he like? Your father.”

Ben glanced up at her, then sighed. “I’ve been told I’m very like him.”

Rey hung her towel on the oven’s long handle. “Hmm… so… impulsive… reckless… stuck up…?”

Ben’s mouth flew open in injured shock.

Rey rubbed her chin, “or maybe… understanding… gentle… tall…?”

Ben laughed. “You forgot ‘ruggedly handsome!’”

Rey stepped into his embrace, looking up at him and giggling, “of course!” 

He stroked her back, squeezed her shoulders. “It took me many years to admit it, to myself. And this might be the first time I’ve said it out loud, but…”

She studied the way he pressed his lips together, the tic under his left eye. “Hmm…?”

“I resented my parents for sending me away. Felt betrayed.” His eyebrows knit together. “But I was on a bad path. I might not have turned things around. If they hadn’t.”

Rey snuggled into his chest. “I concocted a whole fantasy about my parents. That maybe they _had_ to leave me, because I was in danger; for my own good. Because they were secret agents, or spies… or even assassins.” She pulled away and grimaced. “I knew it was stupid, even at the time. But… it seems like your parents actually did send you away because they loved you.”

“Yeah. They did.”

* * *

Rey’s legs were stretched out on the sofa, as she slogged through chapter 14 of _Successful Instrumentation and Control Systems Design_ , while also trying to ignore Ben’s hand on her ankle.

Ben was poring over a textbook as well, highlighter in hand. He had tried to explain, at least in rudimentary terms, the premise of his scholarly research; that the _Ancient Abyss_ wasn’t a site of human sacrifice, as most historians currently held, but instead he argued that, anciently, the ecosystem of the Felucian location had been thick boreal forest, and that the excessive volume of human bones found there had been due to the large population of rancors that would have inhabited the area. He hoped to inspect the site in person, sometime within the next year or two.

Rey had only a shallow comprehension of his hypothesis, having only a superficial knowledge of Felucian history; but she had enjoyed observing his passionate exposition of the topic. 

And now, between the beautiful rainbows streaming in through the cut glass of the windows, and Ben’s warm hand rubbing her foot and calf when he wasn’t marking notable sections of the heavy volume in his lap; Rey was having a difficult time concentrating.

She closed her eyes. Yes. The source of the problem was definitely Ben’s ministrations. It had been a very long time since… well, since anything pleasurable had been done to her. And Ben had a gentle but firm touch that she imagined could effectively and successfully be applied elsewhere. To great effect. She bit back a moan and noticed her breathing had quickened.

She peeked at him over the top of her textbook. He was completely engrossed in his studies. Perhaps he wouldn’t notice if she just… sat up and pulled away. She stared down at the page and moved as nonchalantly as possible.

Ben lifted his hand. “Oh. Sorry. Was I disturbing you?”

“Of course not. Why would I be disturbed?” She went back to a paragraph she had already read three times and started over, this time mouthing the words to herself silently, to sharpen her focus.

She could feel Ben’s eyes on her, but stubbornly refused to meet his gaze; and only hoped her neck and chest weren’t flushed.

* * *

“Thank you, Ben!” She angled toward him, over the center console, and in turn he leaned toward her, somewhat perplexed, as if he was expecting her to whisper in his ear. She pressed her lips to his jaw, just above the scruff line. 

When he pulled away he looked pleased.

She handed him the large plastic container full of leftover macaroni, “here, can you…?” and opened the door, climbing out and slinging her backpack securely on her shoulder. 

“I could walk up with you.”

“No need. Really.” 

Once she had her pack arranged he returned the large bowl to her, peering up. “Bye Rey!”

“See ya!” She bumped the door with her hip and turned back to wave awkwardly around her bowl, before stepping into the underpass.

Once she reached her apartment door, she wasn’t sure how to manage with the bowl, her pack slipping down to her elbow; where was her key?

“Rey!”

It was Jannah and Beau. “Hey! I’ve got it!” Jannah jogged the last few steps to her, brandishing her key. Beaumont held the bowl for a second while she adjusted her pack.

“Thanks!”

“I hope these are leftovers, I’m starving!” Beaumont eyed the bowl hopefully.

“Macaroni and cheese! _I_ made it!” Rey announced proudly as they waited for the elevator.

“You cooked?!” Jannah appeared truly impressed. “It’s a Harvest Festival miracle!”

Rey snorted. “It really is!”

Beau dragged Jannah’s luggage down the hall to her bedroom, while Rey served up three bowls of macaroni, popping the first into the sonicwave for a few seconds to heat.

“How was your break?” Jannah grabbed three fizzy drinks out of the door of the fridge while Rey pulled three forks out of the drawer.

“It was great!” Rey set the second bowl to heat. “Um. About that. I didn’t end up going with Rose.” She eyed Jannah for a moment. “I sort of… fibbed about that.”

“Oh hon. We totally knew.” Jannah hugged her quickly, taking the two bowls and placing them on the table.

“You did?”

“Sure. I wouldn’t necessarily want to spend my vacation with strangers, either.”

Beaumont flopped down in one of the chairs, “this looks fantastic!”

Jannah continued, “but we didn’t want you to be alone, unless you wanted to be alone.”

Rey brought her bowl to the table. “Oh. How did it go, then?”

Beau huffed. “We need a vacation, to recover from our vacation!”

“Those boys are quite a handful!” Jannah agreed. “And we didn’t have as much privacy as we were hoping for.” She winked at Beaumont playfully.

“Early bedtime for me!” Beau stretched and yawned theatrically.

“Okay. Well, keep it down. Rose is coming over in a little bit, and I don’t want to offend her delicate sensibilities.”

Jannah and Beau both looked up, surprised, then laughed at Rey’s tongue-in-cheek expression.

* * *

“Tell me what to do!” Rey toppled over to sprawl across the bed, next to Rose who was sitting cross-legged at the other end.

Rose eyed her critically, setting her empty bowl carefully on the floor. “It’s obvious you like him a lot.”

Rey groaned.

“But the question is, does he like you? And, is he good for you?”

Rey sat up. “Before either of those, give me your honest opinion, Rose. Am I wrong to just forget about the whole scholarship thing?”

“Based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like that was a one-off thing. Totally out of character.” She pressed her finger to her lips. “Would you agree with that assessment?”

“Yeah. With his mother dying at the time, and the stress of suddenly having to take over the family foundation, he made a poor judgement call.”

“Okay. I think you either have to stop seeing him completely, or forget about that. Can you?”

“I don’t want to stop seeing him. So…” Rey thought long and hard, taking in Rose’s expression. “Yes. I can.”

“Do you think he’s good for you?”

Rey pushed out a deep breath. “Rosie, if you could have seen him today…! He is the sweetest…! Most caring…! Gentle…!” She flopped down again. “Ugh! I think my judgement is clouded because it’s been so long since I’ve had sex! He’s… ugh!”

Rose drew up, indignant, “has he been pressuring you?! Trying to seduce you?!”

“No! He told me if our relationship was going to develop into more than friendship, it would be up to me to take the next step, and he’s abided by that. He’s just so… yummy!”

Rose smirked, “okay, he’d better not mess with you, because I’ll take steps… if needed!”

Rey giggled, “you’re a good friend!” and sighed. 

“Okay. Answer me this; think about it. How would you feel about setting him up on a date, with someone you know?” She thought for a moment, “how about your friend… Kay?”

“Kaydel?!” Rey snorted. “I hate that idea, so much!”

Rose folded her arms across her chest. “Well. I think that’s your answer.”

Rey leaned against the wall, surrendering. 

“You don’t have to rush into anything. You can take it slow.”

Rey met her eyes. And the two girls laughed and hooted.

Finally, Rey wiped at her cheeks and took a deep breath. “How about you? How are things with Finn?”

“Hey! We’re going out on Friday! You and Professor Solo should come with us! I’ll observe him with you, objectively, and you can observe Finn, objectively! We can compare notes, after!”

“Great idea!”

* * *

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

“Do you usually keep running through the winter?” They rounded the last corner of their campus route at a brisk walking pace, cooling down. 

“Not consistently.” He glanced over at her. “But then I haven’t had a running partner to help keep me motivated. You?”

“Same. When I have ventured out, I’ve thought staying on campus was the best option, since they’re usually pretty good at keeping the walkways clear of ice and snow.” 

“So you’re game to continue?”

She smiled up at him, “I got some thermal tights last year but never wore them; I guess it will partly depend on how well they work.”

He nodded. “What’s your schedule like this week?”

“Any morning works for me.”

“I may have another early meeting Thursday, other than that I’m available too.” 

Rey hummed in confirmation.

“Oh, hey, how did your exam go?”

Rey slowed her pace, looking over at him bemused. “Exam?”

“Didn’t you tell me you had a test yesterday?”

“Yes. I did.” She blinked and stared forward, picking up speed again.

“What?”

“I’m surprised you remembered, is all.”

He huffed, “I do actually listen to you, you know.”

“Oh… of course…”

Suddenly Ben stretched his arm in front of her and brought them to a halt, looking down at the sidewalk in front of Rey’s building.

An irrigation sprinkler had burst, the water pouring out onto the sidewalk and freezing overnight.

“It’s slippery here.” He reached for her elbow.

“I’m fine.” Rey gingerly stepped onto the icy patch.

“We got this far, I’ll take you the rest of the way.” He followed, extending his hand toward her.

“So, are you going to… oh!” Rey’s runners slid, almost causing her to fall. She reached toward Ben, grabbing his jacket at the shoulder, just as he took hold of hers at the waist while his feet slipped and skidded as well.

“Whoa!” He swung around, and Rey wasn’t sure if his goal was to assist her or save himself as he threw his arms around her. “Wow!”

Rey giggled, “ _do not_ take me with you!”

“No. It’s alright.” He straightened up cautiously, unsteadily grasping her elbows.

All at once Rey’s feet swooshed around, spinning her wobblily like a newborn kaadu. “Woo!” The only things keeping her from crashing firmly to her backside were Ben’s hands under her arms.

By now they were both laughing fitfully. “This is…! This is bad!”

Rey twisted her arm around to grasp at Ben’s shoulder, pulling herself up, “ooh! Ooh!”

“There we go!” He seized her at the ribs, hefting her upright.

“Oh! Mmm!” Rey took the deepest breaths she could manage, through her nose, and tried not to bite her tongue, between her unsteady feet and her laughter.

“Alright?”

“Yeah.”

Ben carefully situated and swung her around until she was facing her building again, holding her securely, “I think we’re alright now. Let’s just. Move this way.”

All at once all four of their feet glid out from under them in a spin, and they landed in a jumbled heap on the ice.

“Oh!”

“Ow!”

Rey being nearest the frozen edge, she crawled toward safety, reaching back, “give me your hand! Give me your hand!” and she dragged him behind her, laughing, finally getting clear of the ice.

They both stood, chortling and cackling, and brushing themselves off.

Rey hooted and tittered, moving toward her front doors, then turning toward Ben, clearing her throat.

He beamed at her, wheezing and chuckling. 

She took one step back toward him, giggling, then raising her hand and pressing her thumb into his dimple. He leaned into her touch.

“You might want to go around, a different way.” She turned, fumbling for her key, still snickering and looking back at him again from the second step.

“I’ll wait until you get inside.”

“I’ll see you… tomorrow?”

“5 am?”

She nodded, snorting, and, shaking her head, let herself into the building.

* * *

Rey finished filling out her post-session paperwork and sighed, reaching up and digging her fingers into her shoulders and neck. This session had only been a half hour, as her recipient had been new, but for some reason she had found it draining instead of calming. 

It was strange, too, because he had requested arm rubbing, which she had done several times before. She couldn’t quite put her finger on… why she felt the way she did.

She had never felt so… down… after her sessions with… anyway.

The whole week so far had been a bit stressful, now she reflected on it. Tuesday’s session had been her 12-year-old repeat recipient, and prior to that, Rey had really felt they were making progress in their ‘relationship’; as far as it could be called such. 

But the child had seemed out of sorts, even peevish. 

Rey snorted to herself. Well. Hadn’t she been the same, at that age? Based on the limited information she had, she and the girl might have a lot in common, in their backgrounds. 

And then, yesterday, there had been a system glitch in Room A, and Poe had insisted that they run a complete diagnostic, which had meant a 45-minute delay in her start time. It had turned out to be a loose wire in the control panel, easily fixed. 

But all of that, combined with finals coming up… Rey was just a bit tense. 

She would text Ben and cancel their morning run, to sleep in instead; or if she couldn’t sleep, she could use the time to study.

Poe bopped into the small office, sinking down into the chair and swinging around toward her. “How did your session go?”

“Fine.” She pushed her paperwork across the desk.

He read over the page, “new guy, huh? Any issues?”

“No. I don’t think so. Not that I know of.”

“Well. Mitaka will let us know if there is anything. I’m sure it was great. We always get good feedback for you, Rey.”

“You would tell me, right? If there was anyone who, didn’t like me or, quit because of me…?”

“Of course. We always pass the feedback along. Why?”

Rey pursed her lips. “I haven’t seen ’34-year-old male’ for a while.” She thought, “he was coming in regularly, before.”

Poe reflected a moment, “no, I never heard anything negative about him, or any of your recipients. I can check the paperwork and let you know, when you come in again.”

“No. Don’t worry about it.” She gathered her pack and stood, “thanks Poe. See ya.”

“See ya Rey. Tomorrow?”

“I think so.” She waved and smiled, wandering out into the hall.

Now she thought of it… how long had it been, since she had seen him? Had it been three weeks? Kriff, maybe he _had_ been bothered by that breakdown she’d had, after all. Maybe he had requested a different facilitator.

Maybe she could schedule a meeting with Professor Holdo.

She zipped her jacket and ventured out into the late afternoon cold. She’d have to bring out her winter coat soon.

“Rey!”

It was Rose, waving to her from across the quad.

When she drew near, “hey! You have a session?”

Rose checked her watch, “yeah, in about twenty minutes. You done for the day?”

“I just finished.” Rey blew out a deep breath. 

“Doing anything fun tonight?”

“Nah, just studying.”

“Okay, but we’re still on for tomorrow, right?”

This perked Rey up, “absolutely! It will be fun!”

“Okay, meet at 7? At Gino’s?

“Yep! Planning on it!”

“Okay, bye sweetie!”

“See you tomorrow!”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

After several fretful texts back and forth with Rose, Rey had decided on skinny jeans and a crisp white button down with a navy sweater, and white sneaks. She dug her smoky gray wool peacoat out of the back of the closet. She had gotten it for a song, last winter; original tags still attached! It paid to befriend the sorting staff at goodwill.

Rose was going to look sweet in a floral maxi dress and a long pink cardigan.

She curled her hair and applied some lip gloss and eyeliner (evenly, she was pleased to note) and waited nervously on her couch for Ben’s text.

“You’re going out?”

“Hi Zorii! Um… yeah.”

“Good for you, girl! It’s just me and my vibrator tonight.” She drew her robe more closely around herself. “Will you bring him back here?”

“Oh! Oh, no, it’s not that kind of… no!”

She snickered. “Uh huh… well, I’ll listen for you, just in case. Jannah’s staying at Beaumont’s tonight.”

“Okay, enjoy the peace and quiet. I don’t know how late I’ll be.”

Zorii waved breezily over her shoulder and wandered down the hall.

Rey’s phone pinged; she shot off a quick reply, locked the door and waited impatiently for the elevator.

Her stomach dropped with the elevator’s motion. It’s not a date, Niima, get a grip. Just a group of friends, getting pizza. That’s all.

She pushed open the exterior door and cast about. 

Ben was leaning against the brick wall, at the bottom of the steps. She took in his appearance, as he eyed her in return. 

He was wearing his heavy corduroy blazer with a white button down and a close-fitting heathered cobalt sweater, with jeans, and dark lug sole shoes. And his hair…

His mouth twitched up at one side. 

Rey slowly advanced on him, stopping on the last step to bring her to his eye level. “Hi. You got a haircut.” Timorously, she plucked gently at the curls around his ear and nape. She longed to plunge her fingers in thoroughly, and see if his hair felt as glorious as it looked. She was pretty sure already, but further analysis was certainly necessary, for science.

“Hello, beautiful.” She blushed as he leaned in to press a quick peck to her cheek.

He stepped back, his hand at her waist to draw her forward, then turned and took her hand, lacing their fingers together and wedging her arm under his, pressing her hand to his chest.

“We look like we planned our outfits.”

He briefly interrupted his steps, swinging her out to observe her clothes more closely; then laughed, tucking her back in. “I didn’t even notice!” He snickered, “did you get any extra sleep last night?”

They chatted about this and that, as they walked through the underpass, and Ben put her in his car. This always made her slightly uncomfortable; wasn’t that something a date did, a boyfriend? Maybe he was just being courteous and she shouldn’t think so much into it. She chewed her thumbnail as he came around and started the ignition.

Rey noticed Ben took a circuitous route to the restaurant, particularly through two streets near his neighborhood where many homes had put up Winterfest light displays; some of them quite elaborate. She gawked in wonder at one especially garish example, that included flashing lights and human-sized animatronic characters synchronized to music.

She turned to Ben, wide-eyed, to find him grinning, delighted by her reaction. “Stars! People are so weird!”

He chuckled, “indeed.”

They pulled into the restaurant parking lot at just a little before seven. She reached for the handle, but Ben stopped her.

“Hey. Wait a second.”

“What?”

“Just wait.”

He hopped out and came around, opening her door and extending his hand to her.

She huffed, “I can do it.”

“I know you can.” He swung their hands between them as they walked to the entrance, and pulled the door open for her. Inside was pandemonium and they both hesitated, looking in.

A server had apparently dropped an entire platter of pasta and sauce, to splatter all over the entryway. Several employees were at work with rags and mops to remedy this disaster. 

The hostess greeted them brightly, “good evening, welcome to Gino’s! As you can see, we have a bit of a situation, but we will have it rectified in just a few moments. I’m sorry to ask you to wait outside. Table for two?”

“I think we have a reservation? Under Tico? But I don’t know if our friends are here yet.”

The tiny redhead scanned her datapad, “ah, I see it here. Seven o’clock. No, the rest of your party has not yet arrived.” She glanced behind her at the mess on the floor, “this will be only a few more minutes; we appreciate your patience.”

Ben pulled on Rey’s hand, drawing her away from the doors and to the side of the walkway. After a few moments standing still, she started to shiver. “Sh-should we w-wait in the c-car?”

He smiled at her fondly, then motioned, “come here.” 

She snuggled into him, wrapping her arms around him under his blazer, while he held the front of it around her, rubbing her back briskly to warm her, resting his chin on her head.

“Professor Solo?”

Rey froze. That was…

“Hello, Miss Connix.”

Kaydel and her companion were exiting the restaurant and stopped to chat. “This is my fiancé, Temmin Wexley…” 

Rey could hear the curiosity absolutely dripping from her voice as she tactfully begged for an introduction, so she grit her teeth and turned away from Ben. “Hi Kay.”

Kaydel goggled at Rey, then up at Ben, then back at Rey. “Rey?”

“How have you been?”

Kay stared a moment longer, then blinked, squinted, and shook her head. “Um. Um, I’ve been… I’ve been great! This is Temmin! We just got engaged, over Harvest Festival.”

Rey stepped out from Ben’s jacket, smiling and turning to face the couple fully. She extended her hand, “I’m Rey. Great to meet you, Temmin.”

“Likewise.”

Rey motioned to Ben, “this is… uh…”

Ben stepped forward, nodding to Kaydel and shaking Temmin’s hand, “Ben Solo. Congratulations.”

Just then, Rose ran up to them, Finn in tow. “Hey, you guys!”

After completing the introductions all around, Kay and Temmin strolled away down the sidewalk, Kay glancing back furtively and whispering up to him excitedly, but not too quietly, “that’s Professor Solo, from the history department. And Rey is on the same scholarship as me!” Her voice faded away as the restaurant doors opened, the petite hostess ushering them inside.

Rey leaned in to Ben, gesturing toward Kaydel’s retreating figure and whispering, “is that going to be a problem?”

“Of course not.” He slung his arm around her shoulders blithely as they followed Rose and Finn toward their table.

Ben assisted her to remove her coat, and hung it next to his on a hook outside their booth. The men slid across the benches, toward the wall. 

Rose scooched in close to Finn’s side, “how nice to see Kaydel again! And how wonderful that she’s engaged!” She stared at Rey pointedly, raising her eyebrows, “I guess we can’t set her up on that date like we were talking about, Rey!”

Rey only smirked, “I guess not.”

* * *

The server returned from clearing their plates. “Could I interest anyone in dessert?”

Rey turned eagerly to Ben, “I’m so full! But they have a cookie sundae that is to die for! Could we share?”

He smiled, “of course.”

Rey grinned contentedly and snuzzled into him again, his arm thrown around her, smoothing her hair and rubbing her arm.

Finn was animatedly recounting some of the recent difficulties they had been experiencing, in campus security, and had them in stitches even though, in reality, the situations were anything but funny.

Rey’s phone pinged, and she snuck a look. It was Jannah. She glanced around at everyone, “will you excuse me a moment? It’s my roommate saying she’s locked out of the apartment. I’ll be right back.” 

She walked quickly to the ‘to go’ desk, the area closed down for the night, and dialed Jannah’s number.

“Rey!”

“I thought you were out for the night?”

“I was supposed to be, but I needed to grab a few things, and realized I left my key in my room! When will you be home?”

“I don’t know. But Zorii is there. She said she was staying in, but she might be, um… indisposed.” Rey giggled nervously. “Did you try calling her?”

“Yeah, she’s not picking up.”

“You might have to knock louder.”

Rey could hear a loud banging. 

“Are you sure…?”

Then another loud thudding noise. 

“Oh! Zorii! I’m sorry to disturb you! I locked my key in…” Jannah spoke into the phone again, “okay, thanks Rey, sorry to bother you! Hey! What are you doing? You never go out! You’ll have to tell me later! See ya!”

“Bye!”

She stowed her phone in her little sling purse, chuckling and making her way back toward the group. Their dessert had been delivered, she could see, and she moved more quickly to get to it. 

But she stopped short, hiding herself behind a silk plant; shocked to observe the exchange taking place now; the fierce look on Rose’s face, as she spoke low and menacing, leaning aggressively forward, hissing at Ben and stabbing her finger into the table to reinforce whatever point she was making.

For his part, Ben listened patiently, nodding in agreement at intervals. He made a short reply, low and mild; whatever he said apparently placated Rose, and she sat back appeased, satisfied.

Whatever that had been, it was… over now. Rey especially observed the awed expression on Finn’s face as he stared at Rose; but he shook himself briskly, then bobbed his head in endorsement of the transaction.

Rey slipped back into the booth. “Everything okay?”

“Yup!”

“Absolutely!”

Ben handed her a fork, “Yes. Everything sorted with your roommates?”

“Yep. Zorii let her in.”

Rey dug into the dessert, barely registering that Ben took only one bite for every two or three of hers. “Mmm… I could just eat this… all the time…”

Over his muja cake, Finn commented, “Rose was telling me about this psychology department program you two are involved with, but I don’t really… get it. What do you do, exactly?”

Rose gave her expert description of the program, complete with sweeping gesticulations and lively facial expressions. “This week was busier than usual! It happened last year too, around the holidays people need more emotional support and we got an influx of new participants. Didn’t you have a new recipient this week, Rey?”

“Oh, that’s interesting, I hadn’t thought of that. Everyone seemed more… needy this week.” She pondered these ideas for a moment, “yeah, I had a new guy come in yesterday.”

“Wait. There are guys… men…? That do the program? It sounds like you’re just, I don’t know, cuddling and snuggling with these… ‘recipients’?” Finn pushed his dessert plate back and leaned away from Rose, incensed.

“Yes, Finn, as part of my job, in a remunerated capacity, I am required to touch other human beings. You make it sound dirty.” Rose folded her arms across her chest.

“I don’t know if I like this.”

“Well that’s just fine because you don’t have to like it.”

Rey set down her fork, looking over at Ben worriedly, then studying Finn. “Finn, does it bother you because you think it seems… sexual? Because it’s not.”

Rose snorted, “as if the psychology department would be running some kind of prostitution ring, right there on campus!”

“Of course, it wouldn’t be _prostitution!_ But you’ve got to admit, it’s _weird!_ Ben, buddy, back me up on this!”

They all looked over to Ben, who straightened up, his gaze darting around the table and resting finally on Rey. “Oh. Well. The administrator, Amilyn Holdo, is a… well, she was a close friend of my mother’s. I trust her implicitly. I guess I hadn’t thought about all the details that carefully, but… no, it doesn’t bother me.”

This seemed to dampen Finn’s disquiet. “Oh.”

But Rose was not so easily mollified. “The real issue isn’t the program. It’s that you think I’m the kind of person who would be involved with something sordid.” She glared at him. “You don’t trust me.”

When Finn had no immediate answer to this, Rose huffed, “I’m going to ask for our check,” and stormed away from the table.

“I’m just going to…” Rey looked to Ben, who nodded.

She rushed after Rose and caught up with her at the server’s station, and in a loud whisper, “Rosie! Do you need Ben and I to give you a ride home?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “No. He’s just being a dweezer. He obviously hasn’t thought it through.” 

Rose paid her half of the bill, and Rey followed suit while she was there at the register, putting the remaining charge on her credit card.

They made their way back to the table and Rey slid in next to Ben, but Rose stood with her palms resting on the tabletop. “Are you ready to go?”

Finn, looking contrite, stood and helped Rose into her coat. “Nice to meet you, man.” He extended his hand to Ben.

“Yes, Finn, goodnight.”

Rose pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows at Rey, “text me later.” Then looking over at Ben, “good to see you, Professor.”

“Call me Ben, please.”

Then they walked out, Rose still in a bit of a pique, and Finn apologetic, “Rose, I trust you! Of course I don’t think you’d be involved in anything… improper…”

“Well.” Rey quipped, watching them go, “that took an interesting turn.”

“Truly.”

“I’m just going to send her a quick text…” and Rey shot a quick message to Rose, asking her to message as soon as she got home.

When she finished, Ben was looking for their server, “why don’t they bring the check?”

“Oh. I already covered it.” She waved her hand toward the server’s station and scooted off the bench, retrieving their coats.

“I didn’t expect you to pay.”

“I invited you. I don’t mind.”

He looked for a second like he might protest, but settled on, “thank you, Rey.”

They wandered out of the restaurant, and Ben put her in the car, then got in and turned on the engine, setting the heater. “It’s not that late, do you want to go home? Or we could drive around, or go to my place to watch something?”

“Okay. There’s an episode of _Podrace Garage_ that I missed.”

“Oh, no! Don’t tell me you watch that trash tv!”

“The trashier, the better!”

* * *

Ben could only stomach one episode of _Podrace Garage,_ but whether it was the show itself or Rey’s howling through it, she wasn’t sure. But now he had changed the channel to something about Coruscanti gardens, and had lowered the volume.

Somehow, Rey had persuaded him to lie down with his head in her lap, and she could absolutely confirm: his hair was just as fabulous as she had presumed. The fingers of one hand were buried in his dark mane, while the other hand was covered with his, resting on his chest. He could have been asleep.

“Did you have some problem with Rose? At dinner?”

His eyes popped open.

She clarified, “when I came back from talking to Jannah. It looked like there was something going on.”

“Of course not. She’s very protective of you, is all.”

“Ah. She’s a… good friend.”

She had already gotten a text from Rose, saying she was home safe; and they had agreed to meet up tomorrow to exchange notes.

His eyes drifted closed again, utterly relaxed.

“You know, just because I don’t drink, doesn’t mean you can’t.”

“I know.”

Rey carded her fingers through his curling sideburns. “Is there any merit to Finn’s concerns? About the program?”

“Mmm. I’m not in a position to answer that, only you are.”

“But, nothing about it bothers you?”

Ben took a deep breath and sat up, leaning part way against the armrest, then wrapping his arms around her and drawing her to snuggle up against him. He brushed her hair behind her ear and smoothed a few stray wisps away from her temple. “It seemed like his concern was that there might be some sensual or erotic component to the sessions.”

“Well. They are ‘sensual’. That’s the whole point.” She looked up at him. 

“What about erotic?”

“Hmm.” She pondered this for some minutes as he stroked her neck and back. “Different people might interpret the word ‘erotic’ differently. I can say that none of the sessions have been _sexual_. None of them ever felt inappropriate.” She continued to contemplate these ideas.

“But I think I would say that I have formed a connection with some of the recipients. Of course I don’t know if _they_ would agree with that assessment.” She deliberated further. 

“The man that came in yesterday… it was an interesting experience with him. When the session was finished, I felt… drained. Like some of my life force had been sucked out of me.”

She snickered and turned to gauge Ben’s reaction. “Does that sound stupid?”

“Of course not.”

“But it was unexpected… I don’t know how to explain it, but there was another man, who came in several times, before, and with him it was different; so I was able to make a comparison. Because with that other man… after those sessions I felt… peaceful. Restored. 

“Well, except for one time… anyway… I guess what I’m saying is, it’s a different experience with each person. Some more pleasant than others.

“But whether it’s pleasant for me isn’t the point, I guess. Some of the recipients are referred to the program by their therapists. I have one recipient who has come in several times, a young girl, and with her… I often feel exhausted after our sessions, but I feel like it’s helping her. So that’s what matters.”

She peered up at him. “Is any of that a red flag for you?”

“It’s your job. I trust your judgement, and I trust Amilyn to create and maintain a program that is wholesome and beneficial. It wouldn’t have continued for so many years otherwise.”

She snoozled against him, watching the show absent-mindedly, thinking about the sessions, but mostly thinking about Ben’s hands on her. 

But her attention snapped to, as the narrative took a peculiar turn, pontificating on the proper placement of garden gnomes and gazing balls, and whether it was immoral to install a birdbath if you weren’t going to aerate and filter the water.

Rey snorted, “What is this?! This is just as ridiculous as anything I watch!”

Ben chuckled and pressed his lips to her forehead, wrapping his arms around her tightly as she giggled and squirmed. “But do you aerate your birdbath water, Rey? Do you?!” And in his best highbrow accent, “these are questions of great significance!”

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I just can't figure out how to post properly. Make sure you read Chapter 11. *mwah!*

* * *

Rey woke slowly, emerging from a dark and nebulous dream, the details of which were murky, but the perceptions… lingered. Utter blackness, utter quiet, leaving her overwhelmed with heightened physical sensation. 

She rolled over, toward the wall, dragging the blankets with her into a cocoon. 

Hands on fevered skin, tongue smoothing along ribs, lips plucking at breasts. A muscular male body, solid, perceptibly aroused, pressing, grinding against her.

Not a memory. No… this dream, this creation of her mind far exceeded any amorous encounter from her past.

She squeezed her eyes shut, ran her fingers along the elastic of her underwear, dipping one finger inside, fretting herself against her knuckle. She played the dream’s sensations over in her imagination, and embellished upon them, drawing upon recent events. Ben’s nose tickling against her ear; Ben’s fingers kneading her neck and at her nape; a prickling and tugging at her scalp; strong arms enveloping her, soothing her.

Tiny stars burst behind her eyelids and she gasped, moaning softly.

As her breathing slowed and she descended from her peak, she reflected for a moment on the wisdom of rubbing one out to incidents or impressions from the sessions. Or moments with Ben, for that matter.

Probably not a very good idea, to associate sexual gratification with her work, at least. Until just now, or maybe until last night when discussing it in depth, she hadn’t necessarily correlated the sessions as anything libidinous. Obviously her subconscious had other ideas.

Maybe it was for the best that ‘34-year-old male’ had discontinued his participation. 

No, that wasn’t fair. Professor Holdo had told her he had benefitted from the program; he shouldn’t be expected to quit just because Rey couldn’t keep her thoughts professional.

And why would she think about him anyway? The other gentleman that had come in earlier in the week hadn’t aroused any such feelings.

There must be something particular about him… ah! It was the panic attack she had experienced, that he had assisted her through! That must be it. Perhaps she had become enamored with him because of that, and without realizing.

Or. Maybe she found him enticing because he was the ultimate unavailable man. She could never expect anything from him, they could never have a relationship; they could never even have a conversation! He was as ‘safe’ as they came.

She _could_ request only female recipients from now on. 

No. That shouldn’t be necessary. As she contemplated the new guy, she couldn’t imagine having similar thoughts about… no. If anything, with him there was a negative connotation.

But now there was another hitch to consider. She couldn’t continue with the program if every session was going to be so difficult, so exhausting. The work would quickly become a heavy burden, something she hated, instead of something she looked forward to.

Rose had mentioned that people had been more ‘needy’ at this time last year. She would have to be more restrained in her demeanor, keep some part of her psyche in reserve, to avoid allowing herself to become emotionally drained. 

She couldn’t expect all of the recipients to create a synergy with her, only because one had. It was a one-off thing, just a fluke.

Reluctantly, she threw her quilts back, to get up and get dressed. 

It had been almost midnight last night, by the time she had gotten to bed. But she had slept quite well. Now she remarked upon it, she had been sleeping better lately, overall. When was the last time she had suffered from a bout of insomnia? 

Hmm…

Surprising, with finals coming up. But she would accept it, cheerfully. 

The touch therapy must be doing her good. It must be that. There wasn’t anything else that had changed lately… was there?

* * *

“Rey! Come in!”

Rey peeled off her coat and smoothed back her staticky hair, then sat across the desk from Professor Holdo. “Thank you for meeting with me today.”

“Happy to. I’m not usually here on a Saturday, but Poe mentioned you had some concerns so, since I was going to be here anyway… I’m glad it worked out.”

“Yes… Um… I’ve started to worry that one of my recipients quit the program because of me. You know, the one who… when I had that panic attack. Did he switch facilitators? I know it’s anonymous, I just…”

“Mmm…” Holdo paused, leaning back in her chair and steepling her fingers, pondering. “I am aware that this person has decided not to participate in the program any longer, but it isn’t because of what happened in your session, I can assure you.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I guess this could have been done over text.” Rey reached for her pack, swiveling out of her chair.

“I have been wanting to talk with you, though, so I’m pleased you came in.”

Rey sat up, letting her pack slump next to her feet again. “Oh?”

“How are things?”

“Good. Great, actually.”

Holdo’s eyes twinkled, “I’m so glad.”

“I was just thinking this morning, how I’ve been sleeping better, and just feeling more… calm overall. Especially when compared with this time last year.”

Holdo raised her eyebrows, “really? Why is that, do you think?”

“I’m not sure, really, but I think the program has something to do with it. It’s helped me.”

“Hmm… I’m sure that’s true.” She leaned forward, brushing a speck of dust from her desk. “I was actually speaking with Benjamin Solo this morning. He mentioned he’s been seeing a lot of you.”

“Oh… really? Um… yes, we’ve been running together several times a week, and… seeing each other… well, ‘not seeing each other,’ but doing things together. We went out for dinner last night, actually, with friends.”

Holdo leaned her elbows against her desk, “but you’re not ‘dating’?”

“Oh, no, no, we’re just friends.”

Holdo grinned at this. “We could all use more friends, surely.”

“Exactly. Well, I… thank you!” Rey grabbed her bag and coat, and stood abruptly.

“Come in any time, Rey.”

“Yes! Thanks!” and she grabbed the door handle and twisted… but it wouldn’t give.

“Oops!” Holdo stood and moved toward her, “just push as you turn, it sticks sometimes…”

Rey finally turned the knob and yanked on the door, nearly braining herself, then burst out into the hall, “thank you!”

She skidded and drew up sharply, as Ben rounded the corner, jingling an overcrowded key ring and wrestling with a stack of papers and folders. 

“Rey!” his eyes lit up, “I was just going to text you!”

“Good morning, Ben! Need a hand?”

“Yes!” He rattled the keys at her, prompting her to take them, “it’s the key with the blue… yes, that’s the one. Could you just…”

She unlocked his office and pushed the door open. He dumped the pile on his spotless desk and went around to the chair, powering up his computer.

Rey followed him in, then reached back to shut the door. As she did, she glanced across the hall, to where Professor Holdo was still standing in her doorway, observing them. Holdo waggled her fingers, pursing her lips and shaking her head amicably. As she ducked back into her office, Rey heard her mutter something; it sounded a lot like ‘just friends,’ but she couldn’t be certain.

Rey pushed the door closed, but thought better of it and left it open a crack, then went to lean against the desk. She handed Ben his keys, her fingers brushing against his thumb.

Ben huffed, sitting back in the chair and swiveling toward her. “What are you up to today?”

“I just had a meeting with Professor Holdo. I’m meeting Rose in a little bit. How about you?”

“Ugh. I’ve got meetings scheduled with several students today.” He glanced at his watch, “starting in just a few minutes, actually.”

“Oh? Why so many?”

He snorted, “it’s the same every semester. They all start the same way. ‘Please, Professor Solo, I _have_ to pass…!’” He looked up at her, nonplussed. 

“Does that ever work?”

“No.”

“Ah. Well, stay strong.” She snickered.

He stood and stepped around the desk, between her and the door. “I wanted to ask if you were interested in getting together tomorrow? If you need to study, or I thought you might like to make something else.”

“I _do_ need to study. But if you’re talking about food, I’m easily tempted!”

He brushed her hair behind her shoulders. “Savory or sweet?”

“Ooh! Sweet!” She thought for a minute, “could we make cookies?!”

“Absolutely.”

She put on her coat, with a little assistance from Ben, and slung her pack onto her shoulder, “if I fail my classes this semester, I know who I’ll blame.”

He chuckled, reaching for her, “I _have_ been proven to be a bad influence on you.”

“Absolutely.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and inhaled subtly. He always smelled so good.

He opened the door for her just as a sheepish-looking freshman raised his hand to knock.

“Mr. Bala-Tik. Come in.”

Rey slipped out, peeping back at Ben as the student perched awkwardly on the chair. Ben quietly blew out a deep breath, looking at her, then squeezed his eyes tightly, squaring his shoulders. As the door closed, she could hear his ‘stern professor’ voice: “and now, Mr. Bala-Tik, we will discuss the absence of your last three assignments…”

* * *

Rey gulped her iced caf, scooting into the half-circle booth.

“Oh! My! Stars! We saw you kanoodling all the way from the other side of the parking lot! What did Kay say?!”

“I almost died! I heard her voice, and I knew it was her, but she couldn’t see my face! She introduced her fiancé to Ben, and I _knew_ she was expecting an introduction! I turned around, and then _she_ almost died!”

They laughed together, Rose slapping her hand down on the table. “Poor Kay!” After a few moments, Rose calmed and blew on her cappuccino. “You had matching outfits!”

“It was a complete coincidence, believe me!”

Rose raised her eyebrows. “Right.” Her lips twitched, as she studied her friend. “He's in love with you.”

Rey choked and coughed, “don't be ridiculous!”

Rose only looked at her knowingly, sipping her caf.

“Well. If he is… and I’m not saying he is! But if he is… just give it time. He'll come to his senses.” Rey set her drink forcefully on the table.

“Why do you do that? Why do you say things like that? You deserve happiness, too!”

“Rose, I…” She folded her arms on the table and lay her cheek down on them. “I like him. So much.”

Rose reached over and smoothed her hair back from her face, “isn’t that a good thing?”

“I don’t know. My track record with men so far is embarrassing.”

“It’s all a matter of finding the right man.”

“I guess. But I’m not confident in my ability to make good judgements. I mean… you know what happened with Wulfgar.” Rey huffed and took a deep swig of her caf.

“He was not good for you, sweetie.”

“Right! You say that _now_! But at the time! He was… charming and… handsome… funny! I don’t have the energy to go through something like that again.”

“You’ve grown a lot in the last couple of years.” Rose pressed her finger into the table, “And, if you remember, I had misgivings about him from the beginning. It’s different with Professor Solo.”

“But how can I be sure? That I won’t make the same mistakes again?”

“You can’t be sure. You have to decide if the risk is worth it. Is it?”

“Ugh. He is my dream man. Seriously.” Rey shook her head at a snickering Rose. “I mean it! He’s so sweet! So gentle and patient!” She thought for a moment, “what were you saying to him, by the way?! Last night at dinner? It looked intense!”

“Oh. Nothing.” Rose pursed her lips. “Only threatening to kill him, slowly and painfully, if he hurts you.”

Rey laughed, “Rosie!” They giggled together for a few moments. Rey took another deep pull from her caf. “I have to be smarter this time around.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m taking things slow.” She eyed Rose, who appeared unconvinced. “I am!”

“But you’ve kissed him, right?”

“No, I haven’t! Well, maybe on the cheek, once.” Rose looked skeptical. “It’s for my own protection. You know I get emotionally attached, as soon as things get physical.” She snorted. “It’s bad enough as it is.”

“We’ll have to go out again, the four of us. That was fun!”

“It was!” Rey brightened, “which reminds me! You should have seen Finn’s face when you were reading Ben the riot act! Thoroughly captivated!”

Rose tittered, “he may as well know what he’s dealing with, from the beginning!”

“That’s right!” Rey leaned her cheek in her hand. “Now, tell me what happened after you left the restaurant!”

* * *

Rey watched the holovid, twice, totally engrossed. Yes. This was… yes.

The presenter swore by this protocol.

She let the pan heat, while she buttered the bread, spread the cracknut butter and brula jelly. She adjusted the heat and set her sandwich, sizzling into the pan.

“Hey hon!”

“Jannah! Hi Beumont!” She checked at the corner with her spatula.

Jannah sauntered into the kitchen, leaning her hip against the counter, arms folded. “Were you on a date last night?”

“Nooo… I don’t date! You know that!”

“Mmm… you never seem to be home any more, when I’m here. That’s not normal.”

“Well, I do have a friend I’ve been hanging out with.”

“Ah! A ‘friend’.”

Rey flipped her sandwich carefully, only dripping a little jelly in the process. She looked up at Jannah innocently. “Yes. A friend.”

“Would this ‘friend’ happen to be of the male variety?”

“Maybe.”

“I see.” Jannah hummed. “Why don’t you bring your friend by sometime? I’d like to meet him.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Maybe you should.” She grinned. “We’ll be back late.” She glanced down into Rey’s pan. “You’re cooking now? Will miracles never cease?”

Rey shook her head, smirking, slid her sandwich onto a plate, and waved to the couple as they rushed out the door. She poured herself a tall glass of ice cold bantha milk, settled on the couch, wrapped snugly in a blanket for the night, and turned on an episode of _Chasing Mummies_.

Then lifted her sandwich and bit in. 

“Mmm…” A big glop of warm cracknut butter splatted down to her plate, “oh! Now that’s good!”

* * *

Rey tucked her tee into her jeans, fussed with the hem of her sweater, then pushed her hair back from her face. Everything was so staticky!

She grabbed her pack and set it on the counter, pacing back and forth and checking her phone for a text from Ben.

Jannah looked at her expectantly. “Going out?”

“Yes.”

“With your ‘friend’?”

“Um.”

“Here I am. Conveniently available to meet friends.”

Rey huffed.

She pushed the glass door open and Ben came inside. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

They stepped into the elevator. “She just… she was wondering why I’ve been gone more than usual. You know, lately.”

“Rey.” He put his arm around her and rubbed circles between her shoulder blades. “I don’t mind.”

“Right. Okay.”

The elevator dinged, Rey pushed open her apartment door and stepped aside to let Ben enter, then motioned toward the front room. Jannah stood, grinning.

“Ben, this is Jannah. Jannah, this is…”

“Professor Solo?” Beaumont nudged through the entryway, past Rey, more than a little puzzled.

“Yes. Um, this is Beaumont Kin. Ben Solo.” Ben reached over to shake Beau’s hand. “And as I was saying, Jannah, this is Ben Solo. My friend.” 

“Jannah Calrissian.” Jannah extended her hand to Ben, but looked at Rey as she did, eyebrows raised high.

“Pleased to meet you.” Ben smiled agreeably.

Beau still wasn’t understanding what was going on. The clear bafflement on his face would have been funny if Rey wasn’t so horrified! Obviously Beau would know Ben already, being a history major!

Jannah threw a lifeline, “Beau, Rey and Ben are friends. Professors have friends.”

Beaumont shook himself, and moved to Jannah’s side. “Of course. Of course they do. I know that.”

Rey sniggered, popping into the kitchen to grab her pack and Ben’s bowl from the counter. “Shall we?” She opened the door.

“Nice to meet you, Jannah. Good to see you Beaumont.”

They both waved, calling their goodbyes, and Rey pushed Ben out the door.

As they descended in the elevator, Rey huffed, “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking! Beau is in the history department!” She slapped her hand against her forehead. “I’m so embarrassed!”

“You are?”

“Oh.” Rey looked up at him. “Just because… I mean. Is it weird?”

Ben held the door for her, “why would it be weird?”

“Okay. No. It’s not weird.” She took several deep breaths, as they walked through the underpass. “Why would it be weird? Okay.”

Ben took her hand.

* * *

Rey held the large bowl with her left hand and stirred with her right. But she was struggling.

Ben chuckled and moved in close behind her, “it’s difficult to mix in the last cup or two,” then wrapped one arm around her middle, his hand on her abdomen, and took the spoon from her. She held the bowl with both hands while he finished the stirring. “Will you dump in the chocolate chunks?”

She followed his direction, then held the bowl again for him to stir.

When he was finished, he set the spoon in the bowl and put that arm around her as well, humming and bending down to nuzzle into her neck.

Rey closed her eyes, sighing quietly and tipping her head over slightly to give him room.

At this, he reached up to move her hair aside and, gods help her, pressed his lips into her neck, starting at her shoulder and moving up toward her ear.

“Ben, I…” Her voice trembled more than she would have liked. “I must ask you to stop.”

He took his lips away immediately, stretched his arms out to rest his hands on the counter at her sides, and leaned away to break contact.

She shivered. “I’m… I’m trying to be smart.”

“You _are_ smart.”

She turned to face him, placing her hand on his chest and pushing the slightest bit. “I don’t mean _smart_ …” she tapped on her temple, “I mean _smart_.” She made a reciprocal motion between them.

“I’m not sure I know what that means.”

“I’m trying not to repeat past mistakes.”

He stepped back, turning and leaning his hip against the counter.

“Ben, if this isn’t fair to you, just say so! We don’t have to do this!” She turned her head, gulping and wheezing. “I did warn you, right? I’m not good at this! I can’t…”

“Rey… it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have…” He rubbed his hand down his face. “I told you I would wait for you. To be ready. I’m sorry.”

“But maybe I won’t ever be ready! Maybe I’m too kriffed up to participate in a normal, healthy relationship! If you don’t want to continue! This… whatever this is…!”

“Sweetheart…”

Rey crumpled at Ben’s endearment, and she lost any tenuous hold she’d had on her composure, tears streaming down her face.

“Rey!” He grabbed her wrists, drawing her to him, but pausing to see if she would pull away.

She leaned into him, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “You see!” she wailed, “you see!”

After a few minutes she calmed, hiccupping until Ben released her to get a cup of water.

As she drank it, he reached over and grabbed her a paper towel to dry her cheeks. 

He watched her soberly, “Rey, I… I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.”

She sniffed.

“When I’m with you, I… I’ve never felt this kind of connection with anyone, ever. I don’t know how to explain it any better than that.”

She looked up at him, overwhelmed. With a blink, another tear ran down her cheek. He brushed it away softly with his thumb.

He inhaled deeply, “I feel… inexorably drawn to you. I’m really trying not to be weird about it, but… I feel… bonded with you, somehow.” He took a deep breath and shook his head, “kriff! I’m sorry, I sound like a loonee bird! Kriff!” He turned from her with a jerk and dragged his fingers through his hair. “I can take you home.”

Rey pushed away from the counter and rounded on him, set her hands on his biceps. “Ben.” She looked up into his eyes; they were green in the bright noon light. “I feel it too.” 

He brushed his knuckles along her jaw.

“I just need to take it slow. Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

“Anyway, you can’t take me home now.”

“No?”

“I was promised cookies.” She grinned, and he snorted, drawing her in by her elbows for a hug.

“If you don’t mind my saying so…” he looked down at her expectant expression, as she pulled away. “I think I’ve detected a pattern. You seem to have a lot of pent-up emotion around food.”

She tittered, “I do believe I gave you a heads-up about that, as well!”

His face split into a broad grin, “that’s right! You did!” 

* * *

“Umf! This is so good!”

Ben had made a gigantic sandwich; thin-sliced nerf roast piled high with two different cheeses and she didn’t know what all, but it was delicious. Every eleven minutes, they would abandon their lunch to pull one sheet of cookies from the oven and put the next one in.

“This is a lot of cookies!” She transferred the last three onto the cooling rack, with the spatula. 

The last batch placed in the oven, the timer set, they sat again at the table. 

“Cookies are kind of labor-intensive. So I’ve always thought if I was going to go to the effort, I should at least double the batch.”

“A cookie pragmatist!”

He raised his eyebrows at her, “absolutely!”

She finished the last bite of her sandwich. “Well. Can I try one?”

“Come on.” They stood, and walked to the counter. Ben handed her a warm cookie, and taking one for himself, gestured to her as if to make a toast. She tapped her cookie to his and took a bite.

“Ben. Ja. Min. Oh…! Mmm…!” Eyes closed, she groaned low in her throat, chewing slowly. Just as she looked up, his cookie broke and fell from his fingers, forgotten as he watched her intently, a small twitch under his eye.

He offered her another. “More?”

* * *

She laid her book down in her lap, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Her legs were extended along the couch, her stockinged feet in Ben’s lap, and he currently had one of them in his hands, massaging the arch with his thumbs.

“You’re 25?”

She opened one eye to peek at him. “Yes.”

“You didn’t start college right out of high school I’m guessing?”

“No. After I graduated, my top priority was to move out on my own.” She snuggled down into the couch and wiggled her toes. “I had no idea what I was doing. I had enough money saved to get an apartment; a tiny, dingy little place. But it was mine and I was safe there.

“I worked for several years at a mechanic’s shop. And junk yard.”

Ben’s hands froze. “What?!”

She chuckled. “Yeah. I liked the work, but my boss was a real clanker.” She rolled her eyes. “I should have looked into financial aid sooner, but I was just so glad to be independent, making my own choices. It felt really good. You know?” She pulled her feet away from him and swung her legs around, marking her page and setting her book on the coffee table. 

“What kind of work did you do?”

“Most of it was automotive. But sometimes, every once in a while, we’d have a sloop racer or a speeder, those were my favorite; and Plutt always had me work those jobs!” She raised her hands and wiggled, “little fingers!”

“Really?”

“Benjamin Solo, don’t get all sexist on me now.”

“No, no. Of course not. But, you really liked that work?”

“Oh yeah!” She beamed. “Sometimes I don’t know why I went to college at all! I guess I always have that skill set to fall back on, if I can’t get a job after graduation.” She sighed. “I’d love to get my hands dirty again.”

“You would?”

She clicked her tongue. “Are you just being a really big sculag right now?”

“No. I… here, put your shoes on. And your coat.”

She snickered, reaching for her boots. “Kicking me out after all?”

“Just. Just… come see something.”

Once her shoes were on, Ben pulled her coat off the rack and handed her into it, then shrugged into his own as well, and led her back to the kitchen. She grabbed two cookies as they passed by, and followed him out the double doors into the back yard.

There was a brick fire pit, the inside blackened and charred. Also a small grill and a little bistro table and chairs on a stone patio, all pushed up close to the back of the house for the winter.

A clump of gimer bushes in a back corner, and along the high wooden fence on both sides, several other varieties of hedge and shrub she didn’t know the names of. Partially overgrown with climbing vines next to the back fence, was a large storage shed.

She stood for a moment, looking around, munching happily. “I like this!” There was a huge wroshyr tree, meticulously trimmed and trained into a pleasing shape, giving shade to the entire enclosure. 

Ben made for the shed, unlocking the bolt and throwing the doors wide.

Rey smoothed her hand gingerly up the rough, curving trunk of the tree, “this must be a hundred years old, at least…” She looked over to the shed, where Ben was rolling a grass cutter out of the way.

Behind it was… something, covered up with a large canvas. The shape was…

“Ben…?”

Ben lifted a corner of the cloth with both hands, then pulled it back to reveal…

“This is…!” Rey pointed, and stumbled forward, stunned. “This is…”

She panted, nearly hyperventilating, “this is a Corellian Light Kestrel!” 

She extended her hand, not quite touching, registering the custom paint, the distinctive modified rims, the multiple dings and scratches from…

“No. No! NO! This is…! This is the **_Millennium Falcon_**!” She turned to him, accusingly. “You!” She whipped around, staring at the speeder for long minutes, then back at him again, pointing. “You are… _Han Solo_ is…”

“My father. Yes.”

She circled the sweet little speeder haltingly, wonderingly cataloging every detail. “This could be in a museum!”

Ben hummed noncommittally. 

She came to stand next to him, admiring the pretty little piece of history.

“She doesn’t run.”

Rey started panting.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

“Ben…” she looked up at him pleadingly, her pupils blown, her neck flushed, “please. Don’t tease me.”

“We could set up a heater out here. And work lights.”

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she rasped, “we…?”

“I need a teacher.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: The next chapter will be delayed somewhat, as I'm taking part in the Reylo Readers & Writers (@reylo_readers) Marvelous Moodboard Event.
> 
> Last I looked, moodboards were still available, so if you're an author/creator, go find them on twitter.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay! My little one-track mind isn't good (apparently) at switching back and forth between two stories!

* * *

Rey scanned the items in the glass case. A porcelain doll; several pieces of tarnished paste jewelry; an old quarter-plate camera, the red leather bellows cracked and peeling on one edge.

And there was a trumpet, with a case, which looked to be in pristine condition, although admittedly Rey had little knowledge of such things.

If Ben was like most musicians she knew, however, he probably still had his trumpet stashed away somewhere. She sighed. 

“Rey Niima!”

“Lor!” 

The old gentleman pressed his hands against the top of the case with a twinkle in his blue eyes. “What can we help you find today?”

“I’m looking for a gift. For a friend.”

“Ah! Is your friend a musician?”

“He is, indeed. Also an historian.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I once knew a young man who played the trumpet. He was very talented.” 

“I don’t think the trumpet is the right thing. But if I can’t find anything else… hmm…” she stepped to the next case, this one filled with sports memorabilia, including a binder of collector’s cards, opened to show several rare Huttball specimens that Rey would like to examine more closely. She hadn’t seen any of these items last time she had visited Goodwill, they must have come in recently. Families often donated collections that didn’t move at estate sales. Whoever these had come from, they had spent a lot of time and money amassing this hoard. A signed moopsball; three leather rugby balls, at least a hundred years old, possibly more; a pair of burnished, gold leather cleats with what looked like an authentic signature… Snoke! She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. Those would sell for a fortune, with the right buyer.

The third container showcased several stacks of books, and Rey crouched down to read the titles on the leather spines.

“Oh… oh!” She glanced up at her friend, then pointed excitedly to the one that had caught her eye. “This one!”

He opened the back of the case, removing the book she indicated and attentively rearranging the others. He set it on top of the case for her examination, with a grin.

She opened the cover delicately, inspecting the title page, and her face fell. “Oh. I can’t possibly afford this…”

“You have much to learn, my dear, about the art of negotiation.” He stepped to her side and put his hand on her shoulder confidentially. “First rule: never tip your hand.”

Twenty minutes later, Rey carefully inserted a box, wrapped in two layers of plastic bags, into her pack, “thank you, Lor! He’s going to love it!”

He peered out the front windows, at the first few snowflakes floating lazily down. “You have to leave.”

* * *

“I’m not sure where we can get the tools we’ll need. It would be ideal if we could borrow some, because a good set will be really expensive.” Rey gripped the door handle, breathing deliberately slow and deep, and keeping her focus inside the car as Ben navigated through the snowy streets.

“There’s a large tool chest that was delivered at the same time as the speeder. I’m not sure what’s in there.” He looked over at her pale face, her white knuckles. “Are you okay? The road isn’t slick.”

She loosened her grip, but only slightly; blew out a breath. “Driving in the snow makes me really nervous. I was in an accident, once…”

“Do you drive?”

“Noo, I never had need to learn, I’ve never had a car. I was a passenger.” She pushed up her sleeve to show a faded, jagged scar just above her wrist. “Compound fracture. It was so gross! Now I always know when a storm is coming!”

“You should learn. You wouldn’t feel so anxious.”

“Oh. No. I’m good.”

Ben took a different turn than usual and, after a few minutes, pulled into the empty parking lot of a church, where the snow had been plowed aside. He parked, leaving the engine idling, and got out, walked around to Rey’s side and opened her door. He extended his hand to her, “well? Come on.”

“Ben.” She shook her head, “no! Please! I don’t want to.”

He stretched his fingers out toward her, insistently. “Rey. It’s perfectly safe. We’ll just stay here in the parking lot.”

“What if I crash?!”

“You won’t be going fast enough to do any damage. And anyway, look at all these soft bumpers conveniently set up!” he indicated the piles of snow, all around the edges. “I’ll be right here with you.”

Reluctantly, she took his hand, and he walked her around to the driver’s seat. 

“You need to learn, anyway, if you’re going to drive the _Falcon_ , once we get her running.”

She whipped her face around, gawking at him, open-mouthed. “ _Really?_ You’d let me…?”

He chuckled, “of course. Now… you can adjust the seat, right down there…”

It’s amazing how quickly one can learn things, if one is properly motivated.

* * *

“Do you have a compressor?”

“Around here somewhere. I’ll dig it out.”

Rey ran her fingers over the impact wrench and closed the large drawer in the tool chest. “It looks like we’ll have everything we need here.” She faced him and grinned broadly, clenching her fists and making a squealing sound. “I really have to study! But I’d rather just get started right now!”

Ben shook his head at her, smirking. “Will these lights be sufficient?” He indicated two halogen lights on a tripod and a single hanging incandescent light. “Chewie’s letting us borrow them.”

“Yes, those should be great! They put out a lot of heat, too, so we should be nice and toasty!”

“That’s what he said, as well. I can get another heater if we need it.”

Rey looked on longingly as Ben closed the huge doors and locked up. “As soon as my exams are done, I know where I’ll be!”

“I had some ideas about that.”

“Oh?”

“Do you have any plans for the break?”

“No, I usually stay home alone, watch trash tv, and eat junk.”

He took her hand as they tromped back through the snow in the back yard. “I don't know if it's better to ask you early, or wait until the last moment… but… Maz and Chewie have invited us for Winterfest Eve dinner.”

“‘Us?’”

He squeezed her hand. “Yeah. ‘Us.’ You know, you and me. Together.”

They stomped the snow off their feet at the porch, Ben pulled the grill closer to the back door and brushed off the snow with his arm, turned on the gas and lit the burner. They came in and removed their boots just inside the kitchen door and left them on the rug, then Rey hung her coat on the rack, returning to the kitchen as Ben slung his over a kitchen chair.

“Okay.”

“Really? That simple?”

She giggled, “don’t talk me out of it!”

“Mmm… well, since you seem to be in an agreeable mood…” she snorted, “what would you say to staying here? For the week?”

“What…?”

“We can watch cheesy movies, or horror movies, or comedies, or whatever you want. Or we don’t have to watch movies… I could get the fireplace going and we could read and drink hot chocolate…” he looked fleetingly down at her lips, “or whatever you want. We could just work on the _Falcon_ constantly.”

She glared at him, “okay, first off, I’m _always_ in an agreeable mood! How dare you!” He raised his eyebrow drily. “And secondly, yes! That’s a great idea!” She squealed again, “ooh, you’re so smart!”

He chuckled, pulling the marinating nerf steaks out of the fridge, “not so smart after all, since it’s taken me all this time to figure out the best enticement to lure you.”

She pulled the heavy _Fluid Mechanics and Hydraulic Machines_ textbook out of her pack and thumped it down on the counter with a huff. “Yeah. Too bad you didn’t tell me what you had in your garage when I was in your class, before I declared my major. I could have dropped out then and called it good. Saved myself a lot of trouble.”

Ben put on his coat and boots again and went back out into the dusk, to put the meat on the grill. “If I’d only known.”

* * *

Rey arranged the cushion in what would be the middle of the platform, when the two sides came together. She was so tired, and relieved that this would be her last session until after the new year. Two more finals, one tomorrow and one the next day, and she would be free! For a week and a half of relaxation, and Ben, and mechanic’s bliss!

She pushed off her boots, turned out the light, and hopped up on her platform. A few minutes later, the blue light came on and she started the sequence.

The two benches clicked into place and Rey reached out for the girl’s hands, but she sullenly refused to cooperate, her arms folded across her chest. 

Rey wasn’t sure what to do. She waited a moment, and tried again, but still the girl refused, pulling away. 

Should she end the session? 

Rey sat back on her own side, cross-legged, her hands casually resting on the cushion.

It could have been ten or fifteen minutes she waited, but she got paid the same no matter what, so she determined to be patient. Finally, she felt the girl’s hands creep up on the pillow, next to hers. Rey nudged her with her pinkies, and immediately she withdrew again.

Five minutes later, her hands returned and rested quietly within Rey’s still, cupped fingers. 

This time Rey didn’t move and so they remained until the light turned yellow, then flashed red. Rey gave a little squeeze with her fingers, and they separated.

In her post-session paperwork, she left a note for Holdo and the girl’s therapist, recommending that she have more control over the sessions and even be allowed the facilitator role as far as positioning. Let her take a little ownership in her own therapy.

She buttoned her coat, steeling herself for the walk home in the snow, when Rose bowled in the door, stomping and shaking the snow off of her coat. “It’s so cold!”

“Hey Rose!”

“Rey! How are you?! Surviving finals?”

“Barely!”

Rose removed her coat and hung it on the row of hooks.

“Are you and Paige going home again for the holiday?”

“I’m actually going to meet Finn’s parents.” Rose waggled her eyebrows. “Do you have plans?”

“Ben invited me to stay with him.”

Rose’s jaw dropped. “Like, _stay with him,_ stay with him?!”

“Yeah. I’ll be in the guest room.”

“Will you? Will you really?” Rose looked thoroughly unconvinced.

“Yeah. He has a car we’re going to work on.”

Rose laughed, “so that’s how he finally seduces you!” She pulled a tissue out of her pocket and wiped her red nose. “Either that, or this is the most elaborate cover story you’ve concocted yet, for staying home alone like the recluse at heart that you really are.”

“I deserve that, I guess.” Rey clicked her tongue. “But really, unless I freak out, that’s the plan.”

“You’re going to sleep platonically in his guestroom for a week.”

“Well. Yeah.”

“Okay, sweetie. Just use a condom.”

“Oh!” Rey heaved her pack higher up on her shoulder and turned to go, snickering.

“Oh, I forgot! Paige’s roommate is throwing a New Year’s Eve party, and she invited all of us, me and Finn, you and Ben; your roommates too if they want.”

Rey beamed, “sounds great! I’ll let you know!” The girls hugged. “Jolly Winterfest!”

“You too! Be good!”

* * *

Rey completed her third viewing and paused the holovid just as Jannah and Beau tumbled in the door, laughing and shaking snow off their coats, stomping their feet. Rey took the grocery bags out of Jannah’s arms and brought them to the kitchen, then went back for Beau’s.

“How were the roads?”

“It’s snowing again. It’s going to make holiday travel very interesting this year.” Beau draped their coats over a chair in the kitchen. “But they aren’t bad yet.”

Jannah searched out the chocolate bars, heavy cream, butter and flavorings Rey had requested. “Whatcha making?”

“Candy.”

“I just can’t get over it! Rey Niima: cooking!” Jannah winked at her.

Rey laughed, “the recipe is guaranteed stupid-proof!” She started pulling out her implements: the cutting board, a sharp knife, a heavy sauce pan. “And you get to be my taste testers! How much do I owe you?”

Jannah pulled the receipt from her pocket and handed it over.

“Thanks for picking up the ingredients for me!”

“No problem, hon.”

* * *

Rey checked her phone; it was just about time to go. She shoved her book in her pack and stood, cracking her back and pushing her chair under the table.

“Rey!” a hissing whisper had her turning to see…

“Kaydel…!”

Kay grabbed her elbow and dragged her away from the table, farther away from people and closer to the bookshelves. Her face was bright, curious, “Rey! Are you and Professor Solo _dating_?!”

“No, no, we’re friends.”

Kay’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Really? You looked more than friendly, the other night at the restaurant!”

“Shhh!” several students and one of the library workers censured them.

Kay lowered her voice but continued her interrogation. “I was talking to Tallie at volleyball practice, and she said she’s seen you a bunch of times around campus, holding hands with him.”

“You were talking about us? Me and Professor Solo?”

Kay just raised her eyebrows, not willing to be sidetracked.

Rey huffed. “Friends can hold hands.”

“Mm hmm. Okay Rey.” She wandered back to the table, claiming Rey’s abandoned spot, and unbuttoning her coat. “Glad we cleared that up.”

“Okay, well… see ya… congratulations again, on your engagement…!”

“Mm hmm.”

Rey waved goodbye, pushing her beanie over her hair and fastening her coat, then slinging her backpack securely on her shoulder for her hike across campus to… meet Ben.

He had offered her dinner, something called _fa-heetas_ , and the latest episode of _Podrace Garage_ once she finished studying for her last exam. She had two chapters to review, but she felt pretty confident.

It was snowing again. Rey didn’t mind the snow when she could just stay indoors, but winter was her least favorite season. It was quite beautiful, but she hated the cold.

As she trudged around the quad, she observed several couples making their way home for the night. Holding hands. She had to admit that when she saw two people holding hands, she assumed they were a romantic couple. So objectively, it was a normal conclusion for Tallie and Kay to come to. 

She and Ben did spend a lot of time together, and that was only going to increase, at least in the short-term over the holiday. Was what they were doing ‘dating?’ No, dating involved kissing, and probably sex. So at this point they _were_ ‘just friends’ and what they were doing wasn’t ‘dating,’ it was ‘hanging out.’

This really was different than anything she had experienced with a man before. She kept expecting some kind of blow-up or some realization on his part, that she wouldn’t hold his interest, that he didn’t want her. Especially now, where physical intimacy wasn’t part of the equation. Most men wouldn’t stick around for that for months like Ben had.

Now she thought of it, that was probably the real motivation behind her reluctance to get physical with him. She recognized she had used sex as a way to drag out the ending of relationships, in the past. But it _had_ only served to prolong the inevitable, and increased her heartbreak when past boyfriends had made their escape, leaving her feeling used and foolish.

And here she was, getting ready to meet close friends of his, people he considered family, and spend more than a week at his house! Would she really feel any less attached to him, if he were to sever their relationship now, than she would if they were sleeping together?

She considered this carefully and determined that yes; for her, sex did create an extra bond and made a breakup more painful. 

What was she doing? Was she leading him on? Did she really believe that this was going to lead to some kind of a happy ending?! It was more likely that he would meet someone else he liked better. He certainly had ample opportunity to meet women! 

She stomped up the stairs, tapping the toes of her boots to knock the snow off of them, opened the door to the psychology building and trudged down the long hall to Ben’s office. 

Why was she doing this to herself? She was really excited to work on the speeder, but how ridiculous! She couldn’t continue this relationship just to get under his hood! 

She was more confused than ever and didn’t know what was the right thing to do. 

She should end this. Yes. Despite the opportunity of a lifetime to work on the _Millennium Falcon_ , despite his sweetness, his patience; it was the right thing to do.

Despite his willingness to teach her to cook. To teach her to drive. Despite his kindness, his soft words and his gentle hands.

That was it, the decision was made. She should end it right now, before investing any additional emotional energy… before spending any more time, before getting sucked in any deeper.

She raised her knuckles and resolutely knocked at his door.

“Come in.”

She pushed the door open and he looked up at her. 

His eyes lit up like a Winterfest tree; he grinned, showing his dimples, his crooked teeth, and he took her breath away. Gods, he was beautiful.

He stood and in two long strides she was in his arms, “…hello sweetheart…”

Kriff. Kriff! It was already too late, if the butterflies in her stomach were any indication. Oh no.

He shoved his long arms into his coat, slung his bag over his shoulder, “everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

He shut up his office, locked the door, and they walked back down the dim hall. “Ready for your last test tomorrow?”

He held the door for her and they stepped out into the snow, Rey making only cursory replies to his comments.

He reached for her mittened hand, and she thrust her thumbs under the straps of her pack, obstinately refusing to comply.

“Are you upset about something, Rey?”

“I just think maybe we shouldn’t hold hands. On campus.”

“Why not?”

“Because it makes it look like we’re a couple.”

“I don’t mind.” He cleared his throat, “but maybe you do…?”

She sidestepped, “we’re _not_ a couple, Ben!”

“I want to be.”

She stopped walking and he halted, turned to face her.

“You do?”

“I thought I had made that clear.”

“I mean, you _still_ do?”

“Yes.”

Her heart pounded in her ears as she looked up at him, haloed with light from a lamp post, snow flakes clinging to the curls sticking out from beneath his soft cap.

She heaved several deep breaths, blinking hard; nodded and walked briskly on, holding out her hand expectantly.

Ben swung around to follow her, scooping up her hand and pulling back gently, urging her to slow her pace.

She looked at him askance, biting her lip.

He raised their hands to his chest, cradling her hand in both of his; then scrunching down the cuff of her mitten with his fingers, he bent his head to press a gentle kiss to her wrist. 

She raised her eyebrows at him as he smirked, pushed her mitten back into place, and tucked her hand into his coat pocket, snug and cozy with his.

* * *

Rey pushed the door open as quietly as she could, to avoid disturbing the last few test takers. As the door closed behind her she heaved a sigh of relief.

Finally! She needed this break, and bad! Then just one more semester, and she would be done! 

She set her pack against the wall to put on her coat, then pulled out her phone to text Ben to pick her up. She swiveled around to lean against the wall and… he emerged from the stairwell.

“Ben! I was just going to message you!”

“When I hadn’t heard from you, I figured you’d be done soon, so…”

She grabbed her pack and rushed him, throwing her other arm around his waist, ignoring the students filtering out of the lecture hall.

He took her pack from her and, with his arm around her shoulders, they walked down the stairs, “how did it go?”

“Alright, I think.” She blew out a heavy breath between her lips. “It’s in R’iia’s hands now.”

“‘R’iia?’”

“You know, R’iia, the patron saint of test-taking students.”

Ben chuckled, holding the door for her. 

The afternoon sun glinted on the snow, sparkling like diamonds.

“Is it supposed to snow again?”

“There’s supposed to be a break, then more tomorrow night.”

Rey buttoned her coat and took Ben’s hand as they walked to his car.

“What are we making today?”

“I thought rolls. And a no-bake pie.”

“Ooh!”

“I want to take you out for dinner tonight, to celebrate.”

“Like, on a date?”

“Yeah.”

She paused, pulling at his hand, “do I need to get a change of clothes?”

“That’s it? You agree to it, just like that?”

“I told you, I’m always agreeable.” She grinned.

“I was just thinking burgers, would that be okay?”

“Sure!”

* * *

As it turned out, they did make a stop back at Rey’s apartment for her to change clothes, because roll- and pie-making had proven to be messier than Ben had foreseen.

She left him chatting on the sofa with Beau while she rifled through her closet again, taking a few snaps and begging Rose for assistance.

They settled on a clean pair of jeans, with a lacy burgundy tank and a chunky beige sweater with a wide neck, that she had found the other day at Goodwill.

She freshened her lip gloss, brushed her hair and arranged her oatmeal-colored beanie, wrapped her gauzy scarf around her shoulders, and grabbed her coat.

When she peeked out into the front room, Ben was explaining the premise of his Felucian research to an entranced Beaumont. Rey snickered. At least Beau could appreciate the nuance of the details that went right over Rey’s head!

The men shook hands, Ben helped Rey with her coat, and they lumbered through the snow again, back to the car, then through the crowded streets to the restaurant. A lot of students were taking advantage of the break in the weather to get out of town, so there wasn’t a long wait.

Rey chose the side of the booth facing a large tv screen where a Huttball playoff game was airing, with the volume turned way down. Ben laid their coats on the opposite bench and scooted in next to her, sighing and picking up the menu.

“What’s good here?”

“I like the Mos Eisley sliders. Do you mind if I order a Lomin ale?”

“Of course not. Hmm…” Rey read a few of the descriptions. “Have you ever tried the Mos Espa?”

He chuckled, “living dangerously, eh?”

“I’ll try that.” Rey folded up her menu, piled it on top of Ben’s, and set her hand on his thigh, snuggling closer and checking the score.

“Do you want a drink? Their cloudberry lemonade is good.”

“Nah, I’ll stick with water. I’ve gained a couple pounds and I can’t afford new pants.” She pursed her lips. “I need to start running again. Or stop letting you feed me so well.”

“Bring your runners next week, we’ll go any morning the weather cooperates.”

She lay her head on his shoulder. 

“Tired?”

“Only mentally. My brain is fried.” She inhaled deeply, “I may not be very good company tonight.”

He set his hand over hers and squeezed. “You’re always good company, Rey.”

Their server came by and Ben ordered for both of them. Rey perked up a little when her preferred Huttball team won, and rallied additionally when their food arrived. “Ooh! This smells so good!”

The spicy sauce on the burger Rey had chosen soon woke her up further and brought some color to her cheeks. When they had finished and were ready to go, her lips were still tingling.

Ben put her in the car and started the engine, getting the heater going. “Do you want to go home? Or I’ve still got a few cookies, we could watch a show; or a movie.”

“A movie would be good.”

Ben drove slowly through his neighborhood, taking her to see two more streets where the residents had gone over the top with their decorations. There was a large sign in front of one of the houses, declaring them that year’s winner.

“People really get competitive with this, don’t they?”

Ben looked over at her, gauging her interest. “The human urge to decorate is ancient, dating back much further than Winterfest.”

He continued his exposition even after they returned to his home and put their leftovers in the fridge. 

Rey remarked, “you have a very particular way of explaining things.”

He started back, “I’m sorry! I went into 'Professor Mode,' didn’t I?”

“Oh, I didn’t mean it in a negative way.” She put her arms around his waist and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting his chin on her head. “I could listen to you for hours.”

He chuckled and rubbed up and down her spine, “if only all my students felt the same!” He put several cookies on a plate and brought them in to the front room. “What do you want to watch?”

“Oh, oh! Is the new _Phenom_ movie out on HoloFlix yet?” she kicked off her boots.

He turned out the lights, “I think so, let’s see…”

He threw his arm around her as they snuggled on the couch, and by the time the movie was half over, they had shifted so he was lying against a large throw pillow and she was partially draped over him, wedged between him and the back of the couch; her head resting on his chest, her knee bent over his thigh, and her hand thrust up under his sweater, fiddling with his shirt buttons. While he rubbed her neck and shoulders soothingly.

During one particularly dramatic scene she tensed up, then giggled at herself, relaxing against him again. Abstractedly she slipped her fingers inside the placket of his shirt, between buttons, and smoothed little circles into the skin of his abdomen with the pads of her fingers.

Now it was his breathing that sped up, and she could feel a tension in his muscles, but it didn’t coincide with anything going on in the movie. He brought his hand up and pressed it over hers, through the layers of his sweater and shirt.

She lifted her head to peer up at him for a moment, but he refused to look away from the screen, clenching his jaw.

He rumbled, “I must ask you to stop.”

She pulled her fingers out of his shirt, tugged down on the hem of his sweater, and twined her fingers with his, resting on his stomach. She continued to look up at him for another second or two, then gingerly lay her head back down on his chest.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a friendly reminder that this fic is rated “M for Mature.” Mature themes and (eventual) smut. Minimally tagged to avoid spoilers.
> 
> If you're interested in reading my submission for The Marvelous Moodboard Event, Chapter 1 can be found here:
> 
> [hang the moon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222788/chapters/69159456/)  
> (M), I expect it will be 7 chapters


	14. Chapter 14

* * *

There was a soft tapping at her door, and Zorii popped her head in to say goodbye. “I’ve gotta leave early if I’m going to get home before dark. Have a great holiday, girl!”

Rey was still in bed. “You too! There’s a container in the fridge for you.”

“Okay, I’ll grab it!”

Rey sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She looked at her clock. Rose was going to be here soon! She didn’t usually have the opportunity to sleep in, without an alarm.

She showered and got dressed, and started pulling options out of her closet for Rose to authorize. When she had transferred half her closet to piles on her bed, she wandered out to the kitchen for a bite to eat.

“Hey, hon!” Jannah called from the table.

“Oh! I thought you left last night!”

“We decided to leave the day after tomorrow. Will it be a problem if we’re here?”

“No. I’ll be… uh… with Ben.”

Jannah’s forehead crinkled up comically. “Will you now? Beau is very excited to get an insider’s view of this whole affair.”

Rey raised her eyebrows. “We’re…”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘just friends,’ you already explained it to me. But you know I don’t believe it.” Jannah pursed her lips and arched one eyebrow.

Rey got herself a bowl of cereal and poured on the last of her milk, laughing and digging in. “There’s a box in the fridge for you.”

“I saw it, thank you! So… are you going out of town with him?”

“No, I’m staying at his house. He’s got a car we’re going to do some work on, and we’re having dinner tonight with friends of his. Here in town.”

“You’re staying at his house? For a week?”

“Well. A week and a half. Or so. Yeah.” She washed her bowl and spoon and set them in the drainer as her phone pinged. “Rose is here! I’ll be right back!” 

As she stepped out into the hall, she could hear Jannah muttering and snickering, “…‘just friends’ my arse…”

She let Rose in the exterior doors, noting the large duffel slung over her shoulder, “what are your plans today?”

“Finn’s going to pick me up here, in a bit. It’s kind of a long drive.”

Rose dumped her bags just inside the apartment, waved ‘hello’ to Jannah, and followed Rey to her room. She whistled when she saw the piles. “We’d better get to work!”

“Any that are a definite ‘no,’ just hand them to me and I’ll hang them back in the closet.”

Rose made quick work of it, setting a few items back on the bed and handing the rest to Rey. “When is he coming to get you?”

“Around three.”

“That’s a long time, between three and dinner tonight. How ever will you fill the time?”

Rey giggled, “Rosie! 

“Oh, well, I’m sure you’ll think of something!”

Jannah poked her head in to say she was leaving for the day. “Jolly Winterfest! Be good, Rey!”

When they had whittled the choices down to enough clothes for a week, Rey started packing her little suitcase. “I’ll probably come back, sometime in the middle, to grab a few more things and drop my laundry off.”

“Okay, then I’ll leave a few more good choices here on this side of the closet.” She pushed a few hangers over. “And be sure to take your best undies! Do you have any cute pajamas?”

Rey snorted, “I don’t have _any_ pajamas, let alone anything cute! And I’ve just got basic underwear, very simple.”

“We are going to remedy both of those, when I get back!” Rose bounced down on the bed. “What are you going to sleep in?”

“A T-shirt and leggings?”

“Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Rey pulled a couple options out of the drawer.

“No! No way! Those are ratty as hell!”

“What am I supposed to wear, then?”

“What happened to those fleece thermals? That you wore last year when we went sledding?”

“Oh!” Rey dug deep and found the black bottoms and gray geometric print top.

“Those will have to do! Seriously Rey, what girl doesn’t have cute jammies?”

“What do I need cute jammies for?! No one’s going to see me in them!”

“Uh huh, right.” Rose rolled her eyes. “Do you have any slippers?”

Rey shook her head.

“You are woefully unprepared!” She tapped her bottom lip, thinking. “Any thick socks? What did you wear sledding?”

“Oh, wait!” Rey crouched down, looking in the back of her closet behind her shoes. “I forgot, I’ve got these!” and brought out a fluffy pair of red socks, with rubbery dot grippers on the soles for traction, and a little white vulptex, knit on each ankle. “I won them playing BINGO, you remember? at Bazine’s New Year’s Eve party last year!”

“Oh, yeah! That super fun party where Bazine’s new boyfriend turned out to be your old boyfriend?!”

“Mmm. Great party… Hux got drunk…”

“Great party. But those slippers are pretty cute.” 

“They’ll have to do.” Rey shoved them in her bag. “I just have to get my toiletries, my curling iron…”

Rose’s phone chirped, “it’s Finn!” and she sent him a quick text.

Rey grabbed a container for Rose from the fridge, and helped Rose drag her duffel to the elevator and then to the entry, where Finn hefted it onto his shoulder. “Whatcha got in here, Rosie?”

Rey gave Rose a hug, “you two drive safe!”

“And you be safe! Use a condom!”

Rey rolled her eyes and handed Rose the container. “Jolly Winterfest!”

“Love you!”

* * *

“I haven’t actually ever tried this shower.” Ben pushed the curtain aside to examine the bathtub plumbing in the hall bathroom. He turned on the hot water and waited a few seconds. “Well, there’s hot water, anyway. I think you just…” he swung a center lever around, and the shower line sputtered and shook, then water sprayed out of the wide shower head. “Seems to work. But if you have any problems, you can use the shower in the master bath. It’s a more contemporary style and works fine.”

“Okay.”

Ben wandered out to the hall. “If you want to get settled in… are you hungry?”

“Maybe just a little.”

“Okay I’ll get us a snack.”

Rey went into the guest room to unpack her clothes into the closet and small nightstand, then went back into the bathroom to arrange her toiletries in a drawer. Everything organized to her satisfaction, she tucked her suitcase into the back corner of the closet and walked back over to the bed. She ran her hand back and forth against the velvety cover; then both hands from side to side. With an “…umpf…” she leaned against the bed, pushing her hands out in front of her and lying down face-first, rubbing her cheek against the velvet, her arms splayed out, her fingers brushing against the soft scrolling leaf pattern.

“You all set?”

Rey peeped up at Ben standing in the doorway and pushed herself upright, “yeah. I just love this comforter.”

Ben chuckled and brushed her hair behind her shoulder as she came out into the hall.

In the kitchen, Ben had cut up a honeyfruit and something she didn’t recognize, bright green strips with purple skin. “what are these?” She picked up a sliver and crunched down, “mmm.”

“Bellassan peppers.” Ben picked up a wedge of honeyfruit, “when can you look up your test scores?”

“I won’t have access to all of them until after the new year. It will be so nice to relax a little this week!” She lay her head against her arm on the counter. “Just one more semester!”

“You’re not going to get your master’s?”

She groaned. “Only if forced. I’ll have to see what the job market looks like. My course load is going to be difficult again next session, but I will need to start sending out feelers.” She munched on the last piece of pepper. “This is so good!”

Ben set the empty plate in the sink, “do you want to go for a walk? It’s sunny out.”

She put on her coat, hat and gloves, and they strolled down the sidewalk. Ben held her hand with his inside his coat pocket again. 

Rey inspected the quiet homes they passed, “have you always lived here in Hanna City?”

“I was born here, but we moved to Coruscant when I was small, for my father’s speed racing career. My parents returned to Hanna a few months after I went to _Brightday Academy_ , and after I graduated I came back too. What about you?”

“I grew up in Jakku, the armpit of Chandrila.”

Ben chuckled, “it does certainly have that reputation.”

“A well-deserved reputation, I can assure you.”

“Do you like it here?”

“Yes, I’d like to stay, depending on… work.”

They crossed the street to the little neighborhood park, where there was a meandering walking path. Several little boys had made two snow forts and were cheerfully lobbing snowballs back and forth and shouting creative insults. “Sleemo!” “Peedunky buckethead!” “Nerfherder scum!”

They circled around the playground to a wooded area where the trail split off. “The path winds around through the trees there for about five miles, and loops back to the parking lot, over there.” Ben gestured to the far side of the park. “The Recreation Division usually keeps the snow cleared. I thought we could try running here, maybe not tomorrow morning, but the next, if the weather’s good?”

“Okay.” Rey pulled her hand out of Ben’s pocket, skipped around behind him, and pushed her other hand into the pocket on the opposite side.

He laughed, “do you…”

Just then, there was a miserable outcry from across the park, where a gang of four or five teenagers was harassing the little boys, kicking over their forts, stomping their snowman, and pelting them mercilessly with iceballs.

“Oi!” Rey yanked her hand out of Ben’s pocket and started jogging toward the children, “leave off, you fierfeks! But Rey and Ben were too far away to catch the older boys’ attention. She scooped up a handful of snow and, quickly approaching the noisy melee, hurled it with frightening speed and accuracy, catching the ringleader square in the jugular.

Ben followed, coming up from behind her with a terrifying roar, and proved to have excellent aim as well, and superior snowball-packing strength. Between the two of them, they quickly evened the score. The little boys rallied with whoops and cheers, and a fearsome volley of their own, and together they scattered the invading force and routed them soundly.

They bestowed triumphant high fives all around and headed back to Ben’s place, rosy-cheeked and laughing, “you are scary! Remind me never to oppose you in a snowball fight!”

Ben smirked, “I got bullied one too many times as a kid. Uncle Chewie helped me practice my aim.”

She looped her arm through his, shaking snow and ice out of her hair, “who bullied _you_?”

“I was not always the paragon of strength you see before you now.”

“I don’t believe it!”

They tripped through the front door, snorting and hooting and stomping their feet. Rey shucked her coat and mittens, with a spray of ice crystals, and squealed as cold water dripped from her hat down the back of her neck.

Ben set their gloves over a heat register to dry, and hung their coats on the rack, then reached for her, rubbing her arms and back briskly, “I’m going to take a shower. We’ll need to leave in about an hour.”

Rey looked up at him, tittering and carding her fingers painfully through her wet and tangled hair, “okay, maybe I will too. Is there enough hot water?”

“I’ll be quick.” With a quick peck on her cheek, he disappeared down the hall.

Rey went to her room and pulled out the dress she planned to wear, clean underthings, her nylons and flats, and set everything on the bed; undressed and put on her robe. She hung her wet clothes to dry in the closet, and made her way across the hall, and arranged her shampoo and soaps on the side of the bathtub. 

She could hear the shower in the other bathroom, for several minutes, and used the time to work the snarls out of her hair. When the water shut off, she closed the bathroom door and messed around with the faucet for a moment, getting the water to her desired temperature and, swinging the curtain around, flipped the lever to divert the flow to the shower and stepped in.

From unfortunate experience, she knew older homes often had hot water heater or pressure issues, so she washed and lathered her hair as quickly as possible and started to rinse; when suddenly there was a deep crash and a popping noise coming from the plumbing. The water suddenly turned ice cold and she shrieked, finishing her rinse with a “hoo!” and an “oi!” and an “eek!” or two.

She screeched, reaching through the spray; flipped the diverter lever and shut off the water. She pushed back the curtain, grabbed a large fluffy bath sheet from the rack, and toweled off vigorously. 

She stepped out onto the thick rug just as Ben knocked on the door, hollering, “you alright in there?”

She wrapped the towel around herself, tucking it securely under one arm, and stepped to the door, opening it a crack and peeking out from behind, “maybe only one person should shower at a time. In the future.” Ben was barefoot, wearing khakis and a snug white T-shirt, his hair wet and tousled around his face

“Kriff! I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay! I was due for a cold shower anyway!” Her eyes shot wide open and she realized what she had just said, “um…” She edged the door closed, “that was a bad joke! A little cold water never hurt anyone!” and she snapped the door shut, laughing at herself.

Rey dried and styled her hair in loose curls, tumbling around her shoulders; put on a little makeup, and, wrapping up in her robe, snuck across the hall to get dressed.

She didn’t like wearing hose, but they were really the only option with her royal blue velveteen dress. Truth be told, she didn’t like dresses much, as a general rule, but for this one she would make an exception. The scooped neck wasn’t too low, the bodice and three-quarter sleeves were snug but comfortable, and the full skirt draped and flowed in a way that kind of made her feel like a princess.

She slipped on her flats, dropped a few items into her clutch, snapping it closed, and swept out into the hall just as Ben walked toward her from the kitchen.

With his khakis he had added brown, thick-soled dress shoes, a fine-plaid button down and a cable knit sweater, in a rich burgundy, with a heavy ribbed crossover collar.

Her shoes skidded a little against the polished wood floor and she gawped at him, stupidly, grabbing the door frame to avoid stumbling.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” she rasped, awestruck.

“That’s my line. Kriff, Rey.” He held his hand out to her, “you are… stunning.”

She shook her head, snorting, “no! You are!” She placed her hands on his chest as he drew her close. “I have a gift for you, should I bring it tonight?”

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Rey!”

She pursed her lips.

“But yes, if you want to bring it…”

She ducked back into her room, returning with a gold paper-wrapped present, tied with a blue ribbon. “I have something in the fridge, too…” and she darted past him to the kitchen, where the rolls and pie they had made the day before were already set out on the counter. “How are we going to carry all of this…?”

They packed everything into grocery totes, put on their coats, and trundled into the car.

Once they were on their way, Rey started to get a little nervous. Ben hadn’t really told her that much about Maz and Chewie. They cooked over a spit. Other than that…

Ben looked over at her, as they waited at a light. “They’re going to love you.”

“Oh… I…”

He extended his hand to her again, and she held on to him until they pulled into the driveway of a large, curving stucco home with circular windows and a huge round front door; the entryway courtyard built around an enormous wroshyr tree at least twice as big as the one in Ben’s yard. Rey pitched out of the car and gaped up at its lofty branches, disappearing into the dark night sky. She blinked over at Ben as he opened the trunk and started pulling out bags and boxes. “Wow.”

She took one bag, Ben took the rest, and she shut the trunk, then followed him up to the door, and rang the bell, stepping back and standing slightly behind him; waiting for judgement to befall her.

The door swung open and the tiniest, wrinkliest woman Rey had ever seen bellowed, “Ben Solo!”

* * *

Maz and Chewie were a most unusually paired couple, but they worked, somehow. 

Maz was adorable, with a tight grin that lit up her wizened face, dark eyes behind heavy, thick glasses; her head and ears snugly wrapped in a shimmering gray scarf. She wore billowing maroon silk pants with a blue sweater and a gray knit vest; a garnet bead necklace, and stacks of etched silver and ivory bracelets on both wrists. She was loud, and she was outspoken, and Rey loved her at once.

Chewbacca, on the other hand was a giant, at least a foot taller than Ben and three feet taller than Maz. He was loud too, but spoke with an accent so thick Rey could scarcely understand a word he said. Laughter was the same in any language, however, so she usually understood the gist, and made an effort to stay close to Ben, who was able to assist her with strategic comments and whispers. Chewie had a heavy mop of brown hair and a thick beard that covered his cheeks almost all the way up to his eyes. He wore all brown: a dark linen button down and mocha slacks. It must be quite a challenge to find clothes that fit him.

The dinner had been delicious and Rey was slightly uncomfortable, and grateful for the spandex content of the fabric of her dress, having overeaten just a bit. The others had shared a bottle of emerald wine; and for Rey, Maz had offered, with a twinkle in her eye, a dark purple, sparkling reythan berry juice.

Chewie had roasted a large ronto loin and had buried some tangaroots in the coals; they had a nutty flavor and were scrumptious with just a pat of bantha butter and a dash of salt.

Maz had prepared several traditional Kashyyykian Winterfest dishes that Rey couldn’t remember the names of, but they were all amazing. With all of this, plus the rolls Ben and Rey had brought to share, Rey had been quite overwhelmed and had to remind herself frequently to slow down.

Maz and Chewie didn’t seem to mind, or even notice, and the conversation was easy and familiar, even though she had only just met them.

Rey helped clear the table, assisting Maz and portioning everything in half so she and Ben could take leftovers with them, and she found herself laughing at another of Maz’s stories about a tavern she worked in, when she first met Chewie and fell in love with him. 

Rey wiped her cheeks, grinning to herself and placing two more bowls in the fridge. She spun around to see what else was to do, to find Maz, staring up at her and removing her glasses, setting them on the counter. She held her hand up to Rey, who slipped her fingers into Maz’s and immediately went down on one knee to hear what she would say. “The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.”

Rey blinked, taking a deep breath, her eyes tearing up. Maz traced her long fingers down Rey’s cheek, brushing the tears away. “Dear child. He loves you, and so do we.” She patted Rey tenderly and smiled, reaching for her glasses. “Now. What about this pie you have brought me? Cardellian mint!”

* * *

Rey was filled to bursting, after indulging in a large piece of the pie she and Ben had brought, and if she did say so herself, it was very good.

Chewie had offered to show her the spit, so the four of them had stepped out to the back courtyard, where a large stone pit was at the center, still putting off a considerable amount of heat. They wandered around, Chewie explaining the solar-powered cranks that slowly turned the meat as it roasted all day. The more time Rey spent listening to him, the more she could understand. He had a barking, lilting accent, and connected the words and phrases in unexpected ways, but her ear soon became attuned to his manner of speech, and especially as he explained this feat of engineering that he had designed and installed himself, she found herself in perfect affinity with him, asking questions and listening carefully to his answers, nodding raptly.

“Benjamin! Help me!” Maz drew Ben away to a side door, where Rey could see a workbench and heavy tools organized carefully against a pegboard.

She and Chewie worked their way back into the house, chatting amiably. He directed her to the front room, and offered her a seat on a huge leather couch. She perched on the edge, her feet barely touching the floor, and watched as Ben came in carrying… something… covered completely in black cloth, and leaned it against an overstuffed chair.

“Are we exchanging gifts now?” Rey looked up at Ben, and at his nod she darted into the kitchen and retrieved a box from the fridge, then returned to her spot on the couch where Ben was waiting for her.

“What do you have there?” Ben looked at the box in her hands, confused.

“It’s for Maz and Chewie,” and she stood again, handing the box to Maz who was nearest her.

Maz sniffed at the box, looking over at Chewie wryly, “I’ll fight you for them!” and looked back at Rey, “and he knows I’ll win, too!” She lifted the top of the box and tipped it to show Chewbacca, and Ben. “Ziziibbon truffles, or I’m not a chef worth her salt!”

Rey beamed and hopped up to indicate the three varieties in the box, “these rolled in cocoa are flavored with lemon zest; these with the chocolate coating are vanilla; and these rolled in sugar are filled with blumfruit purée.” She grinned at everyone, retrieving the gold-wrapped box she had brought from under the tree, and settling again next to Ben, who stared at her. 

“Did you make those?!”

“Yup.”

He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed fondly, looking over at Maz and Chewie proudly as Maz sampled one, and stood to pop one into Chewie’s mouth. The two of them ranted and raved with glowing compliments, and Maz crossed the room to offer one to Ben as well.

He took a blumfruit truffle and bit into it mistrustfully, but was soon humming lowly, savoring the little morsel and reaching for Rey’s hand. “They're delicious, sweetheart!”

Rey blushed, pleased with the praise, but admitted, “I followed a recipe on the holonet.”

“They’re wonderful, dear!” Maz assured her. “Truffles aren’t easy to make.”

Rey snuggled into Ben’s side, utterly delighted with their reactions.

Next, Chewie presented Ben with a box, containing an old photo album. Ben opened the first few pages, to find newspaper articles, certificates and photographs of his parents carefully pasted inside.

He shut the cover gently, nodding his head solemnly, then looked up at Chewie, and Maz in turn. “Thank you.”

His gift to them was tickets to opening day at the Coruscanti Raceway, later in the spring.

Chewie grunted, content, and Maz looked up from where she stood at Chewie’s side, “thank you, dear boy.”

Rey turned to Ben, “is it my turn?!” and she handed Ben the gold box. 

He took the box from her, shaking it lightly, “…I hope it’s truffles…” and untied the ribbon, removing the lid carefully. He pulled back a layer of tissue, “ah!”

He nearly dropped the box and Rey reached out reflexively to prevent the disaster, but he recovered, righting the box on his knees and setting the lid aside. 

Reverently, he ran his finger down the dark green leather cover of the book inside the box, then along the gold imprint on the front. He read the title out loud while Rey squealed softly at his side, _“The Decline and Fall of the Felucian Empire,”_ then gingerly lifted the cover to inspect the title page, “gods Rey, where did you acquire this?! Do you know that it’s estimated there are only fifty-three original copies?!”

She grinned, bouncing in her seat. 

Ben studied the title page for several minutes, muttering to himself, “Bane & Zannah, Theed.” He looked up at Maz and Chewie, pale and shaken.

Maz winked at Rey, her eyes magnified many times larger through her thick glasses. “Well, we see whose gift is the favorite this year, don’t we?”

Ben carefully closed the book and meticulously replaced the lid on the box, then set it beside him on the couch, looking at Rey, shaking himself. “I don’t know how… that’s really… I’m…” He chuckled, “thank you, Rey.”

Rey looked around the room, beaming at everyone, expecting the evening to be winding down soon, “thank you so much! This was just lovely!”

Ben stood and walked over to the covered piece he had brought in earlier, gesturing towards it, “this is for you.” He plucked at the cloth covering, “do you want to…”

Rey approached warily, looking up at Ben, smiling over at Maz. “What is it…?”

Ben smiled down at her, “come see.”

She gently lifted the cloth, and Ben shifted his hand to keep the item beneath steady and upright. She stepped back, attentively pulling the cloth away to reveal…

It was a cut glass panel, tall and slender, elegant; each delicate piece fused with intricate, tiny curved lead strips. It reminded her of… something. And as she scrutinized it carefully, she realized what it was. The painting on linen, in Ben’s front room! 

The mountainside, the spiraling clouds, the craggy and weathered trees; but instead of a malo stag, here was a crystal starbird, its long and shimmering, curling tail feathers sparking and glimmering in the lights from the Winterfest tree, its frozen blue eye peering keenly back at Rey.

She went down on her knees to examine every minute detail; the swirling glass, the tiny prisms expertly set to throw a thousand rainbows.

“Ben! I love it! It’s wonderful!”

“Maz made it.”

Rey scooched around, looking at Maz in wonder, “you did?!” to which Maz only nodded and wrung her long fingers together, gratified yet humble.

Rey bounded across the room to kneel again before the diminutive woman, to embrace her warmly, “oh, thank you, Maz! It’s spectacular! It’s exquisite!”

Maz stroked her hair affectionately, “Benjamin designed it.”

Rey pulled back, startled, wondering if she had misunderstood, but Maz smiled at her and nodded while Chewie chuckled his rumbling laugh. Rey stood and spun around, to stare at Ben, open-mouthed. He had set the panel against the chair again and leaned against the arched doorway, arms folded across his chest unaffectedly.

She tripped across the room and fell into his arms, her hands running up to his shoulders, “you did?!”

He hummed in affirmation, the corner of his mouth curling up as he steadied her with his hands pressed securely to her back.

“It matches the canvas in your front room, did you paint that?!”

He only chuckled, showing his crooked teeth and grinning down at her.

She pressed her thumb into his dimple, “I didn’t know you’re an artist!” then cuddled into his chest, whispering, “I love it, Ben! It’s so beautiful!” Ben leaned his cheek against her hair, caressing her arm.

Suddenly Chewie grunted a comment that Rey couldn’t understand at all, but which had Maz cackling and Ben tightening his hold on her and raising his head with a quick intake of breath.

Rey craned her neck around to peep over her shoulder, trying to discern what was ado, “…what…?”

“You’re standing under the tuanulberry, child,” Maz crowed, her eyes squeezed closed in merriment.

Rey tipped her head back to observe a small sprig of some herb, dried out, bluish-green tear-shaped leaves with dark blue berries, tied with a red velvet ribbon and hung from the threshold just above Ben’s head.

She met Ben’s gaze, perplexed, “…what is it…? I don’t…?”

His lips twitched, “…we don’t have to…”

Rey turned to Maz again, her brows knit charily.

And Maz called out, explaining, “it’s a Kashyyykian tradition! Lovers who meet beneath the tuanulberry, share a kiss to pledge their affection!”

Chewie barked his endorsement, chuckling and snuzzling with his wife, who had crept up next to him in his chair, and was snickering cheerfully.

Rey raised her face to Ben, gazing up at him, chewing at her lip, “…oh! If it’s a tradition, then…” and smiled shyly, drawing her hand up past his collar and into the wispy curls at his nape.

Ben’s fingers twitched convulsively on her back, pulling her closer, and he slowly pressed his lips to hers, firm and sweet, lingering for perhaps a moment longer than was suitable with an audience, but Rey didn’t mind. Maz and Chewie might have been hooting in appreciation but she couldn’t really hear what was going on, over the whooshing sound in her ears; and was content to gaze up at Ben giddily.

The lovely evening quickly drew to a close, as Maz noticed it had started snowing, and encouraged them to undertake their journey home before the roads iced over. Ben made a trip to the car with their leftovers and returned, blowing and stomping the fluffy flakes from his shoes. Maz assisted Rey to wrap their treasures securely against the damp and Ben rushed out with those as well.

Rey set her coat on the arm of the sofa, and turned to Maz, “thank you, it was lovely to meet you! and thank you so much for the gorgeous glass panel!” 

Maz clung to her arms gently, blinking up at her, “you will visit us again soon, child,” at which Rey nodded enthusiastically and advanced on Chewie, whose vast arms enveloped her completely, his murmured farewells rumbling her bones splendidly.

Ben returned in a flurry and helped her into her coat, and with a hug for Chewie and a kiss to Maz’s cheek, they were bundled out the door into the silent snowfall. Ben wrapped his arm around her firmly and settled her in the car.

“They are amazing! Oh, I love them so much!” Rey gushed breathlessly the whole trip home, so carried away that she didn’t have a spare thought to be nervous of driving in the snow.

* * *

They brought all the food in, and Rey spent several minutes arranging everything in the fridge, while Ben brought in all the gifts. 

She wandered into the front room, where Ben was sitting on the sofa, carefully leafing through the book she had given him. She tucked her feet underneath her, kneeling on the couch at his side.

“This is in astoundingly good condition. Really, where did you get it?”

“Oh, I know a guy.” She giggled. “I have a friend at Goodwill, and he gave me a great deal on the book, in exchange for my knowledge about some sports memorabilia that was donated. I think he is going to sell it at auction.”

“This could also be sold at auction.”

“Well. I know that. From a couple things he said, I wondered if he knows you. Lor San Tekka?”

Ben’s brows shot up. “Indeed.” He looked down at the book, “he was friends with my mother; I think they might have dated, in high school.” He set the lid back on the box. “He was the band instructor, in junior high.”

“Mmm.” She slid off the couch and wandered over to Ben’s painting, “when did you do this?”

“Oh, ten years ago now.”

“It’s beautiful. What does this say?” She indicated the symbols in the corner.

“It’s a poem. In D’vouran.”

“Have you done any more painting?”

“Nooo! Everything’s out in the shed, somewhere.”

She studied the painting carefully, for long seconds, then shifted her gaze over to the glass panel, which Ben had leaned up against the wall. She flipped on the lamp in the corner, and crouched down to inspect it more closely; her arms around her bent leg, her chin resting on her knee. She would like to visit this wood. Maybe live there forever with the malo stags and the starbirds.

“You kissed me.”

She drew in a deep breath but didn’t look over at him. “Yes. I did.”

“On the mouth.”

She cleared her throat. “Yes.”

“Was that just a one-time thing?”

She twisted around, sitting cross-legged and arranging her skirts. “It depends.”

“On...?”

“I'm not ready for... more. Than kissing. Not yet.”

“Wait. So are you saying mouth kissing is on the table?!”

“Maybe. With caveats.”

“I don't know what ‘caveats’ means, but when you say it, it sounds really sexy.”

She snickered.

“So. Just to be clear. Are we officially moving into the realm of a romantic relationship?”

Rey stood and started pacing nervously. “You told me that if you changed your mind, you’d let me know. And you haven’t said anything, so… yes.” She stopped and turned toward him. “If it is still your preference.”

“It is.”

“Okay then.” She chewed on her lip awkwardly. “I’ll have my lawyers draw that up. For your review and signature.”

Ben chuckled, standing; then stalked toward her. 

“Or a handshake. A handshake should be fine.”

“No. Our agreement will not be sealed with a handshake.” He grasped her gently around the waist, drawing her against him firmly. 

She rested one hand against his chest, dragging the other up into the curls behind his ear. “Oh? What did you have in mind?”

“Ah… what I have in mind is definitely not on the table… yet.” He bent, nipping sweetly at her jaw, trailing down her neck with little licks and kisses to her collarbone, as her breathing sped up.

She wrapped her fingers in his hair, tugging gently. 

Finally he slanted his mouth to hers. She swiped her tongue along his bottom lip, still tasting blumfruit and chocolate.

Several minutes later he straightened, kissing her cheek, her temple, her forehead. “May I walk you home?”

“Mmm…” she tugged at the back of his neck, chasing him for one more. He kissed her again, nibbling at her lower lip, then drew back, turning and flipping off the lamp. 

He walked with her to the guest room door, “…thank you, for a superb evening…”

“Yes! Thank you Ben, it was wonderful!” With one last kiss, she smiled up at him, brushing her fingers along the curve of his jaw, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Rey.”

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

* * *

Rey woke to the most delicious smell…

Bacon. 

That was it, decision made. She must marry him as soon as might be.

She pulled on her slippers, and after a quick trip to the ‘fresher, scuffed out into the kitchen.

He was wearing dark plaid sleep pants with a heather gray, snug-fitting long sleeve tee, and thick soled black wool slippers. His hair tucked behind his ears as he leaned attentively over the stove, tending two sizzling pans.

“Oh. My. Stars. Ben! Are you cooking bacon?!”

He chuckled, set his spatula down and greeted her with a quick embrace and a kiss on the cheek. “Good morning. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed.”

“Really?!”

He brushed his hands up and down her arms, “it’s almost done, do you want to pretend you didn’t already get up?”

“Okay!” She grinned, spun around, and scampered back to her bed, pulling off her slippers, leaning up against the fluffed pillows and waiting expectantly, the blankets smoothed and pulled up under her arms.

A few minutes later, Ben came to her door with a tray, peeking around the corner at her, “may I come in?”

“Of course!”

It was one of those fancy trays with legs, that set over her lap. There was bacon and eggs, and a smaller plate with two slices of whole grain toast, slathered with butter, and a glass of tart kavasa juice.

“Won’t you be eating with me?”

His lips curled up on one side, “if you like,” and he quickly returned with another glass of juice, which he set on her tray, and a plate of breakfast for himself. “May I…?” he gestured toward the bed and…

…she scooched over a little. “Yes!” She held his plate for a moment while he climbed up on the bed facing her, sitting cross-legged and taking his plate. Once he was settled, she dug in. “This is so good! I’ve never had breakfast in bed before!”

“I would like to bring you breakfast in bed every day.” He paused in the middle of bringing a forkful of eggs to his mouth, and looked up at her, as if startled to find he had spoken out loud, and nervous about her response.

She set her juice glass down carefully, “oh? What would you make?”

He raised his eyebrows, chewing and thinking. “Pedorian waffles… hotcakes with poptree syrup… gartro egg omelets…biscuits… Filata toast... bacon, of course…” He paused, pondering.

“Mmm. Okay. I accept.” She took a large bite of toast and grinned.

“That was easy.”

“You seem to know how to persuade me.”

“Food and the promise of mechanic’s labor.”

“I have simple tastes.”

He looked at her askance. “What would you say to just taking it easy today? I’ll start a fire and we can relax, read; I don’t know, nap?”

“That sounds great!” She finished the last of her food and reached for his empty plate.

“Oh, I’ll get everything.”

“I can help!”

“You’re my guest.” He set his plate on the tray and slid off the bed, coming to stand at her side.

“Guests don’t have to make nuisances of themselves.”

He brushed her hair back and pressed his fingers up behind her nape, cupping the back of her skull. “You couldn’t do that if you tried, sweetheart.” He tipped her head over slightly and bent down to breathe deeply at her throat, kissing her lightly and brushing his hand gently through the length of her hair.

He moved the tray to the desk and returned to her. “I want to ask you about something, but it’s… it’s…” he bit his lower lip and looked at her eyes for long moments.

She looked up at him, her eyebrows knit together, bewildered. 

He plucked up her hand and held it between his two, studying her face carefully and rubbing the back of her wrist with his thumb. “I may be way off base here. But… is your… hesitation about… intimacy…? Is it because… has someone hurt you, Rey?”

Her eyes widened, “are you asking if I’ve been raped?”

“Or anything like it.”

“No. No… did I give that impression?”

He squeezed her hand. “No, not necessarily. I just. Wanted to make sure.”

“No.” She pursed her lips, looking away from him, “I… I don’t want to make it sound like I have an enormous amount of experience, but…” she paused and turned to him, studying his face. “The experience I _have_ had has been… mediocre, at best. Not worth rushing in to, anyway… and… when the relationship ends, it has served as an… attachment, a tie to the person, and only caused me added pain.” She stared at him, silently pleading with him to understand. “It has left me feeling… duped.”

He nodded, thoughtfully. “Do you regret kissing me last night?”

“No. It was… very pleasant. But maybe now _you_ regret it?”

He snorted. “‘Pleasant’ isn’t exactly an enviable compliment of my technique.”

She pushed the blanket down and knelt to face him. “Your technique was excellent. I look forward to enjoying it again.” She bit her lip. “If that is something that interests you, as well.”

“You said you aren’t ready for ‘more,’ but will you be?”

“I don’t know.”

“Mmm…”

She wrung her hands together, “if that’s a dealbreaker, just say so, Ben! I know for most men, it would be!”

“Hey! Hey! I didn’t say that! I just…” He wet his bottom lip. “Do you not feel… physically attracted to me?”

“I do! I definitely do!”

“Okay.” He pushed his fingers through his hair. “Do you want me in your future?”

“Ben, I… Yes. Yes, I do.”

“And I want you in mine, too.”

Her breathing hitched, “you do?”

He brushed his knuckles along her jaw. “Yes, sweetheart. I do.”

She set her hands on his shoulders, kneading gently up toward his neck.

“But if you’re not ready to… to make love with me then…” he brought one hand up to hers and grasped her fingers, bringing them to his lips, “then we will have to set some boundaries. My restraint is not unlimited.”

“Oh. Of course.”

“I’ll have to let you know. When I need to stop. And you should do the same.”

“Alright.” She smiled guardedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I will wait for you Rey. I want you to be sure.” He chewed his lips, “I may also need time to study, or prepare, or something.”

“Um... what?”

“I should like to think I could do better than ‘mediocre,’ but now I’m apprehensive.”

She snorted, “I’ve made things awkward.”

“Yes! You have!” He grinned, “and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She knelt up, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he brought his arms around her waist in turn, and swung her off the bed, her toes hanging down and brushing the tops of his slippers. And when he brought his lips to hers, they were both smiling so broadly that it made kissing just a little difficult, at least for the first few moments.

* * *

Rey took a leisurely bath, dried her hair, dressed, and wandered out to the front room, looking for Ben.

He had started a merry fire in the hearth and now sat on the sofa, staring intently at a page in the album Chewie and Maz had gifted him. Rey stepped near and rubbed gentle circles into his back, between his shoulder blades.

He looked up at her, with watery eyes, brushing at his cheeks and sniffing.

She sat close at his side. “Show me.”

He turned back to the beginning, and slowly they looked through the pages together. Most contained memorabilia from his father’s racing career: news and magazine articles, certificates, photographs. But there were also mementos from Ben’s youth and school days: programs, art work, band playbills. A card he had written to Maz, in a beautiful, sweeping hand. His graduation announcements, both from high school and university.

Together, they looked longest at an enlarged snapshot of Ben at his high school academy graduation. Ben wore a black suit, very severe in style; by way of embellishment, only silver buttons on the pockets and down the front, and three silver emblems on the right side of the band collar. With his head shaved and a felted black beret pushed up on the left side, his ears looked enormous. But most striking was his expression. Rey couldn’t decide if he looked merely stoic, or angry. 

His mother, Leia Organa-Solo, tiny next to him, held Ben’s elbow happily and pursed her lips at the camera, peering through heavily tinted, rectangular-shaped, red-rimmed glasses; her hair twisted and plaited intricately into a low chignon.

Standing on Ben’s other side and slightly behind him, his father, the famous speed racer Han Solo, wearing his usual dark blue pants with a maroon stripe down each side, a white Henley and black vest; roguishly smirking at the photographer and gesturing toward Ben proudly.

There was one other person in the picture Rey didn’t recognize: a man, only a few inches taller than Leia, with piercing blue eyes and graying blond hair, a tightly shorn beard and moustache, saluting the camera jauntily.

“Who’s this?”

“Uncle Luke. My mother’s twin.”

Rey wondered who had taken the photo? Perhaps Chewbacca. Her gaze returned to Ben again and again. His face so young, his bearing so sullen, so menacing. So different than the man she knew now, how many years later?

“How old are you, Ben?”

“35.”

“I never thought to ask, when is your birthday?”

“It was last month. On the 19th.” He closed the album, brushed his fingers down the leather cover. “When is yours?”

“I don’t know. But I celebrate on the 10th of Telona. The day I was found.”

Ben set the album carefully on the coffee table and leaned back, taking her hand and pulling her toward him gently. 

She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. “Happy Birthday, Ben.”

He turned and kissed the crown of her head, brushing her hair behind her ear.

* * *

Ben placed some of the leftovers to reheat on the stove, and set to making little sandwiches from rolls, shredded ronto, cheese and fresh greens. Rey set the table with tall glasses of water and the beautiful blue plates.

“Tell me again what these are?” Rey indicated the Kashyyykian foods as Ben served everything out.

“This is klak, it’s a Winterfest tradition, and one of my father’s favorites.” He cut a little hand pie in two and set half on his plate and half on Rey’s, “this is luilris mushroom pie, one of Maz’s many specialties.” He set a little ramekin by her plate and one by his own, “and this is poached shi-shok. Mother used to make this for breakfast, Winterfest morning.”

“How long ago did Chewie immigrate?”

“You know… I don’t know. I’ve never asked. He’s always been here, as long as I can remember. Actually…” he paused to consider.

“Hmm…?”

“I think my earliest memory is of Chewie, carrying me on his shoulder.”

Rey reached out and squeezed Ben’s hand. “You’re lucky to have them.”

They ate for several minutes in companionable silence.

“I still don’t understand… something.” Ben hesitated.

“Hmm…?”

“You said that you had spent holidays with friends, but you didn’t know the traditional Harvest Festival foods, and these are pretty standard Winterfest dishes. 

“Mmm…” she took a swallow of her water. “I spent a couple of holidays with Rose’s family, my freshman and sophomore years. Her family is Haysian.” Rey grinned. “So I know a little about banh xeo and goi cuon, but if I had ever eaten porg before, I didn’t know what it was.”

“How did you two meet?”

“We were roommates. I replied to her listing on the swap board. Her sister Paige lived in that first apartment, too.”

“But you didn’t want to spend the holiday with them this year…?”

“I love Rose’s family, but spending a lot of time with them is exhausting. I can’t ever completely relax around them. Do you know what I mean?” 

Ben snickered, “I couldn’t ever completely relax around my own family, so yes, I know what you mean.”

She continued, “and anyway, Rose went with Finn for Winterfest break. I need to text her and see how things are going.”

“Hmm… and none of the families you were placed with celebrated?”

Rey snorted derisively. “Um. No. I don’t know how those people got approved to foster. Some bug in the system.” She shoved the last half of a roll sandwich into her mouth and chewed forcefully, effectively bringing the discussion to a close.

As they washed the dishes, Rey asked, “Did your parents live near here?”

“We could drive by the two homes, if you want.”

“Okay.”

About twenty minutes later, they drove a mile or so from Ben’s home, and stopped for a few minutes outside a little yellow bungalow with a white picket fence and an enclosed porch.

“My parents lived here for the first few years of their marriage.”

“Do you remember living here?”

“Vaguely. I was six when we moved.” 

He put the car in gear and drove several miles, up into the foothills of the city, to a neighborhood Rey would definitely classify as “snob hill.” She gawked at the tall fences, the manicured gardens, the multi-storied homes with pools and stables in the vast yards behind them.

Ben stopped in front of a large stone home, with vines growing up about half way and meticulously trimmed away from the windows. With a slate roof peeking out from beneath the snow, and white shutters; a driveway curving around a cluster of beautifully pruned, though currently bare, rose bushes.

“This one?!” Rey looked over at Ben, who nodded circumspectly. “It’s huge!”

“My mother liked to entertain.”

Rey fogged up the window staring, taking in all the details, and swiped the glass impatiently with her sleeve. “You didn’t want to live here?”

“I inherited, yes. But it felt right to let it go. This was never my home; I have no nostalgia for this place.” Rey turned in her seat to study him. “Actually, I have more happy memories of my parents in my own home. They would come over on a Sunday, and when the weather was good we would start a fire in the back yard; have a drink or two. When the weather was bad we would play cards at the kitchen table. Sometimes Chewie and Maz would stop by too.”

“Oh! How lovely! Do you ever have them come over, now?”

“It’s been a long time. I should invite them again. With you.”

“I would love that! But you would have to teach me.”

“Chewie is a sore loser. And Maz cheats. Just so you know.”

Rey chuckled. “After what you told me… about your parents…” she met his gaze, then reached for his hand. “I’m so glad you were able to set everything right.”

“I am too.”

* * *

They lay on the couch, Rey resting her head on Ben’s chest in their usual configuration, watching something or another on the _History Channel_. 

Well, actually, Ben was dozing and Rey was freaking out. Just a little.

Their frank conversations about the direction of their relationship were… frightening. Every relationship came with risks, of course, but just like Rose had reminded her, she had to decide if it was worth it. The longer this went on, the more she allowed herself to trust him, the more painful it would be later, when…

She hadn’t even thought, until today, that Ben might be heir to a large fortune. He had certainly grown up with wealth and privilege the likes of which she could only imagine. 

What made her think she could hold his interest? What made her think she was his equal in any way? Surely this was a mistake, surely he would realize his error and leave her, just like everyone else?

She pushed up, extricating herself and scooting to the other side of the couch, pressing into the corner and taking deep breaths.

Ben raised his head and rasped, “Rey…? Are you okay?”

She shook her head, “I’m fooling myself, Ben! Look at you! You’re…!” She bit her lip, “I have no place in this story! I come from nothing! _I’m nothing!_ ” She dragged in several deep breaths, unable to look at him.

He sat up. “Not to me.” He leaned toward her, but she only pressed herself more deeply into the sofa. “Rey, please.” He held his hand out to her, unwavering, “Rey, when I’m with you I feel… completely at ease, as if we've known each other for years. As if I could tell you anything and you'd understand. I've never felt this with anyone else. Do you hear me?”

She nodded, trembling, tears pouring down her cheeks. “I’m scared.” She looked up at him finally, her chin wobbling, but she slipped her fingers into his outstretched hand.

He pulled her toward him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and whispering, “don’t be afraid,” rocking her back and forth gently, stroking her hair.

After a long time he leaned back to look down at her, “I...” but he paused, working his jaw.

She sniffed and brushed at her cheeks, “hmm…?”

“I am happy to have you with me, Rey. I want you with me.”

She shivered and snuggled deeper into his chest.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This seems like an excellent time to mention that I know very little about cars or engines. Let’s all pretend that in my galaxy far, far away the machines are different than here in our universe, and let’s pretend especially that anything I write just makes sense.
> 
> Also, I took some liberties and borrowed a couple of Vietnamese dishes, since I couldn’t find any Haysian foods referenced (i.e. Hays Minor, where Rose’s family is from).
> 
> Real life has been kicking my butt so there may be more time between updates, going forward. Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

They rounded the corner and emerged from the little copse of trees just as the sun streamed over the eastern hills in golden bars, glinting sharply off the piled snow.

The path had been clear and dry, as Ben had predicted, and Rey’s thermal tights turned out to be of good quality. 

They paused for a moment in the parking lot, so Rey could look back and appreciate the sunrise, the orange clouds, the frost-rimed trees. “It’s so pretty!”

They continued on, around the far side of the park and back to Ben’s street, walking the last little bit and pausing on the porch to do Rey’s stretching routine, complete with elbow and fist bumps. 

She pulled off her mittens as he opened the door, and they came inside with foggy breath and stomping feet. 

Ben set his gloves and hers on the heat register, with their hats, and turned to her, stuttering and dragging his gaze up to her eyes. “Y-you’d better take the shower first this time.”

As she made her way down the hall, she glanced hastily down her front to see her nipples were protruding distinctly, through several layers of clothing. Ah, the joys of winter running!

After a quick shower, Rey dressed and then texted back and forth with Rose while she dried and quickly plaited her hair.

Ben knocked and popped his head in her door, “you ready for breakfast?”

“Always!” She finished tying her shoes and stepped up to him, pushing her fingers into his damp hair, behind his ears. “Mmm…” She looked down at his shirt. “Is this what you’re planning on wearing? To work on the speeder?”

Ben clasped his hands behind her waist, “um. Yes?”

“You don’t have anything… you know…? Anything you don’t mind sacrificing?”

He chuckled, releasing her and swinging out into the hall; tucking his shirt in more firmly at the sides. “You don’t approve?”

“Well, if you ruin a shirt or two, and at least one pair of jeans, maybe a jacket, then you’ll be set for all manual labor afterwards.”

“I threw out a lot of old clothes when I moved.”

Rey froze in the kitchen entry. “What is this?!”

“Um…?”

“Cold cereal? Are you kidding me?”

“Uh…”

“Did Benjamin Solo actually go to the store and buy _cold cereal_?! This is shattering my whole world view!” She moved to the table, where Ben had set out several varieties of boxed cereal. “Oh, Benjamin. How the mighty have fallen.”

“It appears you’re a bit of a bad influence, as well.”

She smirked, tipping her face up for a kiss, “how dreadful.”

* * *

Rey mumbled to herself as she poked around under the hood of the _Millennium Falcon_ , “coolant… steering fluid… dilarium oil… brake fluid… molecular solvent… battery…” she stood up straight, rubbing her finger against her chin and pacing, “a full replacement set of seals, gaskets and hoses… buckets, scrub brushes; a 5-gallon jerrycan… yes, that should about do it.”

Ben scrambled to jot down everything she had said, in a little notebook.

“You’ve got a little creeper seat that I can use, but we should get a big one, for you.” She circled the speeder, her excitement building. “The interior has already been detailed meticulously, as well as the body.”

“My father’s racing crew was unrivaled. They prepped her for storage for me.”

“They drained all the fluids and removed the rhydonium fuel cell,” she tapped at a circular coupling port, “which is good because rhydonium is very unstable. It should still run without it, just not as fast.” She waggled her eyebrows. “But we’ll need to take the engine apart and scrub everything, remove any accretion; replace all the gaskets and hoses…” she paced around the speeder slowly, thinking. “As we do that, it should become clear why it wasn’t running.”

Ben turned out the lights and shut the big doors. “There’s an auto parts shop not far from here.”

Rey rubbed her hands together gleefully, “this is where the fun begins!”

* * *

“Hello…” Rey set four liters of coolant on the counter with their growing collection of desired purchases, and looked down at the employee’s tag, “Teedo. We need a _Kolatill_ solid state battery, in size C-1. Do you have that in stock?”

He snickered and blinked, picking at his teeth and turning drolly to Ben, waiting for instructions.

Ben thumped a gallon of solvent next to their cache on the counter and raised his eyebrow.

Rey rapped on the counter, “helloooo! Do you carry the battery, or not?”

Teedo slowly turned his head back to Rey, as if surprised to see she was still speaking. “The solid state battery is for electric vehicles, ma’am.”

“Yes. That’s right, Teedo. They’re also used in swoop bikes and recreational amphibians. The C-series, however, is specifically designed to reciprocally enhance and amplify the power of a speed racer’s beskar-turbine, turbojet engines.” She leaned up against the counter, resting her chin in her hand. “They’re also pretty expensive. Do you work on commission, Teedo? Do you get a sales bonus?”

Teedo gripped the edge of the counter for a moment, calculating; and he was off like a shot, into the back room, talking to himself in a high-pitched whine.

Rey snorted and rolled her eyes. “Dweezer.”

“You are so damn sexy when you talk shop.” Ben grinned and bent to kiss her, humming.

She dug into his chest firmly with her index finger, “finish up with that list, lackey, and be quick about it.”

“As you command.”

* * *

Ben wiped his hands on a rag and palpated his shoulder. “Are we about ready to wrap up for the night? The nyork chowder has been simmering most of the afternoon; we could eat any time.”

Rey adjusted the work light and pointed, “let’s loosen these socket cap bolts and see if we can remove the fuel catalyzer in one piece.” She looked at the parts they had removed already; some soaking in buckets waiting to be scrubbed down, and the rest laid out on a tarp. “This was a great day’s work! Have you ever considered a change in career, Mr. Solo? You have strong, dexterous hands, and you’re a quick study. I’ll need an assistant, when I open my shop.”

“What would my duties be?” Ben asked as he made quick work of the bolts.

“Performance diagnostics, obviously; administering mech fluids, and swabbing.”

Ben advanced on her and pulled the trigger of the impact wrench, two times in quick succession. “Tell me more about these ‘mech fluids’.”

* * *

Rey took off her jacket and draped it over a chair in the kitchen. “What’s for lunch?”

“Berbersian crab salad?”

“Mmm sounds good!”

They both scrubbed their hands at the sink and Rey set the table while Ben pulled out the ingredients and made the dressing.

She talked between bites, “I have to admit, so far I’m stumped. I thought the problem would be pretty easy to diagnose. All the speeders I worked on at Plutt’s shop had one of two problems: corroded compression chamber or blocked thrust-ducts. One had an abraded short in the power cable. What happened when you turned the ignition?”

“Nothing. It was like the battery was dead, but the crew said the battery was charged. They couldn’t make sense of it either. But since I didn’t plan to drive her, they just went ahead and prepped her for storage.” 

Rey stood to store the leftover food in the fridge, while Ben started the dishes.

“Hmm… It’s been extensively modified. I really need to study the schematics, because I’ve worked on several Kestrels, but they were all newer models. We’ll keep on with what we’ve been doing, disassembling and scouring everything, but to diagnose the engine issue, I’ll have to…”

There was a soft knock at the front door.

Ben turned to Rey, bemused, “do you mind answering that?”

Rey shuffled to the front door in her socks and opened it, peering out.

Five small children stood on the porch, kicking snow off their boots and each nudging the other to speak.

Rey smiled, “hello.”

“Hi missus. Mama said we could ask. Um…” the designated leader sniffed and rubbed his mitten under his nose, peeking past her into the house. One of the others gave him a shove from behind, just as Ben walked up behind her, drying his hands on a towel.

_“It’s him!”_

_“Yeah, he’s the one!”_

_“Ask him, dummy!”_

Ben peered out at them, “what are you kids up to?”

“Mister! The big boys won’t leave us alone! But they said if six of us could beat six of them, they would stop coming in the park!” He pointed urgently over toward the neighborhood park. “They’re over there now, waiting!”

Ben turned to Rey, his eyebrows crinkled together, then back to the children, “uh… beat them, how?”

_“Snowball fight!”_

_“Please!”_

_“Snowballs!”_

_“Please mister!”_

Rey covered her mouth with her palm, her eyes twinkling, “oh!”

“Um. Okay. Let me just get my…” and Ben shoved on his boots while Rey snatched up his hat and gloves, handing them to him as he walked toward the door, putting on his coat. He stepped outside to loud whoops of acclamation, and Rey followed him out, watching from the porch as Ben was carried away on a wave of excitement and eager strategizing. When they reached the sidewalk, Ben looked back at her and shrugged, smirking.

She blew him a kiss, grinning, and went back into the house.

Rey grabbed her datapad and looked up the Corellian Kestrel engine schematics on the holonet, curling up on the sofa and trying to remember the model number for that year. YT-1300f, she thought.

She zoomed in on a few of the high-res photos. Yes, this was it. 

But the addition of the rhydonium fuel cell had necessitated pervasive adaptations. 

She searched for any photos or information specific to the _Millennium Falcon_. There was one article from twenty years ago… Rey spent long moments scrutinizing the photo of Han Solo. Handsome, undoubtedly, but he did look impulsive and reckless. Any speed racer must have at least a small element of foolhardiness in their makeup. But Han Solo had been the best of the best, there was no doubt about that, and had dominated the sport for many decades, longer than any other speed racing pilot in history, which meant he was smart and calculating too.

Rey looked at the date; Ben would have been 14 or 15, so this was a year or two after they sent him to the military school. She sighed. What a shadow to live under.

She enlarged the one photo that showed the engine… no, there wouldn’t be enough detail here to help; and went back to the unmodified schematics. 

So beautiful! 

Two hours later she hadn’t learned anything helpful and Ben still hadn’t come back, so she put on her boots and coat and walked down to the park. She waved and smiled at two women walking by on the path, with sleeping infants bundled up in buggies.

The older boys were gone and Ben was helping the rowdy band that remained build a capacious snow castle, complete with drawbridge and empty moat.

“Benjamin! It’s time to come home!”

Ben stood, brushing off his knees and gloves, “I gotta go!”

_“Bye Mr. Solo!”_

_“Bye!”_

_“See ya!”_

Rey thrust her arm through his cold one as they walked home, beaming up at him. “You’re really wonderful. Do you know that?”

“I’m frozen. That’s the only thing I know for sure.”

* * *

Ben took a hot shower to thaw out and came out to the shed, to find Rey poring over the deconstructed engine parts.

He dropped down next to her on his creeper. 

“I don’t know. I just don’t know!” She jumped up and analyzed the portions that remained bolted to the chassis, mentally dissecting each section and comparing the layout with the original schematics. “I’m missing something!”

Ben came up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and tugging backwards, until she clicked her tongue, pushing up, and turned in his arms.

“It’s only been a couple of days. You’ll figure it out.”

She smiled, “and if not, it will be nice and clean for the museum?”

“Exactly. Exactly.”

She traced her fingers up his jaw and cheeks, scrabbling into his five-day scruff.

“Want to do something else for a while?”

“Mmm… okay…” and she gently pulled at his ears, raising her lips to his for a kiss. 

A few minutes later, he had her pushed up against the _Falcon_ , his hand cupped protectively at the back of her head, her elbow looped around his neck.

Finally he drew back, smiling down at her. “That isn’t what I meant, but I’ll take it.”

They shut off the lights, locked up, and rambled back inside the house.

“I thought we could make…” he paused, “I mean, I thought _you_ could make stuffed peppers for dinner.”

“I’m such a good cook!”

“You really are.”

“You’re so lucky to have me!”

He grabbed her elbow and swung her around with a squeak, “you’re right about that, sweetheart!” and drew her to him, wrapped up tightly in his arms, for more breathless kisses.

Rey already knew how to chop onions, so that part was a breeze, and she only required minimal guidance for browning the ground nerf. He had her throw in the onions, along with a diced daro root, sautéing them all together with the meat until the vegetables were soft.

Once the meat was cooked, she mixed in some grated cheese and tomato paste, and scooped the mixture into hollowed-out bellassan peppers. It was this step that proved challenging and the peppers kept toppling over in the pan, spilling their filling.

Ben lent her an extra set of hands, but still it was messy work. When the casserole finally made it into the oven, her fingers were coated in thick sauce. Ben blocked her path to the sink, grasping her hands and bringing her fingers to his mouth, watching her face as he gently cleaned her fingers with his tongue, and a soft scrape of his teeth. “Mmm…”

“Good?”

To which he responded by pressing his thumb to her lips for similar treatment.

The oven timer chimed for quite a while before either of them became sensible of it.

* * *

Rey ruminated over the Kestrel engine schematics until almost midnight, cross-legged on her bed. She just couldn’t understand what she was missing. The turbojet engine was high-powered, even volatile, but it wasn’t that complicated, really.

She’d have to finish the engine breakdown and cleaning and get everything put back together, with all the fluids replenished, and hear for herself what happened when the ignition was turned. You could tell a lot from the sounds an engine made. Although Ben had said it had done absolutely nothing at all. Hmm…

It could have been something as simple as a loose wire. But it was doubtful Han Solo’s pit crew wouldn’t diagnose an issue like that in a split second. 

Her datapad was about to die. Where was her charging cable? She crouched by the closet and felt inside the pocket of her bag; she thought it was there. 

No, she had coiled it into her ditty bag earlier, after she had charged her phone. 

Quietly, she opened her door and crept across the hall, to the bathroom. The old house had a lot of creaks and squeaks, and she didn’t want to disturb Ben. She felt around in the little bag… there it was!

As she stole back to her room, she heard a rhythmic squeaking coming from Ben’s room. She paused a moment to listen more carefully, took a step or two closer to his door. What…?

Then she heard a rough intake of breath and a low groan, staccato and stifled.

Ah. She lurched to her room and closed the door quietly, her hands trembling. As she tucked up in her quilts, she thought Rose was right, and she really did need to figure out how she would know when it was time to stop waiting.

* * *

Ben rolled out from under the _Falcon_ , sat up, and pulled his vibrating phone from his pocket. Rey watched him out of the corner of her eye as his expression changed from surprise to concentration to uncertainty.

“What is it?”

“I received a message, forwarded through the University. It’s from,” he looked at his watch, “just a couple hours ago.”

“Something bad?”

“No. Something unexpected.” He cleared his throat and pushed his fingers through his hair. “It’s someone I knew in high school. His flight got canceled and he’s stuck at the airport overnight.”

“Oh! A friend!”

“Well, it’s been a long time. A lifetime.” He blew out a heavy breath. “But he is suggesting we meet. And, I presume, also looking for a place to stay for the night.”

“Oh… I could go back to my apartment for tonight.”

“No. The couch is comfortable, he could sleep there.”

“I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“Rey. I don’t have to reply to him at all. You are my guest. If he stays, it will be on the couch.”

“Okay.”

Ben took a deep breath, reading the message again and rubbing his forehead. “Would you mind? Be honest.”

“Of course not, Ben! But would you rather meet with him alone?”

“I always prefer to have you with me, Rey. That is the underlying principle you should invariably start from.”

Rey snorted and rolled her creeper up next to his, leaning over for a quick kiss. “You’re sweet.”

Ben sent a message, and after a minute or two his phone rang. He stood to answer, and paced as he spoke.

“Sol.”

“Yes, it’s been a long time.”

“I have a guest staying with me, but we could be there in about an hour.”

“Fine. I’ll text you when we arrive.”

He ended the call and turned to her. “I probably smell like solvent. Do you want to shower? Where do you want to go for dinner?”

They closed up shop and wandered back to the house, deciding on the Galaxy Grill, as Rey had never eaten there and it was close to the airport.

Rey took a quick shower and put on her burgundy lace cami with the beige sweater she had worn on their first date. She pulled out her last pair of clean jeans, put those on with her brown suede boots, and grabbed her coat. She would have to stop by her apartment soon or do some laundry.

She turned to watch Ben emerge from the hallway, shoving his hands into the sleeves of a chunky cream sweater and jamming it over his wet head, tossing his hair back and smoothing the front over his white tee, hitching up his dark jeans by the belt loops.

Rey set her coat over the back of the couch and confronted him, toe to toe, and pushed her hands up his chest, cupping his pecs and squeezing coquettishly.

“Minx.” He smiled fondly, kissed her soundly, and reached for her coat, helping her into it, then donned his own.

As they approached the airport, Ben handed her his phone, “will you text and say we’ll be at the terminal in three minutes?”

Ben navigated slowly around the other cars waiting for travelers, scanning the faces and mumbling to himself, “after 17 years, maybe I won’t even recogni… ah! there he is…” and pulled up to the curb. He raised his eyebrows at Rey, took a deep breath, and got out of the car, “Sol!”

She exited the car before Ben could make his way around, and waited for her introduction, watching the men. ‘Sol’ was slight, maybe only an inch taller than Rey herself, wearing an unkempt black suit, his blond hair unruly, dark circles under his eyes. He held out his arm solemnly to Ben, palm up. Ben hesitated a moment, looking down at his hand, then stepped closer and grasped the man by the elbow. The two murmured back and forth for a few moments in what appeared to Rey to be a military-style cadence. Sol’s expression finally broke and he was quite handsome when he smiled, knavish and sly.

Ben turned to Rey, “Rey, this is Sol Rivas, a…”

but he was interrupted by the man as he stepped forward and extended his hand to Rey, “…actually, I go by Ap’lek. Ap’lek Ren.”

Ben paused a moment, forehead creased with startlement, “Ah. Ap’lek then. This is…” and he met Rey’s eye meaningfully, “my girlfriend, Rey Niima.”

Rey grinned up at Ben from below the curb where she still stood next to the car, then turned her attention and stretched out her hand, “Ap’lek. That’s an unusual name, you’ll have to tell me the meaning. Nice to meet you!”

He smirked, “perhaps _Kylo_ here would be better equipped to explain.” And with that he winked cannily and went to snatch up his luggage.

Rey looked to Ben, questioningly, but he only rolled his eyes and blew out a heavy breath. “Let’s get on our way…” and pressed a button on his key fob that popped the trunk. 

Twenty minutes later, Rey slid into the circular booth and found herself sandwiched between the two men. Ap’lek had removed his suit jacket, and was now rolling up his shirt sleeves. He had a conspicuous tattoo on his forearm, a flaming cross, or a sword. 

He noticed her looking at it and flexed his fingers and wrist. “You’ve seen one just like it, eh? We all got one.”

She snuck a look at Ben, who fastidiously avoided her gaze and passed her a menu.

As she perused the selections, she found that Ap’lek allowed his leg to rest against hers in a way she didn’t like. She pretended to respond to a buzz and read a message on her phone. “Ben, would you mind if we switched places? I may need to excuse myself for a moment, Rose is having guy problems.”

“Sure…”

As they rearranged themselves, she noticed Ap’lek moved over a bit to make room for Ben, where he hadn’t extended the same courtesy to her. 

Rey ordered a muja fizzer while both men ordered beer; Ben his preferred Lomin ale and Ap’lek the stronger Tyrellian. By the time their food came, Ap’lek was deep into his second and didn’t look apt to slow down. Rey cut into her bantha steak with vigor.

“I have to hand it to Kylo here! Back in school, he always took the discipline like a man!” Ap’lek chortled boisterously. 

Rey changed her mind. He wasn’t handsome at all.

Ben snorted and leaned over to explain, “At _Brightday Academy_ , the student body was separated into teams of seven members. Each team had a theme, based on an historical epoch and we all took corresponding aliases. Ours was the Knights of Ren. We competed against the other teams, in sports and academics. And as teenage boys are sometimes wont to do, we occasionally got into mischief as well.”

“The mighty Kylo Ren, our chief! Master of the Knights of Ren and keeper of the Akiran flame!”

Ben tried to steer the conversation away from himself, “did you change your name legally?”

“I did.” He took a deep swig from his bottle, “I found the Ren identity suited me better than my given name.”

“And what are you doing now? For work?”

He flipped his hand derisively, “eh. I’m a management consultant. Boring as hell. But I travel a lot so it gets me away from the wife.”

Rey didn’t think she had disliked anyone as much and as quickly as this guy, in many years. It was a toss-up between him and her fourth foster father: a real piece of work who bred akk dogs and ran an underground fighting ring. 

By the time they made it back to Ben’s, she was quite annoyed that her evening had been appropriated by this miserable stupa; with his juvenile attitude and childish clinging to the past. She wondered if he had always been such a rim rat or if he had rotted over time like a fine Cardekkian cheese.

She hung her coat on the rack and carefully transferred her glass panel from the front room to the closet in her room, along with her purse.

“Got any beer?”

Ben hesitated a moment, then brought Ap’lek a lager dug out from the back of the fridge. 

Rey sat on the couch for another half hour or so, close to Ben’s side. But after a while…

“That girl was a real schutta, am I right Kylo my boy?”

Nope. 

Rey cleared her throat, “I’m going to turn in for the night. Ap’lek. It’s been… a real… um, goodnight.”

He licked his lips and nodded blearily at her, raising his bottle and taking a long draw, looking her up and down.

Ben walked with her to her door, his hand at her waist, whispering, “I’m so sorry. I never would have even responded to his message if I’d known he was… like he is. He was kind of a fringer when we were kids, but nothing like…”

“It’s not your fault. What time is his flight?”

“Seven. I’ll insist we leave at five. You won’t have to see him.”

“Promise?”

Ben chuckled softly, “absolutely.” He kissed her goodnight and Rey slid into her room. She darted quickly to the ‘fresher to brush her teeth, gathering all her things from the counter and stuffing them into one of the bottom drawers. She took her bath towel with her and bolted back to her room, hearing Ap’lek’s annoying voice still droning on about their supposed glory days. How pathetic.

She curled up under her blankets and listened, fuming, as Ap’lek just went on and on. Ben finally murmured excuses, gathered blankets and sheets from the hall closet; then bid his guest goodnight. She heard both men using the ‘freshers, and when the light streaming under her door was finally extinguished, she was able to relax, and sleep.

* * *

Rey was reluctantly dragged from a murky and shadowy dream involving warm thighs, mussy kisses and sultry breaths, to find that Ben had stolen into bed with her, and was pressing firmly up against her backside, dragging his hand against her belly, her ribs, and up beneath her breasts.

She arched her back to rub against him, sighing and reaching for his hip, when a rough whisper had her immobilized and fully awake in an instant.

“Let’s get Kylo in here; he can watch you milk my roddy. Do you like to suck, cheeka?”

Her eyes flew open and she pulled away, clawing at the hands that were clutching her, crying out loudly, “oi!” She flipped over, twisting the blankets with her and bending her knees to force distance between her and the unwelcome trespasser. She grasped the taut edge of the blanket, straining where it was tucked under the mattress, and her other hand reached up to the headboard; then violently shoved against him with her feet, forcefully jettisoning him from the bed with a howl. 

His head smacked painfully against the nightstand and he fell to the ground with a thump and a yelp.

“What the _kriff_ do you think you’re doing?” Rey pushed up on her knees, quickly bouncing toward the foot of the bed to make her escape, and shrieking in protest when a large hand grasped for her ankle; kicking out blindly and humming in satisfaction at the resultant thunk and bellow.

She was almost to the door when suddenly it flew open and Ben stood in the doorway, massive and dangerous, and ready to do damage. He flipped on the light and they all three squinted against the sudden illumination.

Ap’lek squealed from his place on the floor, pointing, “this frang-teaser beguiled me!”

Ben didn’t have to look at Rey to know the lie when he heard it, but one glance at her outraged face confirmed what he already knew, and he seized upon the smaller man’s T-shirt collar. _“Shut your kriffing mouth and get out of my house!”_

Rey held the door wide as Ben yanked Ap’lek to his feet and shoved him through the doorway, furiously jostling him into the hall and toward the front door. Rey scurried behind, picking up everything she could see that belonged to him, his pants, shirt and jacket, his shoes and socks.

Ben propelled him out the front door with an unintelligible roar, his belongings following quickly in his wake and landing on the hardwood stoop.

Ap’lek stood in his boxers and T-shirt, wide-mouthed and irate, grasping for his pants and shoving his legs in, sputtering obscenities, “fragging Sithspawn! Dank farrik!”

Rey dragged his carry-on to the door and Ben hurled it past Ap’lek’s head to the snowy lawn. When Rey returned with Ap’lek’s phone, Ben took it from her gingerly, “don’t break it or he won’t be able to call a cab.”

He handed it over circumspectly, Ap’lek’s mouth opening and closing, like a burra fish out of water.

_“Get off my porch. And never contact me again.”_

Ben slammed the door in his face and stood facing the door, his shoulders and chest heaving with fury, watching to make sure the man gathered his things and left.

Rey slipped her hand into his and waited quietly at his side. 

After a few minutes, a car arrived, Ap’lek entered, and they drove away.

Ben dragged her into his embrace, wailing, “gods Rey! Did he hurt you?!”

“What? No!”

And at that he actually sobbed, holding her to him. “Are you sure? What happened? What did he do?”

“No! No! The idiot crawled into bed with me, but that was all! I think I might have concussed him, actually.” She reached up and took his face between her hands. “Really.”

He pressed his hand to the back of her head, snuggling her into his chest as he shook and huffed for long minutes, calming slowly as she stroked his arm and chest, and spoke soothing words.

Finally he took a deep breath and looked at his watch. “It’s almost 3,” and walked her to her room, “are you okay here? Do we need to change the sheets?”

She straightened the blankets and folded down a corner. “No, no, I’m fine,” and crawled into bed.

Ben gathered the blankets around her. “Are you sure? Would you tell me?”

“Of course I would, Ben.”

“If your feelings change, please tell me, come in…” and he motioned toward his room.

“I will, Ben. I’m fine, I promise.”

He turned on the lamp and flipped off the overhead light, looking down at her pensively.

She reached out her hand for his, “are _you_ alright, Ben?”

“It’s just that… that filth has been in bed with you. And I never have.”

She scooted back, making room and pushing the blankets aside for him. “He wasn’t invited. You are.” 

After a few moments of indecision, he lay down next to her, switching off the lamp and pulling the blankets over himself, then turning, tentatively reaching for her.

She rolled to her side, reaching back and grasping his hand to draw his arm around her waist, humming in approval as he scooched up behind her.

He was so warm, so strong, so comforting that she was dozing in minutes.

Distantly, she was obscurely aware of his gentle fingers brushing her hair away from his nose; his warm lips against her nape; his hitching breath, and a growing firmness pressing against her bottom.

Just as she took note and her heart rate started to increase in tandem with his, he kissed her neck, murmured a few quiet words she couldn’t make out; then eased away from her, tucking the blankets securely at her shoulder and closing the door silently behind him as he went.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

* * *

Rey woke with a pounding headache; she got up and took some painkiller, then went back to bed. The morning sky looked dark and menacing where she could see out around the blinds. She really wanted to text Rose, but it was too early. She needed her objective opinion about everything that was going on with Ben.

He was up too; she could hear him in the ‘fresher, and then hovering outside her door. He didn’t knock, however she could hear the floor squeaking so he must be rocking back and forth nervously. 

“You can come in.” Ben opened the door a crack to peek in, and she held out her hand, “come on.”

He took her hand and stood at the side of the bed, eyeing her anxiously. “How are you today?”

“I have a headache, other than that I’m fine.” She tugged on his hand, “come snuggle,” and she pulled back the blankets and shifted over to make room.

He kicked off his slippers and lay down next to her, pulling the covers over them and gathering her close, her cheek on his chest, stroking her hair, her back. His hands trembled and his breaths were drawn in shakily.

Rey tipped her head to peer up at him, “are you okay?”

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you! What happened last night!” He worked his jaw and ground his teeth, his arms tightening around her.

“Ben! I’m fine, really! But…” she raised her head to look at him “…do you think he might press charges?”

He inhaled sharply, “him! What the Sith could he possibly…!”

“I really think I might have given him a concussion! If you could have heard his head crack when it hit the table! And then I kicked him in the face!” She scrambled to sit up at his side, grasping his hand and kneading worriedly.

Ben brought his other hand up to cover his face, breathing deeply for several seconds, and then chuckling, biting his lip and trying to hold back, squinting up at her. “Sithspit Rey! I only wish I could have seen it!” 

Rey snorted and they laughed for a few seconds together, Ben pulling at her arm to encourage her to lie down again.

“What the hell was he thinking?!”

“Well…” she cleared her throat, “…I do believe he was thinking of inviting you in for a ménage à trois.”

Ben’s hand twitched against her back and he made a rough choking noise, “that little bishwag! I can’t believe I ever considered him a friend!”

Rey snickered and they lay quietly for a while, Ben rubbing firmly at her neck and shoulders.

“Seeing him again…”

“Mmm…?”

“It really brings back the memories. Feels like a different lifetime.” 

“You must have changed a lot since then.”

“I certainly hope so.”

She raised her head again, resting her chin on her fist and studying him, “you’re very good. You know that, don’t you?”

Ben closed his eyes for long moments, clenching his jaw, then looked down at her, “if you believe it, that’s good enough for me, sweetheart.”

She pressed her hand to his cheek, “I guess I’ll just have to keep telling you until you believe it too.”

He smiled and raised his head to kiss her forehead, then swung his feet out of bed, feeling around for his slippers. “Looks like there’s a storm coming in.”

“Good thing we don’t have to go anywhere.”

“Maybe a quick trip to the store? Let’s start a list.” He waited at the door for her while she pulled on her socks.

“Okay. Oh, wait a second! I forgot to ask! What is this about a tattoo?!”

“Ah…” he ducked into the hall, calling back to her, “…what do you want for breakfast?”

“Oh, no!” She slid around the corner, “you can’t distract me like that, I want to know…”

“My mother used to serve a scoop of ice cream with Pedorian waffles, on special occasions.”

“Mmm…”

* * *

* * *

Rey moved the ladder to the side to look through the stack behind it. No, the compressor wasn’t back here. But there were several canvases and a large sketch pad. She peeked over at Ben, working through a pile of camping gear on the other side of the shed. She turned back to the art materials and lifted up the pad first, leaning it on the fourth rung of the ladder. There were a few self portraits of a younger Ben, all frowning, as well as his left hand in different positions, a croquis male nude, and a series depicting a vase of flowers, from fresh to wilting to dead. 

She set the pad back down on the floor and rummaged through the canvases. The first two were landscapes, in the Twi’leki style, smeared and hazy. The next was very similar to the stretched canvas Ben had hanging in his front room, but not quite as practiced and without the brushed symbols. Another was a charcoal study of a hanging cloak, and the last…

Rey reverently brought it up to eye level and set the bottom against the ladder to scrutinize for long minutes.

Ben’s misty wood; a pale starbird, wings outstretched for flight and long curling tail feathers fanned out along the ground, graceful neck stretched forward, its sharp curving beak extended toward a great ebon malo stag, front knee bent, horns lowered in deference, as a squire bowing before his queen for knighting.

“Here it is.”

Rey barely registered the slide and clatter of a collection of rakes and shovels.

“Damn it.”

After several minutes, accompanied by echoing thumps and mumbled cursing, Ben dragged the compressor close to the _Millennium Falcon_ and turned finally to see what had captured Rey’s attention, slapping at his thighs to brush away dirt and dust.

He stepped up behind her, setting his knuckles softly at her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“This is so beautiful!”

“Hmm…”

“Can I have it?”

“Oh. I don’t know Rey, it’s not that good… and it’s kind of dirty from being out here…”

“Please?”

He reached out to brush at a cobweb, but Rey bumped his hand away with her elbow, “your hands are dirty! We’ll clean it off inside!”

He chuckled at her. “Alright.” Ben looked out the window at the large fluffy flakes still coming down, “should we call it a day out here?”

“Okay. Might get snowed in otherwise.”

Ben ripped out a blank page from the sketchpad, Rey wrapped the canvas with it, and they ventured back to the house for a long quiet evening. Ben introduced her to the card game _sabacc_ , and Rey proved to be either naturally skilled or a wily cheat. This was followed by roasted jandarra and nerfloaf, and the latest episode of _Podrace Garage_.

* * *

Next day, the skies were bright and fine, and the roads had been cleared as well. They made a trip to Rey’s empty apartment and to her it felt surreal, as if she no longer belonged there. She threw a batch in the washer and gathered a few of the clothing items Rose had set aside. Meanwhile, Ben installed the glass pane, to hang from its chain in the window of her bedroom. 

He sat placidly on her bed and observed as she agonized over where to hang the canvas. Finally choosing a spot, she drove two nails and stood back, contemplating the placement and determining it to be perfect.

She went to stand between Ben’s knees, shoving her fingers into his hair while he clasped his hands around her waist, smiling tranquilly. 

Rey observed, “it feels strange to be here. Like it’s a different life.”

“It will be hard to go back to work next week. I’d much rather play house with you.”

“‘Play house’? Is that what we’ve been doing?” she snickered.

“Well, admittedly there are other things I’d rather do with you, but for now, I am content.”

“Oh? Like what? I’ve never been to the opera... Ooh, skydiving I’ve heard is exhilarating! Or Beaumont was talking about this thing called ‘geocaching,’ but Jannah seemed annoyed when he mentioned it…”

It seemed the only way to quiet her might be with a kiss, and so that is the method he employed.

* * *

Rey lay on her creeper seat under the _Falcon_ , removing the last stubborn bolts from the underside of the repulsorfield generator, occasionally stealing quick glances up at Ben, through the maze of metal. He stood, leaning over the engine bay, his hands braced against the grille, lost in thought.

After a long time, he focused on her, peeking up at him. “Do you think I'm stuck up?”

Her eyes widened in shock and the impact wrench slipped off the bolt she was working on. “Oh! Oh, Ben! I was teasing when I said that!”

“But do you?”

She pursed her lips, considering what to say. “You are very serious. Sometimes.”

He nodded, eyebrows knit together, dissatisfied with this response.

She rolled out from under the speeder, set the wrench aside, and came to stand behind him with one arm snugged around his waist. “I l-like you the way you are.”

Reluctantly he swung around, sweeping his arm over her head and clasping his hands around her shoulders.

She brushed her fingers along his cheekbones, “forgive me?”

He smirked, shaking his head and bending to kiss her.

Much later she grabbed the wrench, and rolled back underneath the chassis, calling up to him, “and anyway, if you were really stuck up, you wouldn’t just walk around with motor oil smeared on your cheek.”

Several minutes passed, and she noted the strained expression on his face, his feigned nonchalance, and took pity. “Benjamin. Go.”

And with that, he snorted, laughing at himself, and made his escape to the house.

* * *

Rey skimmed through her texts, toeing off her runners and peeling off her socks, readying for a shower. She read over the message from Paige again as she walked down the hall, looking for Ben. His door was open and she turned into his doorway and looked up from her phone just as he pulled off his sweaty tech shirt. He pushed his hair back out of his face and swung around to toss the shirt into his laundry basket just as she skidded to a halt and gasped.

“Oh.” Her eyes darted down to his glistening chest, and back up to his eyes, “excuse me.” She cleared her throat and forced herself to keep her eyes on his face. “Paige is asking if we can bring cookies to the party tomorrow.”

“Sure. We can make some today.” He took a step closer to her, and she could feel the heat radiating off of him like a furnace.

“Okay. Ah…” she stumbled backwards, catching her shoulder on the doorjamb. “I’m gonna…” she grinned, “go take a shower…” and she fled around the corner, back to her room.

Once there, she realized she hadn’t taken advantage of the opportunity to look for Ben’s alleged ink.

“Damn it.”

* * *

“Okay. You’re doing great. Ease up on the, yeah that’s right. Now back in… slowly… yeah… perfect. Now shift into ‘park’… Great.”

Rey let out a deep breath and loosened her death grip on the steering wheel. “I just wish I didn’t feel so anxious!”

“It will get easier. With practice, just like anything else new.”

“Okay.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds.

“Let’s drive around the block.”

Her eyes flew open. “What?!”

“Yeah. All right turns, we’ll just say here in the neighborhood. There’s no traffic.”

“Oh! I don’t know, Ben! I don’t know if I’m ready for that!”

“I do. You can do it, sweetheart.” He reached over and massaged her neck, “you’re good at this. I’ll be right here with you.”

“Okay. I can do this.” She took a deep breath and put the car in gear.

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

* * *

_“Sith me!”_

“Um. Pardon?” Ben looked up from his scrub brush and solvent and caught an eyeful of Rey’s backside as she leaned precariously into the _Millennium Falcon’s_ engine bay.

“This is it! Here’s the problem!” She pushed herself upright, grinning at him and motioning frenziedly for him to come see. “Right here!”

Ben unbent from his place on his creeper and moved to her side to peer into the remaining tangle of metal.

“You see?!” She reached down to touch a circular jointure, almost toppling over headfirst in her excitement and prompting Ben to grab the waistband of her jeans and haul her back. She giggled breathlessly and pushed wisps of hair out of her eyes.

“What is it?”

“That’s the junction!”

“The junction for what?”

Rey started pacing, flailing her arms, “the addition of the rhydonium fuel cell required a cascade of special modifications, including an alteration to the flywheel! That junction is where the capacitor ring would have tied in!”

“Capacitor ring?”

“Yeah! Yeah! The component would have been custom, machined to exact specifications; one of a kind!” She gestured, indicating an object about the size of a large gapanga fruit. “Whoever removed it really knew what they were doing, because the engine simply won’t run without it, even if we bypass the compressor.”

She turned to face him, pinching her chin. “Would it have been someone from the crew?”

“Wait. Are you saying it was removed deliberately?”

“Oh, yeah. It had to have been.”

“It couldn’t have fallen off? Been knocked loose?”

“No. No. Look here. See these shear bolts? The nuts and lockers were all screwed back on. Someone got under there with an impact wrench and removed that little baby! That’s the only way to access it, when the entire engine is assembled.”

Ben stepped back from the speeder, his face completely void of expression.

“Ben…?”

_“That frinking nerve burner.”_

“Who…?”

He ground his teeth, the muscles under his left eye twitching, and he stared into middle distance, completely blind to his surroundings or her. 

She studied him, fascinated, as a ruddy bloom crept up his neck, coloring his ears; veins popping out on his forehead.

He staggered away from the speeder, stumbling toward a stack of paint cans and shoving them aside with a satisfying crash and a strangled growl.

Rey had witnessed enough temper tantrums in small children and grown adults alike, to know it was best to keep quiet and out of the way for a few minutes while this ran its course.

**_“Fragging clanker!”_ **

**_“Conniving tooska, always has to have the last word!”_ **

After several minutes, Ben remembered himself, smoothed his hair back, took a deep breath and held it. He faced her and blew it out with a forced ‘paugh!’ chewing on his lips and looking very sheepish indeed.

She sat on her roller seat, looking up at him mildly and biting her fingernails. 

After a few moments, he pushed his creeper up next to her and dropped down. “Sorry.”

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“I know who took the part.” He breathed in deeply through his nose, looking away from her. “Luke has it.”

“Your uncle?”

“Yes.”

“Why would he…? How can you be sure?”

“I’ve barely spoken with him since graduation. Only at my father’s funeral. And my mother’s. Both times, the last thing he said was, ‘call me. You’ll know when it’s time.’”

“When would he have been able to…? How would he have even known…?”

“He was on my father’s pit crew for several years. Chewie was too. It was later he changed careers, opened the school.”

“But, why would he…? What could his motive be?”

“I can only guess he wanted to force me to contact him.” He snorted and huffed. “ _Manipulative bastard!_ Always trying to force my hand!” He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and wiping his hand down his face with a groan.

“Okay. Well, if you’re sure, then it’s easy. We’ll just contact him, get the part…”

“NO!” He leaped up, sending the creeper crashing into the wall. “When Hutts fly, will I capitulate to his demands!”

“Ben…”

“No.”

Rey pondered for a few minutes, studying Ben as he stood staring into the engine bay, his hands braced on the hood, above his head. 

“Okay. Well, we know what the issue is now. We’re almost done with the cleaning, and we’ll put everything back together. Then I guess we’ll be done.”

“I guess so.”

She picked up the impact wrench, rolled under the chassis, and got back to work on removing the turbine assembly: the last remaining large engine component. Ben went back to his scrubbing with renewed punch, sullen and grumpy.

Later, they hefted the turbine out of the cavity and stood panting, leaning against the fender. 

Rey took a handful of his shirt, dragging him toward her and grinning slyly. “You’re scary.”

Ben snorted.

She snuck her arms around his waist and shivered. “Oooh! So intimidating!”

He rolled his eyes but tightened his arms around her. 

She ran her hand up his chest, to his nape, and pulled gently, kissing his neck, her tongue darting out to taste salt.

He pulled back slightly, “I’m dirty.”

“Oooh!”

He shook his head, chuckling, “anyway, you’re the scary one.”

She chuffed, indignant, “me?!”

Now he was the one grinning slyly, clutching her to him and bending slightly at the waist. “You remember that morning? In the passageway?”

“What are you talking about, Mr. Solo?”

He kissed up her neck, sending shocks directly to her belly. “That day you assaulted me? Overpowered me with your brute strength and threw me to the ground like a sack of quinto flour?” He set his hand at her hip, pressing against her firmly, his arousal as apparent as it had been that day.

“That’s not what happened at all.”

“No?”

“Of course not. You were following me too closely and you tripped. Then I took pity on you and helped you up.”

“Ah. Of course. How silly of me.”

“Exactly.” She kissed him, nipping delicately at his lower lip. “You should be more careful, Professor.”

“Excellent advice.”

* * *

**_“Traitor!”_ **

Finn snickered, ducking his head and covering his mouth. “My Rosie needed me.”

“Whose team are you on, anyway?” Ben picked up the marker from the easel’s ledge, “okay. Pay attention this time.” And he looked pointedly at the men on his team.

Rey leaned into Zorii, watching Ben out of the corner of her eye as he became more and more incensed. His sketch was very obviously a nexu. Those guys must have had too much grog nog. “How did you meet Poe?”

“We’ve known each other for years. He finally got me to agree to a date.” Zorii observed Poe chatting with Paige, across the room. “He’s such a charmer.”

“He is that.” Rey bit her lips as Ben threw the marker down and sat with an exasperated sigh.

“How long have you been dating Professor Solo?”

“Mmm... We’ve been seeing each other for a few months, but it’s just lately gotten more… serious.”

Zorii peeked at Ben askance. “That one has anger issues.” She leaned closer to Rey’s ear, whispering excitedly, “I have a theory about men with fiery temperaments, maybe you can verify.”

“He’s usually very gentle and soft-spoken.” Rey flipped her hand, “apparently he’s a bit competitive.”

“Hmm… he’s learned to conceal his true nature. But make no mistake, he’ll always be inherently fractious.”

Jannah called out, “is it a krabbex?” for the point. 

The men groaned in unison as Beau took up the marker, touching his temple with two fingers and closing his eyes, as if sending the information telepathically to his teammates.

Zorii swirled her drink. “So. How is he in bed?” She waggled her eyebrows and scooched closer to Rey, “my theory is that churlish men make the most passionate lovers.”

Rey blushed. “Oh. I don’t know. Yet.”

Zorii clucked, eyeing Rey incredulously, a slow grin spreading over her face. “Well. You’ll have to let me know. Once you find out.”

Rey contemplated Ben: shaking his head, displeased with Beau’s inscrutable scribbles. “Um hmm. Okay.”

* * *

Rey raised the cup to her nose, inhaling analytically, “is there anything that isn’t spiked?”

“I can get you a soda.” Paige ducked back into the kitchen, quickly returning with a capped bottle of green fizzer.

“Thank you.” Rey sighed gratefully and took a swig. “Thanks for inviting us.”

“I’m so glad you could all come. And thanks for the cookies!”

“No problem!” Rey licked her lips and looked around. “How long have you been seeing Taslin?”

“Months and months. My mother is outraged. It’s becoming a problem.”

Rey chuckled. 

“I really like Ben.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Rey glanced over to see Ben, deep in conversation with Rose, his eyebrows knit together, utterly absorbed.

“Rosie was talking about him, the other day.”

“She was?”

“She said he’s really good to you. She thinks he’s only biding his time.”

Rey snorted and squinted at Paige. “What does that mean?”

“She thinks he only hasn’t asked you to marry him because he thinks you’re not ready for it. Not because he isn’t.”

Rey snorted again but looked over at Ben just as he scanned the crowd, seeking her, and met her gaze. He winked and grinned, showing deep dimples in his clean-shaven cheeks, and Rey’s stomach swooped. They stared at each other for a few moments, each completely insensible to anything but the other.

“Um hmm. ‘Stupidly in love.’ That’s the phrase Rosie used.”

Rey gasped, offended, but Paige just took a sip of her drink and wandered away.

* * *

“Did you bring truffles, Rey?” Finn searched the table excitedly.

“No. We brought the thumbprint cookies.”

“Oh. Yeah, those are good. But those truffles…!”

Rose picked up a plate, “Finn ate all my truffles! I only got one! One!”

“Rey brought truffles?” Zorii sidled up to the table, “where are they?!”

Rey grinned, and shook her head. “No. Ben and I brought these delicious thumbprint cookies,” just as Ben walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist.

“Did someone say ‘truffles’?”

Rey clicked her tongue, picking up one of the little cookies she and Ben had slaved over for several hours the day before, and twisted around slightly to shove it past Ben’s lips. “Here! Eat that! And then tell everyone how good they are!”

“Thrr reaadsy dalafdoiuse!”

* * *

_“You’ve been chewing the luna weed! There is no way Enfys Nest was a better speeder pilot than Han Solo! There’s a reason she switched to swoop bike racing!”_

Ben snickered quietly and leaned forward to kiss Rey softly behind her ear. She was happily ensconced in his lap, feeding him tidbits from her plate as he massaged her back.

Somehow the debate had gotten started, and it was quickly and universally determined that Sebulba was the best podracer of all time. The swoop bike argument continued in another corner of the room, the names pinging back and forth like a shockball.

But when the discussion had turned to speed racing, well…

Rey smirked and Ben got very quiet.

_“Han Solo made the Kessel Run in 14 parsecs!”_

But this, Ben could not let slide. “It was 12 parsecs!”

_“He cheated! It’s well known!”_

“Not so.” Rey grinned at him and he continued on, “it was documented later, several times using gps technology. He was just that good.”

With that, the verbal sparring raged on to other topics and Ben was content to thread his fingers into Rey’s hair and knead the back of her scalp, while she leaned her cheek against his, chuckling softly and whispering, “I guess I’m gratified I’m not the only one who didn’t figure out right away who you are.”

“It’s no wonder. I’m still working on that myself.”

* * *

**“FOUR!”**

**“THREE!**

**“TWO!”**

**“ONE!”**

**“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”**

Cheers and hollers went up around the room, but Rey only had eyes for Ben, who kissed her thoroughly; making it the best start to any year she had experienced so far. Hands down and without a doubt.

* * *

Rey brushed the crumbs off of Ben’s platter just as Rose stomped up to her. 

“Could you and Ben give me a ride home?”

“Of course. What’s going on?”

Finn skidded around the corner, looking for her, “Rosie! Don’t be mad!”

“You really are a nerfherder, you know that?!”

Finn curled his fingers and rubbed his nails against his chest, “afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?”

Rose rolled her eyes and picked up the plate she had brought. 

“You could use a good kiss!”

“Dummy. I’ve been kissing _you_ , for months!” and with that Rose stumped off, in search of her coat.

Finn grasped the doorjamb for a moment, and then slunk after her, “oh.”

Rey tittered, shaking her head, just as Ben came in with her coat. 

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah. Rose might need a ride.”

“No problem.”

Just then several cries went up from the entryway:

_“I’ll be broggled!”_

_“What the…!”_

_“Holy beek-monkeys!”_

Rey and Ben peeked out to see that the front door had been completely snowed in while they had been making merry, and the storm was not letting up if the sound of the gusting wind was any indication. Beaumont and Poe pushed at the wall of snow, hesitantly at first and then with more force, finally punching through in a couple places. 

“It’s completely iced over!” Poe peeked out through one of the openings, “it’s really coming down!”

They slammed the door and everyone milled around discussing the probable state of the roads, while Paige whispered with her roommate Riva.

Riva addressed the group, “alright, listen up! It looks like the roads are really bad, and we’ve all had a drink or two, so you all are welcome to crash here. There are three beds available, as well as two couches. 

“I think my parents have two blow-up mattresses around here somewhere, so if we can find them we’ll use those as well. There are blankets, sheets and pillows in the hall closet. Nodin, will you look out in the garage and see if you can find an air pump? 

“We may have to get real friendly, everyone! I’ll see if I can find some toothbrushes, my mom’s gotta have a stash around here somewhere…” and she ambled down the hall, opening the closet, pulling down pillows and piling them into Paige’s arms, Taslin following close behind, awaiting his orders.

* * *

Rey woke in the pitch dark, slightly disoriented and dizzy from the heaving motion of the blow-up mattress.

_“Kriff.”_

It took her a moment to get her bearings; Ben spooning her from behind, putting off a lot of heat and mumbling perturbedly into her hair.

“Mmm…?” she turned her head toward him slightly, but he only hummed lowly and tightened his arms around her.

She had removed her green cardigan duster, leaving her in her camisole and leggings, while Ben had removed his button-down and sweater, and his belt, leaving him much less comfortable than she was, in his chinos and a T-shirt.

Rey was just dozing off again, when suddenly she became aware of the source of Ben’s discomfort and inhaled a sharp breath.

Across the room, the quiet, plastick-y squeaking of the other blow-up mattress, muffled moans and a squashy, slurping noise that Rey thought could indicate the performance of any of three or four different carnal acts.

She flipped over and Ben rolled to his back, reaching for her hand. 

“Oh. My. Stars!” she whispered and giggled into his shoulder, tucking her face under the quilt. “Who is that?!”

“I don’t want to know.”

Rey’s amused shock quickly turned to extreme self-consciousness, mixed with mortified arousal, as she involuntarily eavesdropped on the other couple’s amorous encounter.

Ben’s hand convulsed in hers at the sound of an extremely satisfying simultaneous orgasm, followed by ragged breathing, a soft grunt, hushed whispers, more plastick-y squeaking, and finally; quiet, measured breathing.

_“Kriff.”_

_“Yeah.”_

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

This was not a bad way to wake up. She could get used to it, definitely. 

Ben was snuggled up at her side, with his legs bent under her knees, his arm thrown over her middle, breathing into her shoulder. 

He looked so peaceful; beautiful. She reached up to brush his hair away from his eyes. No, she wouldn’t mind a repeat performance of this wake-up call, any day. He murmured in his sleep, kneading slowly at her ribs and grinding up against her hip. She should probably wake him, he was… oh! Frizz! He was… very… wow.

She nudged his shoulder, whispering, “…Ben…”

“Mmm…” and he snugged his hips even more firmly against her, then his eyes snapped open, “ung!” and he pulled away slightly, his hand splayed across her abdomen, mumbling, “kriff.”

She tittered quietly, “morning,” rubbing his biceps as he buried his face in her neck, inhaling deeply. 

With a jerky movement, he raised his head and peered around the foosball table, then dropped back to the pillow, muttering with relief, “already gone.” He grasped the edge of the blanket, tucking it around her firmly and closing his eyes again, wrapping his hand around her arm and drawing her closer to him, snuffling and yawning. “Good morning.”

“Mmm. Very good.” She grinned.

With another squeeze, he slid out from under the blankets, making sure she remained covered as he exited, and swung his legs around to put on his shirt and shoes.

She grappled after him with a disappointed hum, then clucked in resignation and threw back the blanket, finger combing her hair and reaching for her cardigan. “I’m gonna need a nap today.”

“Hmm…” he leaned backwards until his back met hers, and she twisted slightly, allowing his head to slide down into her lap. She threaded her fingers into his hair, and rubbed her knuckles along his prickly jawline. 

“That didn’t go exactly as planned…”

She stilled her movements, confused. “What didn’t?”

“Our first night together.”

“Mmm.”

“I’ll need a mulligan.”

“Okay.”

* * *

“Riva cooked some eggs, and there are leftover rolls and nerf, in the fridge,” Paige pointed to several containers stacked on the table, “lots of leftover cookies. Help yourselves to anything.”

“Thanks,” Rey grabbed a plate and two roll sandwiches for her and Ben, and opened the top container, looking for the frosted sugar cookies.

“Did you two sleep alright?” Riva walked into the kitchen.

“Yes, thank you. Has anyone ventured out yet?”

“Jem and Cova had to leave early. He said it looked like the roads were reasonably clear, and I heard the plows again after they left.”

“Thanks for letting us stay.”

“No problem. Glad we had the room.”

Ben came up behind her, pilfering a cookie from her plate. “I’ll go dig out the car.”

“Alright. I’m going to see how Rose is doing this morning.” 

She took one of the sandwiches, and gave the plate to Ben, then wandered into the front room where the occupants of the couches were still out cold. Rey wondered how much longer they had stayed up after she and Ben had called it a night. 

Guardedly she rambled down the hall, listening momentarily at each door. Whoever was in the middle room seemed to be getting along just fine. But Rey didn’t know where Rose and Finn had ended up. She wandered back toward the kitchen, pulling her phone out to send Rose a text.

Ben came back inside, stomping snow off his shoes. “Did you find her?”

She showed him her screen. “Are you ready to go?”

“Any time.”

Just then, Rose stormed down the hall, shoving her arms into her coat, “let’s go.”

“Alright.” Rey called back to the kitchen, “Thanks Riva! Will you tell Paige goodbye from us?”

“Sure, doll! Happy New Year!”

* * *

“Poodoo!” Rey stepped out of the shower and realized she had left her robe in her room. She toweled off, wrapped her hair up in the towel, then slathered on some lotion. She grabbed the other towel from the rack, wrapped it securely under her arms, and darted out into the hall…

…and ran right into Ben, her hands flying up to his chest, “oops!”

He grabbed her by the biceps to steady her, taking a shocked second to realize she was only wearing a towel.

A towel that had started to come loose upon impact. She pinioned her hand above her breast, puffing, “oops! Left my robe in my room…” and taking a quick step back, skirted around him and into the guestroom, the towel falling away from her backside just as the towel on her head slipped off, and she shut the door, peeking out at his stunned expression, shaking her head and tittering. She leaned against the door for a few seconds, then re-wrapped her head, took up her robe, and went about her business.

* * *

The hydrospanner fell to the floor with a clash. Normally Rey was fastidious about the handling and care of tools, especially when they were borrowed. But right now, truthfully, she hadn’t even noticed.

Ben had her up on the fender, one knee hitched over his hip and the other ankle hooked behind his thigh. He had one arm firmly around her waist, and the other hand had a tight hold on her braid, tugging her head over slightly for better access to her neck.

She had a handful of his shirt on one side, a handful of his hair on the other, and a squeaky moan escaped her throat as he kissed and sucked his way along her jaw. He dragged his fingers down, out of her hair, pushing her collar to the side and nipping at the base of her throat as his hand continued down, cupping her breast.

He licked at one tingling smudge, pulling back slightly and peering down, murmuring, “that’s gonna leave a mark,” smirking and kissing the spot tenderly. Returning his attention to her lips, he licked at her lower lip, into her mouth. 

He ground into her, eliciting harsh moans and gasps from her, and a low groan from him.

He set his palm at her hip, straightening and biting at his lips as he pulled away, clearing his throat. “I need to stop.”

She rubbed her lips together, moving both her hands to his shoulders for stability, and untangled her legs from around him. “Alright.”

He leaned in for one more brief kiss to her mouth, her cheek, her temple, and sighed shakily. He bent to retrieve the hydrospanner, and offered it to her.

She smiled wryly, “thank you.”

After a few minutes, from her station under the chassis, she heard him slip out of the shed and he didn’t return for quite a while.

* * *

Rey felt a gentle hand settle on the top of her foot, and rolled out from under the _Millennium Falcon_. “Hi.”

“Hi. I thought we could make moof bourguignon for supper.”

“Mmm! That sounds fancy!”

“It’s a little time consuming to prepare, but worth it.”

“Okay.”

They took a few minutes to organize and close up the shed, and wandered into the house, hand in hand.

“I’ve loved having you here with me.”

“I’ve loved it too.”

As he opened the door for her, he worked his jaw, as if he was biting back words; but said nothing more.

* * *

Rey muffled a burp and crawled up next to Ben, lying on the couch. “That was so good! I think I overate!”

Ben chuckled, reaching for the elastic holding her braid and carefully removing it, unplaiting her hair and running his fingers through the long strands, massaging at her scalp.

They decided to watch the first episode of _“Tales from the Outer Rim.”_ It wasn’t really that interesting, but it suited their quiet mood so they let it play in the background while they dozed, each making a random comment now and again.

Rey woke from a light snooze and could sense that Ben was upset or ruminating on something. His breathing was rapid and shallow, and his hands massaged her neck and shoulders with increased pressure.

She drew her fingertips along his jaw, back and forth, back and forth, then lifted her cheek from his chest, so she could watch his face as she traced the fullness of his lower lip with the pad of her thumb.

His eyelids drifted closed and his breathing slowed.

After several minutes he peeked down at her, “what is your opinion of marriage?”

She took a quick inhale. “Oh. I… uh…” She pushed her hair back from her face. “I’m all for it, on principle. But in practice, I’ve never seen it work out favorably. Up close. You know, as an observer.”

He nodded. “Mmm…”

“But the marriages I’ve witnessed might have been extreme cases. The partners involved weren’t very nice people.”

“And how do you feel about entering into such an arrangement, yourself?”

“Maybe I’m naïve, but yes, I’d like to get married. At the right time, to the right person.”

Ben thought about this for a long time. “My parents had a volatile marriage. But they always found their way back to each other. And Maz and Chewie have a marriage that works beautifully. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary several years ago.”

“Is marriage something you aspire to, then?”

“Yes. At the right time. To the right person.” He grasped her hand, drawing her wrist to his lips.

* * *

Rey stood in the hall, barefoot, just beyond a pale gold rectangle of light on the hardwood, lengthening out from her open door. She stared at Ben’s bedroom door for what could have been an hour, deliberating.

The guestroom bed had felt lonely and comfortless, after spending the previous night in his arms.

But if she went in to him tonight, they would almost certainly make love.

She argued with herself: _Don’t trip over the finish line, Niima! You’ve waited all this time, promising yourself you wouldn’t make the same mistakes as before! There is no commitment. There has been no declaration of love. It seems like we’re there; but isn’t that how it felt last time? And the time before? No. Be smart._

She took one step away from his door. Then another. Slowly she made her way back to her room, closed the door silently, got into bed and turned out the lamp. 

It was the right decision. Surely it was. 

* * *

The gloomy skies matched Rey’s dark mood perfectly. Her pounding steps reverberated up her legs and into her brain with a satisfying rhythm, as she led Ben around a loop of the path they had not yet explored, through the wooded area of the park. 

Ben had said it wasn’t supposed to snow, that the storm would just brush by, so the running conditions were perfect: just a little warmer, cloud-diffused light, and utterly quiet.

She circled around and headed back for home.

Once they reached the porch, she turned to face Ben for their stretches, to find him completely winded, bent over with his hands braced on his thighs, gasping. “Kriff, Rey!”

“Oh… um…”

He looked up at her, snorting and wiping sweat from his brow with his shoulder, “starting the year with dash and gusto, are we?”

They completed a cursory stretch routine and Ben tripped through the door, collapsing on the rug behind the couch, pulling off his gloves and hat and throwing them to the side, wiping his hands down his face and unzipping his jacket.

Rey stood over him, fists on hips, shaking her head and clucking tauntingly. 

He held his hands up to her, and she stepped over him, with her feet at his sides, and took hold, pulling to help him sit up but otherwise pulling against dead weight.

Suddenly he yanked downwards, knocking her off balance and to her knees, straddling his hips and bringing her face to face with him.

“Hello, Miss Niima.”

“Hello, Mr. Solo. What now?”

“I didn’t think any further ahead than this.”

“Mmm.” She ground her hips into him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and squashing her chest up against him as he brought his hands to her hips and muffled a groan into her shoulder. “Then I’m going to take a shower,” and smirking at him, she hopped up and again offered him a hand. 

He flopped back down on the rug theatrically, “I’m fine right here, thanks.”

* * *

“Could you give me a hand here with the inertial compensator? The manometer has already taken a hit or two and I don’t want to have to replace it unless absolutely necessary.”

Rey heard a choking, wheezing noise coming from Ben’s direction and leveraged herself out of the engine bay to peer at him. 

“The… what did you say?!”

“The ‘inertial compensator’? It’s pretty heavy, and the bolts are…”

“No, no. The other thing…” He covered the lower half of his face with his palm. 

“‘Manometer’?” She tapped at a gauge attached to the large component she had been working on, “it’s this curved tube filled with liquid? Measures pressure?”

Ben stared at her for a few seconds, squinting his eyes in puzzlement, then his composure cracked and he burst out with a fit of laughter the likes of which Rey had never seen in his person. Several times he calmed for a second or two, then was overcome again and leaned back on his creeper, howling.

Rey wandered over to him to observe this oddity up close.

“‘Manometer!’ Flizzards! I didn’t know that was a real thing!” He chortled, slapping his thigh, “measures pressure! Frip, that’s good!”

Finally exhausted, he lay on the padded seat blinking up at Rey, wiping tears from his eyes and cheeks.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I think I just got a 40-year-old joke!”

She sat down on the floor at his side and reached for his hand, still twitching with merriment. “A little turbojet engine humor, eh?”

“Yes. My parents were even funnier than I realized.”

“Hmm. Are you going to share this joke?”

“I don’t think I could explain it, or do it justice. I’m sorry. It really is one of those, ‘you had to be there’ kinds of things.”

“Hmm.” She leaned her chin in her hand, her elbow resting on her knee, and studied his face closely, “I don’t know if you know how handsome you are. Especially when you’re smiling, or laughing. You should do it more often.”

Ben opened and closed his mouth, struggling for an appropriate response, but in the end he simply granted her wish by smiling puckishly, and drawing her to him for a kiss.

* * *

“We didn’t eat all the moof… this salad should still be good… ah! shrimp and orto garlic sauce, did you like that…?” 

Ben pulled various containers out of the fridge, popping the lids and checking their contents. A couple were determined to be past their prime, but the rest were heated on the stovetop or in the sonicwave.

Rey got waters, plates and utensils for them both, and flopped down on one of the stools, leaning up against the counter with a sigh. 

Ben studied her for a few moments. “Are you alright?”

She looked up from where she had been tracing the grain in the wood counter top, “hmm…?”

“Are you unhappy with me about something?”

“Ben…? What…?” She slid off her stool and came to stand before him.

“If I’ve upset you, or said something…?”

“What?! No! Ben! I’m not upset with you!”

“You’ve just seemed… off. All day. Not your usual, cheery self.”

She slipped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, heaving a deep breath. “Ben, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was being…”

“Irritable? Peevish? Rancorous?”

She blustered, tipping her head back to peer up at him, snorting, “‘rancorous?!’ Wow, you dug deep into the lexicon for that one, didn’t you?”

He kissed her forehead and snoozled her tighter into his embrace, “well, I did spend a lot of time studying rancors…”

“And naturally you thought of me!” she clucked and chuckled, biting his pectoral ferociously through his shirt.

“Ow!”

She rubbed at his chest, grinning up at him, “aww! Is that gonna leave a mark?” and stuck out her lower lip.

“I stand by my initial assessment!”

They laughed together for a few moments, then he turned from her to stir the ronto stew.

She went back to her seat at the counter. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I have been out of sorts today, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“What’s wrong?”

She huffed, looking up at him, abashed, and leaned her chin on her crossed arms. “I guess I…”

“Hmm…?” he put the lid back on the nuna barbecue and turned off the heat.

“It’s been so lovely. Here. With you. I guess I don’t want to go back to ‘real life.’”

“Ah.” A slow grin spread over his face. “That’s an answer I can live with.”

* * *

“Jannah…? Zorii…? It looks like all the lights are off.” Rey shut the front door behind them and started flipping on lights as they walked down the hall, Ben carrying her bag. She opened the door to her room and turned on the light, and the lamp, waving her hand, “you can throw that anywhere.”

She went directly to Ben’s painting and contemplated it for long minutes, until he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. “This is so beautiful. You’re very talented.”

“Mmm… I think you might be slightly biased. There’s a reason I stuck with teaching as a career.” 

As she continued her careful scrutiny, he took advantage of her distracted state to brush her hair aside and kiss her shoulder and neck, slow and provocative, up to her nape. He rumbled against the back of her skull, “do you know the Felucian mythos of the malo stag?”

“Um. Did I learn that in your class?”

“I think you took Chandrilan History, so no.”

“Okay, then. No.”

He smoothed his palms up her arms, his lips near her ear, his voice vibrating against her skin. “The Felucian malo stag was once a man. A Prince. The last of a powerful family, dauntless and strong, yet arrogant and cruel.”

He ran his fingers up into the back of her hair, “a malevolent sorcerer, set on revenge, had lain in wait for many generations and finally saw the opportune moment, cursing the Prince to live forever in the form of the great, black malo stag.”

He pulled her shoulders back encouraging her to lean against him, and pressing his fingers against her abdomen, “the foul enchanter promised that if the Prince could lure a legendary crystal starbird to his dark citadel, the curse would be lifted.”

He hummed into her neck, kissing and nipping, and Rey closed her eyes to fully appreciate the tale with Ben’s attendant motions, “for ten years he searched, certain that his quest was in vain, but finally he found her! The mythical crystal starbird, Queen to her remaining kinsfolk.”

He kneaded his fingers softly into her belly, her ribs, “for many days he wooed her, singing the oldest ballads of his people and carefully spellbinding her, leading her to the black fortress where the vile necromancer lay in wait to offer her as sacrifice in some fiendish rite.”

He nibbled her earlobe and up the shell of her ear, “but the Prince’s heart was already lost, you see, and instead of betraying his lover to the wizard, he pledged his eternal fealty to the starbird Queen.”

Rey turned her head expectantly, reaching up to plunge her fingers into Ben’s hair, writhing against him, “and?! What happened?!”

He held his hand gently against her throat, his fingers and thumb delicately grasping her jaw, “united, they fought, through many dimensions of time and space, the starbird exhausting her powers to sustain her champion. Together they accomplished what neither could do alone, and they vanquished the wicked mage and doomed his soul to wander bodiless, powerless for eternity.”

He brought his hand up to her cheek, softly tipping her face toward him, “but the cost of their triumph was steep, and at the Prince’s death, the Queen was overwhelmed with grief and ascended to the heavens in a resplendent burst, shattering into a million stars, and there she remains, forevermore shimmering with memory.”

Rey gasped, her eyes brimming with tears, as Ben lowered his mouth to hers, enthralling, consuming, possessing.

“Oh, Rey! You’re back!” Beaumont cheerily bounded around the corner, knocking briskly on her open door as he popped inside to greet her. “Oh!” He stopped in his tracks, his hands flinging out to grasp at the door and the wall, “oh! I’m so sorry!”

His eyes darted about, not knowing where to look as he slowly backed up, feeling for the doorjamb and pulling the door closed as he went. 

Rey glanced back at Ben, giggling and waving her hand, “…it’s okay, Beau…”

Jannah came up behind him, “what’s wrong?”

Beaumont’s voice came out in a high-pitched squeak, “nothing!” He coughed, “nothing. Rey’s here.”

Jannah pushed up against Beau’s back, peeking over his shoulder, perplexed, “hi, Rey!”

“With Professor Solo.”

“Oh! Hi Ben…!” Jannah fluttered her fingers at them, shrugging and tittering as the door clicked shut.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

* * *

**three years prior**

* * *

“Hey kid.”

Ben raised his forehead from his palm. “Dad.”

Han set the bags he was carrying on the counter and slowly moved to Ben’s side, firmly grasping his shoulder for a few moments. “Ben…”

“I know.”

Han pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat. “Girl couldn’t have waited until after the holiday?”

Ben sat back, blowing out a deep breath and pushing his fingers through his hair. “I prefer sooner rather than later, I guess. Better to get it over with.”

“I’m sorry, son.”

Ben nodded, working his jaw, then craned his neck to look down the hall. “Mother isn’t with you?”

“She’ll be here later, had some errands or something.” Han shrugged and plucked up the pazaak cards from the center of the table and started shuffling. “You know… a good woman is like a coolant pump.”

“Ugh. Dad, no.”

“Now hear me out, son. When the coolant pump isn’t working, your whole engine seizes up, costing you thousands in repairs and lost training hours. But the only reason a pump goes out on you is if you haven’t been paying attention to your maintenance schedule! Upkeep is everything!”

“Mother will be thrilled you’re comparing her to engine parts.”

“Remember what I’m saying, boy. It’s valuable information!” Han rapped his knuckles against the table and dealt himself a game of solitaire.

Ben snorted and pushed his chair back, investigating and unpacking the bags Han had brought, and setting the food out on the counter, then checking on the pots he had simmering.

“Ben Solo!” Maz and Chewie had let themselves in and Maz scurried up to Ben, pulling on his forearms until he crouched down to receive a kiss, while Chewie rumbled about the state of the roads.

Han waved Chewie over, gathering the cards to reshuffle, “you better have brought plenty of cash, my friend, because we’re playing high stakes tonight!”

Maz held Ben’s cheeks between her hands. “We’re so sorry about your girl.”

“It was a long time coming.”

“You deserve better.” She tapped his chest fondly, “you’re a good boy.”

“Thank you Maz.” Ben stood and directed her to a chair.

Maz motioned at Han to deal her in. “Where’s Leia?” 

“Should be on her way.” Han stood to retrieve a bowl of galla seeds from the counter, then waggled his eyebrows at Chewie, tipping his head toward Maz, “you’re gonna let her play?” 

Chewie chuckled, knowingly.

“Don’t provoke me, Solo.” Maz peered at Han over the rims of her glasses.

Han met her accusing gaze innocently, then called over his shoulder “should I deal you in, Ben?”

“No. I’ll play later.” Ben stirred the pots again and wandered out to the front room just as Leia and Amilyn arrived at his front door, their arms loaded with shopping bags.

Ben held the door as they bundled in, dropping the bags in a jumble. “What’s all this?”

Leia huffed, “we’ll show you in a minute. I need to pee. Amilyn wants to see the place!” and she kicked off her shoes and beelined for the ‘fresher.

“Benjamin! It’s been too long!” Amilyn pressed her cheek against Ben’s and looked around. “This is just lovely!”

“Thank you. Will you stay? Maz and Chewie are here.” 

“I actually. Have a date.” She patted her hair. “And I have no desire to lose to Maz again. Can’t afford it!” She chuckled, grasping Ben by the elbow and slipping off her heels. “Congratulations on receiving tenure! Has it been five years already?”

They chatted for a few moments until Leia made her reappearance. 

“We brought you a few things, dear.” Leia started unpackaging the parcels.

“Mother…”

“You’ve been here a year, Ben. You didn’t handle the details, so now you get to live with what I picked. This rug goes by the door… there’s a big one that will be delivered on the 2nd, to go under the coffee table there… these go in the hall ‘fresher and these ones are for the master bath… and these…!” She drew out two large, bulky bundles. “They’re washable! Aren’t they beautiful!”

Ben pulled back the packaging to examine two… somethings; one brown and one blue, rich and velvety-looking. “What are they?”

She clucked, “of course a man has no idea! Come on!” She spun around and marched toward the guestroom.

Amilyn snickered, “well, let’s go I guess,” and she looped her arm through Ben’s elbow. “These glass panes! Gorgeousl! You really need another one in the sidelight by the door though.”

They rounded the corner into the guestroom to find Leia struggling with a large blanket. She flapped her hand, waving them in, “help me.”

Amilyn bustled around to assist with the placement of a blue velvet bedspread. The two made quick work of it, smoothing out the wrinkles over the plain linens and tucking artfully around the pillows.

“Leia stepped back, hands on hips. “Doesn’t that look charming?”

“Yes mother, it’s very nice. Thank you.”

“Let’s put on the other one, too!” And the two women darted away to the master bedroom.

“Oh…!” Good thing he usually kept things orderly. He dragged his hand down his face and followed after them.

He leaned in the doorway and in no time at all they had his bedroom looking like a page from a decorating magazine as well.

“Isn’t this color just divine?” Leia smoothed her hand along the coverlet, humming. “So masculine!”

Leia took Amilyn by the arm and dragged her around to see the rest of the house, “don’t you love these big windows? I just adore Ben’s kitchen!”

Amilyn stayed for a few minutes to laugh and chat with everyone, but then made her exit. She drew Ben along with her as she worked her way to the front door. “Leia told me about… you know. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out.”

Ben rubbed his forehead, “oh… well. Thank you.”

She pushed on her pumps, bringing her almost to his same height. “I have a feeling there’s a perfect person out there for you, Benjamin, you just have to be patient.”

“Uh… yes. Of course.”

She reached for the doorknob. “Now, when are you going to make an appointment for some hug therapy? You message me any time, and we’ll put you on the schedule!”

“Oh…”

She kissed his cheek again and disappeared in a whirl of lavender hair and red lipstick.

Ben closed the door behind her and turned toward the company in his kitchen, sighing. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

“This is a travesty! No one’s luck is naturally this good, it has to be helped along by cardsharping!” Ben slapped his cards down and pushed his small pile of cash toward the center of the table.

Chewie rumbled in agreement, while Han chuckled, “now, now son, don’t let your temper get the better of you…”

“My temper?! Your hustling, more like!” and folded his arms over his chest with a huff.

From the counter where Leia was piecing from the various platters and dishes, she called out, “you boys need your manometers calibrated!”

Han snorted, “I’ve told you a thousand times princess, it’s ‘ _re_ calibrated.’”

Ben observed as Maz took advantage of this ruckus to tuck a card up her sleeve, but he smirked and said nothing. Someone had to out-cheat the cheater. He collected the cards, then deftly shuffled and dealt another round.

Leia set a plate in front of Han and stood at his side, her arms slung around his shoulders and pressing a quick kiss to his jaw, while he kneaded her hip and patted her backside.

As the players sorted their hands and planned strategies, Leia queried, “did everyone hear from Luke this week? He and Mara are finally getting married.”

Mumblings of agreement went around the table, while Ben only grumbled.

“He would love to hear from you, dear, he asks about you often.” Leia glared at Ben emphatically. 

Ben gritted out an irritable nonanswer and slouched lower in his chair.

“I don’t understand why you can’t let bygones be bygones. Hasn’t it been fifteen years?”

“Mother…”

Han interceded, “let the boy work it out in his own way.”

“Fine.” It was clear Leia didn’t think it was fine, but she let it drop for the sake of the party. 

Ben had dealt himself a terrible hand, but couldn’t be upset about it because Maz finally ended Han’s lucky streak; and she didn’t even use her hidden card.

* * *

Ben turned on the lamp and flumped down into the couch, his mother sitting close at his side, her feet tucked under her. 

“What happened, dear?”

Ben took several deep breaths. “I told her I loved her.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry…” she combed her fingers through his hair, brushing it behind his ear.

“She said I’m too pushy. She said you can’t fall in love with someone that fast.”

Leia snorted, “tell that to your father. Honey, you’ve been seeing her for over a year, if that was too fast for her…”

“I know. I know.” He leaned forward, resting his face in his hands. “Objectively, things hadn’t been going well for a while. I just thought…”

“Hmm…?”

“I thought if I made my sentiments clearer…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

Ben groaned, leaning back and closing his eyes.

“I brought something else for you.” Leia got up and dug through her purse, returning with a small jewelry box. “It was Grandmother Padmé’s.”

He took it hesitantly and hinged open the top, revealing a ring: delicate gold filigree and garnet. “Mother…”

“You keep it, dear. You’ll be glad you have it someday.” She ran her knuckles down his cheek and jaw, “we love you so much Ben, and we want you to be happy. With the right person, at the right time. Someone who appreciates you. It will happen for you, I know it.”

He tucked the box into his front pocket and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. After a few moments, he folded his hands in his lap and turned to her, “thank you, mother.”

She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, drawing him closer and encircling him in her arms, rocking him and rubbing his back, kissing his temple.

After a long while, Maz sauntered in with two champagne flutes, “it’s time.” They took them from her and followed her back into the kitchen, where Han had opened the official Coruscanti Count Down app on his phone. They all raised their glasses:

**“Chakta sai kae!”**

* * *

“I’ve got to get this one home to bed,” Maz rubbed Chewbacca’s back affectionately and winked, “thank you, Benjamin!”

“Thanks for coming.” He held the door for them and Chewie gave Ben a giant hug on his way out.

Han helped Leia with her coat, copping a feel of her breast while Ben quickly looked the other way.

She batted his hand away, “stop that!” and reached up to Ben, kissing him on the cheek, “thank you for hosting, dear!” 

Ben stood on his porch, waving and watching as Han helped Leia into the _Millennium Falcon_ , parked casually in his driveway, snickering at their banter.

“I don’t know why you insist on driving this old thing! There’s a handsome _Zebulon Dak_ at home, it even gets superior mileage!”

“She was made to be driven, sweetheart. No sense leaving her in the garage.”

* * *

Ben leaned back in the lounger, his feet propped up near the fire pit. The weather was warming but it was still cool in the evenings. He took a sip of his Lomin ale and searched the clear night sky for the constellation Apus. There it was; he could see it around the wroshyr tree, which hadn’t leafed out yet.

He heard the door open behind him, and the lounger to his side scraped on the cement as someone sat down with a heavy sigh.

“Dad.”

“Ben.”

“Did you get a…?”

Han held up and sloshed his bottle of starfire ‘skee. 

Ben sat up to toss a log on the fire, then settled again.

When the stars had swung from one side of the wroshyr’s trunk to the other, Han shifted around in preparation to leave, his elbows resting on his knees.

Ben took his empty bottle and lent him a hand up.

“Good to be with you, son.”

“You too.”

* * *

Ben pushed away from his desk and leaned back in his chair, to read the paragraph again. It was very perceptive. Who wrote this? He flipped the stapled papers to read the name on the cover page. Hmm…

Enric knocked at his door, “Ben.”

“Come in.” Ben placed the assignment on the top of the stack and pushed them aside, opening his drawer and pulling out his lunch.

Enric sat on the opposite side of the desk, setting out his sandwich and thermos with a sigh.

“How are you? Getting any rest?”

“The baby still isn’t sleeping through the night.” Enric rubbed his eyes, yawning. “I’m too old for this.”

Ben chuckled. “I hear kids eventually sleep better. Maybe by the time they’re 18?”

Enric groaned. “Don’t jinx me.”

They ate together amicably, Enric yawning broadly every few minutes and taking deep swigs of the caf from his thermos. “Have you been having problems with the holonet on this side of the building?”

“No. Have you?”

“I can’t get a decent signal over there. And they still need to fix that hole in the wall. My office is a disaster.”

Ben nodded, “I think this is the oldest building on campus. Definitely in need of some repairs.” After a few more bites of his leftovers, he reached for the essay, “hey, read this and tell me it’s not the most insightful thing you’ve read from an undergraduate student, ever.”

Enric rubbed his eyes and felt for his reading glasses, blinking and inclining over the desk to read. When he got to the section that had drawn Ben’s attention, he read over it several times. “Wow. Who wrote this?” He flipped to the front. “‘Rey Niima.’ What class is this?”

“Chandrilan History 101.”

“Is he a history major?”

“‘He’ is a she. And no, I don’t think so.”

“Well… don’t grade it too favorably, we can’t have her getting complacent.”

Ben chuckled and looked down at his buzzing phone, “do you mind if I…?”

Enric nodded and Ben picked up.

“Hello, mother.”

“Mom?”

“What’s going on?!”

_“Mom?!”_

**_“Where are you?”_** He jumped up from his chair and patted his pocket for his keys, looking around frantically.

_“I’m on my way! I’ll be there in 10 minutes!”_

Enric looked up at him, his hands braced on the desk, “what…?”

Ben dashed to the door, gripping the doorpost, “Kriff! It’s my dad. Will you lock up for me? Cancel my class?”

“Yes! Go!”

Ben slapped his hand over his mouth, wheezing and shaking. “Kriff!” He stared at Enric a moment, in shock, and bolted down the hall.

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding the last chapter:  
> It was a flashback, from Ben’s POV, to about 3 years before the main narrative. If you remember, both Han and Leia had passed before the beginning of this story; Han 3 years prior, and Leia about 6 months prior. It was also set at the time that Rey was in Professor Solo’s class, but they were not involved at that time, beyond her writing something in a class assignment that was impressive enough that Ben remembered her later, but that’s it. Ben’s ex was not Rey, but a woman purposefully left unnamed.  
> Thank you for reading!  
> We now return to the main narrative, and Rey’s POV.

* * *

“These are absolutely ridiculous!” Rey held up a slip of lace to the department store lights. “Why are they so expensive?”

“Underwear can be practical _and_ cute, Rey, but those are neither. Put those down!” Rose grabbed Rey by the elbow and dragged her around to the more sensible side of the ladies’ foundation department. “Now. What do you usually wear?”

“Underwear…?”

“Yes. What kind? What style?”

“I don’t know. Whatever is on sale and matches my waist measurement.”

Rose rolled her eyes exasperatedly. “Okay. Do you like silky fabric or cotton?”

“Cotton.”

“Do you like the band to come up to your waist, or to be a little below, at your hips?”

“I’ve never noticed a difference.”

“Rey…! Okay, do you like full rear coverage? Or do you like something more cheeky, like a thong?”

“No wedgies.”

“Okay, that rules a couple styles out, for sure.” Rose wandered between the display racks, tapping her chin. She held up a pair of boy shorts, “have you ever worn this style?”

“No.”

“Let’s not introduce any new elements into the mix. Not today, anyway. So that leaves us with high-cut briefs, hipsters, or bikinis. We could get a couple pair of each and depending on what you like best, we could come back in a few days and get more.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s stick with neutral colors for now.” Rose pulled out several pairs that were functional, with a touch of feminine lace, in light blue, pink and nude, and after checking the size, put them in Rey’s basket. “Now. Breast bands. What size do you usually wear?”

“I… don’t… know…?”

“Rey! Honestly! How do you function in polite society?! Alright, you’re going to have to try some on…” Rose found several different styles, pretty yet practical, that coordinated nicely with the panties they had chosen, and Rey spent almost an hour trying them on to determine the best size and fit. 

Rose stood just outside the changing room, and they chatted through the curtain. “How are things with Finn?”

Rose hummed, “we kissed and made up. And oh my, was that fun!”

Rey peeked around the curtain, snickering. “Is it true, what they say about…”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask!”

“Whatever you were going to ask, if it’s good, or really, really naughty, it’s true.” Rey’s laughter drifted out of the fitting room. Rose inquired, “what about you and Ben? You stayed for more than a week at his house! Did you sleep together?”

“We ‘slept together’ at Riva’s party. But no, we haven’t had sex.”

“And did you figure out what you’re waiting for?”

Rey drew the curtain aside and put several breast bands in her basket, then set the rest aside for the sales clerk to hang up. “Well. Is it reasonable to expect that there would be some kind of a commitment, or an understanding about our future?”

“Sweetie, if that’s what you want, then it’s reasonable. You aren’t obligated to share your body with someone just because.” Rose picked up the basket and started to walk toward the sleepwear. “Alright, what kinds of pajamas do you like?”

Rey stopped in her tracks. “Wait! There’s more?!”

Rose chuckled, “Rey! If you remember your sizes and have a clue about styles you like, it will go much faster next time!” They browsed through the racks, “you two were adorable at the party! It’s obvious he’s in love with you. Actually, that was obvious weeks ago.”

“But should I be worried he hasn’t said it? I mean, should he have?”

“I don’t know, Rey, maybe he’s afraid of scaring you off.”

“I really, really like him, Rosie!” Rey rifled through a rack of flannel nightgowns, and Rose scrunched up her nose in disgust and dragged her away. “But what if he isn’t serious? What if he realizes he doesn’t really want me?”

“Sweetie, that can happen to anyone, anytime. There are no guarantees.”

Rey rounded on her, panicking.

“But let me tell you something: a man who isn’t serious doesn’t wait months for a first kiss!” She pulled out a sheer satin, thin-strap nightgown and Rey scrunched up her nose in disgust. “And anyway, I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone more serious than Professor Solo.”

Rey tittered, “yeah, you’re kind of right.” She sobered, “but Rosie, what if he gets bored with me…”

“Stop it, Rey! Don’t talk yourself out of something wonderful because you’re scared! Let’s not create any self-fulfilling prophecies.” She brushed Rey’s hair behind her shoulders and grasped her arms. “Everything is going to be alright. I just know it.”

Rey nodded and puffed out a breath.

“Okay. Now what about these?” Rose drew out a slinky, long sleeved top, light blue, with matching sleep pants.

“Ooh!”

* * *

* * *

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Ben held the outer door of Rey’s building and bent for a kiss as she emerged.

“Hello, sir.” She brushed her fingers into the curls sticking out beneath his beanie, and down his shoulders, “ooh, you’re cold!” She chafed her hands along his arms, back up and then down his chest, then slipped her arms around his back. 

He snuggled his arms around her, leaning against the outside wall of the building to continue kissing her. Several minutes later, he lifted his head, smirking. “Did you want to run?”

She smiled, releasing a handful of his jacket and finger pressing the wrinkles, “mmm, yes…”

“If you want to run we need to stop for a few minutes and talk about… sports statistics or something…” he turned from her slightly, clearing his throat and subtly adjusting the waistband of his pants.

“Oh! sorry!” Rey started jogging in place, and threw in a few butt kickers for good measure. “The Alderaan Warbirds are looking really good this year.”

Ben sniggered, “is that Huttball?”

“They’re fourteen and two, even with Giradda injured in the fifth game!”

“Is ‘Giradda’… a person?”

“He’s only the best Huttball offensive scrum of all time! 93 clouts this season, and an adjusted elimination rate of 7.8%!” 

Ben laughed and waved his hand toward the sidewalk, “shall we?”

* * *

* * *

Rey sorted and folded the warm laundry into separate piles on her bed. Every few pieces, she would roam over to Ben’s painting, to ponder the fine details. And it seemed there was always something new to discover. His attention to detail was startling, though not really surprising, as care and meticulousness were qualities she already knew he possessed, in abundance.

She wandered out to the kitchen. She had been home several days, but hadn’t gone to the grocery store yet. She’d eaten supper every night with Ben, and grabbed sandwiches from the cafeteria or a snack from the vending machine, for her lunches. She had nothing in the fridge, except maybe one egg, well past its expiration date, and her shelf in the pantry was almost bare: just a few granola bars, a handful of dried blumfruit berries, and half a box of lucky charms. 

She finished off the dry fruit, perched on the side of her bed, chewing while she waited, and listening for the dryer. She picked up her phone, scanned over her last few messages with Ben with a fond grin, and at a text reminder from Jannah, she logged in and transferred her monthly rent payment. 

The dryer buzzed and she brought another load into her room. Just as she set the basket on the floor, she heard the front door bang open, and Zorii giggling breathlessly. There was a lot of knocking and bashing, more wheezing laughter, and then a long silence.

Rey stepped out in the hall to make sure everything was alright, and, oh!

“Hi Rey!”

“Hi Zorii. Hi Poe. Just, uh… well, carry on!” She stepped backwards, back into her doorway as the two stumbled down the hall, yanking frantically at clothes and kicking off shoes. Zorii focused her attention away from Poe’s lips long enough to wave apologetically at Rey, then disappeared behind her bedroom door, with a slam.

Rey snorted, closed her door, adjusted the volume of her stereo, and went back to her laundry.

* * *

* * *

“Will you just look at this!”

Concerned, Ben joined her to lean over the reconstructed engine of the _Millennium Falcon_ , resting his hands against the grille.

“Just look at her! See how the custom modifications enhance the original elements! Isn’t that amazing?!” She glanced up at him briefly, then turned her gaze back to the engine. “Some things just can’t be improved upon! It’s like a… a symphony! Have you _ever_ seen anything so beautiful?” Rey sighed.

“Actually…”

She pointed down to one particular component, excitedly, “I mean, look at this, right here!” Ben bent, to examine the part she indicated. “This coolant pump! I’ve never seen one this old, in such pristine condition! They don’t even make this brand anymore! This is a pump that has been excellently maintained!”

He straightened, “ah. Yes. Well, my father was a purist when it came to a rigorous maintenance schedule.” He smiled at her crookedly. 

Rey’s eyes shone up at him, “thank you, Ben. It was truly an honor to work on her.” She blinked, her tears spilling over and running down her cheeks. 

Ben took her face between his hands, brushing away the wet tracks with his thumbs. “You are amazing. It was my pleasure, to labor by your side.”

She cuddled into his chest, humming and peeking around his biceps, staring in wonder for long minutes. Finally, she pulled away and gently closed the hood with a sigh.

They each took a corner of the canvas, shaking off the dust and billowing it up and over the speeder. 

Rey brushed her hand over the hood one more time, smoothing out the wrinkles wistfully, “it’s such a shame.”

“What is?” Ben set aside Chewie’s lights and the tools they had borrowed, to return to him later.

“To just lock her out here in the garage, when she was so obviously made to be driven.”

For some reason this sentiment seemed to make Ben sad, but he declined to speak about it further.

* * *

* * *

The light flashed red, and Rey sat up, her 12-year-old female taking her hand and squeezing as the benches separated. This had been their best session together, ever. As Rey had suggested, the girl had requested to be in the facilitator role. And while it had been a bit strange for Rey, it seemed to be the right choice for the girl. Rey could feel a strengthened confidence, a new maturity from her, and it was extremely gratifying. 

Her sessions this week had all felt different, somehow, as if the turning of the year had reenergized everyone with hope and vigor. Maybe it had.

She had met with three new recipients, as well as her 12-year-old and a couple others she had facilitated previously.

Poe assured her that after another week or so, the scheduling would slow down a little, that there was just a natural backlog from the holiday.

It would be a good thing, because this final semester was going to be a real challenge. Graduation couldn’t come fast enough, but getting there was going to be a slog. Her class load was grueling, and if she was honest with herself, she had to admit that her passion for her coursework wasn’t what it once had been. 

Rey had met with a career counselor, who had directed her to several holonet resources for job hunting, and she had half-heartedly started sending out resumés. None of the jobs so far were very exciting, and none of them would allow her to stay in Hanna City, or even nearby. She had another appointment to meet with the counselor, next week.

She hadn’t yet discussed any of this with Ben. Partly because she thought he might berate her for losing interest in her education. 

But he was supremely distracting, and she was happy to sit on the couch, his head in her lap, her fingers in his hair. She had spent several hours doing just that, in fact, not two nights ago; and she harbored no regrets even though she had paid for it later in missed sleep when she had to catch up on preliminary research for her _Mechanical Assemblies_ project.

She would make the same choice again.

* * *

* * *

Ben paused and took a deep breath, studying her face intently, then spoke firmly, yet gently. “You aren’t going to get rid of me that easily.” 

“What?”

“I’m not going to allow you to goad me into an argument.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ben. I’m obviously right and you’re wrong, but you don’t want to admit it.”

“No. That’s not what this is, at all. Why are you picking a fight with me? Are you mad about something else?”

“Oh, so you’re a psychoanalyst now? Why does there have to be some hidden motivation on my part? Why can’t it just be that you don’t like to admit when you are mistaken?”

“Because I’m not, Rey. And if you weren’t in such a rancorous mood, for some reason as yet unexplored, you would be able to see it.”

Rey snorted, _“rancorous!”_ folded her arms angrily across her chest, and burrowed into the corner of the couch, a murderous expression on her face.

Two episodes of _Podrace Garage_ could not sweeten her mood. 

Ben sat on the opposite end of the sofa, stealing glances at her occasionally, and bringing her two cookies which she ate, peevishly.

But as she cooled and carefully considered the details of their earlier disagreement, she had to admit that she had, in fact, been incorrect in her assertions.

She returned from taking her plate to the kitchen and sat close at Ben’s side. He eyed her warily.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

He put his arm around her and squeezed, but said nothing.

By the time they finished the newest episode of _White Fathiers_ , she was in her usual position, lying next to Ben, her head on his chest.

“Thanks for not being a dweezer about it.”

He hugged her shoulders and kissed her forehead. “Never forget, I actually _like_ rancors.”

_“Oh!”_

* * *

* * *

“See? You did it. Easy.”

Rey threw the gear shifter into ‘park,’ turned off the ignition, and heaved a deep breath.

“How do you feel?”

“I’m still nervous, but it’s easier than before.”

“You’ve made great progress. We’ll just keep practicing, and soon you’ll be ready to pass the test. You’ll get there.”

“Thank you, Ben. I never would have even tried, without you.” 

She reached out for his hand and smiled as he held her knuckles to his lips.

* * *

* * *

Her sessions had never been this difficult with _him_. Rey huffed and stacked the cushions back in their place on the shelves in the corner, and headed to the office to complete her post-session paperwork. At least she was done for the day, with classes and sessions. She had some studying to do, but she had a later class tomorrow morning so she could hopefully get a little more rest.

It had been a long day, a long couple of weeks actually, and her own attitude probably had something to do with the hitches in the session. She pulled out the form and sat at the desk to fill it out, when Poe walked in.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Poe.”

“I was just talking with Mitaka. He said that your recipient wanted to apologize to you.”

“What?”

“She said she was stressed and not focused on the session, and felt bad that maybe things didn’t go well.”

“Oh. Well… if she’s still here, can you ask Mitaka to tell her, an apology isn’t necessary; but thanks.”

Poe picked up the phone and rang the other side, to pass the message along.

Just then, Rose walked in. “Oh, hi Rey! Did you just finish a session?”

“Yeah! You?”

“Yeah! I’m done! You want to grab a caf?”

“Sure!”

When their forms were filed, they walked across the quad to the little campus café, chatting. The afternoon sun was gorgeous, but it was still freezing cold.

Rose folded up her collar, “how are things going?”

“Meh.”

“That good, eh?” Rose chuckled.

“I just can’t get excited about this semester.”

“Even with graduation coming up?”

“I can’t focus.” Rey looked at Rose askance. “There are other things I’d rather be doing.”

Rose waggled her eyebrows, “really? Like what?! Or _who?!_ ”

The little bell on the café door chimed as they stomped in, looking up at the menu board. Once they had received their orders, they bundled into a corner booth near the heat vent.

Rey took a careful sip of her caf, “I shouldn’t have stayed with him, Rosie.”

Rose started back, gripping the table, “why not?! Did something happen you didn’t tell me about? Who do I need to kill?!”

“No, no nothing like that!” Rey leaned her forehead on her palm, thinking. “I just… I got a little taste. And now I want more. Do you know what I mean?”

Rose nodded, “what do you want, Rey?”

“I don’t know.” Rey squeezed her eyes shut, breathing in deeply through her nose.

Rose tapped on the back of Rey’s hand until she opened her eyes, “do you really not know, or are you just afraid to say?”

Rey lamented, blinking, “I never get what I want.”

Rose took Rey’s hand between her two, rubbing her knuckles, back and forth, “tell me what you want, sweetie.”

* * *

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

* * *

Rey sprinted across campus, her backpack slamming painfully against her spine until she cinched up the straps. When she arrived at the psychology building, she took the steps two at a time, wrested the main door open, flew down the long hall, leapt up another set of stairs, and skidded to a halt outside Ben’s office door, her sneaks squeaking against the shiny floor. She held the knob for a moment, chuffing and gasping, and wiping her brow. She raised her hand tremulously, and knocked.

“Come in.”

She cracked the door open to peek in. 

Ben’s head jerked up at the sight of her, and he stood, “Rey! You got here fast!”

“Um… yeah!” She let herself in and turned to close the door, pausing for a moment. Now she was here, she wasn’t sure… how… to…

“Is everything okay?”

She threw her pack down in the chair, then took off her coat and hung it next to his, on a peg on the wall. “Yeah.” She stared at him for a few seconds, “I wanted to talk to you.” She brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

She paced the small space, her speed gradually increasing, still breathing heavily and looking up at him every few steps, while he observed her agitated movements with intensifying apprehension, sinking slowly to his chair.

She studied their two coats, hanging side by side, then swung around to regard him.

He was blinking rapidly, working his jaw as he did when he was upset. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Her mouth dropped open, “no, Ben!” She had better press on, despite the fact that she didn’t know exactly how. She smoothed her hair back and cleared her throat noisily. “I was talking with Rose.”

He straightened and nodded, hands clenched together, alert and attentive.

“She pointed out to me that I have a habit of only asking for what I think I can get, instead of what I really want.”

“Okay…” he stared at her, a muscle twitching under his left eye.

“She told me that if I want something, I should ask for it.”

He wiped his mouth nervously, “yes, that seems like sound advice.”

She leaned up against his desk, eyeing him carefully. “Ben. I want everything. _I want it all.”_ She panted forcefully.

“I’m not sure I know what you…”

She took a deep breath and barreled ahead, “I want everything! I want arguing about stupid stuff and making up afterwards! I want Sunday mornings and Wednesday afternoons!” She heaved deep breaths, chewing on her lower lip. “Do you understand? I want you with me when things are really bad and I want you with me when things are really good!” She planted her hands against the top of his desk and leaned in, _“I want it! I want it all, Ben!”_

He gawped at her for a terrifying moment, then his expression broke, as beautiful as dawn. “Oh. Well. That’s perfect. Because that’s what I want too.” He stood.

She choked, “you do?”

“Yes.”

She made an ugly snorting noise, her hands pressing into her belly.

Ben approached her with care, reaching for her and caressing her shoulder, her cheek, “I love you, Rey.”

She looked up at him with watery eyes, her lower lip trembling, “you do?”

“Yes. I do.” He brushed her hair back from her temple, and she broke down into fitful, unrestrained sobbing; to which he responded by wrapping his arms around her, secure and strong and comforting.

After a long time she quieted, and he reached across his desk for a box of tissues. She took two, and twisting away from him slightly, wiped her eyes and cheeks, and blew her nose, honking like a pelikki.

She looked up at him, smiling and sniffing, and grasping his shirt in great handfuls, at his waist. “Well. I love you, too.”

“That is wonderful.” He grinned down at her, showing his dimples.

“Can we go home?”

“Yes. I think we should.”

* * *

Ben locked up his office and took her hand, twining his fingers with hers and tucking her arm under his. Professor Holdo paused in her office doorway, keys in hand, observing them with an affectionate grin.

Molten lava could have rained out of the sky around them, and Rey wouldn’t have noticed. They walked to Ben’s car and everything was a blur, except his eyes, his lips, his hair, his hand holding hers. 

“Do you want to drive?”

She cackled, “no! My brain is a little zonked at the moment.”

He chuckled, closing her door and coming around to the driver’s side, “and you think I’m any better right now?”

“You at least have the benefit of muscle memory and many, _many_ years of experience on your side!”

“How old do you think I am?!”

They laughed giddily during the whole ride to Ben’s house, Rey taking a moment for some deep breaths while Ben stepped around to let her out of the car.

She set her backpack on the floor by the couch and pushed off her shoes, and he helped her with her coat. They stood facing each other in the entryway, neither sure what to do next.

Ben smiled lopsidedly, “I don’t suppose there’s anything else you want?”

“Yes.” She nodded solemnly. “I want to see your tattoo.”

His eyes widened and he mumbled, “frip…” then chuckled, “alright then, come on.” He took her hand and led her into his bedroom, towing her around to sit at the foot of his bed.

He stood before her, rolling his eyes. “It’s stupid. I should never have…”

“Benjamin. Stop stalling.” She surreptitiously brushed her hands back and forth on the bedspread, relishing the soothing texture.

“Fine.” He unbuttoned and yanked off his shirt, tossing it to the bed; then heaving a sigh, he pulled off his T-shirt, threw it aside as well, and stepped closer to her, angling the left side of his torso toward her view.

She could see a small portion of a black tattoo, but the majority was still hidden beneath his clothes. She was about to protest, but in dragging her eyes up his ribs and trunk she noticed a crescent-shaped, faded yellow and brown bruise on his chest. She stood and pressed three fingers along the mark, concerned, “what’s this?”

“A little rancor bit me.”

Her eyes flew up to his, “oh! Kriff, Ben! I’m sorry!”

He chuckled and reached for his tee.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh… getting dressed?”

She leaned the backs of her thighs against the edge of the bed. “Why? I thought you were going to show me your tattoo?”

“Rey…”

“Go on, then!” She crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows at him expectantly.

“I mean, I have to pretty much get completely undressed to…”

She pursed her lips at him.

He threw the shirt down again and seized at the button of his chinos, hesitating a moment but relenting when she gestured to him in a ‘get on with it’ motion. 

He muttered, “this is ridiculous…” but kicked off his pants and took a step closer to her, pushing down the waistband of his black trunks with his thumbs.

She leaned closer and angled herself out of the way so the light could more directly reach his hip. 

The tattoo depicted a sword, hilt up, the blade and cross guards bathed in flames, or a crackling red plasma; the thick grip and pommel, black and oxidized.

“Wow.” She blinked, glancing up at Ben, who stared down at her intently. “This was really well done.” The image extended from his lower ribs, over his waist and hip, to the very top of his thigh. 

She really, really tried to keep her gaze respectful and absolutely, mostly did not notice the substantial bulge that was still covered by his briefs and largely concealed with his hand.

She inquired, “the other one… the other tattoo I saw was all black.”

Ben hitched his waistband back into place with a snap, “each one was a little different. The artwork was based on the weapon utilized by the knight whose name we adopted. _Kylo Ren_ wielded a cross-guard broadsword that, according to legend, blazed red in battle.”

Rey stretched out her finger and lightly touched the portion of the tattoo that was still visible, tracing the black pommel with her fingertip, side to side. “You chose a very painful place to have it done.”

He huffed, “yeah. No one warned me in advance. Or advised against having it done at all. But then I never asked my parents’ opinion.” He grasped her wrist. “How do you know so much about tattoos? Where’s yours?”

She smirked up at him, “oh, I don’t have a tattoo. I just. I knew someone who had a lot of them.” She brought her other hand up and ran her fingernail along the edge of his waistband. 

His skin shivered at her touch and he reached out to hold this wrist as well, licking his lower lip, his eyes burning with admonition. “Rey…”

“Yes?” She pushed against his grip, stretching her fingers toward his stomach, but he held firm and her fingers fluttered against empty air.

“If you want something, you should ask for it.”

“That is excellent advice, Ben.”

“Yes, I thought so too.”

She bit her lip, smiling smugly up at him. “Ben. I would very much like to make love with you. Right now.”

His knees buckled slightly, his hands trembled, and he hissed, “sithspit.”

She inhaled abruptly, “if that is also something you would like, of course.”

He released her wrists but didn’t move further, stunned. “I would like that, very much, but only if you’re sure, Rey. We don’t have to…”

His words stalled out as she grinned and stood, placing her splayed hands on his chest, rubbing her thumb along the mark she had given him. “I’m sure.” She pushed her palms over his shoulders and around his neck, drawing him down to her, while he startled and suddenly remembered about his own hands, dragging them around her waist and pulling her closer.

She drew in a breath through her teeth, thrilled to feel his burgeoning arousal pressed against her belly.

They stared at each other, as if afraid to shatter the moment. An easy grin spread across his face, and he bent slowly to kiss her, his eyes open until the last second when they drifted closed.

The kiss started sweet and tender, but soon Rey had her arm hooked around his neck, her hand gripping at his shoulder, humming and nipping at his lower lip. His hands pressed at her waist, then he palmed her bottom, his warm fingers working under her sweater and up her back, kneading gently. 

He pulled back slightly to tug at the hems of her sweater and tee, and she raised her arms for him to lift them from her, thanking her lucky stars that Rose had taken her lingerie shopping and that she happened to be wearing her favorite lacy pink bralette. 

Ben gazed at her appreciatively, his hands shaking. He ran his knuckles over the outer curve of her breasts, then rubbed his thumbs back and forth across her nipples, biting his lip and murmuring, “beautiful.”

He pushed at the waist of her leggings, and she stepped away a little to remove them, with her socks, while he bent to pull off his socks as well.

They gawked at each other in mutual admiration, then Rey held out her hand to him hesitantly. He took her hand and drew her around to the side of the bed, and she sat on the edge, looking up at him eagerly. He scooped under her knees and swung her legs up on to the bed, and she giggled wheezily, scooching over to make room for him, settling her head on the pillow and holding out her hand to him.

He took her hand and kissed her palm, ran his hand up her arm, massaging, then drew his fingers down her sternum to her belly with a featherlight touch, circling and swirling her navel and tracing along the elastic of her hipsters, watching her face for her reaction, dipping his fingertips just underneath.

She rolled toward him slightly, smoothing her hand up his arm and tugging at his elbow, “come here with me, Ben.”

He smiled roguishly and sat next to her, pivoting around on his hip and reaching for her, one arm wrapping around her shoulder, under her head, and the other grasping at her waist, moving in closely and crooking his calf behind hers.

Their kisses morphed from gentle and soft to urgent and sloppy, noisy; and Rey groped at him, moaning at his size and firmness, and plucking at the waist of his trunks.

Ben grunted quietly and pushed her hand away, rolling into the mattress slightly, making it awkward for her to touch him. 

He pushed at her hip, tipping her over to her back and raising up on his elbow to look down at her, skimming his fingers over her breasts through the lace, pinching at her nipples to elicit little squeaks. He thrust his fingers under the edge of the lacy fabric, rubbing and petting and coaxing little pants and sobs from her. He pushed his finger under the center clasp, popping it open and pushing the fabric away from her chest with a groan.

He whispered, “you’re so beautiful, Rey,” and dipped to kiss, to lick and suck at her, as she tossed her head slowly back and forth, whimpering, her fingers tangled in his hair.

He brought his splayed palm over her abdomen, slipping his fingers under the elastic of her briefs, and slowly moving lower, lower; stroking and pressing, stroking and pressing deeper, and capturing her gasps and cries with his mouth, watching her; fascinated, entranced.

She gripped and squeezed his shoulder, twitching and thrusting her hips against his hand in increasingly jerky movements, arching and throwing her head back, shuddering and crying out, breathless.

She brought her hand around his neck, pulling him down to her for a long, wet kiss, as he pulled his fingers from her with one last tremor.

Rey stretched one arm above her head, curling and flexing her toes, and smoothing her hand down his back, squeezing his backside and snickering lazily up at him. She prodded at his trunks, humming impatiently, and he pushed away from her, rolling to his nightstand and opening the top drawer, to pull out a familiar box of condoms.

Rey sat up slightly to remove the breast band from her arms, then pushed off her basics, and leaned back on her elbows to observe. 

Ben’s fingers shook with frustration; he couldn’t get the box open! “Kriff!” The seams were sealed tight with a strong glue and he growled crossly. Suddenly the box burst open, blue foil packets spattering down all over the bed, one landing on Rey’s belly with a cold little slap.

She tittered, delicately picking up the packet, “ooh, extra large!”

Ben gathered the remaining foils and dumped them in a heap on the top of the nightstand, then turned over again to face her. She had ripped open the condom while he had been preoccupied, and now eyed him enthusiastically, emphatically looking down at his trunks and waggling her eyebrows.

He grunted, pushing his briefs over his hips and down his legs, then turning to her again with a steadying breath.

She stretched out one finger and snaked it up the underside of his shaft, provoking a hiss and a groan from him, before he snatched her wrist in a vice grip and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Frizz, Rey!”

“Hmm…?”

He chuckled, squinting over at her, and she tittered playfully, dropping the condom package on the velvet bedspread between them and gripping him with her other hand, her fingers just barely encircling his full girth, and giving a little twist.

He pushed up, kneeling beside her, and took up the condom, rolling it on. Hesitantly he inquired, “do we need lubricant?”

“Oh…” she halted her movements, rubbing her fingers up and down his thigh, and looked up from where she had been ogling him. She pressed her fingers to herself, “um, might be a good thing, if you have some…”

He opened the drawer again, drew out a small bottle, and handed it to her. “Maybe you’d better…”

“Oh…” She popped open the lid, but saw it was sealed. She removed the cap, pulled off the seal, and replaced the lid, spilling a little in the process but putting it to good use when she reached over to spread it on his sheathed length.

She snapped the top shut, setting it aside and looking up at him, chewing on her lip.

Ben leaned over, bracketing his arms around her on the bed and hovering to kiss her, gradually lowering to rest some of his weight on her torso.

She butted against him with her knee, bending the other and tilting her hips, and drawing her hand up and down his back.

He dragged his fingers through her folds, circling and stroking until she broke away from his lips, keening, “please, Ben!” and gripping his shoulders, pulled at him to encourage him to move.

He levered his hips above hers, kneeling between her knees, lifting his head to gaze down on her as he pushed forward, nudging into her with little bumps.

“Mmm… oh…! OH…!”

He paused his motions, “are you alright?” and brushed her hair back from her neck.

“Oh! Ung…! Yesss!” and she thrust upwards, seating him fully with one smooth movement, and pulsing around him, “Ohhh!” digging her fingers into his back and writhing beneath him, pressing her feet against his buttocks. 

“Kriff,” he groaned, pulling back, then thumping forward, bending his knee and pressing her leg up to get a different angle, and moaning louder with every thrust. 

She pushed her fingers into his hair, arching her neck to reach his lips, swallowing his cries as he had done hers.

With a final drive, he raised his head and bellowed quaveringly, his arms shaking and wobbling, then collapsing on top of her in a heap, drained and breathing hard.

After a few moments, he rasped, “kriff, Rey!” pulling out and rolling to the side, exhausted. After some deep inhalations, he wrapped the condom in a tissue and tossed it into the wastebasket in the corner.

Rey finally stirred, gasping and puffing, “wow. That was… really… something,” and turned her head to look at him.

He stretched out his arm sheepishly, and she slithered and scooted closer, snuggling into his chest and pressing little kisses to his neck and jaw. He kissed her temple, holding her close, and murmured, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.” 

She tilted her head back, staring up at him, confounded. 

“That is, if there _is_ a next time.” 

Her mouth popped open, and she goggled at him for several seconds, while his face turned the most astounding shade of pink. “Ben… what _the hell_ are you talking about?!” Utterly stupefied, she pushed herself farther away to inspect him fully.

“Are you… did I hurt you?”

“I’m not hurt _at all!_ Ben! That was… that was _frinking amazing!”_ She wriggled closer to him, pulling at the back of his neck for a kiss, long and deep. “It was _so good!”_

“Oh.” He perked up, “oh. Good, then.”

Rey tittered, then giggled, covering her mouth. Her giggles turned to snorts, and her snorts to full belly laughs and wheezing, and she held on to Ben for dear life.

He chuckled along with her, relieved.

She finally came to rest, his arm around her shoulders, her head resting on his chest, her hand clasped with his on his stomach. She nestled her cheek into his shoulder, humming and inhaling deeply. He always smelled so good: spices, and citrus. 

“I love you, Ben. So much.”

“And I love you, sweetheart.”

* * *

Rey could hear Rose’s injunction in her head, “always pee after sex! You don’t want a UTI!” and dragged herself out of Ben’s arms, to the master bathroom. It was all white marble and porcelain, glass and gold accents. She grinned to notice he had kept the toothbrushes Riva had given them on New Year’s Eve, and had set them in a cup by the sink, next to his electric one.

When she emerged, somewhat shyly, he had pulled back the bedspread and moved under the blankets. 

She crept to the side of the bed and peeked under the quilt to see he had put on his trunks. She stepped into her briefs, then replaced her bralette, as he watched avidly. She crawled into place beside him, snuggling into his side and sighing contentedly.

He rubbed her shoulders, neck and back, drawing his fingers up her arm in soft swipes, while she traced her fingers along his ribs, around his nipples, and over the edge of his tattoo. He had sparse chest hair that she swirled into little whorls, and a few more sprouting from his lower abdomen, that she worried and plucked at until he flattened his hand firmly over hers, to still her movements.

With her ear against his chest, she remarked on his accelerating heartbeat, and could feel his breathing speed up as well. She tipped her head to peer up at him, and found his eyes screwed shut, his lips pressed tightly closed.

She pushed up on her elbow, looking down at him, “Ben.” He drew in a deep breath but refused to open his eyes. She pushed on his chest, “Ben. What’s wrong?”

He bit his lip and opened one eye. “I…”

“Yes…?”

“I have something I want to give to you, but I don’t know if it’s too soon.”

“Oh. Too soon for what?”

“Rey. I love you. I want to be with you, always.”

“Yes, I want that too.” She smiled tentatively.

He pulled away from her, turning toward his nightstand and opening the top drawer yet again; the motion jarring the pile of condoms and causing some to drop to the floor, and a couple to fall into the open drawer. He snorted and pushed the remaining few into the drawer, then reached for something, far in the back.

He rolled back to her, throwing his arm around her shoulder and holding something, tightly wrapped up in his hand.

“If it’s too soon, I can put it back and pretend… we’ll act like I didn’t…”

“Ben.” She shook her head. “What is it?”

He set a little black jewelry box on his sternum, but said nothing.

She blinked. When he just stared at her expectantly, she swung around and sat cross-legged at his side, her fingers pressing into the skin of his chest and stomach. He raised his eyebrows at her, and she took up the little box, to open the lid.

It was a ring. A large, round garnet in a gold setting, octagonal around the gem, with delicate filigree swirling down the shoulder and band.

“I know it’s not a… traditional style.” He worked his jaw. “It was my Grandmother’s.” He huffed apologetically and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t really know anything about jewelry, but I know a garnet isn’t customarily… I mean, I know it’s unusual…”

She tapped impatiently on his chest, “Ben. Shut up.” She grinned broadly at his surprised expression. “Is this a ring?” She started hyperventilating. “Or is this an engagement ring?”

“Oh.” He pushed into a sitting position, turning to face her, crossing his long legs, their knees touching. “It’s an engagement ring. Unless it’s too soon, in which case I’ll just take that…” and he reached to take the box from her grasp.

She snapped the lid closed and batted his hand away, wrapping her fingers around the box possessively, leaning away from him, with her fist close to her belly and snarling, **_“I want it.”_**

His jittery anxiety quickly turned to bright contentment and he smiled broadly, reaching again for the ring.

She huffed and bounced backwards from him, _“no!_ I want it, I said!”

He chuckled, “I heard you, but that must have been the worst proposal of all time. Will you grant me a do-over?”

“Oh.” She reluctantly handed the box over. “Okay.”

He took the little box from her, delicately opening the top and turning it toward her. “Rey. I love you. I think we make a remarkable team. Will you marry me?”

She squealed softly and took several deep breaths. “Yes, Benjamin. I will marry you.”

He carefully removed the ring from between the little velvet cushions, set the box aside, and held out his hand for hers. When she slid her fingers along his palm, he slipped the ring onto her finger. “Does it feel alright?”

She wiggled her fingers together, admiring the way the stone sparkled in the lamplight, “yes, I think so! I love it!” She beamed at him and leaned forward for a kiss. 

Things were just starting to heat up again, when her stomach growled noisily. “Oh!” She pulled back, snickering.

Ben glanced at his watch, “It seems there might be something else you want.”

“Mmm.”

* * *

“This is so good! How did I get so lucky?!” Rey set her hand, palm up, on the table, and Ben took it and squeezed. 

“You made it, sweetheart.”

“Only by the grace of your training.” She grinned at him and took another bite. After she swallowed, she cleared her throat. “I met with a career counselor the other day.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve started sending out a few digital resumés.”

“Oh? Anything promising?”

She crinkled up her nose, “no. I’d like to stay here in Hanna, but I haven’t seen anything. The jobs I applied for weren’t that great, and they were in Alderaan, and Coruscant.”

“Ah.”

“I’m meeting with the counselor again in a few days.”

“Mmm.” He looked down at his plate, pushing his roasted sweetroot around with his fork. “Hopefully something better will become available. You have time.”

“Exactly.”

“You should make the decision based on what’s best for you. And your career.”

She nodded thoughtfully, “should I?”

“We can figure out what it will mean for us, together.”

“Okay.”

He took her hand, brushing his thumb against her ring. “We will work it out.”

“Okay.”

They cleared the table and Ben dished her up a little scoop of starbloom sherbet.

She leaned her hip against the counter to eat it. “Mmm! I’ve never had this before!”

Ben snickered, “I have to teach tomorrow at 9, what is your schedule like? Should I take you back to your place, or will you stay tonight?”

“My first class isn’t until 10. Do you want me to stay?”

Ben set his sherbet bowl on the counter and stepped very close into her personal space, taking her bowl and setting it aside as well. He put his hands on her hips and pulled, grinding into her slightly, then kissed her, his lips cold and sweet. “I want you. To stay.”

She groped his pecs gratuitously, grinning. “Okay.”

He handed her her bowl and took up his. “Perfect. If it will work for you, I can drop you off around 8:30.”

“Um hmm. I’ll just text Zorii and Jannah so they don’t worry.” She pressed her lips together, trying not to let him see her smile.

“What?”

“Oh, just something Zorii and I were talking about. At Paige and Riva’s party.”

“Mmm. How are your classes going?”

They spent a couple hours on the couch, Rey studying and Ben looking over thesis proposals.

Ben slammed his book shut, yawning and stretching melodramatically. 

Rey snorted, “tired?”

“So tired.”

“We’d better go to bed, then.”

“Excellent idea.”

Rey stuffed her books and folders into her backpack and set it by the coat rack. As they walked down the hall, she asked, “do you have a T-shirt I can wear?”

“Sure.”

She brushed her teeth while he dug through his drawers, coming up with an old _Hakko Drazlip and the Tootle Froots_ tee.

She held it up, giggling. “Oh! Did you see them in concert?!”

“Not that I would admit, no.” He gave her a squeeze, and took his turn in the ‘fresher.

When Ben came out in sleep pants, Rey was kneeling on the foot of his bed, wearing his T-shirt.

“I almost came in.”

“Hmm…?”

“That last night I stayed here. I stood out in the hall for an hour, barefoot, looking at your door.”

He stepped up to the end of the bed, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I did the same thing, three different nights.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

She steadied her hands on his shoulders, and knelt up tall, wrapping her arms around his neck as he put his arms around her waist. 

She hummed, “I’m happy with how things turned out.”

“I have no regrets.” 

“You mean, besides the _Hakko Drazlip_ concert?”

He buried his face in her shoulder, chuckling. “Right.” He kissed her neck, working his way up to her jaw, “but seeing you in my T-shirt makes it all worth it.” He spread his fingers over her bottom and squeezed, gradually becoming aware that she was _only_ wearing his T-shirt, and muttering, “sithspit.”

* * *

She was pressed up against his full length, her head on his shoulder, her leg slung over his, her fingers tracing patterns on his thigh, his hip, his chest; utterly sated and absolutely content.

She whispered in the dark, “I love you,” and he whispered back, kissing her forehead and sighing deeply.

His hand moved tenderly against her shoulder, pressing gently, then he started rubbing her back, circling unhurriedly from her shoulder blade to all the area he could reach, to the small of her back and across her hip.

As he started his second slow round, she relaxed and drifted to sleep.

* * *

_Her recipient pressed up against her rump, kissing behind her ear and caressing her breast, teasing her firm nipple, moaning muffledly into her hair._

_The light turned yellow. No! They weren’t done! It couldn’t be time already! She whined, unable to turn toward him, unable to move at all. The light flashed red. No! It wasn’t fair! She wasn’t ready for it to end!_

She thrashed out, pushing the blanket away from her face… No… There weren’t any blankets in the sessions.

Rey took a deep breath and turned her head toward…

Of course. Ben stirred behind her, grumbling in his sleep, his arm tightening around her waist.

That was so weird. She hadn’t dreamed about the sessions in months.

She snuzzled into his embrace, closing her eyes and calling up memories from the night before. She rolled over under his arm to face him, burrowing under his chin and tucking her leg between his, as he inhaled deeply and pressed his hand against her naked back, drawing her even closer.

He hummed lowly, “good morning.”

“Good morning.” She kissed his chest, up to his neck.

She wrapped her arm around him, to rub at his waist, to reach around and knead her fingers into his back.

He yelped and squirmed away from her touch, sniggering and rearranging their positions so her arm was captured between them, immobilized. Hmm… he must be ticklish!

She wriggled around a little until she could reach down instead, dragging her fingernails down his abdomen to evaluate his current state of arousal. 

He yelped again and jerked his hips away from her grip, “woman!”

She giggled breathily, then twisted expeditiously out of his reach when he started to dig his fingers into her ribs. She rolled off the bed and scampered into the ‘fresher, despite his vociferous protests.

She used the loo and brushed her teeth, then came back out charily, glancing at the clock. It was only 7.

“Get back in bed.” Ben stood at the side of the bed, naked as a belly-bird, straightening the bedclothes.

She smirked, “why?”

“We’re not done yet." He grinned. "But I have to brush my teeth.” He folded the linens back and raised his eyebrow expectantly. She shimmied by him pertly and hopped into bed, pulling the covers up under her chin.

While he was gone she yawned and stretched, smiling to herself and running her hands over her breasts.

When Ben came back from the ‘fresher, he didn’t get into bed with her, but stood at the side, leering at her wolfishly. 

In a flash, he lifted the quilts and thrust his hands underneath, feeling for her ankles and hauling her toward him, provoking a breathy screech. He dragged her hips to the edge of the mattress and ground up against her, her knees hooked over his arms, his hands gripping her thighs.

She reached up to push the sheet away from her face, but held the blanket firmly at her side, keeping herself covered from his view.

She raised her eyebrows at him. “What now, Mr. Solo?”

He smiled crookedly, “I didn’t think any further ahead than this.”

She wiggled against him and licked her lips anticipatorily. “I am not opposed to a resourcefully implemented quickie. From time to time.”

“Oh?”

“Um hmm.”

In no time at all, with the judicious application of a sensible dollop of personal lubricant, as well as the proficient motions of his dexterous fingers, along with various and sundry other appendages, Rey had been satisfied twice, and was well on her way to a third. 

Ben was nothing if not resourceful.

* * *

Ben held her hand over the center console as they drove toward campus. She had experienced more orgasms in the last 16 hours, than with her previous partners, combined. It wasn’t even close.

She peeked over at him. He looked as blissed out as she felt, a tiny smile playing on his lips.

“What is ‘Ezra’?”

“Hmm…?”

He glanced over at her, “ ‘E-Z-R-A’?”

She thought for a few moments. “I don’t know. I had a crush on a boy named ‘Ezra’ in 4th year.” She hummed and shrugged.

What a weird thing for him to ask.

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

* * *

Ben held her hand over the center console as they drove toward campus. His hands were so large, and warm. She had her eyes closed, just enjoying touching him, worrying gently at a little callous on his thumb; it must be from all the scrubbing he had done, of engine parts. 

She peeked over at him. He looked as blissed out as she felt, a tiny smile playing on his lips.

“What is ‘Ezra’?”

“Hmm…?”

He glanced over at her, “‘E-Z-R-A?’”

She thought for a few moments. “I don’t know.” She hummed and shrugged. “I had a crush on a boy named ‘Ezra’ in 4th year.”

She closed her eyes again and leaned her head back, breathing in contentedly. The car was full of Ben’s scent, fresh from the shower. Spices and citrus. It reminded her of… something else that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

Ben pulled into the parking lot near her apartment.

That was such a weird thing for him to ask about. ‘Ezra.’ Hmm. She sometimes spelled out that name in the sessions, when a recipient requested arm rubbing…

She caressed his hand, stroking his fingers, the tendons and veins on the back…

Ben parked near the underpass and her eyes shot open, staring at his hand.

Spices and citrus. 

Her breathing sped up. 

Ben’s back was ticklish, in very particular places.

Frak.

There was a strange hot buzzing in her ears. She swiveled her head around in slow motion to look at him. He was saying something to her, but she couldn’t hear him over the thumping sound of her own heartbeat.

She could see his mouth forming her name, his eyebrows knit together in concern. She let go of his hand and pushed away toward the door, groping and scrabbling for the handle, her vision blurring around the edges.

She shoved hard against the door, scrambling out with her pack and nearly turning her ankle, slamming the door shut and bashing her hip against the side view mirror as she stumbled around his car, to the sidewalk.

Ben jumped out, swinging around his door to help her, or comprehend what was going on. “Rey?!”

She slung her pack on her shoulder and held up her hand, pointing at him accusingly. “You…”

He halted but still reached toward her, “Rey?”

“You…”

“Rey? What…?”

“You’re… _you’re ‘34-year-old male’.”_ She staggered backwards, bumping up against the brickwork of the passage entrance and grunting. Her hands flew to cover her mouth.

She pointed at him reproachfully. “You are. You’re…” She gasped, _“you knew all along!”_

Ben started back, as if she had slapped him, his arms dropping to his sides, dead weight. “Rey…”

She floundered into the underpass, lurching backwards, her hand over her mouth in shock. “You… You…”

She turned away from him and sprinted into the dark tunnel, his deep, soft voice echoing after her.

_“Kriff.”_

* * *

Rey stood outside her building, fumbling with her keys. “Crinking hell!”

She finally yanked the door open, growling, and ran up the stairs, rather than wait for the elevator. 

The apartment was empty.

She stood for a moment inside the entryway, huffing. 

What. The. Hell.

He was. How did she not…?

Her backpack dropped down from her shoulder to her hand, and she dragged it down the hall to her room, in a daze.

She sat down on her bed and stared at the wall for several minutes, trying to make sense of it, while little flashes of memory from the sessions came to her.

_Her fingernails, dragging up soft skin._

_Strong arms, wrapped tightly around her, squeezing, rocking, with a ‘shh-ing’ in her ear._

_Soft lips pressed against her brow in the dark._

More recent memories flitted through her mind, and she screwed her eyes shut tight, a warmth spreading from her belly.

She shook her head impatiently and looked at the clock, then extracted her phone, the battery completely dead, and plugged in the charger.

She pulled off her clothes, slowly dropping each item into a pile, unheeded on the floor, and dragged herself to the ‘fresher for a hot shower.

As she stood under the stinging water, she tried not to focus on her memories of the night previous, and remember instead the sessions with _him_ , and found that in her mind, the events blended, fused and mingled together in disconcerting and perplexing ways. 

She thought she might be sick.

She stood, dripping on the rug for a few minutes, then toweled off inattentively. As she slathered on her lotion and dressed, combed through her hair, she tried to comprehend what had happened.

Ben was _34-year-old male._

He knew she was his facilitator, but hadn’t thought it an important detail to talk about before sleeping with her. Or had consciously decided to keep it from her. Had he known from the beginning?

She picked up her phone and saw she had ten notifications: missed calls and messages from Ben. 

She buttoned her coat and checked her pack to make sure she had the right folders and books, and locking up the apartment, started her trek across campus to her class.

Was this some kind of game he was playing? And why? Why would he…?

The more she thought about it, the more confused her thoughts became. Why was he paired with her in the first place, and why did he know about it but she didn’t?

She collapsed into a desk for the lecture and pulled out a notebook and pencil. Her phone buzzed with two more messages. She powered it off.

Did Holdo know? What about Rose? Poe?

She jotted down a few notes and really tried to focus… oh, kark it! She usually really liked Professor Taskeen and found his lectures very engaging, but today it just wasn’t going to happen.

She turned to a clean page in her notebook and tried to remember how many sessions Ben had come in for, the order in which they had happened, and what had taken place at each one. Did he know from the beginning that she was his facilitator, or had he figured it out later? Had he and Holdo contrived it together, and why the hell would they do that?

The more she thought about it, the less sense it made and the more betrayed she felt.

As Professor Taskeen finished up his discourse, she shoved her papers into her pack.

Holdo.

Holdo knew. And that was where she had to start.

* * *

Rey marched across the quad, getting angrier by the second. She stomped up the stairs of the Psychology building, glancing quickly to Ben’s office to make sure it was dark, then rapped sharply on the glass of Holdo’s office door. She could hear female voices inside.

The door jerked open and Rey found herself face to face with a disconcerted Rose.

“Rey! Are you alright?”

She pushed past her to stare scathingly at Holdo. “No. I don’t think I am.”

“Rey… what happened yesterday? I kept expecting to get a text!”

“Rose, I… I think I need to talk to Professor Holdo. In private.”

Rose looked her up and down, searching for any clue as to how things had gone the day before, her eyes catching for a moment on the ring that Rey spun nervously around her finger. 

Rey finally stilled the movement when she noticed Rose’s gaze, and held the jewel next to her palm.

Holdo pursed her lips. “We were done, Rose. I’ll message you later.”

“Okay.” Rose gathered up her notebook, put on her coat. “I’ll see you in class, Professor.” She grasped Rey’s elbow. “Will you message me, please? Let’s get together tonight.”

Rey nodded, glaring at Holdo.

Rose slipped out and closed the door softly behind her.

“Rey. What is going on?”

“I could ask you that same question!” She threw her pack down indignantly and advanced on the desk, her chest heaving, her eyes burning with unshed tears. She would not cry! She wouldn’t!

Professor Holdo leaned back in her chair, taking the ‘serene therapist’ attitude that Rey knew all too well. “I can see you’re upset. But I don’t know why. You’ll have to…”

Rey jabbed her finger in the air, “Benjamin Solo was my recipient! He is _’34-year-old male’_!” Her voice got louder and louder. “You knew it _the whole time_! And you didn’t think that was an important thing to mention to me?!”

“Ah. I see.” Holdo blinked and looked aside at a book on her desk for a few moments; then back at Rey. “Won’t you sit down?”

Rey snorted, “Finn accused Rose of being involved with something _sordid,_ and at the time I thought it was _ridiculous!_ Now I’m not so sure!” She slapped her hand down on the desk. “What kind of a… a… _malicious trick_ is this, and why should I bear the brunt of it?!”

“Rey, please…”

Rey clenched her fists at her sides, whispering, “is _intercourse_ some kind of new touch therapy you’re _discreetly_ advocating now?!”

Holdo’s eyes widened significantly, “Rey, let’s not let this get out of hand…”

“No! _Let’s!_ Because I would very much like to understand how your Psychology Department operation turned into a pet project to _humiliate Rey Niima!”_

Holdo pressed her palms against the top of the desk. “‘Humiliate?’ Rey… I don’t now what’s happened between you and… between you and Ben, but I can assure you, it was never my intention to humiliate anyone!” She straightened, “Please. Won’t you sit down?”

Rey chewed on her lip for few moments. Her accusations, spoken out loud, sounded like hyperbole in her own ears. She carefully moved her pack to the floor, and sat on the edge of the chair, covering her mouth with her palm and taking several deep breaths. She pressed her fingers to her closed eyes for a minute, then looked up at Professor Holdo. “He _is_. Right?”

Holdo huffed. “Yes.”

_“Why didn’t you tell me?!”_

“Rey… the program is based on anonymity, for both the facilitators and the recipients.”

“But you told _him!_ ”

“No, Rey, he discovered it on his own.”

Rey searched her face and could find no sign of deception. She rolled her eyes, still trying to keep her composure, pressing her lips together.

“That was why he quit the program.”

“But _why_ were we put together in the first place?!”

Holdo straightened a paper on her desk, “that first session he came in, you were available to facilitate. Honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. And then he requested the same facilitator, and there was no reason not to… at the time, there was no reason to deny his request, Rey.”

Rey took a quavery breath.

“I had been encouraging him to come in and participate, for years! I was thrilled he was finally there, and you were available; I didn’t want to postpone or reschedule his appointment.” 

“Oh.”

“Did you have problems with him, in the sessions?”

“I… well… no. I just…” Her lip quivered and she felt in real danger of losing control.

“I understand, if you’re feeling blindsided, or… manipulated.” Holdo pressed her fingers into her hair, then carefully patted her purple coiffure. “We’ve never had anything like this come up with the program before, but to be honest, I’m surprised we haven’t. The sessions can be extremely…”

Rey sighed, “yeah. I know.”

“Not just for the recipient, but for the facilitator as well.”

“I know.”

“From what I remember, of his paperwork, it seemed like you two were… compatible. Within the scope of the sessions, I mean.”

Rey studied Holdo’s face, not sure how to respond to that. “Yes. We were.”

“Are you still embarrassed? About the panic attack you had?”

Rey stood and paced around the room for a few minutes. “Maybe? I hadn’t thought about it for a while. But to realize it was _him_ … yes. I guess so.”

“Rey, Please.” Holdo leaned her face into her palms, her elbows braced against her desk. “Don’t blame Ben for the parameters of the program. You gave consent to the anonymity.”

Rey sank back to her seat and thought about this quietly for several seconds, rolling the ring on her finger and nervously chewing at her nails.

Holdo tapped nervously with her finger, hesitant to say more. “Rey. I’ve known Benjamin Solo since he was born. I’m not trying to talk you into anything, alright? But… I… I love that boy like he was my own. And these last months, Rey! I’ve never seen him as happy, as he’s been with you!”

Rey blinked, chewing at her lip and then glancing up at the clock and realizing she was going to be late for her next class: Biomaterials Lab. Ugh. She stood and picked up her backpack, and reached for the door knob. “Okay. Thanks for talking to me.”

Holdo stood, calling after her, “message me, or come in any time, Rey, if we need to talk again.”

“Okay.”

“And Rey?”

“Yeah?” She pulled the door open and looked back.

“That ring.”

Rey looked down and her hand, startled. “Yeah?”

“Leia would be thrilled to see you wearing it. And so am I.”

* * *

Rey stood just outside the Psychology building at the top of the stairs, buttoning up her coat. The engineering building was on the opposite side of campus. She sighed and made her way down to the quad, pushing the collar of her coat up to cover her ears. It had gotten colder again.

As she made her way along the crowded footpaths, she realized that the problem wasn’t the psychology program. It had never been the program. The problem was Ben. 

Why hadn’t he said anything? And especially yesterday?! She blushed to think about everything that had happened yesterday. No! It would do no good to think about that, least of all now when she had to keep her wits about her.

As she stormed along the sidewalk, her blood pressure rising again, she felt a strange prickling at her nape, and looked up…

 _He_ stood, across the quad, frozen in place, staring at her; throngs of students breaking around him like waves.

She nearly tripped over her own feet, diverted as she was by his pale expression of anxious longing; his unvarnished and blatant pining. It would have been utterly flattering, a moment of deep feminine satisfaction, if she hadn’t already worked herself up again into a livid froth.

A gangly freshman bumped into her from behind, “hey!”

“Oh, sorry!” Rey picked up her pace and, narrowing her eyes at Professor Solo as he disappeared into the crowd, allowed herself to be swept away with the crush.

* * *


	24. Chapter 24

* * *

Rey stacked the meals together and shut the freezer door before they could slide out, then she sorted her fruit into one of the empty drawers in the fridge. Her walk to and from the grocery store hadn’t seemed to take as long as usual today; probably because of her agitated condition.

She arranged all the boxed items on her pantry shelf, and closed the cupboard door gently, leaving her left hand resting against the wood for a moment to study her new ring. Even in the bright, ugly fluorescent light of the apartment kitchen, it sparkled and flashed with a deep scarlet radiance. She blew out a rough breath and rested her forehead on her arm for a few moments.

“Hey, Rey!” 

She hadn’t heard Jannah come in. “Oh!”

“What is that?! Holy moof, that’s gorgeous!” Jannah grabbed her hand and spun her around so she could look at the ring more closely. “This is a gift from Ben, obviously!”

“Yeah, um…”

Jannah squealed, “are you engaged?!”

“Well… yes. We are.”

Jannah grinned, grasping Rey by the shoulders, and hopping up and down. “This is so exciting! Wait until Beau hears about this! He’s going to _freak out!”_

Rey held her by the elbows and smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, maybe wait a bit on that…”

Jannah stilled her motions and took a deep breath, her eyes widening as she studied her friend. “Rey. What’s going on? You don’t seem very excited about it.”

Rey shook her head, fixing her sight on a spot to the left of Jannah’s face, on the wall behind her. “Well. We got engaged, and then… I guess you could say we had a disagreement.”

“What?! About what?”

Rey clicked her tongue. “I found out he had been participating in the psychology department program I’ve been working in; you know, my job.”

Jannah’s eyebrows knit together. “He… I don’t… was he doing something he shouldn’t have been?”

“Noo… It’s just that… he never told me.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t really know what that means. I mean, are you engaged?”

Rey pursed her lips, thinking for a few moments. “Yes. We are. I just. I’m kind of upset right now.”

“You’re mad because he did something that hurt you?”

“Well… no.”

“You’re mad because he did something and didn’t tell you?”

“Um… yeah. I guess that’s it.”

“Oh. But you’re still engaged?”

Rey pressed her palms into her eye sockets. “Yeah.”

“Oh. Well. That’s really wonderful, Rey. Are you… are you going to break up? Over what happened?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Oh. Well. When you decide, Beau and I would like to take you… and Ben… out for drinks. To celebrate.”

“Okay.”

“Just. You know, let me know. When you figure it out.”

“Okay.” Rey wiped her hand down her face. “I will.”

* * *

Rey huffed a deep breath and powered up her phone. Once it came online, it vibrated for a full minute with notifications. She went into her message client, purposefully avoiding clicking on Ben’s name.

Once she had replied to Rose, and read the message from Holdo, she spent a moment tidying her room, then sat on her bed, inhaled deeply, and clicked on the messages from Ben. Another text appeared as she was catching up, reading them all.

She set her phone aside, and flopped over on the bed. She held her hand up, twisting the ring back and forth on her finger, watching it glint and gleam in the lamplight. She considered twirling the gem around and wearing it next to her palm, but that would have been pointless. Rose had already seen it, that morning. And if she was going to do that, she might as well just take it off.

Her breathing sped up, quick and shallow. No. She didn’t want to take it off. She squeezed her eyes shut and threw her arm over her forehead.

There was a little knock, and she peeked out from under her arm as Rose let herself in, closing the door quietly behind her. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Rose held up a quart of ice cream and two spoons. “Häagen-Dazs to the rescue!”

Rey sat up and patted the mattress in invitation. “You’re an angel!”

“Sweetie, tell me what is going on! Holdo wouldn’t say a word.”

Rey dug in with gusto and got several bites of _Double Pedorian Chocolate Chip_ under her belt, before launching into her tale, starting with the moment she had left Rose at the café, the day before, to go get her man.

* * *

“And suddenly, it all came rushing to me, just like in the movies! Gods Rosie, I swear, it was surreal! My brain had been trying to put the pieces together all along, and finally everything just… snapped into place! There needed to be some kind of sound effect, like, _‘dun Dun DUN!!’_ And I don’t know. I just don’t know.” She looked up from the empty ice cream carton to see Rose’s reaction. “I don’t know.”

Rose took the two spoons and the carton, and set them aside on the floor, well out of kicking distance, then sat on the bed, cross-legged, leaning her chin in her hand, her elbow on her knee. 

After a long time, she ventured, “I thought you liked that recipient.”

“I did. I just. I didn’t know it was _Ben_.”

“So the problem isn’t that he participated in the program. The problem is that you didn’t know. That he didn’t tell you.”

“Well… yeah.”

Another long pause. “It was him. When you had that panic attack.”

Rey pursed her lips. “Yeah.”

“Hmm.” Rose leaned back against the wall, her legs extended sideways over the bed. “And is that why it’s so upsetting?”

Rey thought about this for a few minutes. “That’s part of it. But not the biggest part.” She scooched around to sit side-by-side with Rose, her longer legs sticking out farther over the side of the mattress. “It’s that he’s known, all this time, and I didn’t.”

“You mean, like a lie of omission?”

“Sort of.” Rey took several deep breaths, formulating her thoughts. “I mean, what reason did he have to not say anything?!”

Rose snorted, “oh sweetie, that’s not hard to figure out, at all!”

“What?”

Rose swiveled around, crossing her legs again and grasping Rey’s hand, nudging at the ring. “When did he stop coming in? When did he discontinue the program?” 

“It was at the time we started running together.”

“Right. That was when he told you he wanted to date you.”

“Yeah.”

“So if he had told you then, what would have happened?”

Rey thought about this for a few moments. “Well. At that time, I was still kind of torqued off about the scholarship thing. So.” She watched Rose, nodding her head. “There would have been no way I would have been open to a relationship, even just friendship, if I’d found out then.”

“What motivation did he have to bring it up? He’s not stupid, Rey! He knew there was a good chance you weren’t going to take it well. So… better you should fall in love with him first! Better he should lavish you with some mind-blowing sex!”

Rey snorted.

“Your words, sweetie, not mine!”

Rey leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. “So that’s it, then. You don’t think he did anything wrong. You think I’m silly to be mad about it.”

“No. I didn’t say that at all. I’m just saying, look at it from his perspective. He didn’t request to have you as his facilitator. And when he realized there was a conflict, he quit coming in. His only fault, as far as I can see, was to avoid revealing the fact to you; and he only did _that_ because it was in his own best interest to do so. Because he was already in love with you, probably!”

Rey choked. “Is that what you do when you’re in love with someone?! Avoid talking with them about things you know are going to upset them, hoping they’ll fall in love with you now and forgive you later?!”

Rose chuckled. “It doesn’t sound very good, does it? But what would you have done, if you had been in his place?”

Rey scooted off the bed and started to pace the room. “I don’t know.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Really?”

“Fine. I probably would have done the exact same thing.”

Rose waved her hand, as if the matter was resolved.

“But…” Rey stood in the middle of the room, hands on hips.

“Oh, boy…”

“…didn’t it put me at a disadvantage? Didn’t it mean that I was in a position of inferiority, the whole time?”

“Rey…” Rose rubbed her eyes. “This has to be your choice. You have to decide what to do, okay? It isn’t my purpose to sway you if your mind is already made up.”

“My mind isn’t made up! I just want to inspect every angle…”

“You mean beat a dead fathier?”

“Rosie!”

“If you have already determined that he’s the bad guy, if your pride won’t allow you to forgive him… for something that wasn’t really his fault, may I remind you… then you shouldn’t be wearing that ring! If you can’t see his side of what happened and even consider forgiving him for acting in his own best interest, then you don’t love him, Rey! And if _that_ is the case, then you don’t have a solid foundation for your relationship, and you need to let him go!”

Rey stood still for long minutes, taking deep breaths and opening and closing her mouth several times, as if to launch into another argument. Finally she admitted, “yes. I see you’re right.”

“Okay!” Rose laughed, “I usually am!” She reached out her hand, and Rey reluctantly walked to the bed, dropping down on the edge and taking her hand. “You don’t always have to be in control, Rey.”

Rey gasped and looked up, searching Rose’s face. 

“Actually…” Rose pondered, “control in relationships is an illusion, I think.” She stroked the back of Rey’s hand. “But if you’re just waiting, expecting that everything will fall apart, then you’re absolutely guaranteed it will.” Rose wrapped Rey’s fingers up with hers and squeezed. “I think you have to decide a couple of things.”

Rey nodded, expectantly.

“You have to decide if you really love him.” Rose paused, thinking. “And you have to decide if your relationship with Ben is something you really want, something you’re willing to fight for. That’s the only control you have.” Rose threw her arms around Rey’s shoulders, resting her forehead against Rey’s temple. “And once you decide those two things sweetie, you’ll know what to do.”

* * *

Rose had gone soon after, leaving Rey to mull over everything they had talked about.

She dragged herself to the ‘fresher, to brush her teeth, and was about to turn out the light, when her phone vibrated with another text from Ben.

She read over his messages for a few minutes, and decided she owed him some kind of an answer.

The bouncing dots popped up, letting her know he was typing a reply.

Rey wasn’t ready to engage, so before he could respond, she sent another message: “Goodnight, Ben” and the bubbles disappeared.

* * *

Rey lay in the dark, thinking about…

tender kisses…

warm, melty cookies…

patient driving lessons…

generous dollops of whipped cream…

warm hands tucked together in coat pockets…

deep laughter echoing to her through the engine bay…

and as she drifted to sleep…

homemade macaroni and cheese.

* * *

_…his breathing had sped up, and the hand she was holding began to tremble… she stilled her movements and sandwiched his hand between her two… after another minute, he seemed to calm, and she resumed her movements…_

_…she grasped his forearms and rubbed her palms down to his wrists, then drew her fingers along the inside of his hands, and stroked out along his big fingers… his fingers twitched and she grinned to herself…_

_…he tucked her stockinged feet between his, softly ‘shhh-ing’ at her ear… he held her in his strong arms, occasionally brushing his hand along her cheek and temple, pushing her hair back and running his hand down her arm…_

_…she giggled and squirmed for just a moment, then stilled as he settled her more comfortably against himself, her head resting against his shoulder; then he started to rock her ever so gently…_

* * *


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤ **Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!**
> 
> (Make sure to read chapter 24, uploaded yesterday. Mwah!)

* * *

_…there was a small framed photo; a young boy, with bright eyes and enormous ears… grinning at the camera, utterly exuberant… behind him, a tall, rugged-looking man, holding the hand of and smirking at a much shorter, fine-featured woman with dark hair, twisted up into complicated knots and plaits, who stared back at him, exasperated…_

Between sleeping and waking, all Rey could think of was the photo of Ben as a young boy, bright and happy. His sweet expression floated behind her closed eyes, and as the morning light increased in her room, she stared up at her ceiling, thinking of that boy and his parents.

His parents, who should have loved him more than anything, but who still sent him away; who taught him he was unredeemable and unforgiveable.

For his own good, yes, but at what cost; their relationships forever altered, taking years to recover. 

And how had he…

Rey squinted painfully, turning her head away from the light suddenly streaming in her window, around the drawn shutters. What time was it? She raised her hand to shield her eyes. What was that? Was there construction going on outside? Where could that bright light be coming from?

She threw back her blankets and staggered to the window, pulling the cord to raise the blinds and… oh!

It was the starbird! The sunrise at just the right angle, the cut glass panel hung in perfect synchronicity to bathe her pillow in dazzling rainbows, cast by the prisms in a glorious riot.

She stared at the beautiful crystals, then twirled around slowly in place to behold the brilliant colors dancing around the room, flashing on the walls and… 

_Just like the glass pane, all at once everything was crystal clear._

Frizz! What time was it? What classes did she have today? Holy beek-monkeys, no, no, no…! 

She had to… _She had to…!_

She frantically snatched clean clothes out of the closet, pitching them to the bed and… wait!

Rey picked up her phone and dashed off a text to Professor Holdo. Then tossed the phone to the bed and tore into the bathroom for the fastest shower of her life.

A few minutes later, her wet hair wrapped in a towel, she paced the kitchen, scarfing down a few bites of lucky charms and wiping drips of moof milk from her chin.

She forced herself to comb out her hair, gently, delicately working out the tangles; then a few passes of the blow dryer and a swipe or two of mascara. Brush and floss and some lip gloss and why the hell didn’t Holdo answer?!

Deep breaths and patiently tying her shoes and peering into her backpack to ensure she had…

A ha, finally! Her phone vibrated and she seized upon it… why wouldn’t it power on, dammit! Aagh!

She shoved her arms into her coat, tightened the straps of her pack, and flew out the door and down the stairs, into the frigid, clear morning.

Galek Hall… that was the Math & Statistics building, and clear the frizz across campus. She had time, she had time. She settled into a comfortable jog. Unless he canceled class, or dismissed early, he would be lecturing for some time still.

Once she reached the building, she walked twice around on the sidewalks outside, to cool down and calm herself. 

She entered the building and took a moment to get her bearings. She had had a class in this lecture auditorium, one of her gen eds her freshman year, but all her math classes since had been smaller enrollment.

She walked down the main hallway, peering through one of the windowed doors at the back of the hall. Galek Hall was one of the older buildings on campus, and this auditorium was built in an old-fashioned style, the seating set at a steep pitch to bring the students as close as possible to the multiple, rolling chalkboards.

The hall was fairly crowded, with at least a hundred students in attendance, but she could see a few empty desks in the back rows. This must be a popular class; and she already knew that Ben had a reputation for being a captivating and thought-provoking lecturer. 

Rey didn’t want to disrupt… she brought her ear close to the door to listen. She could hear Ben’s voice, powerful and strong, but couldn’t make out the words. Maybe she could just slip in the back and listen to the end of his class; then she’d be able to see him immediately afterwards.

Quietly she opened the door, praying it wouldn’t squeak; and once she was successfully inside, she slowly, gently allowed the door to swing closed with the tiniest of ‘clicks’. She stood for a moment, watching, getting a feel for the room… there was something that felt ‘off’ in the energy, but she wasn’t sure, she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it might be. She waited until Ben’s back was turned, and quickly moved to an empty desk, in the back row, toward the middle where she could stay well behind the other students, but where she could see Ben easily. She tucked her pack behind her feet, out of the way, and leaned her chin on her hands, settling in to watch him.

Stars but he was handsome! He was wearing the cobalt sweater he had worn the first time they went out, his hair wild and tousled as he paused occasionally to push it back with his fingers; and he strode back and forth on the small presenter’s stage, gesturing passionately and only occasionally looking at his notes on the podium.

It took her a few minutes of observing to even discern the content of the presentation, and when she did she scrunched down further in her chair, excited and nervous to hear his lecture on the topic.

_“With a reference to historical context, who can explain the allegorical parallels of the malo stag and the starbird?”_

Rey subtly peered askance at the students down the row from her, a series of disparate faces, but their expressions all reflected the same emotion: fear. Some slouched further down into their chairs, others pursed their lips, but they all avoided eye contact with Professor Solo.

What was going on?

Ben waited for a full and uncomfortable minute, looking around the room aggravatedly; then, answering his own question, went on to the next point.

The chalkboards behind him were full of theorems and equations, left from previous classes and rolled aside, but on the center board was a rough sketch, that Rey hadn’t even noticed previously: a majestic starbird, wings spread, tail unfurled, long sharp beak raised in defiant cry. It was only a few strokes, minimalist but exquisite, full of emotion and energy.

As the minutes ticked on, Rey realized that the mood coming from Ben in waves, that she had perceived as _passion_ , was being registered as _anger_ by everyone else in the room. Perhaps she was biased, because now she was paying attention… 

His volume increased steadily, his hands curled in tight fists. His chest heaved, and several times he turned his back to the room, taking deep breaths and assaying to calm himself; but with every unanswered question, every student that refused to make eye contact, the tendons in his neck stood out more starkly, and a vein pulsed in his forehead.

He swung around, stomping toward the chalkboards, clutching the edge of one of them and sliding it noisily in its rail, dashing up against the side. ‘Crash. CRASH. **CRASH.’** The motion was harmless but satisfyingly loud. Ben stood for a moment, violently grasping the edge and so obviously desiring to bash them again; but instead pressing his fingers into his hair and turning, scrutinizing the sea of faces surrounding him.

 **“Didn’t anyone do the reading? Doesn’t anyone know this story?”** His rumbling voice was controlled thunder, constrained fury and Rey shivered, warmth swirling in her belly and oh, how she wished she had him alone right now!

But she slowly turned her head side to side, and clearly no one was going to speak, no one dared respond and possibly draw his ire.

Ben turned again toward the chalkboards, but this time it was to stare at the starbird, his shoulders quivering and shuddering, a low growl rising up from him and apparently convincing several students that the time had come to get the hell out of there, as she noted hands reaching for bags, readying to make a swift escape.

Rey wet her lower lip, and straightened in her chair. She took a deep breath, vigorously cleared her throat, and spoke out, clear and strong. 

“I do. I know this story, Professor Solo.”

You could have heard a pin drop, and Ben froze. The whole room froze, with a hundred shocked faces turning to stare at her; every face but the one that mattered. 

She continued, “but the way _you_ tell it is so beautiful, Professor.”

Still facing the boards, he called out, his voice quivering only slightly, “go on then, Miss Niima. Why don’t you tell us.”

“Okay.” 

A collective relieved exhalation went up from the room as she cleared her throat again and stood at the side of the desk, resting her knee against the chair for stability.

“There was a Prince who lived long ago, last heir from a powerful family that had made an enemy of a wicked sorcerer. 

“The magician cursed the Prince with the form of a black malo stag, but with the promise that the curse could be broken if the Prince would find and bring him a legendary Starbird.”

Rey bit her bottom lip. “If you ask me, he wasn’t such a great wizard, if he couldn’t find a Starbird on his own, but what do I know?”

Titters echoed around the room, from mouths hidden behind hands and upturned collars.

Ben turned around slowly, breathing raggedly, a muscle twitching under his left eye. “Go on.”

“Well. The Prince searched for ten years, and he almost gave up, but at long last he found the last Starbird, and he, well… He sang to her. And it must have been pretty amazing, because she followed him as he led her to the black castle where the magician was waiting to murder her in some horrible, dark rite.

“But the sorcerer’s plan was ruined, because the Prince fell in love with the Starbird, and she fell in love with him. And don’t you think she figured out what was going on?” She paused for a moment, never looking away from Ben, whose lips parted with a quiet gasp, and he took two steps toward her.

“She was a magical Starbird, so I think she did, I think she knew, but she loved him and he loved her, and it didn’t matter that they weren’t biologically compatible no matter which form the Prince was going to be in, because love is blind, I guess.”

Ben’s mouth curled up on one side, and he brought his hand up to press at his lips for a moment, while laughter burst out from every quarter, and Ben took several deliberate steps up the aisle that would lead him to Rey.

“So then, the Prince promised and swore his loyalty to the Starbird. And it wasn’t in the story you told, Professor Solo, but I think that she promised her loyalty to him too, because those things have to go both ways.” A little murmur of assent went around the room. “Then together, they fought the wizard. And between the Prince’s physical strength, and the Starbird’s magical powers, they were able to destroy the sorcerer.”

Rey pressed her lips together, her chin wobbling, and blinking back tears as Ben continued his slow climb toward her. A hundred faces stared raptly as Rey struggled to continue her tale. “But they didn’t really win, did they? Because the Prince died.” A single tear rolled down her cheek and a sigh went up, and not just from the girls in the room. 

Ben halted, on the step below where she stood.

“Well. She couldn’t live without him, she didn’t want to, no matter what misunderstandings had been between them, or what had happened when they first met.” She reached out and tucked a lock of his wild hair behind his ear, dragging her fingers down his jaw. 

Rey cleared her throat again, and took one more deep breath. “So. She did the only sensible thing a Starbird _can_ do: she flew into the heavens and burst into a million stars, and you can still see her there today, forever keeping his memory.

“And she is the constellation Apus, I think, reminding us to stay away from wicked magicians… _and_ that true love exists.” She ran her thumb along his cheek as he leaned into her touch, and she whispered, “it really does, Ben. I believe it. With all my heart.”

Ben raised his hand to gently take hold of her fingers, twisting her ring between his thumb and forefinger; and startled her just a little when he called out forcefully, _“class is dismissed!”_

No one moved, no one made a peep, no one so much as breathed, so it was easy to pretend that there was no one there at all, as Rey grinned and leaned forward to twine her fingers into Ben’s hair, and press her lips to his, in what just had to be true love’s kiss.

* * *

True love’s kiss went on for much longer than was strictly appropriate, given that Professor Solo was technically on the clock for another ten minutes, at least. But no one seemed to mind, or at least no one brought any complaints to the University, and after about 90 seconds, the boisterous cheers, whoops and applause effectively brought true love’s kiss to an end, as Rey giggled nervously, ducking her face into Ben’s chest.

She was not, however, amply abashed to convince her to release him just yet; and so they stood, tightly locked together as the auditorium emptied, the laughter and delight of the crowd ebbing and flowing around them, a few of the upperclassmen pausing to clap Ben on the shoulder and murmur a word or two of felicitations.

Soon, they were alone in the echoing auditorium.

“Rey, I’m so sor…”

Rey did not allow him to finish his thought, stopping his mouth with a kiss.

He brushed her hair back from her forehead, “I mean it, I didn’t want t…”

She backed up, drawing him with her and climbing one step to equalize their heights, and then pressing her lips to his.

“Rey, I…”

She looped her arm around his neck, kissing him again, and after a few moments she pulled back, “I can do this all day.”

He smiled down at her fondly.

“We can talk about it later, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Do you have another class to teach today?”

“No, I’m done for the day. You?”

Rey snickered, “I don’t even know! What time is it? What day is it?!”

After a few moments’ deliberation, she figured out she had another class that would be done at 4, but that they had several hours between now and the commencement of that class, in which they could do… well, there were several options open to them, all of which would most comfortably be accomplished at Ben’s house. So he gathered his things from the podium, she gathered her coat and pack, and they walked, hand in hand, to his car.

* * *

“You’re my own personal galaxy.” She traced the moles on his chest and stomach, his neck, connecting them with her fingertip and pushing up on her elbow to follow with her lips.

Eventually she found herself back where she started, her head resting on his chest, his arm around her, stroking up and down her ribs; her leg slung over his thigh, their hands clasped together over his abdomen, her ring flashing in the noon light filtering in through his high bedroom window.

“Ben…?”

“Hmm…?”

“I’m sorry.”

His hand paused its lazy ministrations and he peered down at her, confused. “Pardon?”

“I shouldn’t have acted like that. I shouldn’t have… blown a fuse like I did. I was scared.” She tipped her chin back, to look at him. “I’m scared.”

He brushed her hair back from her temples, her forehead. “What are you scared of, sweetheart?”

“I push people away. So they can’t push me away.”

Ben hummed in understanding, and she lay her head back down, thinking.

“‘34-year-old male’ made me feel safe. But in a way, it wasn’t real. Because he wasn’t a whole person. Does that make any sense?”

After several minutes, Ben replied, “I think so.”

“He was… I mean, _you_ were, without a doubt, my best recipient. I always felt… good, afterwards. Energized. Happy.” She sat up at his side, reaching down to draw the bedspread around her shoulders, and then taking his hand again. “Except for that one time.”

Ben looked up at her patiently, waiting to hear what else she would say.

“It was something about the way you smell, I think.”

He chuffed, “the way I _smell_?!”

“Not in a bad way! You smell good! I like the way you smell!” She leaned down and buried her nose in his neck, inhaling deeply, then sitting upright again. “It reminds me of… something. I still don’t remember what.”

He plucked at her fingers, bringing them to his lips and kissing each one in turn. “Do I need to… I don’t know, change the products I use? I can. I will, if you want me to.”

She looked down at him, tracing his cheekbones, his eyebrows, a little patch of scruff on his jaw he had missed last time he shaved. “No, Ben. You don’t have to do that. But thank you. For offering.”

He grasped her hand and kissed her wrist. 

They sat still for long moments, her fingers tracing his lips and him nipping at her softly whenever he got the chance.

She looked over at the clock just as her stomach growled loudly.

Ben chuckled, “I’m not likely to forget to eat, with you around, am I?”

She grinned. “You say that like it’s a bad thing!”

* * *

After a luncheon of lasagna and chocolate pie, Ben had taken her back to campus in time for her class, and waited for her in his office, grading papers.

When she came to collect him, ready to go home again, Professor Holdo was standing in his doorway, chatting.

“Hello, Rey. I hear you are quite the storyteller.”

“Oh. I…” She peered through the door to gauge Ben’s reaction to this comment.

“She saved my bacon! The whole class was about to stampede out of there, directly to the registrar’s office!”

Holdo took a step back, making room for Rey to pass. “I’m glad.”

“Thanks for your help, earlier.”

“No problem, Rey.” She winked. “Let’s get you on the schedule again next week, shall we? We’ve had several new therapists contact us recently, interested in the program.”

“Okay. I’ll plan on it.”

“Fine. Have a great weekend.” And with a flutter of her fingers, she disappeared into her office.

Ben powered down his computer and gathered his things. “What did you mean, her help? Did something happen?”

Rey hitched her pack more securely up on her shoulder. “Oh. Um, she helped me out this morning. I was panicking a little, and I didn’t know where your class was. She kindly sent me the information.”

“Ah. I wondered. She said a couple things… anyway.”

Rey suddenly remembered all she had said to Holdo the day before, when she had been so angry, and blushed. “Oh. I’m sure she won’t… I mean, um…”

Ben put on his coat and handed her a stack of papers to hold while he locked his door, then turned to look at her quizzically. 

“You know what? Don’t give it another thought.” She grinned up at him broadly, hoping inwardly that Holdo would do the same.

* * *

Rey cuffed the huge green gloves against drips. “I should probably get my own pair of these.”

Ben chuckled, “is that how we know we’re really a couple, ‘his and hers’ rubber gloves under the sink?”

“Exactly!” She pulled the dishes out of the hot rinse water and started stacking them into the drainer. “Is there anything else we need to talk about? You know, to clear the air?”

He dunked the last pot in her side of the sink and started drying. “Yes, there is one thing.”

She pulled out the stopper, draped the gloves over the side to dry, and turned, leaning back against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He glanced over at her warily. “The Organa Foundation made a sizeable donation to the Psychology Department, last fall.”

“Oh? How sizeable?”

“Almost exactly the same size as your scholarship had been.”

“Ah. I see.”

He put away the last glasses, and she took the towel from him, draping it over the oven handle. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

He bent to kiss her, brushing her hair behind her shoulders. “What now?”

“ _Podrace Garage_?”

“As you wish.”

* * *

They only made it about halfway through the latest episode, when wandering hands and lips distracted them sufficiently, and Ben clicked the telly off and tossed the remote to the couch, while Rey dragged him down the hall and into his room.

Ben protested, “shouldn’t we pace ourselves? We have the whole weekend to…” but choked into silence when Rey swung him around to face her, grappling with the button of his slacks for a moment, then successfully pushing them down his legs along with his trunks. 

She inspected him carefully, with an experimental squeeze, “it looks to me like you’re going to be just fine,” and she dragged her palms up under his sweater, making quick work of the buttons of his shirt, and pushed them over his head along with his T-shirt. 

He licked his lips, “what now, Miss Niima?”

She smiled, scrunching up her nose, “I didn’t think any further ahead than this.” She raised her hands to his chest, and slowly traced her fingernails around his nipples, around and around, until he grasped her wrists, raising her hands above her head and walking her backwards until she bumped up against the bed. He brought her arms together, holding them both in one hand, and snuck the other up underneath her shirt, rubbing and pinching at her nipples until she mewled and writhed against him, pulling against his grip.

He released her wrists and drew her shirt over her head, tossing it with his pile of clothes on the floor, soon to be joined by her jeans, basics and breast band.

She set her hands on his shoulders, raising up on tiptoe to kiss him, while he traced his fingers down her sides, continuing around her hips and pressing her to him, grinding into her slowly as she licked and nibbled at his lips until he grunted urgently.

She pulled back, taking his hands and bending her knees, she knelt up on the bed and scooched backwards, drawing him with her and then pushing gently on his chest until he lay down on his back, his arms folded behind his head expectantly.

She straddled him, reaching up to the nightstand for a condom and the bottle of lubricant, squirming and rubbing her breasts into his chest as she did, while he closed his eyes and groaned, softly thrusting up against her belly.

Rey giggled breathlessly as she pushed upright, tearing open the packet, then adding a few drops of lube to the inside, before rolling the condom down over his length, fairly smoothly she was pleased to note. 

He stared up at her raptly as she dribbled a bit more to the outside surface, then snapped the lid closed and tossed the bottle aside.

She rested her hands against his stomach gently, as she leaned forward just a bit, to press herself against him, spreading the lubricant evenly between them with a slow, rhythmic jolt and wiggle of her hips.

He reached down to take her hands, clasping his fingers between hers and tugging her slowly forward until her chest was pressed against his, and he could capture her lips in a deep kiss, licking into her mouth and moaning quietly, releasing her hands to grip at her hips, grinding against her as she bobbed and swiveled, finally sinking onto him with a whine, gritting her teeth at the pleasant stretch.

The pressure grew and grew, and Rey was taken by surprise when the pulsating heat overcame her in waves; with Ben soon following, throbbing and shouting into the curve of her shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her to him, rocking into her intensely, profoundly.

She collapsed on his chest, gasping and trembling, and groaning into his ear, convulsing over again at his continued shuddering against her.

_“Sithspit, Rey.”_

_“Frizz, Ben!”_

After resting for several minutes to catch her breath, she pushed up for a moment to allow him to… arrange everything… then he trailed his fingers up her arms and drew her back down atop him. He brushed her hair aside, and spent long minutes rubbing her back, up and down her spine, massaging her neck and shoulders, and down to her hips.

After some time when she opened her eyes and tipped her head back to look at him, he had tears leaking down, soaking the hair at his temples.

She sat up, wiping the tears away tenderly with her fingers and palms, “Ben!”

He opened his eyes, biting his lower lip and chuckling.

“Are you okay?”

He tugged at her arms again, and she grasped the blanket at the side, wrapping it around them like a Mygeeto burrito, and lying back down, kissing his cheeks, his neck, his chest, before settling.

“I can see it, Rey.”

“Hmm…?”

“Our future. Just the shape of it, but solid, and clear.”

She swept her knuckles back and forth over his jaw, pressing her thumb against his chin, his lower lip. She grinned up at him. “I’ll bet it’s wonderful.”

“We will build it together, sweetheart. I promise.”

* * *


	26. Chapter 26

* * *

_“You always do that. Why do you always do that?” Rey stood up abruptly from the counter and shoved the stool roughly into its place._

_Ben dried his hands slowly on the towel, “what is it I always do?”_

_She slammed her book shut and tapped her fingers against the cover, thinking. “Why can’t we just talk about the issue at hand? Why do you have to make it about something else?”_

_“Because I think the issue_ is _something else.”_

_“What does that even mean?”_

_“Rey. I don’t want to fight. I feel like you pick fights when you’re upset about something you’re not ready to talk about.”_

_“I already went to counseling! I don’t need more therapy from you!”_

_Ben set the towel down and stepped carefully around the counter, approaching her slowly. “My love…”_

_Rey stomped her foot, “stop it! Stop being so reasonable!”_

_“Sweetheart…”_

_She growled and slapped her hand down on her stack of books._

_“Ah, there she is, my little rancor.”_

_She pounded her fist on the counter and stormed out of the kitchen._

* * *

Rey washed her hands and freshened her lip gloss while she waited for Jannah and Zorii. When they came out of the stalls, she cleared her throat. “So… I can confirm your theory.”

Zorii paused her movements and stared at Rey in the mirror. A knowing smile spread over her face. “Is that so?”

“It is indeed. So.”

Jannah dried her hands. “What are we talking about?”

Zorii threw her lipstick into her clutch. “I have this theory, that grumpy men make the best lovers.”

Jannah giggled. “Clearly, neither Zorii nor I are in any position to test this theory.”

“Clearly.” Zorii leaned up against the counter and folded her hands, tapping her thumbs together. 

Jannah hummed, “but _is_ Ben grumpy, Rey?”

Rey shook her head, but Zorii jumped in before she could reply, “he has anger issues. He masks it pretty well, but believe me, that is his true nature. Right, Rey?”

“Well… I don’t know that I would frame it quite that way, but… he is… he does have a temper, yes. And a very long fuse.”

Zorii grabbed Rey’s arm and linked up with her at the elbow, then reached out to Jannah. “Those of us with sweet-tempered boyfriends will have to live vicariously through you, then.”

Rey and Jannah laughed, and the three made their way, returning out to the table in the back corner where the men were waiting for them.

Zorii whispered, “throw us a bone, Rey! What is he best at?”

“Well… he’s always very gentlemanly.”

Jannah snorted, “‘gentlemanly?!’”

Rey looked over at Ben, who was staring at her across the distance, smiling softly. “Um hmm.”

Zorii pulled back on their arms to slow their progress, “ooh, I know what that means!” She winked at Jannah, then nodded expectantly to Rey.

Rey pursed her lips, then grinned, “ladies first.”

Jannah and Zorii giggled, and they sat back down at the table, Ben adjusting Rey’s chair closer to him as she did.

Their waiter brought their food, each couple sharing an appetizer plate, and then came around with their drinks. Rey had ordered a frozen muja mocktail, complete with coarse salt around the rim of the glass, and Ben had ordered the house specialty, something called a Sennoa Sunset, with several un-Ben-like colorful frozen layers, a wedge of ghibli fruit, and a paper umbrella.

Jannah stood at the side of her chair, and tapped the handle of her fork against her glass, then raised her drink. “Ladies and gentlemen!” She looked over at Zorii and Poe, “boys and girls! I would like to propose a toast!”

Everyone raised their glasses.

“Rey! We are just thrilled for you and Ben! It isn’t very often that you see a couple that you might say is perfect for each other, but when it happens, it’s a beautiful thing. Congratulations on your engagement! We’re so happy you’ve found your Prince! Cheers!”

“Hear, hear!”

“Cheers!”

“Congratulations!”

Everyone clinked their glasses together, and took a drink.

Rey looked over at Ben, and as he leaned in for a kiss, he whispered so only she could hear, “I love you, Rey.”

* * *

_Rey slunk into the ‘fresher, behind Ben who was standing at the sink, brushing his teeth, wearing sleep pants and a T-shirt._

_She slipped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his back, loosening her grip so he could spit and rinse his brush. When he had finished, he turned slightly, trying to catch her eye in the mirror._

_"I’m sorry.”_

_He turned in her embrace, encircling his arms around her and still looking at her reflection._

_She peeked up at him sheepishly, “I did tell you I wanted to fight about stupid stuff, right?”_

_“I do remember something about that, yes. So is this the part where we make up?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Oh, good. I’ve been looking forward to that part.”_

_“You have?”_

_“Oh, yes.” Ben smirked at her and bent to seize her thighs, boosting her up to the counter while she squeaked and grasped his shoulders._

_She snugged her legs around him, pressing her heels into the back of his knees._

_He ran his finger along the neckline of her soft blue pajamas, “these are nice.”_

_“Mmm…”_

_His lips followed his fingers, at the base of her throat and up to her jaw._

_“I guess I’m forgiven?”_

_In answer he clasped her tightly to himself and swung her off the counter. He paused at the doorway so she could flip off the light, then continued into the dark bedroom, as she giggled breathlessly into his neck._

* * *

Rey sat cross-legged on the couch, with the heavy album in her lap, studying Ben’s graduation photo. The more she looked at his young face, the more she thought he didn’t look either stoic or angry, but sad. She would give anything to have been there, at that moment the picture was snapped, if only to have been able to wrap her arms around him and let him know how much he was loved.

Ben wandered in from the kitchen, leaning over the back of the couch and looking over her shoulder to see what she was doing. He pushed her hair aside and kissed her, just below the ear. “Whatcha up to?”

“Just looking through the album again.”

He came around to sit close at her side.

“Do you…?”

“Hmm…?” he looked up at her expectantly.

She cleared her throat. “Do you have…” she tapped the photo gently with her finger, “do you have any other family?”

“Ah.” He straightened and pulled away from her slightly. “There are some distant cousins, on my mother’s side. But, no. Just Uncle Luke.”

“Mmm.” She snuck a furtive look over at him, wondering if she could inquire further, trying to assess his mood. He did not look… approachable. She decided to push, just a teeny bit more, “did he…?”

Ben stiffened further.

In for a penny, in for a pound. “Was there something that happened?”

Ben’s head snapped around, his brows knit together. 

She carefully closed the album, slowly unfolding her legs and leaning over to set the book on the coffee table, then settled back on the sofa, turning toward him patiently.

He looked supremely uncomfortable, as if he couldn’t decide if he should shove up off the couch and stomp away, or actually answer her question. Many minutes passed in silence, and Rey calmly studied the fascinating play of emotions that crossed his face.

Finally, he heaved a deep breath and cleared his throat. “No, there wasn’t any one thing that happened. There wasn’t any one horrible event.” He chewed on his lower lip, considering. “ _Brightday Academy_ was founded on several unyielding principles, paramount of which is that strict discipline builds character; and until that discipline is intrinsically applied, it must be extrinsically compelled.”

Rey scooted closer and hesitantly raised her hand, slowly pressing her fingers into his nape, kneading his neck.

Ben closed his eyes, and she thought he would say no more on the subject; but after a few moments, he continued. “And, to avoid the appearance of nepotism, I was reprimanded the most severely. Or at least, I perceived it as such.”

Rey continued to rub his back, running her fingers up into his hair, and setting her other hand over his, where it rested on his thigh, lacing her fingers with his. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, then rested her head against his shoulder.

* * *

_“I have no idea what these are, but they’re so good!” Rey tucked the quilt around her hips more securely, leaned over the tray, and took another bite. “Ohh… mmm…!”_

_Ben chuckled, studying her face until she looked up at him, then he quickly snapped his attention back to his own plate. “They’re crêpes. Mother used to make them sometimes on a Sunday morning.”_

_Rey studied his expression. “They’re perfect, then. Thank you.”_

_He only hummed and scooped up another forkful, dripping with sweetened cream and thin-sliced jogan fruit._

_When her food was gone, she swiped her finger along the edge of her plate, to collect the last drop of cream, and raising it to her lips, she queried, “what should we do today?”_

_“Hmm…” he watched raptly as she licked the drip, swallowed, then sucked on the pad of her finger, making sure not to leave any stickiness behind. “I had a couple ideas.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Um hmm.” He stacked their plates on the tray, slipped off the bed to set everything aside on the nightstand, then returned to her._

_She grinned up at him coyly, stretching out her legs and leaning back_ _langorously against the pillow._

_“You said something one time about going to the opera.”_

_Rey blinked. “Wait. What?”_

_Ben smirked down at her, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb along her knuckles._

_“Today?”_

_“Well, there isn’t an opera currently being staged in Hanna City, but what I was hoping for today is a private performance.”_

_“Ben. I am so confused. What are you talking about?”_

_He raised her wrist to his lips and kissed her pulse point. “I love the soft sounds you make when we make love.”_

_“Uh…”_

_“I wonder if I could make you sing.”_

_“Oh! Um…” Rey blushed and chewed her bottom lip. “I’ve never been keen on performing, but perhaps… a duet?”_

_Ben bent to kiss her, sliding his fingers under the hem of her pajama top. “Excellent notion.”_

* * *

Rey stepped out of the master bath and swung around the corner to go back out to the kitchen, when she spied a shiny blue packet under the nightstand. She walked over and crouched down, reaching underneath to retrieve it. It must have fallen on the floor when the box exploded, or later when several had slid off the top surface. 

She popped it into the drawer, noting that there weren’t that many remaining. She sighed, just as Ben stuck his head in the door, looking for her. 

“What should we make for dinner?” 

“Mmm…”

He approached her tentatively, noting her agitated expression and setting his arms around her shoulders. “What’s up?”

She clicked her tongue, “I was just noticing that we don’t have that many condoms left.”

“Okay.”

“Should we talk about other birth control?”

“We can.”

Rey tipped her head back and leaned her chin against Ben’s chest. “I really appreciated that you had condoms. It might sound stupid, but it meant a lot to me.”

He grinned down at her. “Well. You’re welcome.”

“I mean, I think a lot of men just assume… they just expect that a woman is going to be on the pill, or the shot or whatever. So. Thank you.”

He kissed her on the head. 

“And I know condoms are kind of a hassle. But I’m not really that excited about going on hormonal birth control again.”

“You’ve used it before?”

“Yeah. I. The last foster family I lived with, they insisted that I… even though I wasn’t… anyway.” She shook her head derisively. “Anyway. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Really emotional.” She smirked up at him. “More emotional than usual.

“Rose was trying to convince me that an IUD is the way to go, but I don’t know. Jannah got the shot, but then she had a lot of spotting and that sounded terrible to me because my cycles are already really messed up, and…”

“Rey.”

She took a deep breath. “Yeah?”

He brushed her hair back from her temples. “We can use condoms.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll handle it. Unless you want to make a change, then we can talk about it.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

He bent to kiss her. 

She smoothed his shirt over his chest as he straightened up. “What about… I mean, what if I was to… get pregnant? Do you want kids?”

“Yes, I think so. Eventually. Do you?”

“Eventually.”

“Okay.” He kissed her again. “Glad we had this chat.”

“Yeah. Good chat.” As they walked out to the kitchen, she added, “I love you a lot.”

He squeezed her shoulders. “I also love you. A lot.”

* * *

_Rey finished up her paperwork and set it in the ‘in’ box._

_Out in the hall she came upon Rose, examining one of the infographic posters. “Hey sweetie. Have you ever had anyone request a number seven?”_

_Rey tipped her head, studying the image. “Uh… no, I don’t think I’ve ever done that one.”_

_“Huh. Well, wish me luck.”_

_Rey snorted, “good luck. Hey, are you and Finn going to the Theta Gamma formal?”_

_“Yeah! We’re doubling with Paige and Taslin. Do you want to join our group?”_

_“No. Thanks, I was just wondering if we would see you there. We’re going out to dinner with one of Ben’s friends, Professor Pryde and his wife. You’ll make sure to look for us?”_

_“Of course. Is there some problem…?”_

_Rey shifted side to side, hitching her pack up on her shoulder. “I’ve just… I’ve never gone to a dance before.”_

_“What?!”_

_“Yeah. I mean. I never really… in high school, you know.”_

_“You’re going to love it! Do you have a dress?”_

_“Well… no. Not yet.”_

_“Paige and I are going dress shopping this weekend, you should come with us! I’ll text you!”_

_“Okay.”_

_“I’ve gotta go set up for my session, but I’ll text you! Oh, this will be fun!”_

_“Okay, see ya Rose.”_

_Rey walked across campus to Ben’s office. He had suggested the Spring Formal, sponsored every year by the Theta Gamma sorority, and she had agreed immediately, but the more she thought about it, the more nervous she got. She hadn’t gone to any of the high school dances; she had been invited a couple times, but her foster family wouldn’t let her go. And the boys soon learned not to ask._

_She shouldn’t be that worried about it, it was Ben, after all, but still…_

_Well. Rose would help her._

_She knocked at Ben’s door, then at his invitation she peeked in. “Ready to go?”_

_“Yes. Do you mind if we stop by the store on the way home?”_

_“No problem.”_

_They made their way to the faculty parking lot, hand in hand, and Ben put her in his car. While they were stopped at a light, he reached to the back seat to grab a large envelope, which he handed to her. “This came in the mail.”_

_“Oh?” It had been opened already, so she peered in, curious. “What is it?”_

_“It’s a study guide. From the DMV.”_

_“Oh!” She huffed, unsure, then pulled out a large booklet._ Official Driver Handbook _. “I don’t know, Ben…”_

_“I thought, since you’re going to be 26 this year, it might be… you know. Just ten years difference…”_

_“Oh Ben!” She clicked her tongue and looked over at him, while he eyed her nervously. “That is so sweet of you! To think of that! Okay, I’ll study!”_

_“You’ve still got more than a month…”_

_“Yeah! Do I have to take the driving test the same day?”_

_“No, I think they’re scheduled separately.”_

_“Okay! Well, you know this means you’ll be spending all your free time between now and then driving around with me, right?”_

_“Of course.” He pressed his lips together, pleased._

_Inside the store, they wandered up and down each aisle, Rey picking out her favorite granola bars and Ben selecting blossom bread, custom-sliced coldcuts, and something Rey had never tried before, blue-ringed sea crab; plus a box of condoms._

_Rey pushed the cart around the produce department, while Ben chose fresh greens, root vegetables, and fruits. She snickered as he palpated the gapanga, searching for just the right firmness._

_“What?”_

_“Oh, nothing.” She pursed her lips slyly. “It’s just you’re so sexy.”_

_Ben rolled his eyes but the little smile didn’t disappear from his lips for several minutes._

_Later as they drove home, Rey held Ben’s hand over the center console, and whispered, “perfect.”_

_Ben glanced at her. “Mmm…?”_

_“This is perfect. A perfect Wednesday afternoon.”_

* * *

Rey yanked the pins out of her hair and threw them down on the counter in frustration. “Dammit!”

She took a deep breath and brushed it all smooth again. Why was she having so much trouble tonight? She wanted to do something… sophisticated… elegant. But she couldn’t get the pins to stay in properly. She was going to run out of time, they had to be at the restaurant…!

Rose had helped her find some ideas, and had given her the bobby pins, but it just wasn’t working. She smoothed down her camisole, looking at herself in the mirror. She should have accepted her offer to help…

Wait.

Wait just a second.

She spun around, brush in hand, and darted down the hall, into the bedroom, and skidded into the ‘fresher. Ben froze, barefoot in his slacks and T-shirt, his comb poised above his head.

She pointed her brush at him accusingly. “You!”

“Uh…?”

“You did my hair!”

“Um…”

“You…!”

“Am I in trouble again?”

“You… no. You’re not in trouble. But you _are_ going to help me with my hair!”

Ben smiled lopsidedly.

“If you… if you have time. Will you?”

He dimpled, “of course.” He looked around, “there’s probably more room in the other bathroom. I’ll grab a stool?”

Rey brushed through her hair one more time as she walked back, then gathered up the pins, and Ben met her in the hall ‘fresher, and she perched on the kitchen stool he brought in.

He gathered her hair together, brushing it behind her shoulders. “What would you like?”

Rey sniffed, “well. Could you, um… could you do what you did before? It really…”

Ben gently started separating her hair into sections, planning. “Hmm…?”

“What you did was so beautiful, it made me feel…”

He set his hands on her shoulders, meeting her gaze in the mirror.

“It made me feel special.” She pressed her lips together. “I never…”

After a moment, when she didn’t continue, Ben coaxed softly, “tell me. Please.”

Rey blinked and tears tracked down both cheeks. “I remember how I felt. In that session.”

Ben rubbed his hands down her bare arms.

“At the time, I… the way you made me feel, I knew it was good. I knew I liked it. But I couldn’t find words… I didn’t recognize it; I didn’t know what it meant. But now.”

Ben wrapped his arms around her, enfolding her with warmth, and rested his cheek against her head, gazing at her reflection.

“It’s how you make me feel, every day. And I think now I know the words.” She paused, chewing on her lip.

Ben murmured, “say it.”

“I feel loved.”

* * *


	27. Chapter 27

* * *

Beau leaned in to Professor Pryde and hollered over the music, “but hasn’t it been proven that the Thannites actually established the trade routes, almost four-hundred years earlier than previously acknowledged, making them…”

Jannah rolled her eyes at Rey and pulled on his arm. “Beau! Let’s go dance!” She nodded to Professor Pryde and his wife, “it was a pleasure meeting you, Professor. Mrs. Pryde.” Beaumont actually protested and reached back toward Enric, looking longingly over his shoulder as Jannah dragged him to the dance floor.

Rey giggled behind her hand, and Ben smiled indulgently. 

Enric shook his head good-naturedly and turned to his wife, offering her his upturned palm, “Joan, darling, shall we?”

She took his hand, “Rey, it was delightful to meet you, dear. Benjamin.” And they spun away, with the familiar grace of two people long accustomed to each other’s movements and rhythms.

“They are just lovely.” Rey sighed, watching them go. 

“Enric has been a good friend and mentor. Especially since my dad died.”

Rey turned to him, taking his hand and squeezing. “I’m glad.”

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “You are so beautiful.”

She patted delicately at her hair, and then looked shyly down at her butter yellow gown, with lace flower appliqués scattered over the bodice and down the elegant, fitted sleeves. “Thank you. So are you.” She brushed her hand along his dark lapel and straightened his tie.

“Mmm. Would you like to dance?”

“Oh! I… I don’t… I don’t know… how…” She pursed her lips. “This is my first dance, actually.”

Ben smiled broadly. “My mother swore someday I would be glad I knew how, but I never believed her. Until this moment.” He reached for her left hand, “here, put your hand on my shoulder. I’ll guide you.” He pressed his hand against her back, drawing her closer, and took her right hand in his left.

She huffed, “why do you get to be in charge?”

“Traditionally, the man leads. Also… I know how, and you don’t.”

She clicked her tongue. 

Ben leaned down to murmur against her ear, “it’s like making love. You have to trust me not to lead you anywhere you don’t want to go.”

“Mmm.”

“Do you?”

Rey tipped her head back to look up at him, “do I, what?”

“Trust me?”

“Of course I do, Ben!”

“Well. I already know you sing charmingly. I’m sure you’ll be just as skilled at this.”

She snorted, he snickered, and together they swirled into the crowd.

* * *

They pounded around the last corner, continuing along the sidewalk for the last two blocks of their run. 

Rey noted that Ben usually chose this route on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, when their later class schedule meant that their run coincided with the neighborhood children being at the bus stop just as they passed by.

“Hi Mr. Solo!”

“Hey, kids!”

She grinned; he was adorable.

The weather had warmed up considerably, and for Rey the spring never came too soon. The cold winters were really the only downside to Hanna City, as far as she was concerned.

They slowed their pace for the last block, and completed their stretching routine on the porch. 

Ben looked at his watch, perplexed. “Didn’t we leave later than usual, this morning?”

“Yep.”

“Then how did we…?”

“Our time has been improving.”

He chuckled, “you mean, _my_ time,” and held the door open for her.

Rey pressed her tongue into her cheek and ducked under his arm, then pushed off her shoes, reaching down to grab them and following him to the bedroom. “Maybe.”

“Mmm. You still have no qualms about bruising my ego, I see.”

Rey wheezed, “you’ve made great improvements. You should be pleased.”

He opened the closet, unzipping his jacket and tossing it into the laundry hamper. “It’s all thanks to you.”

“Whatever, Ben.” She pulled off her sweatshirt and top, throwing them in the basket.

“I mean it. Without you pushing me, I wouldn’t have tried harder, I wouldn’t have stretched myself. I wouldn’t have exceeded my previous pace.” He grasped her by the biceps, drawing her closer to him, and she set her palms against his chest as he reached behind her to gently remove the elastic from her braid.

“Are you saying I’ve been a good influence on you?”

“You have. In more ways than one, sweetheart.” 

She stretched up to kiss him, sliding her arms around his neck, pressing her fingers into his damp hair. He walked slowly backwards with her, toward the ‘fresher.

She pulled back slightly, “what are we doing?”

Ben drew her through the doorway, smirking down at her and reaching to turn on the shower. “I thought it would be obvious.”

“Do we have time…?”

“If I can improve my running time, surely I can improve my speed in other domains, as well.”

Rey tittered, “um… I fear I may have overstated my appreciation for rapidity…”

Ben reached for the waistband of her running tights and waggled his eyebrows at her. “Trust me.”

* * *

“Nooooo!” Rey leaped up from the couch, howling at the tv. “Oh, you’ve _got_ to be joking! Open your eyes, umpie!” She slumped back down, despondent. “What a sham! They were utterly robbed!” She leaned her head back, staring up at the ceiling and breathing deeply. After several minutes, she looked over at Ben, who was watching her apprehensively. 

“Uh… there’s always next season?”

“Giradda has been making retirement noise. And with Popara’s injury tonight, who knows? The whole team might have to rebuild.”

Ben clicked the telly off and stacked up their plates, while Rey dragged herself off the sofa and picked up their glasses, following Ben to the kitchen.

“I’ll bet it’s a crazy scene in Dantooine tonight.”

“That’s true,” Rey mused. “They were certainly the underdogs. Good thing I’m not into high stakes gambling, because I would have lost big on this one.” She sighed and collapsed onto a stool, leaning dolefully on the counter. 

Ben quickly washed their dishes, leaving them in the rack to dry. As he pulled out the stopper from the sink, he suddenly chortled noisily, his hand flying up to cover his mouth and glancing guiltily over at Rey in her disconsolate state.

She raised her head, inquisitively, “hmm…?”

He shook his head dismissively, “oh, nothing! I just remembered… something…”

Rey sat up and peered at him, “what is it?”

“It was… when you said ‘high stakes gambling,’ for some reason it reminded me of this ridiculous thing… that Luke used to do…” he leaned up against the counter, facing her.

She smiled up at him expectantly.

He shook his head, looking past her for a moment, “oh gods, I’d forgotten!” He huffed, “Luke had this long-standing challenge, that I only saw exploited once, in all my years at the academy.” He wiped his mouth, and continued, “at any time, if we wanted to take a pass on an exam, we could challenge Luke to a contest of skill. If the challenger won, he would receive a perfect score for the test. But if Luke won, the student not only had to take the exam, but they would have to shoulder double galley and latrine rotations for two months.

“The stories of past defeats were legendary at the school, and no one dared leverage it.” He looked at her and sniffed, “you see, Luke only allowed himself to be challenged in disciplines at which he excelled. So the chance of besting him was… slim.”

He tapped his finger on the counter, remembering. “It was Kuruk Ren, from my group, and hanging in the balance was the final chemistry exam; which he knew he couldn’t pass, since he had been sneaking out at night for weeks, to meet with a girl, instead of studying.” Ben snickered, “we told him he was crazy, but he insisted on making the challenge.

“The options were fencing, archery, consecutive crashball goals, and pole vaulting.”

“Pole vaulting?!” Rey sniggered.

“Oh, yes! Luke was regional champion, in his youth.” Ben paced away from her, then back. “The morning of the exam, the whole student body trooped out onto the archery field to witness Kuruk’s inevitable defeat. Luke was an excellent marksman; unrivaled.

“There were three targets set up, and Luke went first. All three of his arrows struck within the inner bullseye.” Ben pursed his lips. “He gave Kuruk a chance to withdraw his challenge, and we were all sure he would forfeit; but no! He stepped up confidently and nocked his arrow. The first and second landed slightly off-center, equal shots to Luke’s in those targets. But the third…”

He paused for dramatic effect. “The last target was Luke’s best shot, perfectly centered. Kuruk drew the bowstring taut, and it was so quiet you could hear the twangy squeak of the string, stretching. He let it fly and…”

“Yes?!”

“I am not kidding you, it was like in a movie! Kuruk’s arrow literally shattered Luke’s, and struck the target _in the same hole_!”

“No!”

“Luke didn’t know; none of us knew: Kuruk had been drawing a bow since he was a toddler. His father was a three-time Lothal Games victor!

“It was amazing! Maybe worth all my years at the school, just to be there and see it firsthand! It was the only time, before or since, to my knowledge, that anyone beat Luke and avoided an exam as a consequence.”

Rey stood and Ben draped his arm around her shoulders as they walked toward the bedroom. She reached up to grasp his fingers, “I’m glad you at least have one good memory of your time there.”

Ben thought about this for several minutes as they readied for bed. “There’s more than one good memory.”

Rey sat at the foot of the bed, cross-legged and thinking, waiting for Ben to come out of the ‘fresher. When he did, she reached out for him and he came to stand by her, holding her hands. “I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Oh?”

“But you might not like it.”

“When has that ever stopped you in the past?”

Rey clucked, rolling her eyes. “When I was a teenager, the foster program made us all… _offered_ us all time with a counselor. A therapist. Several sessions. I happily agreed because it was more time I didn’t have to be at home, but…”

Ben brushed her hair back from her forehead and rested his hands on her shoulders.

“One of the things my counselor talked about with me has really stuck with me, for some reason. She said that people often transfer negative emotions from one person to another.”

“Transference. I learned about that in therapy, too.”

“Yeah. Okay, so in my case, we were talking about how I might have transferred negative feelings about my parents to various members of my foster families, so that I had only good feelings toward the people who abandoned me, and only negative feelings toward the people who were actually taking care of me.”

Ben’s grip on her arms tightened.

Rey flapped her hands, dismissively, “that’s neither here nor there; that isn’t the point. Anyway, what I’m getting at is… the thing I was thinking about is…”

Ben pressed his lips together.

“I wonder if you… could have… shifted all your resentment to Luke, to allow yourself to reconcile with your parents.”

Realizing his grip was too harsh, he removed his hands from her arms, and stepped back slightly; but didn’t say anything.

“I may be wrong, you might disagree. But Ben. If so… that’s a heavy burden. To put on one person.”

Ben looked at her for long moments, working his jaw; not speaking but not storming away either. After a long time, he simply offered, “I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

“Okay, Ben. Thank you.” She reached out for his hands again. “I love you.”

His expression softened, “I know.”

* * *

Rey bounced her foot anxiously, her hand clasped firmly with Ben’s, resting on his leg.

“Here, honey.” The tiny lady behind the counter, her ice blue eyes enormous behind thick glasses, snatched up a paper, still warm from the printer, and waved it in Rey’s direction.

Rey took a deep breath and stood, approaching the countertop anxiously. The woman winked at her, pursing her bright red lips, and slid the paper closer.

“Thank you,” Rey nodded, taking up the sheet and turning nervously back to Ben. Her eyes scanned the form quickly, and at the bottom, in bold writing: **100%**. Her shoulders drooped and she exhaled a gusty breath, handing the page over for his perusal.

He murmured, “I expected nothing less, sweetheart. You knew that handbook backwards and forwards.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer and kissing her forehead. 

“You wanna schedule your driving test, honey?” The woman grasped the edge of the high counter, stretching her long neck to peer over it at Rey. “We’ve got openings next week.” Just then the phone rang, and she raised her finger, requesting they wait, while she answered.

_“Division of Motor Vehicles, this is Sy, can I help you?”_

_“Uh huh…”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“Let me see…”_

_“We have an opening, next Wednesday, at 3:30. You wanna take that spot, honey?”_

_“Alright. Don’t be late.”_

She hung up and typed furiously, squinting over the top of her glasses at her computer monitor. She swung her attention back to Rey, “You’re in luck, sweet thing, we just had a cancellation. You could take your driving test in…” she gawped cross-eyed at her watch, “fifteen minutes.”

“Oh!” Rey spun around, looking up at Ben. “Do we…? Can we…?”

“Of course. You have nothing to worry about.”

She took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip, then faced Sy once more. “Okay. Thank you! Yes, I’ll take the driving test today!”

“Drive your car around the south side of the building, the signs will show you where to wait. Max will meet you out there. Big guy; blue shirt. Here…” she made a few entries in her computer and printed out another form, “give him this and let him know there was a cancellation, that you’re taking the time slot.” She grinned at Rey, “you’ll do fine, honey.”

“Thank you.” Rey held the paper, shaking like a leaf, trying to read it. Finally she gave up and looked at Ben, pressing her hand over her mouth. She whispered, “I think I might throw up.”

He smiled and steered her away from the counter, “everything is going to be alright. You’re good at this Rey, and I’ll be waiting right here for you. Are you okay?”

Rey licked her lips, taking several deep breaths through her nose. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m just… great.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “It will be good to get it over with, right?”

“Exactly. Exactly.” He dropped his keys into her hand.

“Um. Which way is south?”

Ben grinned and indicated which direction she should go.

She squared her shoulders, facing the door. “Okay. Here I go.”

* * *

“I’ve just got one more session with her, the 12-year-old; scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. But I don’t know if I can do it!” Rey pushed her potatoes around her plate; playing with her food was always the clearest indicator that something was wrong.

“Why not? What’s going on?” Ben set his fork down to concentrate on what she was saying.

“Her therapist has had her switch to the facilitator role, which means I’m in the recipient position. At first, it worked really well, but the last couple of sessions with her, I’ve really struggled.”

“Why?”

“I don’t feel comfortable in the passive position.”

“Hmm. But why does it have to be passive? Could you think of it more as a collaboration?”

Rey thought about this for a moment. “Yes… I suppose so.” 

“You’re still the adult in the room.”

Rey scoffed. “Tell that to _her!”_

“You were so good in the sessions with me, Rey, but it sounds like you need to let go.”

“Let go? Let go of what, exactly?”

“Control.”

She huffed, “Rose might have said something like that to me. One time.” She picked up her knife and dug into her ronto chop.

He picked up his fork, gesturing toward her with it, “it also might help to lower your expectations.”

Rey choked, laughing. 

“You can only control yourself, but you don’t have to be perfect, Rey.”

Feigning offense, she started back, “you don’t think I’m perfect?”

“That,” Ben leaned over to kiss her, “is not what I said.”

* * *

“Happy Birthday, sweetie!” Rose hugged her, and when she drew back, Finn patted Rey on the shoulder.

“Yeah, Happy Birthday, Rey!” He turned to Ben, “thanks for inviting us!”

Ben shook Finn’s hand, “thank you for coming.”

Finn and Rose were the last to say their goodbyes. Ben covered the remnants of the cake, while Rey gathered up her gifts and looked around one last time to make sure none of their friends had left anything in the restaurant’s party room.

“I can’t believe you arranged this, Ben! Thank you so much! I’ve never…”

“Hmm…?”

“I’ve never had a surprise party before!”

“A surprise party would most definitely be _my_ worst nightmare, but I hoped you would like it.” 

“I did, Ben! It was wonderful! Thank you!”

He handed her the keys, and they walked out to the parking lot where she opened the trunk for him to set the cake inside, then she drove home; for practice, Ben said.

“How did you even contact everyone? I just can’t believe you did that for me!” She gazed at him fondly, while they waited at a light. “You are the best!”

He smiled self-deprecatingly, pleased with her reaction.

Once they got home, Rey held the door, and Ben came in to set the cake in the kitchen. She pulled her gifts out and laid them on the counter one by one, to admire them again. “I was drooling over this scarf, the other day when Rose and I went dress shopping with Paige! It was so nice of them to remember! And Jannah and Zorii must have noticed how ratty my backpack is getting, because…”

Ben stepped up close behind her and quietly set a long white envelope on the counter; her name beautifully printed on the outside.

“What’s this?” She spun around, “you didn’t have to get me anything, Ben! You already took me to dinner and organized a party for me, and…”

“Open it.”

She chuffed, but slid her finger under the sealed flap. Inside was a multi-colored, miniature folder. She smiled up at him, “what…?”

He just looked expectantly at her, refusing to speak, so she opened it. 

“What is this? These dates are… this is the weekend before graduation. I really don’t know what this means…” When he still wouldn’t give her any clues, she clucked and started reading the fine print. 

“Are these… are these _airline tickets?!_ Oh! Oh! Is that what this is?!”

He smiled crookedly, thoroughly enjoying her excitement.

“Where are we going…?” She whirled around and spread all the papers out on the counter, skimming over all the information and trying to catalogue all the details. “Pasaana?! Is that right?! Ooh, I’ve never been there! I’ve never been anywhere, but still!” She read over everything again, to make sure she understood, “are we staying two nights, is that right?”

“Um hmm.”

She twirled around again and threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you, Ben! Thank you! This is… thrilling!” She drew back, “I’ve never been on an airplane before! How long will it take?”

“The flight is a little less than two hours.”

“What’s in Pasaana? What will we do there?”

“There’s a great restaurant I’d love to take you to, _The Painted Paledor_. I’ve been there once, but my parents used to go there sometimes for their anniversary. Enric recommended a little bed and breakfast, and there are plenty of things to do in the city. I chose that weekend because there’s a local kite festival I thought you might enjoy. There’s also a natural history museum; or there’s an aerial cable tram that takes you up to the top of Mt. Jamtareen, and you hike back down.” He brushed his knuckles along her jaw. “We can look together on the holonet and you can decide what you’d like to do.”

“It sounds wonderful! Thank you, Ben!” She wrapped her arms around him again, raising up on tip toes to embrace him and kiss his neck.

She grinned up at him.

Ben bit his lip hesitantly. “Also. Pasaana is…”

“Hmm…?”

“It’s also… that’s where _Brightday Academy_ is located.”

* * *


End file.
